The Fortress Island Series 2: Romano, Can't We Try

TWELVE: CALL

Ilang sandali ang lumipas habang nakatitig lamang ako sa kanya. Hindi naman siguro ako nabibingi? O sadyang mali lang siguro ang pagkakaintindi ko sa mga salitang namutawi sa kanyang mga labi.

Nakatitig lang din sa akin ang lalake at tila naghihintay sa aking magiging reaksiyon. Ilang sandali lamang ay tumawa ito.

Tumayo ito at naglakad patungo sa akin. My eyes were glued at him. Napaatras ako ng bahagya pero nabatid kong pader na pala ang nasa aking likuran. My back was pressed against the wall.

Nang tumapat si Romano sa aking harap, tinupi nito ang mga tuhod upang magpantay ang aming mga mukha. Romano placed his hand on my head, ruffling my hair. His face was too close from mine, but I couldn’t find the strength to push him.

“Your confused look is so adorable, grandma.”

“Binibiro mo lang ba ako?”

He grinned at me, to the point na halos mag-isang linya ang kanyang mga mata. “Oo na hindi.”

“Huh?”

“Hmmm….” Tinitigan niya akong mabuti na tila ba may nagtatalo sa kanyang kalooban. Bahagya itong umiling. “I was just kidding. Hindi ka na mabiro.” Sinabayan niya iyon ng tawa.

My eyes wandered across his face. Why does it hurt so much to look at him like this? Dahil sa kabila ng mga ngiting pinapakita niya sa akin ngayon, bakit ang lungkot-lungkot ng kanyang mga mata? Bakit pakiramdam ko’y kagagaling lang nito sa pag-iyak?

Wala sa loob na inangat ko ang aking palad. I cupped his cheek and Romano instantly stiffened. Pero saglit lang iyon dahil ipinikit nito ang mga mata at mas lalo pang tinagilid ang ulo para mas madama ko ang kanyang pisngi. Kasabay niyon ang pagtatagis ng kanyang mga bagang. I felt him tremble with my touch.

“Why are you so sad, Romano?” Bulong na tanong ko.

“I’m not sad.” He whispered back though his voice was full of agony. He kept leaning his head against my palm as he was melting. He looked so vulnerable.

“But you are. Do you miss them? I mean, yung dalawang tao na tinutukoy mo na nawala sa’yo?”

He sighed. “I don’t want to talk about them. Forget what I said.”

“Alam kong hindi ka seryoso. Kung mahalaga sa’yo ang dalawang tao na yun, bakit mo sila papatayin, di ba? Hindi ka mamamatay-tao. I mean, alam kong wala kang kakayahang manakit ng kapwa, Romano, ang pumatay pa kaya?”

Romano opened his eyes and stared back at me. Kung kanina ay tila malungkot ito, ngayon ay parang may galit sa kanyang mga titig. Marahas na pinalis nito ang aking palad mula sa pagkakadantay sa kanyang pisngi. Umayos ito ng tayo.

“Don’t patronize me, Mira. If you think you know me, think again. I don’t even know if you can handle my truth. Pero hindi tayo aabot sa puntong iyan dahil hindi ko hahayaan. Hindi ka ganoon kahalaga para ipaalam ko sa’yo ang lahat-lahat ng tungkol sa akin. Stay in your damn line and don’t you even think of crossing it.”

Natulala ako. Hindi ko inaasahang magagalit ito sa sinabi ko. I was just trying to console him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you or to impose something on you. Pakiramdam ko lang kasi ay kailangan mo ng makaka-usap. I was just being friendly.” Lumunok ako at hindi ininda ang gumuhit na sakit sa aking lalamunan. Kumagat-labi ako ay napayuko. Hindi ko kayang salubungin ang galit sa kanyang mga titig. Hindi naman masama ang aking intensiyon. Wala sa loob na kinusot ko ang laylayan ng aking long sleeve shirt.

“Stop that.”

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya. Ang mga mata ko’y nagtatanong.

“I said stop doing that!”

Napaigik ako sa pagsuntok nito sa pader. Sinundan ng mga mata ko ang kanyang braso ng halos mahagip ang gilid ng aking pisngi.

“Hindi…. hindi ko alam kung ano ang tinutukoy mo….” Nanginig na sambit ko. I was starting to get terrified.

“Stop fiddling with the hem of your shirt, Mira.” Matigas na sabi nito. His jaw locked and I swear I could hear the gritting sound of his teeth. Tila ay nagtitimpi itong sumabog. Anong problema nito?

