Always Romira

Chapter 1

Akira

"Hey darling."

Romero.

I look over to the love of my life as he nears me, his beautiful blue-grey eyes searching my face so tenderly that I nearly melt. My knees weaken and turn into jelly ready to drop down.

I just stare, I couldn't speak or touch him, but I want to, so badly.

"You look beautiful." He says softly, stopping just few inches away.

"Romero." I breath in, willing myself to not cry, to hold it at bay but it is damn difficult.

"Ray." He smiles his dimple one, his eyes are showing all the love I crave, all the yearning I feel. He steps close and raises his hand to touch my face.

I close my eyes, waiting desperately for his touch, anticipating his feel but like always it never comes and when I open my eyes next, he's disappeared, like always.

He was just my imagination, not my reality.

My hallucination.

You left him, remember?

How, oh how could I forget, when my every breath reminds me of that. When anywhere I look I see him, so close yet untouchable. So real yet just my imagination.

Oh Romero, I miss you.

I am falling apart, I'm dying inside with every passing second away from him.

Why is this so painful?

I used to think love would be exciting and thrilling, but I never once stopped to wonder if it would be this painful to endure.

Even with all the agony, I couldn't wish to not have fallen in love, or to not have met him.

And how could I? When he is the best thing happened to me in so long.

I just wish it would hurt little less so I could at least breath easily. So I could at least think about him without breaking down.

I wish-

Squeaking of gate brings me away from my self pity. I inhale a steady breath and I approach it.

Cool air of February evening breezes past me, making me shiver. I wrap my coat tightly around me to stop the trembling, and I open the gate. Stepping inside I walk toward my destination. On reaching I fall down on my knees in front of the people I've come to visit. The last time I came here was six months ago when I was going to college for first time.

I pick up the flowers I brought with me and put it beside others on the cemetery of my family, I then put a single white rose on my brother's tomb. It's his birthday today. If he was alive he would be turning fifteen.

Here lies a beautiful soul,

Jake Ray

02-02-2004 to 09-06-2010.

"Happy birthday little brother. Today you would have turned fifteen and would have become a bit more to handle. You would have started dating and I bet you were going to be a heartbreaker, leaving lines of broken hearts behind where ever you went." My throat starts to close up and I have to swallow.

"I-I miss you Jake, I miss you so much. I wish you hadn't left, I wish it were me who died instead of you so you would get a chance to experience life. Grandma says you are in much more better place, I hope she is right. I hope you are in heaven surrounded by angels, watching me, probably laughing at how ugly I look while crying. I love you, baby brother, so much."

Sniffing, I press a kiss on his cemetery and look over my mummy and daddy, "Hey guys. I know I haven't visited you in six months but you know how hectic college life could be. There hasn't been a day I don't miss you or feel the loss of your absence but I always assure myself with the fact you are watching over me, guiding me. At night I find myself staring at stars to find which one of them are you and during day I try to feel you in my broken heart where I know you all would always be with me."

Taking a shaking breath, I wipe my eyes with my cold hands, and whisper, "I met someone. He is so beautiful, he just takes my breath away. His name is Romero King but he prefers to be called King from everyone except me. I love him, mummy. He is not perfect but he is perfect for me. He loved me back, just as crazily. I was his Ray, his lifeline, his kryptonite, and I-I left him. I left because I was killing him, because I couldn't bear the guilt." A hiccup escapes.

"But I miss him, every second of the day. I keep imagining him everywhere. I want him, daddy, I need him so much, it physically hurts being away from him. He is the best man I've known after you. I think you would have approved of him, not only because he loved your princess but he is a good man.

"He doesn't believe it though, he thinks he's a bad guy but I know him, more than he thinks. And I know he is just as good as anyone else. He is my 'the one' and I let him go. I will do it again if given a second chance, because he would always come before me. I hope you support my decision and are proud of your Ira."

I touch their cold tomb, "I'm going back to college today, I don't want to but tomorrow is Sydney's birthday and she wants me there. I came to visit grandma for the weekend and instead of going tomorrow I'm leaving today so she is pretty angry with me, I think she is also angry because I left Romero. Do you know she was totally smitten by him and she even acted like a schoolgirl when he came with me last time. I tried to explain her as much I could without revealing his problem but you know Elizabeth Ray. She believes what she wants to."

I sigh, "Anyways I have to go now. And I promise to come back soon." I stand up, feeling lighter than before.

Talking to my family has always helped me from my problems. It gives me new strength to face the world with my chin lifted high because I'm daughter of Edmund and Mary Ray, who lived their life throughout their ups and downs. They enjoyed every moment life had given them, be it low or high and they taught me the same.

