Unexpected Desires

CHAPTER 9: Unspoken Tensions

Chapter 9: Unspoken Tensions

Mayari Calleope's Point of View

The moment I stepped into my condo, I was hit by an avalanche of questions from my friends, each one delivered with a different shade of concern, disappointment, or suspicion. It was as if they had rehearsed this in my absence.

Ashley, with a grumpy tone, led the interrogation. "So, saan ka galing?"

Alex, engrossed in her phone, chimed in. "Bigla-bigla ka na lang nawala kagabi, Mayari."

Sophia, her disappointment palpable, added, "Hindi ka man lang nagsabi kung saan ka pupunta. Nag-aalala kami kagabi sa'yo."

Amara, staring at me with an unreadable expression, dropped the bombshell. "The last time I saw you was when you were with Riley."

My friends' inquiries hung in the air, awaiting my response. Mukhang kanina pa ako hinihintay ng mga kaibigan ko base sa kanilang mga itsura.

Nakagat ko ang ibaba kong labi at halos hindi ako makatingin sa kanila ng diretso. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko sasabihin sa kanila ang nangyari sa akin at kung nasaan ako kagabi.

Their eyes bore into mine, and it felt like I was on trial. Ashley's piercing look and Amara's unnerving certainty about what she had seen only added to the pressure.

My mind raced, but I couldn't form the words. I was tongue-tied, my thoughts in disarray. It was as if my conscience was wrestling with my secrets.

"So, where did you go, Mayari?" Ashley's question pierced the silence once more.

How could I confess to my friends what happened? It was a mess, and I feared their judgment.

"Um..." I began, but the words faltered. A profound sense of guilt and embarrassment held me hostage.

"And I even saw you and Riley walking out through the fire exit," Amara disclosed, a matter-of-fact tone in her voice. Nagulat naman ang mga kaibigan ko habang ako naman ay nakagat ko na lamang ang ibabang labi ko.

Hindi ko akalain na nakita pala kami ni Amara kagabi na magkasamang lumabas ng bar. Akala ko hindi nila kami napansin.

"I thought nothing was going on between you and Riley," Sophia expressed her shock, glancing at me with questioning eyes.

"Yeah, you even told us not to mind him," Alex chimed in, her gaze fixed on me. Ashley and Amara raised skeptical eyebrows. Tinaasan naman ako ng kilay ni Amara, ganoon din si Ashley.

Gosh! Ngayon ko lang na-realize ang mga sinabi ko. Parang kinain ko na rin ang mga salitang binitiwan ko kagabi.

What a hypocrite, Mayari.

Amara wasn't done. "What now, Mayari? We're all waiting for answers," she said impatiently, inspecting her nails as though this was nothing more than a minor inconvenience. My sigh was heavy with the weight of my secrets.

"Fine! Fine! I was with him for the whole night," I confessed, the words tumbling out with all the grace of a landslide. Lahat naman sila ay napasinghap sa sinabi ko. Nanglalaki ang mga mata nila na nakatingin sa akin.

"Kayong dalawa lang? Anong ginawa niyo kagabi?" Ashley's surprise was palpable.

I couldn't meet her probing gaze. "N-nothing," I lied, unable to admit what had transpired between Riley and me.

Hindi ko alam kung papaano ko sasabihin sa kanila na may nangyari sa amin ng lalaking sinasabi ko na huwag nilang pansinin. I had eaten my words from last night, and it left a bitter taste.

"Anong wala? Ano 'yon? Nagbato-bato picks lang kayong dalawa?" Sarkastikong pahayag ni Amara.

"Baka nagtagu-taguan lang." Saad naman ni Alex.

"Malay niyo nag-tongits lang din." Kibit-balikat na sagot naman ni Ashley. Habang si Sophia naman ay napailing na lang sa akin.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, preparing myself for what I had to say next. "Fine! We... we..." My voice trailed off, and panic set in. I couldn't find the courage to continue.

"We?" they all asked in unison, leaning in, their eyes fixed on me.

"We..." Another deep breath, and then I blurted it out. "Fine. Something happened between us." There, I said it, and the room seemed to hold its breath.

