The Fortress Island Series 2: Romano, Can't We Try

THIRTEEN: PAIN IN MY HEART

“Mira, I would like you to meet Romano’s staffs. Sila ang palagi mong makakasama mula ngayon. I believe you have already met Mitch. Romano brought you to his salon. Obviously, he’s his hair and make-up artist. Beside him is our beautiful Jia.” The chubby woman winked at him. Matt chuckled lightly at nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita. “Siya naman ang fashion stylist ng alaga natin.” Nakangiting sambit sa akin ni Matt. “Ah, of course, the two men in dark suits outside the door are his personal bodyguards. They are twins.”

Tumango ako at pilit na tinatandaan ang mga sinabi ni Matt. Today was my first official day as Romano’s personal assistant. Sobrang kabado ko ngayong araw. Nandito kasi kami sa isang kilalang TV station ng bansa. May guesting ang lalake sa isang sikat na talk show.

Kahapon ay buong araw nagkulong sa kanyang studio si Romano. We were both awkward with each other. He slept in my room the other night at alam ko namang wala itong ginawang masama sa akin.

Gusto kong kastiguhin ang sarili ko dahil late na naman ako nagising kahapon. Kaya sa pagmulat ko ay hindi ko na ito nagisnan pa. Sabay kaming nag-almusal pero nagpasabi na agad ito na huwag distorbohin at kung may gusto man akong sabihing mahalaga sa kanya ay i-text ko nalang daw siya.

Alam ko na agad na hindi maganda ang timpla ng kanyang araw. Nakasimangot lang kasi ito at laging salubong ang mga kilay. Gusto ko sanang itanong kung may ginawa ba akong mali or worse dahil nakadagan na siguro ako sa kanya kaya hindi ito nakatulog ng mabuti. Tingin ko ay parang ganun na nga ang nangyari. Krizette used to complain how tight I used to hug her in the middle of the night to the point that I almost strangled her. Tiyak akong yun ang dahilan kaya masama ang tingin nito palagi sa akin.

Ngumiti ako sa dalawang tao sa harap ko. Kilala ko na ang isa dahil ito ang nag-ayos ng buhok ko. Ang isang babaeng may katabaan naman ay ngayon ko pa lang nakita.

“Ku—kumusta kayo? A—ako pala si Mirasol pero Mira ang kadalasang tawag ng mga tao sa akin.” Nahihiyang bati ko.

Kinikilabutan ako sa paraan ng tingin nila sa akin. Nag-ayos pa naman ako ngayong araw na ito. My purpose was I didn’t want them to gaze at me as if I was some kind of endangered species.

Sumulyap ako kay Romano na kampanteng nakaupo lang sa sulok habang patipa-tipa lang sa kanyang hawak na cellphone.

Alanganing ngumiti ang dalawa. “Nice to meet you again, Mira.” Ani ni Mitch. Ang malusog na babae naman ay hinagod ang kabuuan ko. Pinanindigan ako ng balahibo. Bakit pakiramdam ko’y binabalatan nila ako ng buhay?

“I didn’t know we have a Philippine version of Betty La Fea.” Umangat ang sulok ng labi ni Jia.

Betty La Fea? Saan ko ba narinig ang pangalang iyon?

 “Saan mo napulot yang kasuotan mo, ineng?” Maasim ang mukha nito habang lumalapit sa kinatatayuan ko. I took a step back. Dahan-dahan itong naglakad paikot sa akin. “The vertical design of your long skirt doesn’t match your polka dot long sleeve blouse. Hindi ako na-inform na New Year pala ngayon at naka pulang polka dots ka.”

Mitch burst out laughing. I also heard Romano’s subtle chuckles. Hindi ko alam kung para sa akin ba iyon o may nakakaaliw lang sa kanyang cellphone. Gusto kong irapan ang lalake pero hindi na lamang dahil sa akin nakatuon ang atensiyon ng lahat. I puffed air into my cheeks as I hung my head low. Alam kong pulang-pula na ang aking mukha sa hiya. Nanliliit ako sa aking sarili. I was aware that these clothes didn’t suit me well, but I still loved them because they were brought by my aunt.

