Waiting For You (A Forbidden Love)

Chapter 2 Same feeling

“Drice, why do you want to be Ninong always? I am boring to be with.” Minsan tanong ko sa kanya kasi vocal siya on saying she wants to stay with me.

We are currently lying in the hammock in late afternoon here in the farm. She loves staying here and riding her favorite pony. Her best friend as she says.

“I don’t know, staying here feels home and i enjoyed being with you.” Parang nilagyan ng asukal ang puso ko. I can’t help but to feel happy, knowing she enjoyed being with me.

“Why do you enjoy being with me?” Di ko mapigilan ang sarili to fish more information. I wanted to caress her face but i can't do it as of now, she is still very young. I have to control myself and be careful with my actions.

“Because you are very patient with me. I learn a lot of things from you. You’re very informative, you always explain things that i don’t understand. You’re funny, your silly jokes makes me laugh." Nakangiti niyang sabi habang nangungusap ang mga mata, bakas ang katutuhanan sa sinasabi.

"I just love staying with you. It feels right to be here like I'm home. This is my home ."

I can’t believe i heard this from a 13 year old girl and it makes me awfully happy.

We spend most of the time coz she stays in the farm if there's no school. She is free to do anything here than in the city. Kampanti din sila Rabi and Adric here kasi malayo sa media and their movement is not restricted.

Time runs fast like a blur and being with her helps me forget the time. Para aking bumabalik sa aking kabataan.

She grows more beautiful as the days goes. We become inseparable, she always hang around me and even helps me with the things I do. She understands all the things I have been doing. It's like we are in the same wavelength.

“Ninong, you look so handsome." Sabi niya one time nasa bahay kubo kami nagpapahinga one late afternoon.

I just smile at her as she says those words, while playing with my face. She always does that every time we are together. She loves touching my face and it warms my heart, small gesture from her makes a difference. It's like my hardships are paid off.

“Why do you find me handsome? I'm already old, my features change, I am no longer the same as before.” Telling her the truth, the sad reality.

“No, you are still handsome, i find you more handsome now than before.” Rebut pa niya, ayaw paawat.

I can't help to smile. She never failed to make my heart burst with too much happiness every time she admired me. I felt all those longing and waiting was filled off.

“Young guys your age are more handsome than me.” I say those words while looking at her eyes intently, trying to point out the difference, to let her understand our difference.

“No, they’re just cute but not handsome, you are different from them.” I'm smiling upon her words and i find her so cute that makes my day.

“What makes me different from them? Is it a good way or not?” I am anticipating her words at same time scared.

“Off course in a good way, i find you more handsome than anyone else. Well except for dada". I felt giddy, can't explain my feeling right now, to receive such appreciation from the girl i love, makes me happy.

"How, in what way? Why do you find me handsome?" I love this conversation with her, feel so intimate, sharing our thoughts and feelings.

"When you look at me torridly, i feel shy, I can't look at you straight and i find you handsome. The way you treated me, i feel special and that makes you different from anyone else."

Kung kanina pinigilan kong wag magpakita ng emosyon ngayon di ko mapigilang mapangiti sa sinabi niya.

She bowed down her head, parang may sasabihin pero pinipigilan lang. Nahihiya. Then she looks at me again in the eyes, i was lost in it

"I think i like you, Ninong. I have this feeling that i can't explain and seems i felt it long time ago that i can’t remember.” Her words struck me. For a moment napatanga ako while looking at her.

We have the same feelings at may katugon ang naramdaman ko that i thought would remain secret for years.

"Drice, do you know that it’s a bad thing to like someone as old as I am? You are just a 15 years old, a teenager and still very young. And i am your Ninong, you being infatuated with me is a taboo. Do you understand it?" Tumango lang siya but what she said after shock me.

"Mali ba na magustuhan kita Ninong? Mali ba na mahalin kita?" She looks at me with pleading eyes, wanting me to understand her. Her emotion is raw, like she's almost crying.

"I know it's not just an infatuation, i feel I had loved you all my life. I feel the heaviness inside my heart every time i tried to cut you out of my life. And it hurts so much when I think it's not right. Di ko naman ito pinili eh, kusa ko ito naramdaman."

