Cole in Distress

Chapter 1-2

It wasn’t a restful night. When Daniel’s dad had died, Daniel worried he hadn’t visited his old home enough. Cole was more worried about what he would be going “home” to. Owen clearly didn’t want to talk to him, and even though Jamison and Evelyn had accepted his attempt to reconnect, the last time they had seen one another in person was when Evelyn helped him pack up a backpack and canvas bag with all his essentials while Jamison stood, their dad’s enforcer, making sure Cole was actually leaving. If Cole remembered correctly, Owen had been out with friends at the time or something like that. Either way, the two had never properly said goodbye.

Cole struggled to sleep as he imagined the conversations that would await him at a family gathering, especially a funeral. The questions and answers whirled through his dreams, though by morning all he could remember was a single phrase: “I never hated him the way he hated me.” He didn’t know the question to that answer or even what it fully meant. He lay awake turning it over in his mind.

Of course I hate the things he said and the way he treated me, but he hated me for who I was. His words and actions were part of who he was though, so doesn’t that mean I hate him too? Or is it different because he assumed I was something to be hated but I’m justified in hating him since I knew exactly what he was? Was it even me he hated or was he afraid of the humiliation from having a queer son?

Daniel curled around him as he usually did before moving on to the rest of his morning routine. Cole settled back into his partner’s dozy warmth. He was greeted by a familiar bulge against his hip, but he definitely wasn’t in the mood to stoke that fire. What he felt above all else was pity for his teenage self. If someone had told him, that day he left home, that he would eventually find a man whom he loved so much that sometimes their cabin seemed like the only place on Earth, he would have thought it was some kind of joke. It wasn’t until Jake had taken him in that Cole stopped seeing himself as an abomination who didn’t deserve that kind of future.

“Whajathinkinbou?” Daniel murmured.

“Hm?”

Daniel stretched and propped himself up enough to look at Cole with his cobalt blue eyes. “Whatcha thinkin’ about?” he repeated, somewhat more enunciated but still slurred with early morning lethargy.

“Nothing.”

Daniel c****d one eyebrow with a blink. “Then why are you lying there like you’re afraid to move?”

“I’m not,” Cole said. He shifted onto his side to face Daniel. “See?”

“Mhm, I definitely see. It’s all over your face.” Daniel pointed with one languid finger. “You’ve got that line in your forehead you get when you’re trying to be stoic.”

Damn it, he knows me too well. “Thinking about my dad.”

Daniel nodded. “I thought so.”

Words filled Cole’s mouth and weighed on his tongue, words about his dad and the meaning of hatred. He swallowed most of them down. They were so thick it made his stomach curdle. “I think I’m glad he’s gone.”

The confession didn’t alleviate Cole’s discomfort. Daniel’s silence wasn’t helping either. It was an awful thing to say. If Cole had said that about anyone else he knew, he would have been appalled at himself and immediately apologized to whatever spirit might be watching him. However, in this case, a bitter voice in his heart told Cole that his dad wouldn’t be able to hear him from Hell.

“He wasn’t evil,” Cole blurted. “He was…an asshole, yeah, but…at least he never killed someone or anything.”

Daniel shifted himself, drumming his fingers on Cole’s waist. “From what you’ve told me of him, he does sound like the kind of person who would get drunk with his buddies and beat a guy to death in an alley out of bigotry.”

Cole took a breath to argue, but Daniel had a point. “I am ninety-nine point nine percent sure he voted for Trump.”

“I assumed that too, yeah.” Daniel sighed through his nose. “We don’t have to go to the funeral. Maybe all it would do is bring back bad memories. Especially if everyone else was only talking about why they miss him. But who knows? Maybe he was so mean to everyone that they’ll gather to talk about why they’re glad he’s gone.”

“Maybe. Doubtful. He got along with people, as far as I recall. Probably because he distanced himself from anyone he disagreed with. Couldn’t distance himself from me like that, though. Had to full-on kick me out. Wouldn’t be surprised if he left me out of the will entirely.” Or maybe he left me a pile of cow s**t, just to spite me. I don’t want anything of his anyway. I’ve made a far better life for myself here than I could have ever had under his roof.

Daniel slid his arm tightly around Cole and nuzzled his head against Cole’s shoulder. “Okay, then that’s that decision made,” he said with a stifled yawn. “No funeral.”

Strangely, that wasn’t what Cole wanted to hear. Did I hope he would talk me into it? Cole thought about what Daniel said the night before. His dad had been a son of a b***h, and Owen was most likely following in his jerkish footsteps, but his other siblings weren’t awful. Plus he had new family members he had never truly met. Their only impression of him would be that he was either so angry or so scared that he couldn’t bring himself to be with his brothers and sister during this hard time.

“Actually,” Cole said, “I want to go. Not for the funeral, exactly, but…to see everyone. And…um…” He rubbed his hand on Daniel’s arm. His exposed skin was cool compared to the warmth of Cole’s palm. “Would you want to go with me? Texas is pretty in some places. You could get some nice photos, vary up your portfolio or whatever.” I don’t think I’d have the strength to face them without you. I want to show you off and say, “See? Why wouldn’t I be gay when there are men like this in the world?” Being there alone…all I’d want to do is be back in this bed with you.

The muscles on Daniel’s cheek flexed in a smile as he snuggled Cole harder. “Well, it’s been six years. ‘Bout time I met the family.” Daniel yawned. “You sure that’s what you want?”

Cole yawned reflexively. “I’d want someone there who likes me.”

“C’mon, your sister likes you.”

“I mean one who actually knows me. I might have only met you ‘bout seven years ago, but the last time Evelyn and I hung out as siblings was almost two decades ago.” Cole paused. “s**t, I’m old.”

“I’m two years older than you,” Daniel said. “What does that make me?”

“Well, you haven’t hit forty yet, but I think by gay standards you’re over the hill anyway.”

Daniel groaned. “Does that mean I have to start wearing an ascot and sit at a bar sipping fruity drinks while I watch all the LGBT youths having way more fun than I did at that age?”

“It’d be a hell of a commute. The Hitchin’ Post doesn’t serve anything like that, and the gay scene’s too slim ‘round here.”

“Speaking of commute, though, if we’re going to Texas this weekend, we’d better hurry up and buy tickets.”

Cole rolled over to better look Daniel in the eyes. “So you’ll go?”

Daniel grinned. “I’m excited for the tour of your hometown. I want to see both crossroads and the old windmill.”

Cole chuckled. “You’re joking, but that’s actually a pretty accurate description.” He sighed, then leaned forward to plant a soft kiss on Daniel’s lips. “I love you.”

Daniel ran his fingers through the dark hair on Cole’s cheek. His touch sent tingles through Cole’s head, and his smile made Cole’s heart glow. “I love you, too.”