“C’mon. Spare her. She’s not part of your job, Jia. Just focus your meticulous styling on your artist.” Inakbayan ako ni Matt na siyang nagpaangat ng aking tingin. The smile he was giving me was reassuring. I couldn’t help but to smile back at him. He’s always there to save my day. Meanwhile, my so-called hero was there sitting comfortably, seemingly detached from the rest of the world.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Bumukas iyon. Isang babaeng may suot na malaking headphone with mic ang pumasok. “Pinapasabi po ng director na mag-uumpisa daw po ang taping in thirty minutes.” Inikot nito ang tingin sa aming lahat at tumigil ang kanyang titig kay Romano. Matamis na ngumiti ang babae. But Romano didn’t even bother to raise his head for acknowledgement.

It was Matt who answered. “Thanks for informing us. We will be out five minutes before the taping starts.”

“Okay po salamat. Nagpa-cater po pala si Ma’am Sandra. Inaasahan niya po na magpapa-iwan kayo ni Romano for lunch.”

“Yeah. Sure. Thanks.”

“How about us?” Si Jia na agad na pinagkrus ang mga braso.

Nagkamot sa batok ang babae. “Exclusive lang daw po sa mga bisita at managers. Sorry.”

“Never mind.” Kinumpas ni Jia ang kamay sa ere.

Nang makaalis ang babae, parang bulkang sumabog ang dalawang staff ni Romano.

“Kahit kailan talaga ang unfair ng treatment ng industriyang ito. Wala man lang pa-merienda e kanina pa tayo dito sa dressing room.”

“Merong pa-merienda pero para lang sa artist.” Ngisi ni Matt. “At isa pa, para namang hindi n’yo hawak ang credit card ni Romano? You’re free to buy your food any time you want.”

Jia contorted her chubby face. “Sus. Pagkatapos ano? Tatawagan mo kami para mag-complain kung bakit ang laki ng bill ng pagkain namin.”

“Dahil lumagpas kayo sa limitasyon.”

“Malay naming lumagpas pala? Ang sarap kayang kumain lalo na kung pagod mga katawang lupa namin.” Mitch retaliated. He then looked at me. “Mira, nauuhaw ako. May Starbucks sa ground floor, pwedeng pakibili ako ng Frappuccino? Coffee jelly flavor please.”

Jia nodded as she raised her hand. “Dark caramel naman sa akin.”

“Hindi n’yo siya utusan. May mga assistant naman kayo bakit di n’yo kasama?” Sita ni Matt. I felt his arm around my waist. “Don’t mind them, Mira. Wala kang obligasyon sa kanila. Si Romano lang ang pagsisilbihan mo. May mga kanya-kanyang alalay ang mga yan.”

Tumango ako sa kanya. “Okay lang naman—”

Matt clicked his tongue. “It’s not part of your job description. I need to orient you more. Nakalimutan ko rin palang sabihin na ikaw na ang hahawak at mag-ma-manage ng social media accounts ni Romano. After this taping, ipapaalam ko sa’yo ang buong detalye.”

“Salamat, Matt.”

“You’re welcome. Why don’t you take a seat over there.” He pointed a seat next to Romano’s.

Umiling ako. Ayokong lumapit sa lalakeng yan. Mula pa kahapon ay di na ako pinapansin niyan. Ramdam kong iniiwasan niya ako at pag makita niyang I’m just sitting next to his ay mag-iba na naman ang ihip ng hangin.

“Sige lang, mas gusto ko dito.” Tinuro ko ang katabing table na may mga magazine sa ibabaw. I picked one magazine and flipped each page, pretending I was reading something out of it.

