My Runaway Bride (Tagalog)

Chapter 21

Parang tumigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko. I felt a lump in my throat, hindi ako makapagsalita and at the same time hindi maproseso ng utak ko ang mga narinig ko.

Totoo ba 'to? Hindi ba ako nananaginip? Sinabi ba talaga yun ni Xian?

Naramdaman ko ang kamay nitong yumakap sa bewang ko. He pulled me closer, niyayakap ako ng mahigpit na parang ayaw na akong pakawalan, na parang gusto talaga akong ipagdamot.

Lalo akong pinanlambutan ng tuhod. Xian has never been like this close to me, he's never been this intimate to me. Bakit ngayon pa nangyayari ang lahat ng 'to?

Lumipas ang ilang segundo na walang nagsasalita sa amin. I was just crying on his arms and he's just pulling me closer everytime I try to get away.

"I can't take this anymore Kim," bulong nito sa tenga ko.

Hindi ko mahanap ang sarili kong boses, hindi ako makapagsalita. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko, how should I react? Anong isasagot ko?

"I don't like seeing you with any other guy. I don't like seeing you smile because of him, I don't like seeing you fall in love with him. It's killing me and I don't like it,"

Hinawakan nito ang ulo ko at itinapat sa dibdib niya. Nagulat ako nang marinig ko kung gaano kabilis ang t***k ng puso niya, it's fast..like mine. Bakit ganito? Bakit pareho kami ng nararamdaman?

"You make me go insane everytime I see you with him, everytime I see you touching him. I can't take it anymore, I can't..please stop this Kim."

Nanginginig ang mga kamay ko, pakiramdam ko ay tuluyan na akong nilisan ng sarili kong lakas. Kung hindi lang nakasuporta ang mga braso niya sa akin ay alam kong babagsak na ako. I can't take this anymore too, hindi ko na kayang marinig pa ang mga sasabihin niya. Sobra nang naguguluhan ang isip ko.

Gusto kong matuwa, gusto kong yakapin siya at sabihing mahal na mahal ko siya. Pero sa tuwing ipipikit ko ang mga mata ko, wala akong ibang maalala kung hindi ang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman ko, wala akong ibang maalala kundi ang Xian na kailanman hindi ako magugustuhan.

If this is a dream, it must stay as it is. Kung panaginip man ito, dapat manatili na lamang itong panaginip. The physical and emotional pain I've felt that had almost broke my system can never be repaired, naniniwala akong hindi niya ako kayang gamutin. Kahit gaano pa katindi ang pagmamahal ko sa kaniya, naniniwala akong hindi pa rin iyon sapat. Too much love can kill, and it almost killed me. I won't let it have the chance to do it again.

"Let me go.."

"Kim,"

Umiling ako, "Please just let me go."

Kusang bumagsak ang mga braso nitong kanina lang ay matibay na nakayakap sa akin. Umatras ako palayo sa kaniya, basang-basa ng luha ang mukha ko.

"Kim.." nagtangka ulit itong lumapit sa akin pero umatras ako.

"Tama na Xian, pagod na akong masaktan. Ayoko na, sumusuko na ako kaya tama na please? Wag mo nang guluhin ang isip ko, pagod na pagod na ako.."

Buong tapang kong sinalubong ang mga mata nito, ang mga mata nitong nangungusap na pakinggan ko siya, na patawarin ko siya. It pains me to see him hurting, to see the man I love hurting. Hindi ako makapaniwalang nasasaktan ko siya, hindi ako makapaniwalang nandito siya sa harapan ko at nagmamakaawang pakinggan ko.

Pero kung hahayaan kong manguna ang puso ko, hindi ba't magpapakatanga nanaman ako? One lesson I've learned from all the things happening to my life is to stop when I needed to stop. Minsan kailangan mo ring sumuko, minsan kailangan mong sundin ang isip mo, hindi pwedeng palagi nalang puso.

Bago pa siya makapagsalita ay mabilis ko na siyang tinalikuran. Nagtatakbo ako papunta sa kwarto ko at mabilis na isinara ang pinto. Napasandal ako sa likod nito at saka doon tuluyan nag-iiyak.