Agad kong binitawan ang laglayan ang aking damit. Nanatili akong nakayuko kasabay ng pagkagat sa aking labi. Hindi ko alam bakit bigla itong nagagalit? Ano at saan ako nagkamali?

I gasped when Romano gripped my chin and tipped my head back. I had no choice but to look straight into his fiery eyes.

“You remind me of someone from the past. Both of you have the same color of eyes. Pareho din kayo ng mannerism na kapag kinakabahan o natatakot ay laging pinagdidiskitahan ang laylayan ng damit. I hate how I feel so familiar and comfortable with you as if I’ve known you a long time ago. But she’s dead. She’s not you. You don’t have her face. But I don’t understand. You are different from each other, yet so alike. And why do I feel…..fuck!”

Romano moved away from me. Tumalikod ito sa akin. He frustratingly combed his hair with his fingers.

“I shouldn’t have hired you. Pero nandito ka na. I guess I just have to endure and live through my nightmares.” He spoke calmly at pagkatapos ay naglakad papalayo sa akin. “I’m heading out. Eat your lunch. I won’t be coming home until tomorrow. Don’t wait for me.”

Hindi ako umimik at nanatiling napako sa aking kinatatayuan. Sumakit ang dibdib ko sa aking narinig. I was hurt. His words were like a knife stabbing my heart. What the hell had just happen? Hindi ko halos masundan ang mga pangyayari. Kanina lang ay tinatanaw ko pa ito habang nagpi-play ng piano tapos ngayon ay umalis itong galit sa akin.

I looked up to the ceiling to stop my tears from falling. Romano has a complex personality. Akala ko ay magiging madali lang ang lahat pero ngayon ko napagbatid na maling mali ako sa aking akala.

When I thought I succeeded from keeping my tears at bay, nanghihinang dumiretso ako sa dining area. Pero agad ding nag-uunahan sa pagpatak ang aking mga luha nang makita ang mga pagkaing nakahain sa mesa. Hindi pa iyon nagagalaw at malinis pa ang kanyang plato. Kung ganun ay talagang balak nitong hintayin ako para sabay na dapat kaming magtanghalian.

Sa gilid ng aking plato ay may mga tableta na nakalagay sa maliit na kahon.

I sighed as I wiped my tears away. Umiling ako. Okay lang kahit masaktan ako sa mga sinabi niya. Hindi ako magtatanim ng hinanakit laban dito. Masyadong malaki ang utang na loob ko kay Romano. He saved me, on

“I forgive you, Romano. I will always forgive you.”

Romano’s POV

“How’s life in the city?”

Nilingon ko ang aking nakakatandang kapatid. Sa mahabang mesa ay kaming dalawa ang naiwan. Our mother went to the washroom with Bea. Si Papa naman ay lumabas upang sagutin ang tawag sa kanyang cellphone.

Nagkibit-balikat ako sa tanong ni Alejandro. “There’s nothing special about my life, big bro. At ang ciudad ay ciudad pa rin naman. Imposible na atang gawing probinsiya.” Humalakhak ako. I took a sip from my wine.

“I’m sorry.”

Muntik na akong masamid. Hindi ko inaasahan na marinig ko iyon sa kanya. Alejandro has been known as someone who doesn’t apologize easily. And if he does, maybe because he knows you deserve it. He’s way more complex than me.

“Why are you saying sorry to me? Wala ata akong matandaan na may mali kang nagawa sa akin.” Halos magsalubong ang kilay ko.

Alejandro’s eyes remained on the table. “I’m sorry kung hindi mo na nae-enjoy ang buhay mo, Romano. Kung hindi ako naaksidente, hindi sana makakadagdag sa suliranin mo ang kompanya. Alam kong hindi magiging madali ang lahat pero umaasa akong sana ay matutunan mo ang pamamalakad sa kompanya. Malaki ang tiwala ko sa’yo.”

I scoffed. “That’s a load of bull, Alejandro. Are you really going to give it up just like that? You spent half of your life building the company. It wonderfully prospered when you finally took over. You worked hard for it. You earned it. I’m not going to take over your position because it’s impossible. I told you, I am not born to be a businessman.”

“But Dad said some of your prepositions and business proposals were quite good.”

“Tss. Most of them were thrown in the rubbish bin.” Lumabi ako.

He sighed. “Thank you.”

“Para saan na naman.” Angal ko. that was so cringeworthy. What is wrong with my brother? He is he allowing his soft side to emerge? He wasn’t like this before.”