Nilapitan naman ni Matt si Romano. “Did you read the scripts, Romano? Alam mo na ang isasagot mo? I already revised and cancelled a few questions that I know you don’t want to be asked.”

Kinumpas ng lalake ang kamay. “I did my homework, Matt. Don’t worry.”

“Who are you texting with? Kanina ka pa diyan sa phone mo. Bakit hindi ang script ang pagtuunan mo ng pansin.”

My body moved of its own accord. Lumapit ako sa kanilang dalawa at tumayo isang metro mula sa kanilang likuran.

Romano tilted his head to meet Matt’s eyes.

“Remember Franco? May pinapahanap ako sa kanya.”

“Sino? You’re looking for that mysterious girl? I still haven’t forgiven you for barging so late in my unit that night para lang pag-usapan ang tungkol sa babaeng yun. Get over it, Romano. Don’t involve yourself with just anyone.”

“I just want to know if she’s okay.”

“Romano.” Kastigo ni Matt at bahagyang yumuko sa lalake para hindi marinig ng lahat ang kanyang sasabihin. “She’s probably on of Mafia’s concubine. Buhay man siya o patay na ngayon ay wala ka ng pakialam dun.”

Romano’s phone vibrated. Lumawak ang ngisi nito nang mabasa ang bagong dating na mensahe.

“Franco replied to me just now. He will summon the girl so we could meet again.” He devilishly grinned.

Lumakas ang singhap ko. Agad kong tinutop ang aking bibig. Natulos ako sa aking kinatatayuan. Bigla akong nanghina at kusa na lamang bumagsak sa sahig ang hawak kong babasahin.

Hindi maaari! Kailangan kong balaan si Krizette!

Sabay na nilingon ako ng dalawang lalake. Salubong ang kilay ni Romano.

“What’s wrong, Mira? You look so pale.”

Umiling ako bilang sagot sa tanong ni Matt. Lumipat ang tingin ko kay Romano na ngayon ay nakatayo na. Inilang hakbang lang nito ang distansiya naming dalawa. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me. Bumangga ang katawan ko sa matigas nitong dibdib. Romano placed the back of his hand against my forehead.

“Are you having a fever again? I did remind you this morning to take your meds, Mira, didn’t I?” Pagalit na tanong nito.

Sa sobrang lapit namin sa isa’t isa, tumama sa aking mukha ang mabango niyang hininga. It was a mixture of sweet and minty. Nanuyo bigla ang aking lalamunan. He was so close I could practically taste him. I shook my head to disregard my unpleasant thoughts. Walang kalakas-lakas na pinalis ko ang kanyang kamay na nakalapat sa aking noo.

“Maayos ang pakiramdam ko, Romano.”

“Then why do you look so pale?”

“Uhm. Migraine.” That was half-truth and half lie. May migraine talaga ako pero hindi ako inaatake sa ngayon. Namumutla ako dahil pakiwari ko’y aatakehin ako sa puso sa lakas ng kabog nito. Pero hindi ko mawari kung dahil ba sa narinig o dahil sa pagkakahawak ng lalake sa akin.

“There’s a clinic here in the station, Mira. I can take you there.”

Umiling ako. “Okay lang talaga ako, Matt. Salamat.”

Alanganing tumango ito. Pinaglipat-lipat nito ang tingin sa aming dalawa. He then excused himself nang tumunog ang kanyang cellphone.

The atmosphere was getting heavier, and so was my breathing. Laking pasalamat ko nang sumabat si Jia.

“Romano, you should start changing now. Ilang minuto nalang ay mag-uumpisa na ang taping.”

Romano hesitated a bit before he heaved a deep sigh. He looked at me intently.

“You’re such…”

“…a handful grandma, I know.” Dugtong ko sa nais niyang sabihin. Sa ilang araw na magkasama kami ni Romano, paunti-unti ko nang nababasa ang kanyang ugali at galaw. And I lost count how many times he would say that statement to me.

