All That You Are

Chapter 2-1

Chapter 2

Focusing on paperwork helped Christopher not dwell on what was going on with Gage, or who he was with, or what he might be experiencing. This was his first contact with anyone from Salt Lake since he’d left, after all. Almost anything could be happening. Christopher still jumped for the phone every time it rang, though. If he could just hear Gage’s voice, he was sure he’d feel better. He simply needed to know Gage was all right.

But Gage never called.

As the afternoon melted into evening, he debated making the call himself, but quickly dismissed the notion. He didn’t want to interrupt if things were going well with Ben. More importantly, he didn’t want to look like the possessive boyfriend, checking in every five minutes just because he was worried. They had only been dating for a month—an absolutely fantastic, mind-blowing month, sure, but not nearly long enough to merit such an aggressive response to a few hours of separation. Though Gage had become one of the most important parts of his life, Christopher refused to push them along faster than Gage was ready to accept. Everything in its own time. He would never take advantage of his lover’s trust.

Though he didn’t have an appetite when dinnertime rolled around, he heated up the rest of a leftover burrito he had in the fridge and took it out onto the back patio to watch the deepening blue of the sky as he ate. A breeze was coming in off the water, cooling the lingering heat. How many meals had he had like this over the years? Too many to count, and most of them solitary. Before Gage had come along, he’d rarely met anybody worth bringing back to his place for more than s*x.

Gage was different. He’d always been different. He fit into the niches of Christopher’s life like he’d always been there. Sometimes, all it took was a smile, that sinful mouth taunting Christopher closer, or a glance through his thick lashes, as if confirming Christopher was actually there, and the entire world made sense again, regardless of where they happened to be.

With a sigh, Christopher left his untouched food on the tiny table and moved to sit on the antique, cast iron bench at the edge of the concrete. He wasn’t in the mood to do any more work tonight. He might not indulge his desire to call Gage, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t get lost in daydreams about him instead.

The phone didn’t ring, but it did vibrate from a text message. He rarely received texts before meeting Gage, and now he averaged ten or twelve a day.

Come over? Need to talk.

His fingers flew over the phone as he locked the back door.

On my way.

The drive to Gage’s passed in a blur. He shouldn’t have sped, but he couldn’t help it. When it came to Gage, he had a tendency to forget all of his rules. He had to park a block away, but the brisk walk helped to slow him down, if only a little bit.

He had just stepped inside of the building when he heard Gage’s rapid footsteps down the stairs. Gage rounded the corner, flashing a smile as soon as he saw Christopher. “Looks like somebody was speeding. I was going to meet you outside.”

As glad as he was to see Gage smiling, he was a little annoyed with himself for forgetting Ben thought he was just Gage’s boss. “Your brother’s still here, then?”

“Yeah. He’s staying until Sunday.” Gage shrugged. “He’s got a pretty good cover story, so I don’t think they’ll send out a search party.”

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?”

Gage pushed the door open, and they stepped into the alley. The temperature hadn’t dropped below eighty degrees, and the smell of the Hawaiian barbecue Gage lived over was almost nauseating. “Among other things. I don’t…heck, I don’t even know where I want to start.”

Before he could move beyond his reach, Christopher caught Gage’s hand to pull him into a quick embrace. Gage was stiff at first, unsuspecting, but the moment Christopher nuzzled at his temple, he relaxed into his arms.

“How long do I get you for?” Christopher asked. “Do we have time to go somewhere, or is Ben expecting you back soon?”

“I told him I wouldn’t be gone too long.” His arm snuck around Christopher. “But you can come upstairs with me if you want to. I just needed to have a few minutes alone with you.”

“My car’s around the corner. We can have more privacy there for a little bit first.” He tipped a smile at Gage as he pulled him out of the alley. “Though I can’t believe this’ll be the first time we’ve ever parked together.”

“Hopefully it won’t be the last time. Also, hopefully the next time is a bit more fun,” Gage said with a wan smile.

When they reached the car, Gage didn’t protest Christopher opening the passenger door for him. Before he slid into the passenger seat, he closed his hand in Christopher’s shirt and pulled him into a brief kiss. As they parted, Christopher tried to read his face, but this time, Gage’s normally expressive eyes were closed to him.

His stomach was in his throat when he slid behind the wheel again, but he turned and bent his knee to better face Gage. “So what’s going on? Is Ben in trouble or something?”

“No, Ben’s fine. He came down to see if he could convince me to go back to Salt Lake. He said that Dad’s been sick. They found something in his stomach and the biopsy came back…he has cancer, apparently.”

“Oh, my God.” Of all the things Gage could have said, that was the last thing Christopher would have expected. The knots in his belly tightened, not for himself but for Gage, and he reached over to squeeze Gage’s knee, desperate for any kind of contact. “I’m so sorry.”

“Ben says that if it’s caught early enough, then the prognosis is really good. The next tests are to see if it’s spread at all.”

“So there’s hope.”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s not right at death’s door. Ben said he’s been pretty optimistic about the whole thing. They wouldn’t let Zak postpone his mission. I want to think that’s why they didn’t bother to call me themselves. That they were just waiting until they knew.”

