REGAINING MY FAITH

1058 Words
MARILYN'S POV I sat on the bed lost in thought with the duvet wrapped around me taking deep breaths.. The issue had really gotten too far. Extremely too far and it seems I have no say in it anymore. I....i....I can't believe I am thinking and saying this but.....damn....I love him . He is so good...... So freaking good....!!!!! Shit!!? But yet, it's still not right. This is my mom's husband we are talking about here..... I.... shouldn't be doing this?!!! But at the same time, I freaking wanted more of him again and again.. Aaargh!! I am so stupid. What the hell am I thinking? I sighed deeply and ran my fingers through my hair. How the hell am going to do this? How am I ever going resist that seductive devil. The seductive devil that never failed to catch me right at my moments of weakness. What the hell happened to my faith? What the hell happened to my believe of keeping myself till it's the right time to get laid and that is when I am married? Aaargh!!!!! I seriously have to end this. But how? It is a severely difficult situation. This is the silly promise I have been telling myself for hours now. I still ended up falling into that trap. But how could I resist him? He is annoyingly juicy and....and tasty. FUCK!!?? I can't believe I am thinking this. I love him. So bad I want to..... I slapped myself continuously to redirect my thoughts and shook my head. Okay. Marilyn, take a deep breath and think. There has to be something to do to be able to resist this son of Satan now residing in our home. But what could it be? I looked around my room and my eyes fell on the large library stand which was erected a month ago by my mom to help with my vocabulary of intelligence as she called it. There could be something there to help. I pushed myself out of the bed dragging the duvet along with me and wrapping myself with it tightly. I glanced through the library till my eyes fell on a big book and I squinted at it. The back cover design caught my attention. I didn't bother to know what it was and picked it, pausing as I beheld the front cover. I sighed. It was a Bible. I shook my head and attempted to return it. But I paused. Wait a second..... Maybe it's not such a bad idea. There has to be something in the Bible to help with this current uncontrollable addiction i was developing for my stepdad. The thought of him alone made my n*****s harden and I gulped. He caused this. He started this. He created this sizzling uncontrollable desire always brewing within me every single time the thought of him came to mind. There has to be a way I can control this. This has to end. Perhaps, renewing my faith would help. But what the use when I am no longer a virgin? I sighed and glanced at the Bible. I could as well keep f*****g him till all the lust for him within me is dead. Then I will no longer crave him this badly. But....damnit. My mom. This will be totally unfair to her. I have to stop this. I have to renew and strengthen my biblical faith. Or rather, my Christian faith. I took the Bible and walked back to the bed tightening the duvet around me. I picked up my phone to search for the portion of the Bible that teaches about how to control s****l addiction. A portion of the Bible came up immediately and I went to check it out. It was 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. I checked my Bible immediately and it said; 'Flee from s****l immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.' I read along and sighed looking for a keyword I could hold on to to remind me of my faith and promise to myself whenever dad loses himself again. "I am not my own. My body is the temple of the holy Spirit which is in me." I whispered softly and wrapped my arms around myself. "I have sinned against my body." I muttered and bit my lip. I have to stop this. But how? Do I put on a pad to obstruct him whenever he attempts to get to me or do I....do I kick him in the balls? I shook my head. I definitely can't do that. That will only make things worse. Shit!!!!! Maybe I should consider having a one-on-one talk with him so we can settle this absurd issue once and for all. Tomorrow is his welcoming party. Mom won't be available at home tonight since she is doing all her shift at the hospital so as to be free tomorrow to celebrate with dad. Tonight is my chance. I have to meet him tonight so we can discuss as adults and end this betrayal once and for all. He should at least be sensible enough to listen and understand my plight. I took a deep breath and glanced at the Bible in my hands. I am taking this with me too. He would know I am serious when he sees it and will definitely not cross his boundary. I sighed feeling my breath hitching. But what if I lose myself and instead leap on him while attempting to talk him out of the s**t? Now that will be a honest bizzaire situation. I first need to gain control of myself before approaching him. If I can do that, then I should be able to resist him even if he touches me. I sighed deeply thinking about what the repercussion of my action will be. I just had to hope it will end well. It has to. He can't tell me he is not feeling guilty about the entire thing. If that's the case, then he doesn't have a heart. He should be worried.
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