Curveball [BL] COMPLETED

10

A few days later, Carmen gets out of bed with a sigh. He mumbles quietly into the phone pressed to his ear while sliding his sweatpants on. He's sure not to wake the boys up, his phone barely showing it's just past three am. He should be sleeping, thoughts of fame and fortune bleeding into his dreams, but he's calling his mom instead.

She doesn't understand timezones. No- it's that she doesn't respect them. Business trip or not, she'll call him when she feels like. Her terms and her terms alone.

Irritation crawls up his throat but he swallows it back, too tired to argue with her so early. He mumbles yeah, yes, okay, and whatever else she wants to hear. He wants to say a lot more. He wants to say a hell of a lot more, but he sniffs tiredly and waits for her to stop lecturing him.

And then she hangs up. Not with love you or I'll call you soon, but with a sharp beep that interrupts his mumbling.

Carmen's mouth closes and his hand lowers, dropping his phone on his bed. His mouth feels dry as he wets his lips, and he knows he's not going to be able to go back to sleep. The lack of warmth in her tone still echoes in his head and almost makes him laugh.

He breathes out another sigh as he stands and finishes pulling up his sweats. He leaves his phone, grabs his room key and wallet instead, and quietly pads to the door. His eyes spare a small glance at Juda and sees him sleeping soundly. Nico's too high up for him to see.

The door silently clicks shut behind him.

Carmen wonders if he should consider this morning or night. Nico's alarm won't go off for another two hours, so maybe night is more suitable.

His feet drag over to the vending machine before he's feeding a dollar through the slot. A7, the most tolerable canned coffee. It's not good by any means, but it'll do for now.

He cringes as the bitter liquid runs down his throat. He considers buying a water too, but he pushes through and forces himself to keep drinking. Lord knows he needs it. His eyes flutter every few seconds, desperate for sleep, but his legs carry him away from his dorm and onto the field.

Carmen loves the night. Every little detail captures his attention and makes him fall even more in love with it. It's not the cool air, the overwhelming darkness, or the sleeping crickets that have him so taken. But the stillness of everything.

All day he's go-go-go. Barely ever having more than a few minutes of peace to himself. Baseball takes up most of his time and with what little he has left, all goes into school. If he's lucky, he can take a nap. 

He takes in a deep breath and tilts his head toward the sky. It's not a full moon tonight. The usual circle is broken and only a shadow of what it's meant to be. Cut in half and curving in the middle.

And Carmen likes that too. The moon changes and changes and changes but always starts right back over, as if it didn't break and break and bleed into nothing but a sliver of itself.

Before he knows it, he's standing on the mound. He glances down and sees his footprints leading up to the mountain of dirt. This is where Nico stands. For hours and and hours, Nico stands here and leads their team into victory or loss.

It's intimidating.

He steps down and continues on. He passes where he usually stands, between second and third base, and feels his steps falter on the grass. It's different than the dirt, not as smooth. But he blows out a breath and lays down anyways.

He's tried. So f*****g tired, so he lays.

The grass is itchy, but not wet. It tickles the nape of his neck and the heels of his feet and makes him wonder why the f**k he's even out here at 3am. He forces himself not to think. He doesn't want to think so he stares up at the stars and eases into a state of nothing.

He can't see the big dipper or orion, just a bunch of nameless stars.

Carmen doesn't know how long he's out here, counting stars when he should be in bed sleeping. Not long, he thinks. He's tempted to fall asleep right here and now, but he has to think to do that. And he doesn't wanna think.

He closes his eyes and takes in a soft breath. And when he releases it, he opens them.

Carmen doesn't startle or jerk when there's suddenly someone out on the field with him, but his breath catches as he goes impossibly still. Nico stares back at him, squatting behind Carmen to lean his head forward. "You scared me," Carmen admits after releasing his breath.

Nico's eyes are hooded with sleep and his hair's an absolute mess. His glasses sit crooked on his face, like he slid them on and didn't bother to right them.

"What're you doing?" Carmen asks.

"What're you doing?" Nico's voice is quiet and raspy. Carmen likes it. He likes a lot of things about Nico.

The pitcher lays down next to Carmen, leaving only a small, hand sized space between them. They don't talk for a while, letting silence hang in the air as a gentle breeze washes over them. It rustles the tips of their hair, but it's not quite strong enough to push it around. Maybe in a few more weeks it will.

"My mom called me," Carmen admits quietly. Nico listens. "She knew it was 3am but she still called me. She's on a business trip right now, Pennsylvania. She could've waited, but she must've thought telling me all about how my sister's joining my dad's business is more important." She's too young, Carmen thinks. Too young and easily swayed by their mom.