"What?!" Iyan ang reaksiyon na nakuha ko sa kanila. Lahat sila ay nanglalaki ang mga mata na nakatitig sa akin. Tila ba hindi sila makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.

Their wide-eyed stares made me feel like I had just revealed an earth-shattering secret.

"Don't tell me..." Amara began, and I nodded, confirming her unspoken question.

"It is what it is," I said with a heavy sigh.

Natahimik ang mga kaibigan ko sa gulat. My friends sat in shocked silence, speechless in the face of my revelation. Well, understandable naman dahil miski ako ay hindi rin makapaniwala na nagawa kong ibigay ang sarili ko sa lalaking kakikilala ko lamang.

"Oh my God, Mayari! Where is he now?" Tanong ni Ashley sa akin. Bumuntong-hininga naman ako.

"I left while he was still asleep," I replied, widening their eyes with my abrupt departure.

"Gaga ka! Bakit mo naman iniwan agad? Bakit hindi mo man lang hinintay magising si Riley?!" Alex scolded me, her protective instincts flaring.

"Why should I? I knew it was just a one-night stand between us. Why should I say goodbye?" I retorted, my defensive walls rising.

Sa totoo lang mabigat ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero parang nakokonsensiya ako na umalis ako ng wala man lang paalam. Hindi ko rin maintindihan 'yung sarili ko. Nadidismaya rin ako sa tuwing naiisip ko na one-night stand lang ang nangyari sa amin, nothing special.

"You are afraid," Amara stated matter-of-factly, causing all eyes to turn toward her.

"What?" I asked, baffled by her words.

Amara held my gaze. "You are afraid of what he might say when he wakes up and realizes what happened between you two. You're afraid of hearing from Riley's own lips that it was just a one-night stand, so you decided to leave suddenly," she explained, her words hitting me like a revelation.

I stood there, unable to respond immediately. It was as if she had peeled back the layers of my thoughts and exposed my deepest fears. I couldn't deny it. Iyon din marahil siguro ang dahilan kaya ko napiling umalis ng walang paalam. Dahil takot ako...

This was my first time, and I had expected something special. I didn't want it to be just a one-night stand; I wanted it to mean more.

"I guess you are right," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. Silence settled in the condo, and I felt grateful that my friends had chosen understanding over judgment. I couldn't help but wonder if what happened between Riley and me was truly nothing special.

Hindi naman ako ang tipo ng babaeng madaling ma-attached. No boyfriend since birth kaya ako. Ni minsan hindi ko nagawang magkagusto sa lalaki. Akala na nga ng mga kaibigan ko noon ay lesbian ako dahil nga ni minsan hindi nila ako nakitaan magka-crush sa lalaki.

Pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit naiiba si Riley. I know there's something about him na talagang tinamaan ako dahil hindi naman ako sasama sa kaniya at ibibigay ang sarili ko kung wala akong nararamdaman na kakaiba sa kaniya. It's just that nag-expect ako dahil siguro first time ko at nangako ako sa sarili ko na ibibigay ko lang ang sarili ko sa lalaking mamahalin ko at mamahalin ako.

Nadala lang siguro ako ng alak. s**t. What a mess.

"It's okay, Mayari." Si Sophia ang unang lumapit sa akin at niyakap ako. "It's okay if you gave in to someone you just met. It doesn't make you less of a person. And it doesn't define you. What's important is that you came home safe to us, and nothing bad happened to you," she reassured me, rubbing my back gently.

I couldn't find the words to respond, so I simply hugged Sophia back, grateful for her unwavering support. She was indeed the sweetest.

One by one, my friends joined in the hug, offering their silent support and understanding.

"Hindi ka naman pinilit ng lalaking iyon? Baka pinilit ka niya, sabihin mo lang at uupakan ko siya!" Alex declared with a hint of humor, bringing a smile to my face.

"No, no. He didn't force me," I reassured them. Totoo naman. Hindi naman talaga ako pinilit ni Riley, kusa akong sumama.

"Did you use protection, though?" Ashley's question made me blush with embarrassment.

"No, but don't worry, I'm safe," I assured them, realizing we had taken a risk in the heat of the moment. Oo nga pala't hindi kami gumamit ng kahit na anong proteksyon pero alam ko namang safe ako dahil katatapos lang ng menstruation ko.

