ONE MORE TRY

Chapter 6

Alessandra

As usual, I was at home. I had an online job that kept me busy since I took a break from school. It was a bit of a juggle between that and taking care of a baby, but at least I got all the time I wanted with my son.

That would change once I got back to school, but I was still in the planning phase for it. I planned to go back to school the next semester and talk to my professors. I'd known to take academic leave instead of just walking away, so they expected me to be back at some point.

The job wasn't too demanding. It was just a lot of writing and the time for it was flexible enough. I was in the middle of completing another job when I heard a wail and immediately got up.

"I'm coming, baby!"

I hurried back to my room. I worked on the dining table because it was more comfortable that way and I wouldn't have to risk my backlighting up in pain. I'd made that mistake right after high school.

It wasn't the best place to try to hold Danny and work at the same time, but I went to sit with Danny anyway, and slowly typed with one hand as I soothingly rocked him.

Then, my phone vibrated.

"Now who could that be?"

I glanced at my son, who had his fist in his mouth and was drooling on it, looking content. I picked the phone up and checked, then smiled.

It was a text from Joshua.

Hey, pretty lady. Hope you're having a beautiful day?

I grinned to myself.

"Your daddy is such a romantic, you know?" I murmured, slowly typing out a reply.

It had been a few days since I first showed up at Wendy's house. Though I was supposed to be there to look after her baby while she went off and did something for herself, in the end, she didn't go. Instead, we'd stayed and talked for hours.

She had left me with a lot to think about, and by the time I got home, my mind had been decided. I wasn't going to do anything rash, though. It wasn't until after a few more hours of thinking to myself that I decided to call him and ask him out.

I still loved Joshua; there was no way I could deny that. Whether or not we would work out, though, was yet to be seen, and I didn't intend to just jump back into a relationship with him when our previous problems hadn't been brought to the table, let alone talking things through. I wasn't even sure if he'd figured out what the problem had been in the first place.

Too much thinking dampened my mood. I was starting to second guess myself if I had made the right decision to reach out for him instead of continuing to ignore him. Danny fussed in my arm, and I rocked him gently, then went back to typing out my reply. I wasn't only doing this for myself, after all. My baby would need his father.

We could talk later. I intended to take things slow. Whether or not I thought there could be a future for us together, I would have to decide then.

Maybe I should just tell him about Danny?

I did feel a little guilty about that. I was still worried about his mom, but I had already denied him something important. When I'd gone into labor, I nearly called him, but then Mom took me to the hospital, and with all the pain, I forgot about it. Even after Danny's birth, I thought about it.

Would he hate me for not telling him? I would have to find that out soon because our child had to come before our relationship.

My phone vibrated, startling me a little. I was open on the chat thread, and his new message showed up.

Alessandra? Is something wrong?

I winced, then edited the reply I'd started and sent it.

Sorry! You caught me on the job!

"Crap," I muttered. Then, I remembered and looked down at my son, who looked at me with his innocent blue eyes, and I groaned. "Sorry about that, baby. Mom's not acting like herself, right? Don't pay attention to me right now. A lot of women go through times like these."

He let out a muffled gurgle from behind his wet fist. I wiped at the drool, making him squirm a little before I rocked him a little again and he quieted down. He was a well-behaved child. There were times when he woke me up in the middle of the night, demanding to be fed, so it was quite convenient his crib was in my room, but as long as I met his needs, he didn't cry much.

The phone vibrated again, and my eyebrows shot up at Joshua' new message.

I hope the baby's not giving you trouble?

Could he somehow read my mind? I was just thinking about it!

Of course not! He's always so well-behaved, he just had his nap and woke up alone, so I had to get him.

I groaned to myself again. Now that I'd given the lie, I had to keep it up, but it would only make things more complicated when it came time to tell him the truth. Joshua was going to be mad at me. Maybe he would be surprised at first, but I would be surprised if there wasn't some lingering resentment later on.

That's good, he replied. So are you free to chat right now?

I bit down on my lip. I could technically do both, but then I'd be pushing work to the side. I glanced at my computer, then decided work could wait until later when Danny was asleep. Texting was a lot easier than typing if I had to do it with one hand.

Even though you're the boss, shouldn't you be in the middle of work?

I didn't know much about the nature of his work as CEO. Honestly, it was a little daunting dating someone with such a background, so before, I had done as little as possible to mingle with that side of his life. His mom disliking me hadn't helped the situation.

It had taken some time, but I realized that had been a mistake on my part. Meeting his parents and learning of his mom's disapproval had been a blow to me, but ignoring one side of his life that didn't sit well with me was the same as not accepting all of him, as I should have done. If I hadn't realized that in time, I might not have made that call a few days ago.