"I see her maybe twice a year," he continues, "and she still only calls me to talk about business. It's always about money with her. With all of them." He stares at the moon. "They never ask me about baseball. Only how my classes are going and if I can graduate early. They're just waiting until I finally admit baseball was all a phase and I'm ready to join the company."

Nico stares at the same moon, and Carmen wonders what he thinks about it. Does it look as broken to him? "They never really change," Nico says. "Your parents." And then he adds, "Parents."

Carmen grows silent again.

"Baseball isn't a phase," Nico tells him. "It's not- Doing what we do, you can't get to this level and still call it a phase." Hours and hours and hours of their lives dedicated to the field only for it to be called a phase. "It doesn't matter to them, though. They'll think anything you do that they don't approve of as a phase."

They can call it a phase. His mom and his dad and anyone else, they all can call it a phase. Carmen only wishes they supported it more - asked about it now and then.

He doesn't need their approval or validation, but he craves it like a little kid.

"I used to slide a lot in little league," Nico laughs softly. "All the time. My mom hated cleaning my uniform because there was always so much dirt and grass stains on it. I did it for attention, mostly. Roman- he's always been so much better than me. He didn't need to slide to get on base but when he did, it always scored a point for our team. So I started doing it."

Carmen can picture little Nico perfectly, covered head to toe in dirt as he grins proudly.

"I didn't score any points. Only f****d up my uniform and pissed off my coach."

Carmen laughs, an easy, good natured one. "I bet you still looked cool."

"The coolest." Nico nods, small smile edging his lips. "You're cool when you play too, y'know. I can't watch you a lot, but you're always right there to catch my f**k ups." They stare at the same moon together. "It's scary sometimes, being a pitcher. I feel responsible for how the game turns out, especially when it's bad. But it's easier with you there. You're always just.. right there behind me. Always in the perfect spot."

Carmen wants to look at him. Wants to see what kind of expression he's making. "You don't make it easy." He gives a tired, small smile. "I didn't think being a shortstop could be harder until I started playing for you."

Nico's head turns to him, "For me?"

Carmen feels his eyes on him - can just barely see him out of the corner of his eye. "For everyone," he says. "But mostly you."

He was going to quit, Carmen doesn't say. He was gonna give himself one more year of baseball, just to see how different it was to high school, and quit for good. He was going to focus on school, get his business degree and join his dad's business. He was supposed to. He talked himself into doing it for months after he graduated high school.

But then there was Nico. Bright, stupid Nico, right there to f**k up his plans. And Juda was right behind him. They were a pair that came together and quickly forced Carmen into a trio.

Like hell he'd give that up for some shitty business he wants no part of.

"You're gonna be great," Nico tells him. He turns on his side and stares at Carmen so earnestly he can't bring himself to look back. "Someone great. f**k your parents. I'll come to every single one of your games with a banner and be your cheerleader."

Idiot, Carmen thinks fondly. "How're you gonna do that when we'll be on the same team, huh? The others might get jealous from your favoritism."

"f**k them. I only care about what you think." And then he quietly adds, "I might slip in a sign for Juda too."

And Carmen wouldn't have it any other way.

He finally looks at Nico. Bright, stupid Nico with all his dreams and ambitions. "You're so stupid," he says, smile spreading with every second, "It's charming." Endearing, cute - it's everything Carmen loves about him.

"Call me Prince Charming and you be Snow White."

"It's Cinderella, idiot."

"You know what I meant."

Carmen's gaze falls to his face, memorizing every little detail about Nico. He tries searching for something new, something he hasn't noticed, but he already know it's all. Knows every mole and every dip in his skin, and it leaves Carmen a little breathless. When did he start noticing all that?

"Yeah," he agrees softly. Because it's all a little charming. Nico's not here to return Carmen's lost shoe, but he's here. He's here at 3am listening to Carmen call him an i***t in the most endearing tone. He's here when he should be sleeping, when he could've ignored Carmen's absence, and it all takes Carmen's breath away. Because he's here.

A warmth settles in Carmen's fingertips and spreads to the rest of his body. It's not the heady feeling he gets when he wants Nico, wants him in his bed and crying out his name, but it's something softer. Sweeter.

Carmen tears his gaze away and turns his head, but Nico's right there to stop him. His hand reaches out for Carmen's cheek and tilts his head back, and they're staring at each other, saying nothing and everything with baited breaths.

