Alpha's Secret

How can I?

I stare at her confused.

"Do you mind if I ask you why?" I  finally ask.

I mean, it's not like I mind it. No, this is perfect. But... why? I don't look very masculine, of course, but I don't consider myself unattractive. I have thick black hair cut short. A slim body, but without being too skinny and a height of six feet. I mean. I can't be that hideous.

And I didn't mention s*x. I understand not being intimate with someone you just met. But never? That a looong time.

"It's a political marriage. There is no love. And I believe some things must be shared only with someone you love, not sold for the benefit of your pack. The only thing I still owe. That I will not give away for my pack is my body. So please respect that." She says, starting to look worried.

"This is why you were glad I'm not cruel? Because a cruel man wouldn't agree?" I ask.

Her silence gives me my answer. And for a moment I am glad I entered this marriage. I know the other Alphas. Their fragile masculinity couldn't have taken this hit from their lovely new wife. Mine almost was hurt and I'm not even a man.

"You don't have to worry. I already asked the bedroom next to mine to be prepared for you. To sleep in the same room with a stranger on your first night in an unknown place. I figured it must seem scary." I say with a reassuring smile. I hope that's enough to ease her worries a bit.

Her face lightens up as she rises her dolly eyes to look at me.

"Thank you..." She says with the cutest smile I've ever seen.

We return to the party with easier hearts than when we left. Instead of silence, we talk all the way about things that we like, childhood, our parents

"So you don't like chocolate? Why? What's wrong with you?" She asks, with a terrified expression like I just said I like to kick puppies before sleep.

"I just don't like it. It has such a powerful taste." I answer rolling my eyes. "Vanilla is the far superior, unappreciated flavor."

"Noo! Whom have I married? Spicy?" She asks.

"I can take it, but not too much spicy."

"You are the first man I've sen to admit he has mild tastes." She laughs and I freeze on my feet.

I shouldn't be so carefree. Opening up with anything makes me vulnerable. The less she knows the smaller the risk to find my secret.

"I don't have to like powerful flavors, I have to be a powerful warrior. Which, I am." I answer, serious, and regret it after because her laughter stops. I ruined the mood, but it's better to walk in awkward silence than to be exposed to the risk of her questioning my masculinity.

"I am sorry." She says after a while. "I offended you and it was the last of my intentions."

"No. I overreacted." I say feeling guilty. All she said was a joke and I got defensive. I need to learn to balance this new situation without making her feel uncomfortable.

"You were so nice and me and my big mouth..."

I interrupt her, not wanting to drag this subject further.

"It's because I'm still young and I have to be extra careful about how others receive me. If I make a reputation of being anything but powerful, I put my entire pack in danger. But it wasn't the case here. It was just the force of habit."

Well, that is as close to the truth as I can get. And I think the best idea, for now, is to keep it like this. I can't get a new personality out of the hat just for when I'm with her so I'll need to keep it real.

The idea seems to work because she smiles understandably.

"I will keep that in mind. I want to be able to support you. As allies, if not as lovers. There is no reason to be just strangers in this marriage." She says and I smile.

"I would like that."

We return to the party. And the first who rush to congratulate us is my Beta and I feel Tania tensing up next to me. That's a weird reaction. Something must have happened ad knowing my Beta, I'm sure it wasn't something good.

"Alpha. Luna." He says and takes a bow. "I wish you a happy and long marriage, filled with little heirs."

If look could kill, Tania would have already buried him.

The others approach us, including Tania's Beta, a lovely and calm old man. I met him a few times during the preparations and despite his age, he proved to be very efficient. Which made Tom quite jealous, trying to find mistakes where they weren't. He gives Tania a hug and me a respectful nod.

"I hope with all my heart that this marriage is as good to you as it is for the packs." He says.

After the congrats round, we have to dance.

I offer Tania my hand and she takes it with a smile.

We move slowly in the rhythm of the music.

"Miss..." I start saying, but she interrupts me.

"Oh, please, call me Tania."

"Tania... I have to ask. Earlier you seemed not so happy to see Tom, my Beta. If he offended you..."

"Oh no. Nothing like that. I think we just have different perspectives on life." She says, waving her hand like it's not such a big deal.

"What perspectives?" I ask. "Since he was my father's best friend, I sometimes let him cross the line of his attributions. But that's with me. It doesn't apply to you. So tell me."

"He was very respectful, don't worry, but he said something that I didn't really like. He said that he wants the wedding as soon as possible because he understands that as a woman I have no way to manage my pack."

Of curse he did. 

"He is like that and..." I try to say.

"But I want to make this clear. My pack suffered great losses after the last war with rouges. My father was killed and with him, many of our best warriors in an ambush. But despite that, our territories are endless and as treasury, we are the riches pack. I know your pack had some problems with money lately, so you needed my help too. I came into this marriage to exchange the wealth for warriors in a fair way. But I can rule over my people. And certainly being a woman doesn't make me weak."

Her eyes shine, reflecting the fire of the torches around us. And for a moment the sweet girl in the flowy dress that runs barefoot in the grass transforms into a fierce leader.

"Let me ask. Do you share that perspective?" She continues.

"No." I answer fast. It's not like I have to think about it. It's impossible for me to think a woman can't lead her people, the only problem is that the men around here will always assume that she can't. 

"Then everything is fine." She says, regaining her usual sweet smile. But I won't forget this, I won't forget the determination in her fired-up eyes. There is more to her than the sweetness I first saw and now I start to worry. She is not a fool, nor carefree or innocent. And that spells trouble for me in all caps.

But for the rest of this beautiful night, I try to relax. I dance with Tania and we continue to talk. We have a lot in common and we have the same favorite rock band. We like summer, not winter, but we both enjoy skiing. We were both closer with our fathers than with our mothers and hide the horrendous secret that we committed the worst of sins for a werewolf: we like cats more than dogs.

We eat good food and are surrounded by our packs. I haven't enjoyed myself like this in a long time and I have to admit it feels amazing.

When the morning sun is rising and the darkness is almost completely gone, Tania's packs say their goodbyes and leaves.

We go back inside the pack house. Only the two of us.

"Well, goodnight then." I say after I show her the room. I had everything prepared, including clean pajamas on the bad and a bottle of water on the nightstand.

"Goodnight." She answers looking at the fresh irises I had asked to be bought to her room.

I take a step back and prepare to close the door when he catches my hand. My heart jumps out of my chest.

"And... Thank you." She says getting on her toes and brushing her lips against my cheek.

I can only nod and hurry outside, worried she will notice the blushing that suddenly took over me. 

No No No! I have to keep my cool. But touching the spot that her lips met, can't help but doubt that I'll be able to.