He smirked and ruffled my hair. “But you’re still the cutest grandma out there.”

Ngumuso ako. “Even when I look like a clown in these clothes?”

He raked his gaze on me. “You’re the cutest especially in these clothes. Polka dots suit you, babe.” He winked. He came forward and leaned down to whisper just right above my ear.

“Don’t mind Jia. She tends to criticize someone who actually looks good. She knows you nailed that outfit.”

I blushed. Romano stroked my cheek. “Damn you. Don’t blush when there are people around. Hide this cute face behind your glasses, grandma. Don’t show it to anyone. It will make me angry. Your face gave me a sleepless night. You have no idea what I went through.”

My mind was in total chaos. What?

“Huh? What do you mean?”

Instead of answering me, he took a step back and gave me a smug grin. Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa kanya. Was he trying to pull my leg? Was he trying to flirt with me? Or was he just pulling another prank?

“Romano, Armani or YSL? How about this Chanel suit?” Jia stood between us. She was carrying a handful of suits.

“You choose. You’re my stylist for a reason.” Pasupladong sagot ni Romano.

“Problema mo, Romano?” Nilingon ako ni Jia at pasikretong ininguso ang amo niya na ngayon ay umupo na ulit sa dating inupuan.

Nagkibit-balikat ako. Hindi ko rin alam, Jia. Mas mahirap pa si Romano intindihin kaysa sa pinagsama-samang theories ng mathematicians sa buong mundo.

At higit pa riyan ang problema ko. Kailangan kong makausap ang aking pinsan sa mas lalong madaling panahon.

Ilang sandali pa ay bumalik na sa dressing room si Matt. Romano stood up and just like that, he took his shirt off, showing his chiseled chest to everyone.

Tumalikod ito at akmang aabutin ang damit na hawak ni Jia nang matigilan ito.

“Fuck.” He muttered angrily. Mabilis itong humarap sa akin. Madilim ang kanyang anyo. His eyes squinting into slits as he gritted his teeth. Why is he looking at me like that?

“Nakita mo.” Anito. His voice so low but I could feel the darkness in his tone.

I looked at the people around us. Bakas sa kanilang mukha ang pagkabahala. Unti-unting umatras ang mga ito. Sumenyas si Matt sa kanila. Dahan-dahang nagsilabasan ang mga ito sa dressing room.

“Romano, it’s okay.” Si Matt. “It’s Mira. You can’t hide it from her.”

“Shut up, Matt. Get out.”

Kumalabog ng husto ang aking dibdib. He’s so mad. Matt heaved a sigh and patted my shoulder.

“I’ll just be outside the door, Mira. If you need me, just call my name. Although, I trust Romano that he won’t lay a finger on you.” There was a warning in his voice. Nagsukatan ng tingin ang dalawa. Matt gave up first and reluctantly stepped out of the room.

“You f*****g saw it.” Galit na anas nito. “Why did I forget…fuck.” He sounded so frustrated.

Kabado man ay lumapit pa rin ako sa kanya. “A—ang tinutukoy mo ba ay ang sunog na bahagi ng likod mo, Romano? Anong masama kung nakita ko?”

“It’s disgusting! You shouldn’t have seen it!” He snarled. “And why were you not surprised, Mira? Have you seen my back before?”

“Yes. I mean…” Kumagat-labi ako.

“When?”

“Uhm…napadaan ako sa kwarto mo. The door was half-open. Kagagaling mo lang sa shower and you were shirtless that time. Nakatalikod ka sa pintuan and then there…I saw the scars…” I breathed.

Pinagkrus nito ang mga braso. “Really? Why, you surprise me, Mira. Ikaw pa lang ang kauna-unahang babae ang hindi nagtitili nang makita ang hitsura ng likod ko.”

I looked up to him. “Why would I do that?”

“Because they’re far from the perfect Romano, the celebrity, portrays.”