"But what about him? What if..." Ashley began, but Amara cut her off with a playful smack.

"Idiot! I doubt Mayari would have gone with him if she knew he wasn't safe. Besides, it's not like he has an STD or something! Does he?" Amara turned to me, and I couldn't help but laugh at her blunt and candid nature.

"Girls!" I replied, chuckling. It was a relief to know that, despite their initial reactions, my friends were truly there for me.

"Joke lang. We're just kidding. Pinapangiti ka lang namin." Amara reassured me with a mischievous grin.

I smiled back, genuinely touched by their concern. I had expected judgment, but instead, I found unwavering support.

"Akala ko galit kayo." Saad ko sa kanila. Tumawa naman sila sa sinabi ko.

"Bakit kami magagalit sa'yo? It's your life, Mayari. It's your choice. Kung ginusto mo rin naman 'yung nangyari, bakit kami magagalit? Magagalit kami kung malalaman namin na pinilit ka. Ikaw nga hindi nagalit eh, kami pa kaya." Alex reasoned, her words filling me with warmth.

"Alex is right. We don't have the right to be angry, Mayari. The only advice we can give you is to be careful and hope that this doesn't happen again. We just want what's best for you, Mayari. We don't want you to get hurt," Sophia spoke from the heart, her sincerity touching my soul.

"Atsaka bakit kami magagalit? Especially me, eh ako nga binigay ko na lahat, pati sarili ko pero nagawa pa rin akong lokohin ng ex ko eh." Saad ni Amara. Pinigilan naman namin matawa sa sinabi niya. Hindi pa rin talaga siya nakaka-move on sa ginawang pangloloko ng ex niya sa kaniya.

Alam kong pa-ganiyan-ganiyan lang 'yan si Amara. Parang walang problema, palaging masaya, at gimik at panglalalaki lang ang alam. Pero kami lang na mga kaibigan niya ang totoong nakakakilala sa kaniya. We all know deep inside her, andoon pa rin 'yung pain at trauma na dinulot sa kaniya ng ex niyang ginagago siya noon. Kaya hindi namin siya masisisi kung wala siyang maging permanenteng boyfriend dahil siguro takot na ulit siya magtiwala muli.

"Thank you, girls," I said, genuinely grateful for their understanding. They didn't judge me; instead, they empathized with me and offered their support and advice.

"You know you're always welcome," Ashley reassured me, and I hugged them all tightly, feeling a renewed sense of closeness.

I was grateful that they had chosen empathy over judgment, and their acceptance meant the world to me. I had expected harsh condemnation, but instead, I found a circle of friends who truly cared.

I sigh as I smile. I finally felt relieved, but deep inside me, hindi mawala-wala sa isip ko si Riley. Thinking what will be his reaction was when he wakes up and realizes that I'm already gone.

Hahanapin niya kaya ako?

...

As the day went on, I decided to head downstairs for some much-needed grocery shopping. Our condo supplies were running low, and restocking was a necessity.

Paglabas ko ng building ay lumakad na ako patungo sa malapit na grocery shopping mall. Yet, after only a few steps, a strong hand suddenly gripped mine, pulling me into a narrow alleyway.

Handa na sana akong sumigaw ng makita ko ang mukha ng taong humila sa akin.

"Riley?!" I exclaimed, disbelief and confusion warring in my voice.

"So, you still remember my name after leaving without a word," he retorted, his expression a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

Hindi naman agad ako nakasagot. Anong sasabihin ko eh sinadya ko naman talaga umalis ng walang paalam 'di ba?

Pero ano bang ginagawa niya rito at paano niya nalaman kung saan ako nakatira? The questions crowded my mind, but Riley didn't seem inclined to answer.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered, unable to meet his gaze. I heard him sigh in exasperation.

"Why apologize when the damage has already been done?" he muttered, his frustration evident. I bit my lower lip. "Aalis ka na nga lang, nag-iwan ka pa ng gamit," he added, his words a riddle that demanded my attention.