“Because even though you’re not cut out for an office job, I know you’re giving your best. May isang bagay sana akong hihilingin sa’yo.”

I c****d my eyebrow at him. Gusto kong tumawa. Ang laki ng pinagbago ni Alejandro. Kahit hindi pa ito naaksidente ay bibihira itong humingi ng pabor sa akin. In fact, we don’t usually talk that much. Like I said, hindi kami malapit sa isa’t isa at bihira lang din kung magkita. Madalas ay nagtatagal ito sa ibang bansa. Tuwing may okasyon lang katulad ng kaarawan ni Mama o ni Papa kami nagkakasama.

“Ano yun?”

Humugot ito ng hininga at ginawaran ako ng tipid na ngiti. “Don’t give up your passion in creating wonderful music, Romano. If Dad and Mum asked you to give up your career, please don’t. I believe in your talent. Noon pa mang maliliit tayo, I envied you for having that kind of gift na wala ako. Hindi ko man madalas ito sabihin, but I’m always proud of you.”

“What the f**k, dude!” My eyes became misty. Tumayo ako at tumalikod, para hindi nito makita ang pag-iinit ng aking mga mata. “You’re so random, Alejandro. Kung ano-anong pinagsasabi mo.” I used my thumb to wipe the unshed tears at muli itong humarap na ngiting-ngiti sa akin.

“Look at you!” I pointed at him. “Kailan ka pa natutong ngumiti ng ganyan? Ikaw ba talaga ang kuya ko? May milagro bang nagaganap dito?”

He chuckled. “I do believe in miracles though.”

“What the f**k!” I hollered; my laughs echoed at the corners of our huge dining hall. Damn. It felt too good to laugh like this.

“What’s so funny, boys?” Dad emerged to the hall. Palipat-lipat ang tingin nito sa aming dalawa ni Alejandro.

“Pa, I think Alejandro is sick. There’s something going on with him. O baka naman…..” Tumitig ako sa aking nakakatandang kapatid. My mouth fell open. Holy s**t. Is he really in love with Bea?

“What?” Nagkibit-balikat ito.

Lumapit ako sa kanya at tinapik ang kanyang balikat. “Congrats, bro. You just proved to me that you’re indeed a human with a heart.” I smirked.

He rolled his eyes on me. “Stay away from her.”

“I see you, Mr. Territorial.”

Our father cleared his throat. “Uhm. Excuse me? Can someone fill me in what’s up with you two?”

Sabay kaming umiling ni Alejandro at pagkatapos ay nagkatinginan kami. The room was filled with our laughter.

*********

“Damn girl, you've got some talent in your veins. I am very much impressed.” I commented as we entered Alejandro’s pad. We found her singing at the balcony while strumming the guitar my brother requested.

“Thank you.” She shyly replied.

Ininguso ko ang gitara. “You really deserve that guitar. Sa sunod kong bisita dito, I will buy you a limited edition one.”

In my peripheral view, I saw my brother tense. He scrunched his nose.

“I can buy her plenty of limited editions from around the globe. Keep the offer to yourself, thank you.” Annoyance could be felt in his voice. I pressed my lips together. I wanted to grin so bad. I’d never thought this day would come when I could actually tease my big brother who was known for being dispassionate and uncaring.

I chuckled lightly. “Kanina pa yan naiinis, Bea. He'd been patiently waiting for you. Nagalit tuloy siya kay Mama kasi hindi nito sinabi na nauna ka na pala dito sa pad. Kung nakakalakad lang ‘to, tinakbuhan na kami.”

Alejandro made a tsk sound. Bea and I grinned. There was something in the way she looked at him. I looked away.

Something squeezed my heart when I saw how Bea look at my brother. My Maya used to look at me that way, too. Her beautiful grey eyes would shine and glittered every time she threw a glance at me. She didn’t know how much it meant to me. It was at those stolen moments that I knew she was the missing piece of my life.

“Bababa na ako. Please take care of my brother, Bea. Pakalmahin mo." Pang-aasar pa nito at tinapik ang balikat ng nakakatandang kapatid.

“Bababa na ako. Please take care of my brother, Bea. Pakalmahin mo.” Pang-aasar ko pa kasabay ng pagtatapik ko sa balikat ng aking nakakatandang kapatid.

“Thank you, Romano. Sorry wala akong merch mo, ha. Nag-iipon pa kasi ako.”