For Gage’s sake, Christopher hoped that was true, but from what he’d heard so far of the elder Kimballs, he wasn’t holding his breath. Their faith had made accepting Gage’s orientation impossible, driving him away when he needed them the most. That had worked to Christopher’s advantage, but in the long run, he still would have spared Gage that kind of pain if he could have.

He held his breath in anticipation of the response to the question he had to ask. “What did you say to Ben about going back?”

“I told him I’m not going back. That my life is here, and you’re here. I don’t know what I’ll do if Dad asks for me. I guess I’ll just figure out how to cross that bridge when I come to it.”

He hated how relieved he felt that Gage wasn’t going anywhere. It was selfish to want to keep him around when his family was in the middle of a crisis. But he relaxed at the confirmation Gage offered anyway, and leaned closer, allowing his hand to creep higher.

“Well, if there’s anything I can do to help, you know I will. Don’t worry about work until Ben’s gone. Focus on spending time with him while you can.”

“Thanks. I told him…he didn’t know why I left. So I had to tell him I was gay. I honestly thought he’d just get up and walk away or something. Or argue with me. Or…hell, I don’t know. But he didn’t.”

Christopher blinked, waiting for more. When it didn’t…“But that’s good. That’s what you wanted.”

“Yeah.” Gage smiled a little. “I feel bad for thinking the worst of him. He’s never been the type of kid to let other people tell him what to think.”

“After the way your parents reacted, I think you were justified being afraid of how he’d take it.”

Gage touched the back of Christopher’s hand, lightly tracing over his knuckles. “Do you want to come upstairs? We were going to watch a movie.”

“That depends.” He caught Gage’s fingers, entwining them with his. “Do I have to play boss and keep my hands to myself? Because considering my current mood, that might be a little tough.”

“No, he knows you’re not just my boss. I told him you were the reason I wasn’t going to go back to Salt Lake.”

Emotion he couldn’t name flooded through him at Gage’s simple statement. He’d always considered Gage one of the bravest people he’d ever met. He’d left behind the only life he’d ever known—and a very sheltered one, at that—to try to find his own path in the big, bad world of Los Angeles. He’d succeeded, too, already on his way with his first gig by the time Christopher met him. But hearing the proof of it, knowing firsthand how swiftly Gage was ready to claim their relationship to the people who’d once meant the world to him, shook Christopher far more than he ever would have anticipated.

“I’d love to come up.” He smiled and squeezed Gage’s hand. “I’ll bet Ben has more than a few enlightening stories to share about his big brother.”

“He probably does. Just remember that for every embarrassing story he tells you, I’m going to get one from Rev.”

“You know, I think that trade might actually be worth it.”

“Yeah, now that I think of it, you probably have fewer embarrassing stories than I do.”

“Only because I’ve had longer to bury the evidence.”

Gage lifted Christopher’s hand to his mouth, briefly kissing his knuckles. “Maybe we can sneak out after Ben falls asleep. Since we missed out on lunch.”

Opening his hand, Christopher dragged his fingertips over Gage’s soft lips, groaning when Gage caught on and sucked one into his mouth. “I hope the movie you were going to watch is the unsexiest thing ever. Otherwise, I might not be able to wait until he crashes.”

“Don’t worry.” Gage swirled his tongue around the pad of his finger. “There’s never any s*x in PG-13 movies.”

“At this point, all I need is to see a guy who reminds me of you.” Reluctantly, he pulled his hand away and grabbed his keys. “Come on. I’d like to meet your brother as your boyfriend without making it blatantly obvious what we were doing down here.”

Gage nodded and pushed his door open. Their fingers brushed as they walked, but didn’t quite intertwine. Christopher soaked up as much contact as he could, knowing he would mostly have to keep his hands to himself once they got upstairs. He stole a quick kiss outside the apartment door, restraining himself from pushing his tongue past Gage’s lips.

Ben waited for them on the couch, his attention on the television, absently drinking from a bottle of Sprite.

“You going to watch Iron Man with us?” he greeted.

“If you don’t mind.”

Ben patted the cushion beside him. “Have a seat. We’ve got chips and pop.”

“I’ll grab you a beer,” Gage offered.

Ben brightened. “You’ve got beer?”

“You don’t drink beer.”

He shrugged. “I thought I’d try it while I was in California. Just to see what it tastes like.”

“It’s not legal in California, either.”

“Soda is fine for me,” Christopher said. “I still have to drive home at some point tonight.” As he settled on the couch, he held his hand out to Ben. “We didn’t get the chance to really meet when you stopped by the store earlier. I’m Christopher.”

“Hi Christopher, I’m Ben.” He took Christopher’s hand in a firm grip. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

He liked him. It was hard to see the family resemblance, but Ben looked Christopher in the eye without a hint of condemnation, and more than a little fearlessness. Though he’d never had any doubts about Gage’s assessments of his brothers, seeing it firsthand went far to alleviate Christopher’s worries. He sincerely hoped that when Ben returned to Salt Lake, Gage didn’t allow their renewed connection to lapse.