Loving My Mate

The Truth

Harris POV

           I reach for the back door with a swarm of emotions.  Out of all the possibilities for Brighton, such heartache and disaster was not something I could have imagined for her.  She didn’t deserve anything she was dealt, and I wasn’t there for her.  That part kills me the most. 

“Did she wait for me Dustin?” I hope he understands my meaning.  Brighton wanted her firsts with her mate… with me.  It would kill me if she did something she would regret because she was feeling lost and alone.

“I honestly can’t answer that Harris.  I don’t know.  For over a year, we didn't really get to talk much,” he says quietly.  I didn’t want to know the truth, but my mate needed me.  I walked out and crossed about an acre of land to the barn house, but it didn’t look like the old, broken down barn anymore.  It looked more like a two-story modern house with white paneling and large windows.  There was even a small balcony on the second floor.  I push through the front door, noticing she left it unlocked, and it was obviously her art studio.  The windows on the first floor were larger than the second story, letting more natural light in.  There are canvases everywhere, and wall of shelving full of paints and paint brushes.  She has a desk in the corner with a computer and scattered papers all over it.  I start going for the staircase when I pass by a bunch of canvases that have already been painted on. I start flipping through them and it takes my breath away.  Her talent as improved so much and her work is exquisite.  She has painted portraits of all of her friends and their families, but she mainly sticks to landscapes.  As I’m going through them, it clicks for me.  The paintings from the counseling center are Brighton’s.  Mom and dad’s dedication to Brighton and helping her out in her time of need swells my heart, and the fact that she has her art on display there shows how far she has come.

           I walk up the stairs and see that the whole second floor is a studio apartment.  It’s not lavish, but it’s very Brighton.  There’s a small living area with only a couch and one chair and a small tv.  She has a large bookcase full of books and sketchbooks.  Her small kitchenette doesn’t have a lot of counter room, but is made up for by having an island with 3 barstools for seating.  Walking further into the flat, there’s a small bathroom to the side then I approach the bedroom which is separated by a wall divider.  I approach the bed, with her unconscious figure slouch over.  Her scent is faint, masked by the stench of alcohol, but she’s there, lying on top of her bed.  My heart stops seeing her and my wolf begs to be let out, but he’s not who she needs right now. 

She’s still in the dress that she wore last night, half of it unzipped as if she wanted to take it off, but too drunk to do so.  Laying on her stomach she’s in a jack knife position, completely oblivious that there’s someone in her room, especially her mate.  I see multiple bottles around the floor and on her night stand, all completely empty.  I hate that she had to drink that much, just to feel numb for an issue that wasn’t even an issue. 

I pick up the bottles and throw them away.  I then go through her clothes and pick up a large shirt for her.  I start sitting her up to take her dress off and she’s just a limp doll.  I pull the zipper down, feeling her skin underneath my touch.  Thank goddess she’s wearing underwear because my self-control is limited trying not to oogle my mate while she’s unconscious….. at least not until I have her back.  It takes a few tries but I finally have her out of the dress and into her shirt.  I lay her back down and go into her bathroom to get a wet rag.  I want to get rid of some of that alcohol smell that has leaked through her pores and hopefully make her more comfortable.  I wipe her face softly and really study her features- she's so damn beautiful.  Her lips are pouty and still that same peachy color they were when we were younger.  I love how her nose tips up at the end, perfect to trail my finger along.  Her cheeks are blushed a faint pink, causing her skin to glow.  I wish I could stare into her eyes.  They are my favorite thing about her. 

I wipe her arms off as well and tuck her in.  Moving her hair off her face, I can’t help myself.  I kiss her forehead, needing that contact.  I would love to have kissed her, but I want her to know what her first kiss feels and tastes like, that is, if she hasn't had it yet.  I sit on her bed, staring at her like a creeper for over an hour, contemplating how I should approach her and get her to be comfortable with me.  I look on her night stand and see a picture of her parents.  Brighton loved them so much, and I hate that I couldn’t be there for her.  But I’m here now, and I would do anything to take her pain away.  I kiss her forehead one more time and whisper to her ear, “You are more than enough for me baby.  I wish you could feel how much I need you in my life.  I promise to make you happy Brighton.”