I smiled. Just look at how pure this woman is. Her personality screams innocence. Just like my grandma. Natigilan ako. I hurt her with my words this afternoon. I didn’t know what’s gotten into me. I just didn’t like how my heart beats when she’s nearby. Those fluttery feelings are exclusive for Maya alone. Hindi ko dapat maramdaman ito sa kanya. At isa pa kaya ako naiinis, hindi rin mawaglit sa aking isipan ang babae sa pub house na iyon. What we had that was special. Nagtatalo ang isipan ko. I wanted to see her again, but I knew it would only complicate things.

I shook my head and focused my attention to the two in denial couple in front of me.

“Don't worry baby, I'll send you loads of merch soon.” I said in a teasing voice.

“Can you just please leave now! Flirt!” Alejandro huffed at inangat ang tingin sa akin. His glaring eyes made me laugh boisterously.

“Fine, fine. Good night, the two of you.” I waved and walked away from them.

When I reached the ground floor of the castle, I decided to have a stroll along the beach. I removed my shoes and put them aside.

Pumikit ako at dinamdam ang buhangin sa aking paa. Banayad na hinahampas ng hanging dagat ang aking balat at buhok. Matagal-tagal na rin buhat ng magawi ako sa pribadong panig na ito ng isla.

Coming back to the island brought so many memories of her. Kahit ba isang beses ko lang ito naaya sa isla, pero ang mga sandaling iyon ang isa sa mga pinakamaligayang sandali ng buhay ko.

At seventeen, I knew I was tremendously in love with her. At kahit kinse anyos pa lang ito ay ramdam ko rin na iniibig ako ni Maya. We were so young back then, full of life, full of spirit and full of love. Funny as it may seemed, but it was a whirlwind romance for us.

Tiningala ko ang madilim na langit.

“Are you one of those stars, my dearest? Are you looking down upon me? Are you laughing at my miserable self now? Siguro ay iniisip mong deserve ko ang lahat ng kalungkutang ito. Tama ka. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you and to your father. Habang buhay kong paparusuhan ang sarili ko. I will grow old alone, Maya. Remember what I whispered to you when you took your last breath in my arms? I vowed to love you forever. I will never love any girl the same way I had loved you, baby. That’s a promise I will forever keep.”

I picked up an empty shell and threw it to the ocean. Mapait akong ngumiti. I was like that shell, empty and has no control wherever it goes. Just allowing the wind, waves and nature take its course.

Tinalunton ko ang dalampasigan pabalik sa kastilyo. Hindi ko alam bakit bigla na lamang pumasok sa balintataw ko ang anyo ni Mira. I sighed as I fished my phone from the front pocket of my jeans.

Tulog na kaya ito? Malapit nang maghating-gabi. I’d give it a try. I felt sorry for what I said to her this afternoon. I was in my foul mood and I couldn’t get out of it.

“Romano?” Her throaty voice filled my ear.

Napalunok ako. “Why are you still awake?”

“Uhm. Matutulog agad ako kapag natapos ko na ang palabas.”

“Did you take the medicine I left on the table?”

“Yes.” She took a breath. “Thank you.”

My hair prickled. Why was her voice sound so familiar?

“Sige na. Malalim na ang gabi. Matulog ka na, Mira.”

She didn’t answer. I heard her coughs instead.

“Are you okay?” This woman. Palagi na lang akong pinag-aalala!

“Just a slight fever.”

I sighed as I planted my fist on my waist. “Did you take paracetamol?”

“Oo. Sinat lang ito, Romano. Lilipas din ‘to. Nagtulog na ako buong maghapon. Nagpapaantok lang ulit ako.”

Naihilamos ko ang palad sa aking mukha. “Okay. Matulog ka na. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Gusto ko sanang humingi ng tawad sa mga nasabi ko sa kanya kaninang tanghali. Pero mas mainam siguro na personal ko na lamang banggitin sa kanya.

“Uhm. Romano? Are you…uhm… never mind...”

“Ano yun? Sabihin mo na.”

“Are you with…. someone else?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Why is she asking me like that? Nabanggit ko naman sa kanya na dito ako sa isla magpapalipas ng gabi.

I cleared my throat. “Yes.” I had dinner with my family and Bea. She’s someone else, yeah?

“Okay. Don’t forget to use condom.”

Mira suddenly ended the call. What the actual f**k? Did she drop the call like that? I was glaring at my phone and had the urge to throw it to the sea. Why does she sound so upset? And what’s with her advice about using condom? May idea siya about sa bagay na iyon?

“Aissht. That stupid grandma. How could she think of me that way?”

I was planning to stay the night in the island, but something didn’t set right with me. I’d rather fly back to the city. Now.

