His Wife's Cry (Filipino Version)

Kabanata 2

NAKABUSANGOT siyang pumasok sa bahay nila. Hindi pa nakakauwi si Gavin dahil wala pa pa roon ang kotse nito. Akala niya ba ay maaga itong umalis sa kompanya? Bakit naunahan niya pa itong umuwi? Ipinamahinga niya ang sarili sa sofa at agad naman siyang tinabihan ni Manang Belen.

            “Pagod na pagod ka yata ngayon?”

            “Nakakainis ang lalaking `yon! Hindi na nga niya ako tinatrato bilang asawa niya pati ba naman karapatan ko bilang empleyado ay hindi niya maibigay?” Puno ng hinanakit ang boses niya. Hindi niya talaga matanggap na ganoon na siya nito itrato.

            Bumuntong hininga si Manang Belen tyaka siya binigyan ng masahe sa likod. “Hayaan mo na, Ayana. Alam mo namang—”

“I know he doesn’t love me. But why he’s treating me this way? I just want to love and be loved. What’s wrong about that?” She can feel her heart being ripped from her chest. She can feel it bleeding and losing its life.

“H`wag mong masyadong i-stress ang sarili mo.” Ngumiwi ito. “Magpalit ka na ng makakain ka na.”

Sinunod niya ang sinabi ni Manang Belen. Umakyat na siya sa hagdan papunta sa kaniyang kwarto. Pagkatapos niyang makapagpalit ay agad din siyang bumaba. She went to the kitchen and slightly startled when she saw Gavin sitting there while eating. Nakapambahay na ito at hindi man lang niya namalayan na dumating na ito. Umupo siya sa tapat nito at tahimik na kumain. They were in the middle of dinner when she called out his name.

“Sinabi sa akin ng secretary mo na hindi mo naman kailangan `yong mga pina-encode mo sa`kin.”

“So?” Walang ganang sagot nito at hindi man lang siya tiningnan.

‘So?’ Matapos ng ginawa niya ay iyon lang ang matatanggap niya mula rito?!She clenched her jaw. Gavin was treating her like a trash again.                                                      “Did you know I skip my meal just for that nonsense papers?!” All the blood drains from her face and pools in her bare toes, and she temporarily struck dumb. “I’ve spared my whole time just to finish those f*****g papers!” Her lips were trembling but her face turned somber. “I know I’m f*****g stupid but I just want you to notice me. I just want you to look at me without hatred in your eyes.”

She is a fool; a martyr. She wants just a little love from her husband. Is she hard to love?

Gavin glared at her. “Did I give you an order to skip your meal?” Gavin stands harshly and left the kitchen but before he goes upstairs, she stopped him.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Her heart tightened inside her chest and she can’t stop her eyes from watering.

“You know the answer, Ayana.” Gavin said in a dangerously low voice.

“Until now you’re blaming me why we ended up like this?” She wiped her tears but it consistently running down. “If you didn’t marry me, do you think you’ll get the company, huh?!”

The air between them became pressured and heavy. Gavin gazed at her coated with impatience. “I have my ways to get the company but you ruined my plans because you keep insisting yourself to me!” Gavin heavily breathes and grimly looked at her as if she’s the most disgusting person he ever met. “Hindi ba sinabi mo sa parents mo na gusto mo akong pakasalan kaya itinuloy nila ang lintik na kasal na ito?” His dark and dangerous eyes were pointing at her. “Why did you do that? Because you love me? You do f*****g love me, huh?” He mockingly smirked. “You’re selfish.”

“Gusto kitang pakasalan dahil mahal kita!” Hindi niya na alam kung paano niya ipapaintindi kay Gavin iyon. Ramdam niya ang panghihina sa kaniyang kalooban. Gusto muna niyang magpahinga kahit saglit. Nakakapagod din masaktan ng paulit-ulit. “Ginawa ko naman ang lahat, `diba? Pero bakit hindi mo pa rin ako kayang mahalin?”

“I can’t love you. How can I love the girl who destroyed my life? You ruined everything.” She can see him gritting his teeth. “I can’t stay with you for more than a minute. I’m really tired of this, Ayana.” His furious eyes were staring at her. “I’m not stupid enough to fall in love with you.”

She puffed a breath and gulped. “Then tell me how not to love you!” She can feel her heart being ripped. “Nahihirapan ka dahil hindi mo ako kayang mahalin? Pero tangina naman!  Hirap na hirap na ko dahil hindi ko alam kung paano ka hindi mahalin!”

“You’re stupid.” He left her there and immediately went to his room. His words were like a knife and left wounds inside her.

Yes, she’s stupid.

She’s stupidly in love with him.

Nang tuluyan siyang iwan ni Gavin doon ay tyaka pa lamang siya linapitan ni Manang Belen. Hindi ito nanghihimasok sa tuwing nag-aaway silang mag-asawa pero sa tuwing sinasaktan na siya ni Gavin ay doon na ito lalabas sa pinagtataguan nito para pigilan silang dalawa.

“Kailan ba ako madadala?” She said bitterly as her tears were falling consistently on her face.   

“Ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo na tigilan mo na ito? Kung hindi ka niya magawang mahalin, `edi h`wag mo na rin siyang mahalin.”

“Love is not a switch button. You can’t easily switch off your feelings for someone just because you’re in pain.” For the nth time, she smiled. That’s the last thing she could do.