This was me trying to give our relationship a fair chance. While it didn't seem like it, I knew Joshua had made compromises for me, and I couldn't remember doing the same for him.

It just really annoyed me, though, that the one time he needed me there to comfort him after his dad died, and the one that was there for him instead, was Rachel.

That damn woman.

Rachel was everything I was not. A young woman from a background that better matched Joshua' family, and she had his mom's approval as well. She didn't even try to be subtle about preferring Rachel as Joshua' partner over me.

I was distracted again by my phone.

I'd instead like to think of more important things, he wrote. Another chat bubble appeared. Like when I get to see you again.

My heart stuttered in my chest, then started beating a little faster. I had figured he would, but I was still pleased to know he wanted to meet me again.

Let me know what your schedule is like, and I'll double-check with mine.

I grinned. I was only teasing, but whether or not he would get it...

A minute later, his reply came in.

Better yet, give me a time and place, and I'll be there.

My eyebrows shot up. What if I pick a wrong time?

I'll make time for you. Tell me when.

I chewed lightly on my lower lip. That last bit was almost a command, and I was wondering whether to go along with it or not.

Since I was mostly free, other than taking care of Danny, I had free time to do whatever I pleased. In fact, I had too much free time. My random walks with Danny out to the park was one of the few activities I regularly did that took me outside. There just wasn't much reason for me to be outside if it didn't have to do with school since I was very focused on my future.

Now, Joshua was another aspect of that future that I wanted to fit back into my life.

Maybe I shouldn't... I wrote.

It was half tease, but the other half of it was me worrying. I had made my decision, and I was the kind of woman that, once I decided on something, it wouldn't be easy to make me turn back. There would always be that worry, though, whether I was doing the right thing or not.

I don't have anything urgent coming up, and it doesn't have to be during a weekday, anyway. Don't you have your job as a nanny?

I winced. Somehow, I'd forgotten about all of that little lie. And now, since he'd told Wendy about me being a nanny, as far as he knew, I'd be spending some time two days every week at Wendy's to babysit when I wasn't with my other employer's child.

You're right. I'm busy all week. Unlike you, it seems.

It's not like I'm slacking off, was the immediate, defensive reply. I don't have anything urgent, and I can delegate just fine. But that's not what we're talking about here.

Then what, I wrote.

Alessandra. I want to see you again. If you could wear a dress like the one from last time, I don't care what we do or where we go. I'll warn you right now, though. If I see you, I might not hold back from kissing you again.

I gasped at that. Once he mentioned it, my mind went back to that night, and I relieved the sensations of our kiss.

It had been a little embarrassing when I found the time to think about it. Since we had been right on the street, making out like horny teenagers where everyone could see. People probably had to walk around us because we were obstructing the way, too. Lucky for me, no one I knew ever went to that place, or the news would have somehow made it back to my parents.

For obvious reasons, the moment I found out I was pregnant, I stopped drinking, though I didn't do much of it, to begin with. Then throughout the pregnancy, birth, and the first few months of my son's life, I never thought to drink at home.

Besides, my parents weren't precisely drinkers either, so aside from a few bottles of wine, there was no alcohol in the house. But, even if it wasn't anyone I knew, strangers seeing that still made me feel a little embarrassed.

Still, it had been hot. When he kissed me, I wanted to drag him home with me. Not to introduce him to his son, but to pull him to my bedroom so I could toss him to the bed and ride him. I could remember the last time we were together before the break-up. I was stressed back then, too, between exams, Joshua' mom, and Rachel. When we both managed to find free time for each other, we stayed inside for a whole twenty-four hours, barely leaving the bed.

I wouldn't mind revisiting those memories, but I had to keep clearheaded. I was pretty good at controlling my impulses when I put my mind to it.

My phone vibrated with more texts.

Well? Are you interested? Because you have to know that I am.

My heart wavered. We could meet, but it didn't necessarily have to lead to anything, right? I'd already asked him for some time. He hadn't outright said it was okay, but I knew he wouldn't bother contacting me if he no longer wanted anything to do with me. And of course, because I liked complicating my own life, I'd told him there was someone else without clarifying that I wasn't interested in another man. Not another grown-up man, anyway.

I'm busy on weekends too, you know?

Just one day, he coaxed. It doesn't even have to be the whole day; even an hour is excellent. If the weekend is more convenient for you, then I'll go along with whatever works for you.

I wanted to go and meet him again. The desire hit me hard, and I was typing out my response before I could think too much about it.

Sure! I can meet you on Saturday, but you'll have to be responsible for whatever it is we're going to do, okay?

Definitely! I'll see you Saturday.

After his parting texts, he probably went back to work. I put my phone down and tried to juggle Danny and work again, but my mind was too distracted for me to do both at the same time. So I dropped work, and went to play with my baby instead, already feeling excited for Saturday.