**********

It’s twenty minutes past one o’clock in the morning. Mula dito sa foyer ay rinig ko ang tunog ng nakabukas na telebisyon. I shook my head disbelievingly.

I found her sleeping form in the sofa again. Balot na balot ito. Hindi nakabukas ang aircon pero ganunpaman ay pumapasok ang malamig na simoy ng hangin mula sa mga bintana.

Sinalat ko ang kanyang noo. Medyo mainit nga ito. Malakas ang pakiramdam kong magkakasakit ito dahil nga sa nararamdamang pamamalat mula sa kanyang paggising. Mabuti na lamang talaga at ginayak ko na rin pati ang paracetamol bago ko iyon iwan sa mesa.

Dumiretso ako sa aking kwarto upang makaligo at makapagpalit ng damit. Siguro ay sampung minuto lang ang ginugol ko para doon. I went back to the living room. Ang comforter na kanina ay halos tumalukbong sa kanya ay nahulog na sa sahig. She shifted her position, and her back was now facing me.

I sighed for the ninth time. Walang pag-alinlangang pinangko ko ulit ito upang ilipat sa kanyang silid.

Nang maibaba sa kanyang kama, she stirred. Her eyes were half-closed when she called my name.

“Romano?”

“Hmm. Go back to sleep, grandma.” Sagot ko. Umugol lamang ito. Gusto kong ngumiti. Alam kong marami sana itong itatanong katulad ng kung ano ang ginagawa ko dito sa bahay sa ganitong oras pero dahil siguro sa medisina kaya wala itong kalakas-lakas.

Hinila ko pataas ang kanyang comforter. Umikot ako sa kabilang gilid at humiga doon. Even her eyes were closed, I knew she’s awake. Nang maramdaman siguro nito ang paglundo ng kama, she forcefully opened her eyes to gawk at me.

“What are you doing?”

“May lagnat ka. Hindi ako mapanatag kung iiwan kitang mag-isa dito sa kwarto. I will sleep here at kung may masakit sa’yo o kung giniginaw ko, just wake me up, okay? Don’t worry, wala akong gagawing masama sa’yo. You’re undesirable, remember?” I chuckled.

Mira contorted her face in protest. “Sleep somewhere else, Romano. O di kaya ay dun ka sa kwarto mo. Okay lang talaga ako.”

“Not happening.” Kung matigas ang ulo niya, mas lalo na ako. I knew there were spare pillows in one of the cabinets kaya kinuha ko ang mga iyon.

I placed two pillows between us. “This will be our barricade, grandma.” I said to her.

“Romano!” Her pleading voice was music to my ears.

“What? I’m being a gentleman here. Give this man a little credit, will ya?”

“Romano, hindi sa ganun.” She shifted and was now lying on her side facing me. Her worried look made me laugh.

“I’m not going to touch you, babe. It’s the greatest sin on earth!”

She sighed in resignation. “It’s not like that. The barricade is useless.”

Humiga ako paharap sa kanya. “At bakit naman daw?”

She pouted a little. “Magagalit ka na naman sa akin, e.”

I rolled my eyes. “Inaantok na ako, Mira. I’m not up for your petty excuses. Fire away, babe.”

She rubbed her fingers against the linen. When my eyes squinted into slits, tumigil ito at tinago ang mga kamay sa ilalim ng comforter.

She heaved a sigh. “I have another mannerism.”

Sweet Jesus.

I nodded. “Sige lang. Ako ang mag-a-adjust. Palagi naman di ba.”

She snarled at me. “My cousin, Krizette. We used to sleep in one bed before and I got used to hugging her before I could go to sleep. Tingin ko’y kapag tatabi ka sa pagtulog ko ay baka yakapin…..”

Hindi ko na pinatapos pa ito sa pagsasalita. I pulled her close to me and guided her head to rest against my chest. Mira instantly placed her arm over my stomach. I smiled a little.

“Now, pwede na tayong matulog, babe?”

She bit her lip and nodded gingerly. She sniffed. “You smelled so good, Romano.”

I chuckled. “Are you just going to spend the rest of the night sniffing the soul out of me?”

She pouted a little and gently moved her head to the crook of my neck. “Good night, Romano.” She murmured.

Ilang minuto lang ang lumipas ay payapa na ang tulog nito. I placed my arm above my forehead and stared at the ceiling.

This…. this felt so damn right.

I leaned down to kiss her forehead. “Good night, babe.” I whispered softly as sleep finally consumed me.