Kumunot ang noo ko kasabay ng pag-iling. “If you think I’d feel disgusted by it, you are wrong. I thought they’re beautiful, Romano.”

The air was caught behind his throat. His mouth fell open. He was caught off-guard by my statement. I took that opportunity and walked around him. Tumigil ako sa kanyang likod.

My eyes wandered across his bare back. I winced in pain. Thinking that he had gone through such tragedy made my heart bleed for him. Gusto ko mang itanong sa kanya kung saan at paano nangyari ito ay alam kong hindi makakabuti. I had a feeling that Romano was trying his best to forget this painful part of his life.

I sighed as I lifted my hand and pressed it so gently against his scars. I felt him tremble. Napapikit ako. Some unknown scenes appeared in my mind. Masyadong maliwanag. Nag-aapoy ang paligid. Mainit. Nakakapaso.

Humikbi ako at sumagap ng hangin. I opened my eyes only to meet Romano’s worried gaze. Hindi ko alam na nakaharap na pala ito sa akin. His hand clasping mine.

“Mira…” He whispered.

A tear escaped my eyes. I felt so connected with him. Siguro dahil halos pareho kami ng pinagdaanan. I wanted to tell him my story, but I, myself, wasn’t ready to open up the past.

“Hindi ko alam bakit nagagalit ka sa akin, Romano. Hindi ko alam bakit kailangan mong ilihim ang parteng ito ng pagkatao mo. I’m not going to ask you what happened because that means I’m stepping on the line. Whatever happened in your past, it’s none of my business or other people’s business. In fact, you have no obligation to explain it to the world. Do you want to know what I’m feeling right now? I’m sad. Because you act like it never happened and yet you let these scars or burned skin define you as a person. You’re nothing like them, Romano. They’re ugly, yes. But they’re not you. I can look past it because it’s just a small part of your body. You’re perfect just the way you are. You’re beautiful as a whole.”

Humakbang ako palayo sa kanya. I talked too much again. Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga. “Washroom lang ako. Don’t worry, I don’t feel pity towards you neither do I feel disgusted about your scars, Romano. You look fine, really.”

Hindi ko na hinintay pang makasagot ito. Nakamaang lamang kasi ito sa akin. I probably shocked him with my words again. Tinampal ko ang aking labi. When did I become so talkative and empathetic towards others?

Sa ilang araw na pagtira ko sa bahay ni Romano, may nabago sa akin. Pakiramdam ko’y unti-unti ko nang naibalik ang Mira na naiwala ko noon dahil sa trahedyang nangyari sa amin ni Papa. Kung sana pati ang mga ala-alang nawala ay bumalik na rin. Pero hindi ko alam kung handa na ba akong harapin ulit ang kahapon.

*********

“Why are we heading to Moon Records again?” Romano asked in an irritable tone. Nasa backseat ito ng sasakyan, his elbow propping on the side of the window.

Ako naman ay nakaupo sa passenger seat katabi si Matt na siyang nagmamaneho. Pasado alas tres na ng hapon. Halos limang oras din kami doon sa station. Hindi na nakakapagtaka na iritable ang lalake.

“Emergency meeting. They’re planning to release a new single. I was told you sent a couple of songs to the management. Hindi ko alam na marami ka na palang natapos na kanta? Who inspired you lately?”

“I just submitted a demo of three songs I recently recorded the other day. And who inspired me lately? Hmmm…Well, myself. I love myself.”

Tawang-tawa si Matt sa sagot ng lalake. “Gago mo, Romano. I think they want to release a new song first bago ang buong album, Romano. So that the fans will have something to look forward to. In fact, they have already released a statement with regards to the new song.”

“Without waiting for my approval? Just great.”

“You’re actually trending in Twitter at the moment. Hashtag RomanoTheBalladeerIsBack. You’re hitting the number one trend, dude.” Matt chuckled as he maneuvered the steering wheel to the right direction.