Nico takes in everything about Carmen, just like he did. His eyes trail all over Carmen's face before they slow to his mouth, settling on the soft pink hue of his lips.

Carmen's breathing is soft, barely audible to his ears. He waits with unsteady breaths for something, anything. They shouldn't, he knows, but he can't tear his gaze away again. He tried, for all their sakes, but Nico reeled him right back, and Carmen can't do it again.

Carmen's a weak man. Show him a pretty face and he's theirs. Show him a pretty face on a pretty boy that he's not supposed to like, and he's his.

Carmen's greedy, and he's tired, and he's a lot more weak to this pretty boy than he realizes, so he can do nothing but part his lips when Nico kisses him. It's the kind of kiss that leaves you dizzy. It's too soft, too intimate, too much for something they're not.

But Carmen leans into it as if he is. As if he is something and not some skewed version of a f**k buddy. Friends with benefits - this doesn't feel like friends with benefits. None of it has, really.

Nico's breath ghosts Carmen's skin softly, a gentle whisper against his upper lip. And he kisses Carmen again and again, as much as he'll allow. They're deep, slow kisses that they've rarely shared. Nothing compared to the persistent pecks they give during s*x.

Carmen wets his lips when Nico pulls away and leaves a whisper of space between them. He's still watching Nico attentively, eyes settling on his mouth. But another kiss doesn't come. So his eyes raise and meet Nico's deep ones. They appear even darker under the moonlight.

Nico stares down at him as he breathes unsteadily, chest rising and falling slowly. There's a shine to his lips, and Carmen's body warms because he did that.

"What're we doing?" Nico whispers.

Carmen's breath hitches before he swallows, only to stall his response. I don't know, he doesn't say. He wants to ask the same thing - beg Nico for some kind of answer. Because there's a feeling deep in his chest, a feeling he can't explain when he looks at them. "Nothing," he says, just above a whisper. "It's nothing."

"It's not nothing," Nico counters. He looks so soft under the moonlight. His hair unbrushed and his shirt wrinkled and his glasses skewed.

"It doesn't matter, though."

"It matters to me." His eyebrows pinch, and Carmen wants to reach out and smooth the crease in his skin. "This.. Whatever we're doing, it's not normal."

"I don't know then," Carmen tells him. "I don't know what we're doing." He didn't wonder at first. It was supposed to be fun, something to relieve them now and then, but Carmen can only hold them so many times and kiss them so intimately before pretending doesn't work anymore.

Carmen's gotten good at pretending. If he pretends enough, maybe that pang in his chest will go away every time he looks at them.

Nico doesn't look soothed from his answer, but because he has nothing to say himself, Nico sits up and brushes a hand through his hair, taming the wild mess. He's staring at the dark shadows on the ground, theirs, while mindlessly rubbing his neck. He looks as though he wants to say everything and nothing.

Carmen waits. He gives him time. But nothing comes.

Carmen oddly feels nervous. Or maybe it's guilt. There's a pinch in Nico's expression that he feels he caused. Should I have said something else instead? But he doesn't know what he'd say. He feels just as lost as Nico does in their relationship. Friends, friends with benefits, roommates,- he doesn't know where they stand. Possibly somewhere more.

Carmen sits up and drapes his arms over his knees, wondering what to say. Wanna go to bed? Want the rest of my coffee? What do you think we're doing? Sorry I said something wrong. "Wanna get breakfast?" He settles for.

Nico turns to him. "Breakfast..? It's not even four o'clock, the cafeteria won't be open."

Carmen shrugs a shoulder, unable to meet Nico's curious gaze. "We could walk to Mcdonald's. They're always open."

Nico watches him, steals a glance at the sunken moon, and looks back. "Okay."

⚾️

Carmen pushes his fries around. They brush Nico's hashbrown because they were both torn on whether to get dinner or breakfast and eventually opted to sharing. So dinner and breakfast it is. It's all the same, isn't it? Greasy food that has more oil on it than nesessary.

Judging from the amount of uneaten food they have leftover, Carmen's idea wasn't that great. They should've taken the extra couple hours of sleep they could, but the indescribable need to see Nico smile made Carmen act recklessly.

He's drinking the coffee, Carmen notices as he steals a small glance at Nico. Carmen himself releases a small breath and toys with his empty cup. He's nervous. He's nervous and can't explain why.

"I'm fuckin' tired," Nico breathes out a laugh and slumps over the table. Carmen pushes the tray of half eaten food away and gives him more space.

