My Runaway Bride (Tagalog)

Chapter 12

Kim's POV

They broke up even before our wedding. Xian and Armie aren't together, naghiwalay na sila bago pa man kami ikasal.

Napasabunot ako sa sarili kong buhok. How am I supposed to put that in my mind? Xian broke up with Armie not just because of our wedding, may iba pang dahilan. Ano? Ano pa bang dahilan para makipaghiwalay siya?

I sighed as I lay on my stomach, staring blankly at the ceiling. Pakiramdam ko mauubusan ako ng logical reasoning para ipaintindi sa sarili ko na hindi lang ako ang rason ng paghihiwalay nila. Kahit wala na akong maisip pinipilit ko pa rin. Because I have to soothe myself, or else ay hindi ako patutulugin ng konsensya ko.

Paanong ang maayos na relasyon ay masisira ng walang dahilan? Definitely may dahilan kaya nakipaghiwalay si Xian, dahilan na hindi alam ni Armie. And I know it will also be the same reason para mabaliw ako sa kaiisip. Bakit nakipaghiwalay si Xian?

"Argg!" I combed my hair in frustration saka ako nagpagulong-gulong sa kama. This isn't getting any better!

Ilang araw na akong nagkukulong sa kwarto ko dahil wala akong mukhang maihaharap sa mga kaibigan ko. Ako ang dahilan kung bakit nagkakagulo kaming lahat, ako ang dahilan kaya nagkakaroon ng lamat ang pagkakaibigan namin.

I am very much aware na hindi lang si Armie at Xian ang nasisira ko, I am also putting our circle into a destruction God knows I never ever wished to happen. How am I suppose to patch things up? May paraan pa ba para maayos ko ang lahat ng nasira ko?

Kahit hindi nila ako sinisisi, kahit hindi nila sabihin sa akin ng diretsahan. Alam ko, ramdam kong ako ang dapat sisihin. Iyon bang pakiramdam na hindi ka naman sinisisi pero guilty ka dahil sa reyalidad na walang ibang dapat sisihin kung hindi ikaw? Hindi ba't iyon ang pinaka-masakit? Yung ikaw nalang ang sisisi sa sarili mo dahil walang gustong magsalita? It hurts, it pains and it kills me.

A knock on the door brought me back to reality. Agad akong nagtago sa ilalim ng kumot. If it's my mom, alam kong hindi na niya ako guguluhin kung makikita niya ako sa ganitong ayos.

Nakarinig pa ako ng isang katok bago tuluyang bumukas ang pinto.

"Mom I'm okay, I just need rest. I'll get out soon."

I know she would ask me to get out, hindi sila sanay na nandito lang ako sa kwarto at nagkukulong. But I better stay here.

Naramdaman ko ang paglubog ng isang bahagi ng kama ko.

I sighed, "I'm fine, don't worry." I forced a smile.

"How long will you be fine?"

Biglang naglaho ang ngiti sa labi ko nang marinig ko ang boses na 'yon. Hindi rin ako sigurado kung hindi ba niya naramdaman ang pagiging tensed ng katawan ko sa presensya niya.

Bakit siya nandito? Anong ginagawa niya dito? Gusto ko siyang tanungin pero tila umurong ang dila ko. Sa halip ay mas kumapit ako sa ilalim ng kumot.

"Kim."

I bit my lower lip, "What are you doing here?"

"Get out of that sheet and let's talk."

Napapikit ako sa pagiging kalmado ng boses nito. Kung ganito siya lagi makipag-usap sa akin siguro ay mababawasan ang kaba ko. How can he even affect me just by his tone?

Nang hindi ako sumagot ay naramdaman ko na ang paghawak niya sa kumot na tumatakip sa akin. I refused immediately.

"A-ano bang pag-uusapan natin?"

"Don't be stubborn and get out now."

Umiling ako, "We can talk like this."

Sandaling nagkaroon ng katahimikan sa pagitan namin bago ko muling narinig ang boses niya.

"Why are you hiding in this place?"

Hiding? Iniisip niyang nagtatago ako? "I'm not,"

"You are. You are hiding from me."

"How can you say that? I'm not hiding from you!"

"If you're not, then come out now and let's talk."

"We're already talking!"

"Don't be stubborn Kim."

"I'm stubborn Xian, I'm sorry but I already am. Kung ayaw mo sa mga katulad ko, you can just leave me alone."

"I am not leaving you alone."

Natigilan ako sa naging sagot nito. He's not leaving me alone. How can he even say that?

"B-bakit? Bakit mo ba ako pinag-aaksayahan ng oras dito? You can do whatever you want to do outside, hindi mo na ako kailangang guluhin dito. If you think I am your responsibility then I'm telling you that I can handle myself. Pakiusap lang, umalis ka na."

"Why are you keeping yourself away?"

Napangiti ako ng mapait, "Because I'm no good. I broke two hearts, I broke friendship and now I'm breaking a whole circle. You hear me? I am no good for anyone, I only cause trouble. So it's better to be alone." I felt the bitterness of my words sting into my heart.