“The hell I care with the trend.” Romano muttered.

Nilingon ko ang iritadong lalake at agad na nagtama ang aming mata. He raised an eyebrow at me. Suplado. Agad ko rin namang binawi ang aking mga tingin at mas piniling itutok sa unahan.

*********

Pinili kong maupo sa sulok ng conference room. This place was kind of intimidating pero higit lalo na ang mga taong nakaupo sa mahabang mesa na iyon. Matt wanted me to stay and listened to the discussion para daw may idea na ako kung sakaling wala siya sa susunod na meeting.

“So, the board voted for this song titled “Pain in My Heart” as your new single and is set to be released maybe early next month. Are you okay with it, Romano?” Mr. Maceda, the CEO of Moon Records spoke.

“But my schedule is already full for the next two months.”

“Don’t worry, we can adjust some of them or cancel the others.” The other member said.

“This new single will be our main priority. Tamang-tama, it has been almost two years since your last album release. Although all your songs are still selling well at hindi nawawala sa top 100 ng iTunes. Miss ka na rin ng fans mo, Romano. They want a new content from you.”

Romano shrugged his shoulders. “Let’s get this over and done with. I want to go home. I’m tired.”

“Good. Now for your music video. As I listened to the demo, it gives me a melancholic feeling, full of longing and sadness but at the same time it is mysterious. Like, there is no ending or closure. Listeners will have an impression that you’re still yearning for that kind of love that was lost. They will feel empathetic towards you because it seems like you haven’t recovered yet. As if you’re wishing that it was all just a dream. So, If I may suggest, I would like to find you a heroine that has a classic, ethereal beauty. Bagong mukha na hindi kilala ng mga tao. Yung tipong pag-uusapan ng madla. A mysterious kind of beauty would be very fitting to your new music.” The woman who I assumed was a musical director spoke.

“How will we able to find this type of a girl?” Matt asked, finally.

“Hmm…” Halos sabay-sabay silang napasandal sa kani-kanilang upuan.

“I think the only way to find the perfect girl is to have an audition. The Search for the Perfect Mystery Girl. What do you think?” The excitement in the CEO’s voice was evident.

Ako na nakikinig ay nanlaki ang mga mata. Audition?

Romano rose from his seat. “Just let me know the final details. Sa ngayon ay gusto ko nang umuwi. Thank you, everyone.”

“Sure, but Matt, we need you to stay. We need your opinion.” Pigil ng isang member nang akmang tatayo na si Matt.

“I can spare another hour for you.” Bakas ang iritasyon sa boses nito.

“Mira. Let’s go.” Romano crooked his finger, gesturing me to come closer.

Halos mapatalon ako sa pagtawag na iyon ni Romano sa akin. Nilingon ng lahat ng tao ang aking direksiyon. Ngayon lang siguro nag sink-in sa kanila na may ibang tao sa loob ng conference room.

I shuffled my feet and I hastily walked towards the man whose face couldn’t be painted by any painter in the world.

“Wait a second.” The woman got up from her seat and came closer to me.

Napataatras ako at nagtago sa likod ni Romano. Nakakatakot ang paraan ng kanyang mga titig. Her razor-sharp eyes made me flinch.

Wala sa loob na napahawak ako sa likod ni Romano. I fisted my hands on his shirt.

“What do you need from her, Eugene?” Romano hissed.

“I think I found the right girl—”

“NO!” Romano answered in conviction. Kinuha nito ang aking palapulsuhan at basta na lamang akong hinatak ng malakas palabas sa conference room na iyon.

Nasa labas na kami at malayo na sa pintuan nang hinarap ako nito. Tumaas-baba ang kanyang balikat na tila ba nagpipigil itong sumabog sa galit o inis.

“Damn it. You’re not for everyone’s eyes, Mirasol. You’re exclusively mine. Do you understand?”

“I—I don’t understand.”

“Neither do I, babe.”