BRIGHTON POV

Massive hangover? Check.

Broken heart? Check.

The will to get through this? …..We’ll come back to that one. 

Battling my headache and refusing to open my eyes because I know it’s going to hurt, I slowly start sitting up in my bed.  When I finally get the courage to open my eyes, I’m met with darkness, sans the lamp turned on in my living room.  I let out a huff because I know I went overboard last night with the drinking, and ended up sleeping through the day.  Glancing at my parents’ picture next to my bed, I also see a bottle of water and a flower.  I pick up the flower and smell its soft fragrance.  Underneath it is a couple of pills and a note.  Dustin or Sally must have come by while I was knocked out.

I pick up the water and take the two pills.  As I’m chugging the water to relieve my dry throat, I read the note:

                            Brighton, I need you to think long and hard about last night. 

                            I did not reject you.  I will come for you and we will talk. 

                            No and’s, if’s, or buts.  Be prepared.  Love, Harris

I spit out my drink all over the note.  What the f**k!  The man did reject me!….. didn’t he?  Grabbing my head, I try to put the pieces together but I can’t make anything fit.  I get up to stretch and realized I’m in a shirt, and not my dress.  Putting it to my nose I can get the faint scent of the most amazing smell…. Harris.  He changed me?!  Gah! I’m so embarrassed.  What must he think of me honestly?  That I’m some alcoholic?  What good would I do to him as a mate?  My breathing starts increasing.  That other girl was so gorgeous compared to me.  Why would he not reject me?  My wolf whimpers and becomes restless in my mind.  I start to realize what I’m doing and I start deep breathing.  It’s slow to calm my heart down but it finally gets steady. 

I pull out my phone and see that its 10pm at night, but I need to call her. 

“Hello?”

“Hey Maggie…..”

“Brighton! Are you okay honey? I didn’t see you at the party last night!”  I guess she hasn’t figured out I’m Harrison’s mate.  That’ll be a fun conversation. 

“Maggie, I’m so sorry- I had an episode last night and almost had one just now…. Do you think we can talk in the morning, before I go to work?” 

“You don’t have to ask sweetheart, just stop by my office and hour before okay?  Try to get some rest sweetie.”

“Thank you so much- I’ll see you in the morning.”

After I get something in my stomach, I try to sleep, but I kept thinking about the night before and if he really rejected me or not.  I can’t believe Harrison is my mate.  All I have to go off on is how I knew him in high school, and that’s not giving him a lot brownie points.  But we did have some really great moments too.  I hope things are different because I can really see myself falling for him.  I just don’t want to end up disappointing him and getting hurt.

____________________________________________

Maggie’s, the luna’s, office is on the second floor of the pack house, a few doors down from the alpha's.  I’ve been here so many times, at first by force, but then, by choice as she helped me get through the trauma of my parents’ death.  She was the only one to see that my issues were more than the typical emotional, and recommended a psych evaluation, which lead to a long road of counseling and recovery.  She stuck to me and wouldn’t give up on me.  And now she’s basically my mother-in-law, if everything between me and Harris go well. 

I knock on the door out of courtesy and I hear her voice, “Come in.”  Opening the door, she sees that it’s me, gets up from behind her desk and embraces me in a motherly hug that I miss so much.  She looks so posh in tailored slacks and royal blue silky blouse.  With her long black hair swept up into a chignon, she looks every bit of a regal luna.

“Oh honey, I’m so happy you called. Come have a seat, would you like something to drink?”

“No, I’m good Maggie, thanks though.” 

“Well, let’s get down to it young lady.  We’ll start with Saturday’s episode and see what triggered it okay?” 

I give her a small smile, trying not to be nervous.  “I did show up to the party… but something happened.  I-uh.. I found my mate.”