Logan finds me as soon I step out, looking concerned. "Are you feeling okay?" He mutters softly, wiping my face gently.

With some effort I manage to smile, "I'm fine."

He doesn't look relieved though, "Are you sure you want to go back today? You know your roommate is probably going to throw some party where he could come."

He means Romero.

"I'm sure. I have been successful in avoiding him for three months. And I think Syd is just going to celebrate at some club with her girlfriends."

It has been three months, well eighty six days to be precise, since I last him at hospital on my birthday. Avoiding him has not been any difficult considering he doesn't come to college regularly. And he hasn't made any attempt to call or reach out for me, I'm convince he is furious with me. After all I left nothing but a letter and my ring for him.

I don't have any idea how he is or what he is doing. I stopped associating with the group leaving Sydney and sometimes Grace. I wonder if he has already moved on.

As soon my mind goes there, I feel an immense amount of pain, it is as though my heart is getting sliced into million pieces.

I wouldn't be able to bear the pain if he had.

The thought of him kissing, touching and making love to someone else is worse than hell itself.

But I couldn't blame him if had. And if he had not yet, he would, sometime in future. With another girl, who would not increase the pace of his episodes, who would not be as broken as I am, who would be blessed with his breathtaking smile.

I could live with the pain as long as he is happy, even if its not with me.

Liar! My conscience snarls.

I don't pay it any mind and glance at Bella, who has been giving us time alone. That is one of the things I love about her, she never imposes. She always knows when to retreat and give us some time alone.

"Hey girl, you good right?" She smiles, a sympathetic smile.

I hate that smile. It is the only kind I'm getting these days.

I nod, still putting on my smile, "Yup. Tell your boyfriend to stop fussing so much."

Logan scowls, "I'm worried for you, baby girl. You have lost so much weight, and you are barely living as it is. I don't want you to turn back into the zombie you were two months ago."

Zombie, yeah that sounds adequate term to describe my condition when I came home for winter break. I couldn't go on few hours with crumpling down, grasping my heart because the the pain wouldn't be endurable.

I roll my eyes, "I am okay now. And that's called break up phase, I'm getting over it."

He arcs a brow, "Are you?"

No I'm not.

I don't think I could ever truly get over it or him.

But to ease his mind, I answer firmly, "Yes, I am."

You are not! The stupid voice rears back.

Go away.

Neither him nor Bella seems convinced, bloody hell, even I'm not fooled by it. They are going to have to satisfied by it and so do I.

Logan shrugs, "If you say so. But if that asshole does anything to hurt you, I will beat him to pulp, doesn't matter if he is wrong or not. No one hurts my baby girl and get away with it." He stops and takes a breath, he then changes into fierce brother mode.

Oh no, not again.

"Now I want to you to listen carefully, don't do any reckless thing on impulse, like dating another ass-"

Bella notices my irritation and interrupt smiling sweetly as she grits through her teeth, "Baby, Ira is big girl, she knows who or when to date. And she is far less reckless than you so quit your lecturing or you are going to sleep on couch tonight, you wouldn't want that, would you?" She finishes by bating her pretty lashes.

He eyes morphs into a dark glare and he snaps, "Oh f**k no! You can bet your sweet ass I'm sleeping on my bed and beside my girl. If you try to stop me, I have other ways to get there."

Bella blushes when he gives her lustful looks.

I quickly look away as the my heart clenches tightly. I miss my bickering with Romero on anything and nothing. I miss how he'd end most of our argument by some sensual remarks that would get me so embarrassed and I'd start stammering like a fool forgetting the origin of argument. I miss how he'd stare at me every morning as if I was most beautiful thing, when in reality I look nothing better than a mess.

I miss his possessiveness, jealousy, anger and most of all his love.

I miss being loved by him.

'You are the only love in my life.' He has once said. I'd give anything to hear it one more time from him.

Oh how I miss him, all of him.

So much that it's gripping me, drowning me into an unending sea of misery.

And I'm not sure how long I could keep fighting it, until I finally give into it.

I clear my throat breaking their 'eye-f*****g' as Sydney would say. "Take care of grandma for me. She worries too much, it is not good for her."

Logan pecks my forehead, "Don't fret over it. You sure you don't want me to come with you?" He questions for tenth time.

"I'm sure." I give him same reply every time.

He nods and points toward the car I've rented to come here, "Now get going and call me once you have reached there."

I move over and slide inside, "Will do." I call back and start driving.

Let's experience whatever life has stored for me now.

* * * * *