I see sadness in her eyes and it hurt me seeing her that way, pareho lang kami na naghihirap, hiding this feeling.

"For me not at all, because what i feel for you is more than that. But in the eyes of many it’s wrong, do you get what i mean?"

"People around us will judge us. They will crucify me for having this incest feeling for you. I will be called a cradle snatcher, a pedophile, taking advantage of your youth. Some wouldn’t understand our feelings." Malumanay kong wika.

Nasasaktan ako sa aking mga sinasabi but i need to tell her the reality. The harsh truth when someone knows about our feelings for one another.

"I don’t care Ninong. I like you not as my godfather but in a special way and i wanted to be with you always. And I know what I feel is not just a simple attraction but a feeling of being in love."

Hearing those words from her is music to my ears and fills the emptiness in my heart. At last for a long time may katungon na ang damdamin ko but at the same time i am scare for the path i am taking, for the road we are going.

"Drice, I tell you the truth. I feel the same way as you do and maybe much more. Are you willing to go through everything just for that love? Coz I am just here, waiting for you may katugon man or wala ang damdamin ko."

"I am willing Ninong, basta kasama kita, Basta nariyan ka palagi para sa akin." She hugs me immediately na may galak sa mukha.

Di ko kayang pangalanan ang naramdaman ko ngayon. At last I hold her the way I supposed to hold her. My love is loving me back. Di lang ako nag-iisa sa aking naramdaman.

"A lot of struggle we will encounter along the way as we go through this relationship. For now that you are not yet of legal age. We can't have a relationship yet as you are just 15. But when you reach 18 that's the time I will ask you again. But for now we can have a secret understanding for one another."

"I promise I will be faithful to you as I waited. No other woman in me but you.

In this time, you can sort your feelings for me if it wouldn't change as the time goes. Are you okay with that?"

"I am sure of my feelings Ninong. Ikaw ang gusto kong maging boyfriend soon and maging asawa pagdating ng panahon."

Ang puso ko ay sumayaw sa labis na saya. I am full of hope now. My waiting is well paid off.

Nakikita ko rin ang malapad na ngiti sa kanya. Ang sarap niya tingnan at ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Parang biglang naging magaan lahat now that I let my heart out in the open.

Until now I'm still questioning heaven, how could I feel this enormous love and develop a strong connection to a woman so young as her? Pinagtagpo kami sa maling panahon.

Alam ko di basta basta ang pagdadaanan namin. Para akong naglalakad sa isang makitid na tulay at apoy ang nasa baba. One wrong move and i'll be burn.

An endless fight to show to everyone that what we have is real. But for her, for my dream, i will cross hell just for this love. I only live once in this lifetime, i will make it worth. I have waited long enough.

I believe we have met in older times and now is the reunion of two hearts that are longing to be together in modern times. I had been waiting for her since i was still young and now i am waiting coz she is still young.

I hope one day everything will come into place. As our hearts reunite as one, I hope our loveones also understand. I hope that the God above will hear my plea and that he will grant my wish.

"To be with you is what i am asking for. To be with you is what i am craving for. To be with you is the happiest feeling that i long for." These are my secret pleas.

"What we have is not just a declaration of love but a promise of eternity. What we feel is not just a simple feeling of being in love but it goes beyond what the mind can't explain."

"It is not just a simple feeling but an emotion from deep within. It’s not just a simple saying of i love you but it’s acting the real meaning of the love."

"It’s not just simply telling you what i feel but letting you be part of that feeling. It’s not simply sharing my thoughts about you but telling the story behind that thought.

"It’s an emotion that embodies the true meaning of beliefs, waits, hopes and love. It’s a connection and understanding in deeper aspect."

With our situation now i can't help but to remember the past, how my feelings started and how I developed a strong connection to Drice's family that i considered as my family too.

What we had is a taboo feeling. Pinagkatiwalaan ako ng taong kinokonsidera akong mahalaga sa buhay nila. Rabi and Adric are my brother and sister not by blood but by heart and our relationship goes beyond friendship.

What I'm going to do is breaking the bond and the relationship I had built for years. And i know I'm lighting a fire and soon i will burn. Kakayanin ko ba? Handa na ba akong harapin ang galit ng taong mahalaga din sa akin?