She gasps and tries to talk but I want to get this over with, rip like a bandaid Brigh.  “It’s Harrison.  Harrison is my mate.”  I try to keep a dignified face on, but I completely botched it, wobbling out each of those words with watery eyes.  Maggie sits there not moving or breathing.

“Maggie?...” 

Nothing.

“Maggie?...” I say a little louder. 

In the next instant she pulls me to her and is literally screaming “Ahhhh! Oh my goddess, oh Brighton! This is wonderful!  I’m so happy for you!”  She pushes me so she can see me and kisses my cheek “You’re absolutely perfect for him sweetheart!!”  She then sees that tears are falling down my face.

“Wait, you said you had an episode… what aren’t you telling me?  Why hasn’t he told me or his father about this?” 

“Maggie, I’m so sorry,” I start sobbing.  She starts with watery eyes as well, thinking the worse, but I need to tell her. 

“I can’t remember exactly, but I could’ve sworn he rejected me, so I accepted.  I was on a high of emotions and drank a lot when I got home, and now I can’t remember what he or I said.  I wanted to talk to you about what happened and I hope I can get the truth out.”  When I said the words ‘he rejected me’, she got out of her chair and started pacing the room, possibly plotting Harris’ castration, but when I finished, she sat down calmly, and tucked my hair behind my ear.  “Okay honey, let’s start from the beginning and we’ll figure it out.”

I told her about arriving to the event and seeing him through the window.  How 8 years of missing him brought up past mixed feelings.  The fact that I saw him dancing with the alphas daughter and how lucky she was to be with him.  And when I entered the room, noticing my mates’ scent, being so utterly happy about it.  Then seeing him approaching me- that his face had no emotion to it whatsoever.

“I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, so I relied on interactions from the last time I was with him, the awful things he said at this party, and I was confusing the two and warping them into what was happening in the present.”

“What happed at what party?” she asked in an eerie tone.

My eyes turned down.  I didn’t want to tattle on Harris.  “Brighton, you tell me what my son did right now!”  Clearly, she was angry that Harris and I aren’t mated right now.  I told her about the party, and the game that Harris wanted to play to poke fun of my firsts, and the harsh words he said.  By the time I was done, her fists were so clenched, her knuckles had turned white.  But when she spoke, it was a calm and nurturing voice.  “Brighton….. I want you to think real hard on this.  Did Harrison say the formal words of rejection?”

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the event.  Deep breath in for 8 seconds, soft exhale for 8 seconds.  Just because I couldn’t judge his emotions on his face, doesn’t mean he rejected me.  I remember his face, and him walking towards me.  The more I thought about it, I didn’t think he even spoke to me.  I didn’t even give him a chance to talk.

I’m such a f*****g i***t. 

I started crying. “No, he didn’t,” I said through hiccups. 

Maggie sighs out a relief and hugs me to her.  “It’s okay sweetie, my ass of a son isn’t the smartest one out there.  Don’t you dare blame yourself in this.”  She rubs circles on my back until I calm down.

“I just keep having the same thoughts about not being good enough for him, for the pack.  How could I be a luna with a messed up head Maggie?  I could never do what you do.” 

“Now you listen here young lady and you listen good,” she says sternly, almost scaring me.  “You are such a strong woman, and even when you were younger, you demonstrated qualities of an excellent luna.  The alpha and I adore you and will mentor you until we are no longer able to.  I truly believe once you and Harris fall for each other, most, if not all of your doubts, will disappear.  You just need to love and accept being loved honey.” 

I hug her harder to me and try to process her words.  “Thank you so much Maggie, for everything you have done for me.  I will try with Harris, I really will.”  We get up and she hands me a tissue.  “I’m proud of you sweetheart- I can’t wait until you officially join our family.  Now I don’t want to keep you from working, so go ahead.  Let’s do lunch later this week okay?” 

“I’d like that very much.  Thanks again Maggie.”