Rock Me

Chapter Four

Wit:

Logan was on his fifth bottle of water, complaining every five seconds because he had to pee again.

"I haven't seen him drink that much water since high school." Toby laughed. He was right. I don't know what Sophia had given him in that little bottle, but whatever it was had kept him from taking a single drink since this morning, and because Sophia was making one of us follow him to the bathroom each time he went, we all knew he hadn't snuck in there to get high either. He was irritable as h.e.l.l, but he was still sober so far, and that alone was a victory.

I couldn't help but steal glances at Sophia. She had been quiet the entire ride, reading an ebook on the little tablet thingy she had clutched in both hands. She was chewing her lip off at whatever she was reading as if immersed in an exciting war or a battle to the death.

She is beautiful.

She has consistently captivated and taken me by surprise, and I have always regretted not telling her how I felt about her.

"I'm taking a nap," Logan growled when Weston flopped back in his chair.

"He's mad 'cause I saw his pee thing." Weston chuckled.

"Am not!" Logan roared, jumping from his seat and taking Weston in a headlock. I quickly tried to break up before he hurt Weston's elbow anymore.

"They have been bathing you. They have washed your pee thing. Stop being a baby." Sophia said, never taking her eyes off the book she was reading.

"Whatever, I'm going to lay down." I knew what he was doing, though; he was going to get high; he wanted to drown out the ghosts that haunted him. He had been sober just long enough for his reality to kick in, and he didn't like it.

"Eh, no," Sophia said, stopping Logan in his tracks.

"What now?" He growled.

"Time for another." She said, finally breaking away from the tablet to go to the fridge and pull out another bottle like the one this morning.

"No! It tastes bad." Logan stubbed up.

"Lo, please. Your symptoms are coming back again. Just drink another and then lay down on the couch across from me so I can keep an eye on you." She put her hand on his arm, trying to pull him closer to her.

"Sophia, I am not a child and don't need a f.uc.k.i.ng babysitter." The gasp she let out when he gripped her wrist to push her away had Toby and I both on our feet and in his face in a second flat.

"Get ahold of yourself, Logan. You can beat the sh.i.t out of us, sure. But Wit and I won't stand by and watch you get rough with Sophia. I will stomp a mud hole in your a.s.s before I put up with it. Show her some respect." Toby roared, ripping Logan's hand off Sophia's, but she only stepped in between them, her eyes locked on Logan.

"Lo, please. You're all I have left." I watched his anger fade at the sight of her tears.

"Don't cry, Soph. I'm sorry. I don't—I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again."

"Withdrawal is hard. Please, just drink it. It'll make the anger and pain go away. Trust me." She sniffled, wrapping her arms around Logan in a tight hug.

I had no idea how she knew what he was going through or how she knew how to make that drink, but I prayed she hadn't gone through what he had. I just couldn't see her being in the shape he was in.

Much to our surprise, Logan not only drank the bottle until it was empty, but he lay on the couch without complaint and fell asleep without another word.

Toby and I were still upset, though, and Logan's red mark on her arm didn't do anything to soothe that anger. He and I sat brooding and hateful for the rest of the afternoon, both of us staring at her as she read.

"I'm hungry." I finally broke the silence. "It's the first night on tour. Do you guys know what that means?" I rubbed my hands together excitedly, knowing what dinner we were having tonight, while the lovely Sophia just looked up at me, confused.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm going." Toby rumbled, walking toward the kitchen.

"What does that mean?" Sophia asked.

"It means these slackers on the bus need to learn to cook," Toby replied without looking away from the cabinets.

"No, it means Toby is just an excellent cook," I replied.

"Toby, can it be everything burger night?" Logan asked sleepily, making Toby look at me. He was hungry, and I couldn't believe that,

for once, we weren't having to force food into him.

"Everything burgers it is," Toby said quickly.

Sophia:

I let myself sink deeply into the words painting the screen of my paperwhite. Reading was the closest thing I could get to music when music couldn't be my release anymore. Lester and Sean may not even know the full extent of my musical abilities, but in all honesty, it is better that way. Aside from the obvious, one of my minor fears of being here with the band again is being around music. I stopped following bands I loved a long time ago and stopped searching for new music like feign after a fix. No… it was just one less distraction I needed.

"Sophia." Toby's voice pulled me from my pity party. Still, I was more than a little reluctant to look into the eyes he was piercing me with.

"Hm?" I asked without finding the courage to look up from the book I had long lost my place in.

"I made you a burger." He sounded so grouchy.

"I'm not hungry. Thanks," I replied, still unable to look at him. I hated how eager I was to take slow, deep lungfuls of him. I hated how it felt to smell him again, how it made my body react, how my heart reacted.

"Eat, Sophia." He repeated. The way his voice sounded this time sparked something violent in me when he placed the plate on the table next to me.

"Toby." I snapped, becoming infuriated when he barely turned to acknowledge my anger.