I swung my gaze towards him, my brows knitting in confusion, my curiosity piqued. "Huh?" I managed, bewildered by his enigmatic statement. In response, he raised his hand, holding my cellphone as if it were the key to some unspoken mystery.

Nanglaki ang mga mata ko at doon ko lang na-realize na naiwan ko nga ang cellphone ko sa unit niya. Kaya pala hindi ko ito mahanap kanina kahit na anong hanap ko, wala sa condo ko, wala rin sa bag ko. Iyon pala naiwan ko sa condo ni Riley.

"T-thank you." At kukunin ko na sana ang phone ko ng bigla naman niyang itinaas iyon at inilayo sa akin. Hindi ko iyon maabot dahil hindi hamak na mas matangkas si Riley kaysa sa akin.

"What now?" Kunot-noong tanong ko sa kaniya. I was growing impatient with his puzzling antics.

"I didn't come here just to hand you your phone. You turned me into your delivery boy," he grumbled, his irritation evident.

My own irritation resurfaced at his response. Eh anong ipinunta niya rito kung hindi naman pala niya ibibigay sa akin 'yung phone ko? Kanina nakokonsensiya pa ako sa ginawa kong pag-alis ng walang paalam pero ngayon nanunumbalik na naman 'yung inis ko sa lalaking 'to.

"Eh anong ginagawa mo rito?" I asked, my tone laced with irritation. In response, he raised an incredulous eyebrow, as if my question should have been entirely self-explanatory.

"To inform you that you left your phone in my condo," he stated, his words almost dripping with mockery. I rolled my eyes, feeling exasperation course through me.

"Andito ka rin naman na bakit hindi mo pa ibigay sa akin?" I retorted, unable to fathom his logic.

"Bakit? Ako ba ang nakaiwan? Ikaw ang nakaiwan, edi ikaw ang kumuha sa condo ko." he replied with an infuriating air of nonchalance. I couldn't believe what I was hearing from Riley. Was this guy for real?

Exasperation gave way to outright frustration as I exclaimed, "What's wrong with you?!" My voice carried a mix of annoyance and incredulity. "Ganoon ba talaga kaluwag 'yang turnilyo sa utak mo?!" Naiinis na pahayag ko sa kaniya. Nakaka-stress 'tong si Riley! Conversing with him was proving to be more vexing than reasoning with a five-year-old child. At least with children, there was a modicum of rationality. Riley was an enigma of irritation.

"Tss! Whatever. If you want to get your cellphone back, come to my condo," he grumbled again, his tone taking on an increasingly gruff edge.

My eyes widened in disbelief as I continued to stare at Riley. Was he playing some sort of twisted game with me? The complexity of his actions seemed designed to confound and annoy.

"You're utterly unbelievable," I whispered, my words barely escaping my trembling lips. Riley simply responded with that infuriating grin of his.

"Yes, Mayari, I am," he retorted, leaning closer, trapping me against the wall. My heart raced, and I stammered, my voice quivering, unsure of what this sudden proximity meant.

"A-ano b-ba. Lumayo ka nga," I muttered, my voice weak. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nauutal at kung bakit bigla akong kinabahan. A bizarre mix of emotions swirled within me, a whirlwind of nerves, anticipation, and fear.

Hindi sinunod ni Riley ang utos ko. Instead, he smirked at me like a devil, and I instinctively pulled away as if he were some enigmatic, irresistible force.

"Come to my condo tonight if you want to retrieve your phone. I'll be waiting for you, baby," he whispered, his voice laced with an undeniable allure. I swallowed hard, his closeness overwhelming my senses. The scent of his mentholated breath, tantalizingly familiar, ignited memories of the previous night.

Suddenly, Riley withdrew, his composure regained as if nothing had transpired between us.

"I'll leave you for now, Mayari. See you later tonight," he declared, his devilish grin lingering as he sauntered away, disappearing into the distance.

Alone in that moment, my heart raced like a drumbeat. I placed a trembling hand on my chest, attempting to steady the turbulent emotions that had been awakened. The inexplicable anxiety that had overcome me during our close encounter lingered, leaving me with a foreboding sense that the memories from last night held an uncharted danger.

Determined, I whispered to myself, "I won't let Riley slowly take control of me."