The counter is sticky but Nico still looks comfortable with his head in his arms. He watches Carmen with a soft expression, looking sleepy and curious all at once. "You okay?" he asks, and it honestly startles the shortstop.

Am I okay? "Yeah." Carmen nods. He wet his lips and nods again. There's a faint taste of hazelnut coffee still lingering in his mouth, and it makes him wish he hadn't finished it so quick. He's not sure what to do without the distraction.

Nico smiles, something tired and boyish. "You sure?" he checks again, like he knows how nervous Carmen feels. "Is it about the kiss? Sorry if I.." he pauses and tries finding the right words, "..it probably wasn't the right time." he settles on.

"The kiss was fine," Carmen assures. "It was good. I'm just.. tired." It's not a lie and it's not entirely the truth. Carmen doesn't know why he's acting so awkward around Nico. It's weird, really f*****g weird.

Nico watches him as his expression gradually dims. He's still smiling, but it's not as wide at the edges, not as genuine. "What I said on the field," he scratches his cheek, "that was weird, huh?" He attempts a laugh, but it falls a little flat. "I didn't.. expect you to say anything. I don't really know why I asked you that. It made things weird, right?"

"Nothing's weird," Carmen denies. But it is.

There's this slow yet steady feeling inside him, inching up day by day. It's crawling, painstakingly slow, but it doesn't stop. No matter how much Carmen pretends it's not happening, he knows what he feels for Nico and Juda is something more than friends.

And then Nico went and voiced what Carmen couldn't. What're we doing? And Carmen had no choice but to finally face those feeling and see them for what they truly are.

"I just thought, maybe.." Nico's voice trails into nothing, leaving Carmen at the edge of his seat. Maybe what? But Nico doesn't finish. He sits up and shakes his head, releasing a sigh that's only meant for himself to hear. "I'm jittery, I guess. Our first game's next week. First game of the season~"

Carmen's lips pull up at the mention of baseball. "Coach only reminds us every second of practice."

"I'm excited." Nico smiles, and it looks a lot more genuine. "I think my parents are coming." Surely not for him, but they'll be there. Maybe they'll cheer for him too this time.

Carmen thinks about inviting his own parents but quickly pushes the thought away. "Juda's apparently got the whole Rolchner family coming. Even his cousins."

"No s**t?" Nico laughs. "They're all huge baseball fans, huh? I bet he'll be excited. They usually can't come down to see him."

Carmen thinks about Juda and how wide his grin gets when he sees his family in the stands, and it makes Carmen's lips twitch up. "Yeah," he agrees quietly. Tapping his fingers against his cup, he nods his chin towards the register. "I'm gonna order him a few things then we can head back, yeah? Do you want another coffee?"

Nico raises his eyebrow and shakes his transparent container, showing the almost completely full iced coffee.

"Right," Carmen cringes. i***t. "I'll be right back then."

Nico's head tilts as he watches Carmen, until his lips spread into a smile. It's probably the most genuine one he's given all morning. "Okay," he laughs, seeming to think something's funny about Carmen.

Carmen gets up with a mental groan and drags his feet toward the counter. i***t, i***t, i***t- There's that awkwardness again, it consumes every part of him and makes him forget how he normally acts around Nico.

He digs through his sweats for his wallet and tries ignoring the heat creeping up his neck. It tickles his ears even as he orders to go, and spreads to his cheeks as he pays.

He can feel Nico watching him, and it only makes him fumble more - seem even bigger of an i***t. Sure enough, as he glances over his shoulder, he sees Nico watching him with his head in his palm and pretty grin spread on his lips.

God, Carmen thinks as he turns back around, I'm f****d.

⚾️

They're all late to practice, even Juda who got his full six hours of sleep.

Nico and Carmen got back to their dorm with thirty minutes left to spare, but even so, they roused Juda awake and threw his bag of food in his lap. He was disoriented and barely able to keep his eyes open, but he still sat up and mumbled, thank you.

In exchange for the food, Carmen crawled in Juda's bed, shimmied under the blankets, and made Juda promise he'd wake Carmen up right before practice. Nico quickly followed suit, sneaking in beside Juda and squishing the catcher in the middle.

They were out within minutes, basically dead to the world as they snored and tried stealing back those hours of sleep they lost.

And Juda. Juda barely even f*****g heard what Carmen said. There was Mcdoanlds in his lap, two boys in his bed, and thirty minutes before he had to be awake.

He did the only logical thing he could. Went back to sleep.

An hour later, they were running laps on the field as everyone else stretched and called patronizing things as they jogged by. Assholes, Carmen grumbles to himself.

"Worth it," Nico says.