"I'm not that same insecure teenager anymore. When I tell you I am not hungry, it is because I am not hungry or starving myself. I am not hungry." He kept walking, leaving the plate next to me.

How can I feel wrong for defending the strides I had made with my mental and physical health over the last three years? I had worked so hard to say, "I'm not hungry." it meant exactly what I was saying. I wouldn't let anyone take that from me. I am finally in a healthy spot; they need to see and understand that. They need to trust my judgment if I am going to be here.

I kept pretending to read. The ability I had to focus was long gone, but this felt easier. Being a fly on the wall of their settled lives felt easier than accepting that my son wasn't at my side.

When Toby returned to the room, his scowl returned with him.

He sat across from me, playing his guitar, peering at me from over the neck of the graphite black Les Paul. The sounds of the strings sent shivers through my arms; I could almost feel the way the strings of my cello burned the tips of my fingers after practicing. It was a feeling I quickly rubbed off on the denim of my jeans. That version of me was long dead, and I would do well to remember that, but it was hard when the fingers that strummed the melodies that lulled me to sleep every night in high school were strumming in the same room with me after three years.

However, something changed about how he played; it was rougher and angrier than before. I couldn't help but wonder if I had something to do with how he changed his playing… Another thing I wouldn't let myself focus on.

"What is that?" Logan asked with the first light of excitement I had seen flash in the eyes, which were perfect copies of our mother's. His head was nodding along with the tune.

I tried to ignore it, the ways I would change it, the way it made me feel to see Logan show the excitement for the same music he and I heard in our cramped-up heads, the same music that I forced myself to swallow, to confine in a small box in my chest.

"Just something I thought of," Toby answered without ever pulling his gaze from me.

"Keep playing." Wit jumped from the booth, shoveling the last bite of his burger into his mouth as he snatched his bass from where he had sat. Weston started tapping the table. The beat made a tune rush my system, giving me a high I had long forgotten I could get.

Toby parted his pink lips, the haunting thrill of his voice stoking the fire I was trying so hard to smother out.

"In the silence of the night, under the weeping willow tree,

The sky whispers secrets in shades of grey, I see.

Droplets tap the window, a rhythm slow and deep,

The world fades to soft focus as shadows start to creep."

He sang, and they followed, adding to the melody, free-flowing through the walls of their tour bus. I just sat here with my own words blistering my tongue.

When the words faded, they all stopped. They lost the string of creative rhythm, leading them to write a new song.

"What's next?" Weston's golden retriever energy made me smile. It was refreshing to see someone take everything so unserious.

"I don't know. It just came to me when I sat down. Let's play it again. Maybe we can just take off like before." Toby started playing again. This time, they took their time, like they were dissecting each part of the dark melody. Only this time, I hummed along, something I regretted the moment they got to the same place as last time and stopped again, and I just kept singing.

"I love it when it rains, it washes all the pain,

The echoes of the storm they sing a sweet refrain.

I love it when it rains; the world's a canvas plain,

In every falling drop, I find my peace again."

"SOPHIA! Let's go!" Weston laughed, making me realize I hadn't done that in my head; I had done it out loud, and now my body was shaking softly with adrenaline and the release of emotion.

With a smile that lit the room, Toby found the words he was searching for.

"The pavement shines like silver under the moon's soft glow,

Each puddle holds a story of the places we don't know.

The thunder rolls like drumbeats from the heart of the sky,

It's the lullaby of the earth as the night goes by."

This time, they all sang the chorus I had created.

"I love it when it rains, it washes all the pain,

The echoes of the storm they sing a sweet refrain.

I love it when it rains; the world's a canvas plain,

In every falling drop, I find my peace again."

Hearing them all sing it unhinged me. It was like everything I had closed off for so long to provide for Elias came crashing through me in the form of words.

"And in the quiet after, when the storm has passed,

The air feels fresh and new in the calm that's been cast.

The rain's a gentle touch, a promise that remains,

A reminder of renewal in life's ever-changing lanes."

This time, there was no hesitation as Toby finished the outro.

"So let it pour, let it fall, let the rain come down,

In its melody, I'm lost, and then I'm found.

I love it when it rains. In the chaos, I'm unchained,

With every drop that falls, I'm whole again."

I had moved from my potato slump on the couch sometime during the bridge, scooting to the edge of my seat in excitement.

When I realized the song was over, I broke eye contact with Toby, looking at everyone in the room who was just as stunned as me.

"That, that right there, that was the birth of a bestseller!" Weston laughed excitedly, painting his pale features as he gripped his elbow.

I cleared my throat and sat back, still shaking in the aftermath of my adrenaline rush.

"I had no idea you could sing, Sophia," Logan said with a smile. His complexion had fallen gray on the sickness attacking his stomach, the way the sweat beaded on his forehead gave me a reason to not say anything about yet another secret I shared with only Elias.

"Lo, you're gonna puke," I said just in time for him to gag on the adrenaline masking his withdrawal.

It was going to be a long first night.