Back later
1124 Words
Always do what you decide,
Don't let them control your life.
That's just how I feel,
Fight for yours and don't let go.
Don't let them compare you,
Don't worry, you're not alone.
"And here we have The Green!" The all too enthusiastic college guide exclaimed. I wasn't sure where Future Planning Program found these people, or if they just paid them enough for them to jack themselves up on happy drugs. "This is where we host most of our protests, rallies and sporting events..."
I tuned her out, instead glancing around to observe the groups of students scattered around the wide field. Some were talking and laughing in groups, a couple sitting with their laptops and a textbook beside them, and one person was, for whatever reason, practicing their juggling skills.
That could be me in a couple months.
No, I corrected myself. That could've been me in a couple months.
There was no I could get into Dartmouth, or any school like it now. The tour guide had said that the majority of their students were in the top ten percent of their high school class and had a high GPA, above three point five, for most of them. That would've been me, that was me during Freshman and Sophomore year.
My Junior year?
Two point oh.
I hadn't even noticed it going down.
No, that was true. I had noticed, Mom and Dad had yelled at me for it enough, so there was no way I didn't notice.
I just... Hadn't cared.
Had said whatever, I could always catch up, do better on the next assignment, do better on the next test, do better on the exam, do better next year.
And now it was next year and my cumulative GPA was hovering just over three point two and that was only because I had done well in my first two years.
Not the year it actually mattered.
"Hey, you okay?" Christian asked. He waved a hand in front of my face, making me realize I had zoned out, staring at a group of people that probably thought I was crazy now, and fallen behind the tour group.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I muttered. "Look, I- I'm not really feeling this. I'll find you later, okay? We can meet back at RV."
I glanced at the college guide to make sure she was distracted before turning to walk away. "Hey," Christian called, trailing after me. "Where are you going?"
"Exploring. Stay with the group," I told him. "You seemed interested."
He ignored me, of course. "I've seen Dartmouth before."
"Just leave me alone," I said. "I just need time alone."
He didn't reply after that, and if it hadn't been for his quiet footsteps behind me, I would've thought he'd listened and left me alone.
But of course, we're talking about Christian Harvey .
So he didn't.
I'm pretty sure he's never done anything I want him to.
Finally I accepted the fact that I wouldn't be able to shake him and didn't want to feel like wandering around anymore, so I took a seat on a bench facing the Green. I crossed my legs, tucking my feet under my knees as Christian sat down beside me.
"So," he started after a couple minutes of silence.
"There's no point in me visiting these places," I told him.
He looked at me. "What do you mean?"
I shrugged. "I'm not going to apply for any of them."
"Why not?"
I glanced at him, debating whether or not I should tell him. "Why bother when I'm not going to get in?"
He stared. "Well, that's depressing."
"It's true," I said. "My GPA's shit."
"So do better this year."
"That's not really going to change anything," my voice cracked as I choked out the words. "And it pisses me off because I could've until I f****d up last year." I continued, feeling like I needed to get it out even though the last person I wanted to rant to about how stupid I had been last year was Jacen.
"What was your GPA before last year?" he asked, surprising me, since I was expecting something like, wow, sucks, man. And him letting it go.
"Three point nine."
He let out a low whistle, looking impressed. "And last year."
I hesitated, not wanting to say it, which was stupid since it was clearly and permanently written on my transcript for school officials and people to see. "Two."
"Point?"
I flushed. "Just two, that's it."
He was silent for a long moment, making me wish I hadn't said anything, hadn't started anything and had just stayed with the university tour. Then he surprised me by saying, "So, redo it."
I turned to stare at him. "What?" Was he being serious?
"Retake the courses you did s**t on," he explained, "And make up your GPA." He looked pretty serious.
"I can't do that!" I exclaimed.
"Why not?" I'm pretty sure he was being serious.
"I don't have the time. I could take a night course, I guess or one online, but that's not gonna do anything," I said.
"Then take a year before university to do it," he suggested.
I gave him a incredulous look. "I can't do that."
"Wouldn't you just rather take a year and then go to the university you want?" he asked.
"I-" I'll feel stupid, though. "My parents would never go for it."
"Who cares, it's your future."
I scowled at him. "You should be a guidance counselor."
He shrugged, and looked away, glancing around the field.
I sighed. "My ex... He took a year before university... Then never ended up going."
He turned back to me. "So what, you think that will happen to you?"
"No. I don't know." I paused. "I just don't want to be like him."
It was kind of scary to think what could've happened if Lucas hadn't done what he did when he did. If he hadn't set my house on fire, I probably would've still been with him. If I was still with him, I probably wouldn't care about my senior year at all. And given that I was struggling with university applications now after just f*****g up one year... It would've been so much worse.
Or would I have not bothered at all?
I didn't want to think Lucas had had so much influence on me that I would've thrown away my entire future for him, but I honestly didn't have much faith in the version of me that had been blinded by his smile and sweet nothings.
I mean, I'd let him talk me into taking Shop.
When I had planned to go into business or science.
I always wondered what Lucas would do.
- Writer