"Who told you about that Kim?"

Umiling ako, tears starting to fall down my cheeks. "It doesn't matter, just leave me alone Xian."

"Stop telling me what to do."

Nagulat ako nang hawiin nalang nito basta ang kumot. Lumantad sa kaniya ang basang-basa kong mukha. Mukhang hindi na siya nagulat na makita akong umiiyak. Mabilis akong umupo para takpan ang mukha ko pero agad niyang nahila ang katawan ko palapit sa kaniya. I felt his arms wrapping my waist at hindi makapaniwala ko siyang tinitigan.

"W-what are you doing?"

Hindi ito sumagot, sa halip ay naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng pagkakayakap nito sa akin. I felt hard and soft at the same time that his arms are protectively wrapped around me. Hindi ako makapaniwala and yet wala akong magawa para gisingin ang sarili ko kung sakaling panaginip man ito.

"Xian.."

"You are not breaking anything, Kim."

"P-pero si Armie--"

"I know that she told you."

"Hindi ba mahal mo siya? Bakit mo siya iniwan? Bakit mo siya binitiwan? I don't understand Xian.."

"You don't have to understand everything Kim, you don't have to blame yourself either." He cupped my face.

"B-but you love her right? You love her.."

I felt his hand at the back of my head. He pulled the hem of his shirt up and used it to gently wipe my face. I was lost at the sight of his face and at the extreme pounding of my heart.

"Love is not enough to make someone stay."

*

"Kim, walang naninisi sayo. Bakit ba nacoconcious ka ng sobra?"

Umiling ako, "I'm guilty."

Naomi sighed exasperatedly, na tila napapagod na ito sa walang katapusang drama ko sa buhay. Ako din naman, napapagod na.

"Kim, wag mo na silang pansinin. Tapos na, nangyari na ang mga hindi dapat mangyari. Eh ano ngayon kung nagkakagulo kami? We choose to be that way, hindi mo kami pinipilit magalit sa kanila."

"That's my point Naomi, ayokong nagkakagulo tayo dahil sa akin."

"You can't blame us, hindi mo ako masisisi. I can't just ignore the fact that they are all putting you to shits."

I sighed. Naomi will always be Naomi, she will always stand for what she believes. How can I ever change that?

"Okay," Sa huli ay wala na rin akong magagawa. Hahayaan ko na sila, I just wish na hindi ko pagsisihan ang lahat ng ito. I don't want to see us broken, I don't want to see a bond being broken.

"So what's the plan?" She sat comfortably on the bean near my bed.

Tinitigan ko siya, "What plan?"

She shrugged, "Armie apologized to you, alam ko namang pinatawad mo na siya. You will always forgive friends kahit pa hindi ito mag-sorry. What I'm curious is about what happened last night," her eyes caught mine, "Pinuntahan ka ni Xian dito."

I sighed. Hindi ko nanaman mabilang kung ilang buntong-hininga na nga ba ang pinakawalan ko ngayong araw.

"I-I don't know.." I stared at my hands on my lap. "Just like you, alam niyang sinisisisi ko ang sarili ko, alam niyang umiiwas ako."

"And?"

"And he told me not to blame myself." Nag-angat ako ng tingin, "I asked him about their breakup pero wala siyang sinabi, he just stayed until I fell asleep."

Tumango-tango ito, processing everything that I've said.

I'm still glad Naomi's with me, kahit hindi ako natutuwa na nananatili siyang matatag para idepensa ako sa kanilang lahat, I'm still happy deep inside for everything that she does.

"And you told me Armie's asking for your help."

Tumango ako.

"Kahit alam ko na ang sagot, umaasa akong hindi ka pumayag Kim.." she raised her brow at me, but it all fell in flat meeting lines when I didn't answered.

"You are impossible," napapailing nitong sabi.

"Ano bang dapat kong gawin? I can't decline her, you know I just can't."

"Ofcourse I know, kailan ka ba tumanggi Kim? But to help her and Xian get back together? Are you freakin' out of your mind? Pinapatay mo na ba talaga ang sarili mo?"

Hindi ako nakasagot. Wala akong maisagot. Ganun ba ang ginagawa ko? Am I killing myself because of that? But I want to make things right at ito lang ang alam kong paraan.

"Just..just trust me with this one,"

"Kim, are you sure?"

Hindi. Pero hindi mo naman kailangang maging sigurado para gumawa ka ng desisyon diba? Minsan sapat ng alam mong tama yung gagawin mo.

She sighed when she knew I won't answer, "Hindi na kita kokontrahin pa, I'm too tired to see you like that kaya kung saan ka magiging kumportable, hahayaan na kita. I just want you to know that whatever happens, I will always be by your side Kim, hinding-hindi ako papadala sa anghel na mukha ng demonyitang babaeng yun."

"Thank you Naomi, thank you so much."

"But there's just one thing I want you to consider Kim," she held my hands. "Maybe Xian and Armie really didn't broke up because of you, maybe there's another reason. And maybe, Xian's not letting us know because the wounds need to heal first before putting it to another stinging sensation."

**