Walang lakas akong napaupo nang marinig ko itong kumakatok, tinakpan ko ang bibig ko para hindi niya marinig kung gaano kasakit ang pag-iyak ko.

"Kim please open the door,"

Umiling ako at hindi nagsalita, "Kim listen to me."

"Ayoko, ayokong marinig ang sasabihin mo. I'm tired of everything Xian, pagod na pagod na akong masaktan. Ikaw hindi ka pa ba napapagod? Aren't you tired of hurting me? Hindi pa ba sapat?"

"I'm tired too.." tumigil na ito sa pagkataok sa pintuan. "I grew tired of hurting you and I also grew tired of keeping my feelings. Please Kim, listen to me."

Hindi ako sumagot, iniyak ko lang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Ayoko na, kahit pa nandiyan na siya at pilit na sinasabing pakinggan ko siya, ayoko na.

Ayoko ng masaktan, natatakot na akong masaktan. Natatakot na akong maniwala, natatakot na akong makinig sa isang Xian.

Ang daming oras ang lumipas at nasayang na ang lahat ng lumabas sa bibig niya ay puro masasakit na salita. His words were like knives na laging sumasaksak sa akin. Hindi pa naghihilom yung isa meron nanamang bago. Pakiramdam ko punong-puno ako ng sugat na ayaw pa ring maghilom. I am a scar of this painful love, wala itong ibang idinulot sa akin kundi sakit.

"I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry for everything. It's true, I don't like you eversince. You can easily annoy me, you can easily irritate the hell out of me--"

"Shut up! Ayokong marinig 'yan Xian! Just leave me alone!"

Pero hindi ito natinag, "I love Armie so much, I love her that I thought I can't live without her. I love her that I thought I needed no other girl in my life."

Tinakpan ko ang magkabilang tenga ko, pero sino ba ang niloloko ko? Kahit anong gawin ko, alam kong maririnig ko ang lahat ng sasabihin niya.

"But there's Kim, there's one girl who always takes my eyes, who always catches my attention. There's always a girl I needed to save when she's in trouble,"

"I think of you whenever you're out of my sight, if a clumsy girl like would be fine without me. I was unconciously thinking about you, I was unconcious that I wanted to take care of you."

"You're lying! You told me you don't like clumsy girls like me, sabi mo sa akin ayaw mo ng pabigat! How can you say that things to me right now?"

"The wedding woke me up out of senses, the wedding made me face the reality. I wasn't inlove with Armie anymore, she's not the girl I see walking on the aisle, she's not the girl I want to protect. I woke up one morning realizing that it's not her I wanted, it's someone else I want to marry, it's someone else I fell inlove with, it's you Kim.. it's you."

I never knew I can cry a river of tears, I never knew I can never stop crying. Sumisikip ang dibdib ko habang patuloy kong naririnig ang mga bagay na noon ay pinapangarap kong marinig. I can't still believe this is happening. If this is a dream, pakiusap gusto ko ng magising.

"I broke up with her not because I owe you a wedding, I broke up with her not because we owe your family a deal. I broke up with her because I want to marry you, because it's you who I love. It pained me so much when you ranaway, it pained me so much when I found out you're taking all the blame. But what pains me the most is seeing you get hurt because of me. I'm such a fool right? It breaks my heart knowing that I'm losing you little by little. It breaks--"

"Stop! Stop it! Tama na, tama na Xian parang awa mo na.." iyak ko.

"I long for the times that you make face when I'm scolding you and calling you names. I long for the times that we're together and you act so childish and immature. I long for your clumsiness, I long for your weakness. I'm longing for you and if there's anything that I can do to have you back, I'll do it. I love you so much Kim, and I won't stop until I get you. You are mine and I'll come and get you back."

Napayuko ako at naitakip ko nalang ang mga kamay ko sa bibig ko para mapigilan ang ingay ng pag-iyak ko. The Kim of the past would jump happily and roll in bed like a kid. But the Kim of the present is now crying and undecided.

I love him, I am very much sure of that. I've been through a lot of sacrifices, I've been through a lot of pain, how can I not be sure of that.

But just like what he said before, "Sometimes, love is not enough to make someone stay."

**