Loving you Forever

Chapter 7

Caroline sat quietly in the lavish garden of her new home. For almost two months she had been married to Nik, and she had never been happier. She had found that it was not only Nik and Bekah she loved, but Edward and Raymondas well. Edward treated her with a respect that she found refreshing, and he loved taking her through walks of his many gardens, finally happy to have someone to enjoy the beauty of his efforts. Raymondhad taken her longer to accept, after she realized his constant attempt to sleep with her was purely a joke to rile up Nik, their friendship had developed easily. The first time she had been caught completely off guard and was saved by Rebekah. The second she played along until he was close enough and she kicked him in the groin. He was more cautious after that and made sure that all his jokes left him safely away from her body.

"There you are my love." Nik said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head before moving to sit next to her.

"I could not have been too hard to find, I come out here every sunny day at this time." She teased and gave him a proper kiss before pulling away and looking back at the scenery.

"You have been distant all week Care, is something bothering you?" He asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice, and could feel it in the tense of his arm.

Caroline paused, she had been distant, but only because she did not want to bring up what was bothering her. He was holding back, she could feel it whenever they were together, and he would disappear for long periods of time and only come to see her after he had washed. She did not want to believe that he was sleeping around, but her paranoid mind was leading her to that decision, "What are you keeping from me?"

She felt him become motionless at her side, but she was too afraid to see his face, "What are you talking about?"

"I am not an i***t. I know you are hiding something from me. I can feel the distance you keep between us. You disappear for long periods of time and always only come to see me after you have cleaned yourself up. What are you hiding from me Nikolas?" She said forcefully, finally looking up at his face. It was a blank mask, no emotions, except for his eyes, they were flooded with hurt, anger, and fear.

Caroline turned to face him fully, and reached up grabbing his face between her hands, and uttered the words she had been feeling but too afraid to say, "I love you Nik. I just wish you felt the same, then maybe you could trust me."

She lent in and placed a sweet kiss on his lips before standing and walking back into the house. Doing her best to remain strong and not let the tears pooling in her eyes fall, Caroline walked straight to her room and fell into a heap on the lavish bed wishing that its softness could calm the storm raging in her head.

A sudden dip to the bed awoke her from her uneasy sleep, and she felt his hand slowly glide up her arm. She kept her eyes firmly closed and tried to steady her breathing to make it seem as if she was still asleep.

"I know you are awake love." He said, and she could feel him pull away and assumed he was sitting up now, for his presence was still there, "That is fine, I will just talk, and when you are ready, you can answer. My family…we were not….born into this life as you were. We earned our way, and not in the most gallant nature either. As such, our childhood was not….easy….or full of love. Love is not something that comes easy to me, but I have fallen in love with you Caroline. There is just something about you that has infected me and it frightens me."

Caroline opened her eyes, but did not turn around, "I frighten you?"

"Yes, but I do not wish to lose you and if I tell you everything, that is exactly what will happen. Someone as pure and full of goodness as you will never want to be with someone like me." Nik answered, watching her back closely, begging her to turn around but at the same time wishing she wouldn't so he could not see her disappointment.

"Nik, I have already told you, I love you. I have left my family for you, though I am sure they would have gotten rid of me soon enough some other way." She sat up and turned to look at him, "Our wedding day was the happiest day of my life. I knew from the moment I saw you that day, I was hopelessly in love with you. We had never had more than two full conversations in private, in person, but I loved you, and I still do. Why can you not trust me? What must I do to prove myself to you?" Caroline begged him, forcing him to look her in the eyes, by cupping his face again, "What do I need to do to be enough for you?"

Nik eyed her confused at her last statement, "You are more than enough for me, it is that I am not good enough for you." He tried to assure her, "I love you Caroline, more than I have ever loved anyone in my life."

"Then what is it?" She asked again, her voice harsh, and dropping her arms, "What are you so afraid of me to learn? Are you sharing the bed of another woman? Is that where you sneak off to everyday? To see some mistress?"

"No!" Nik yelled, and he had to look away as he felt his anger take over, his face threatening to change, "I have not shared the bed of another woman since we meet, all I have been able to think about is you, and no one else."

"Then why will you not trust me? You claim to love me and you claim to want only me, but you will not tell me the truth. Where are you going, what are you keeping from me? I am your wife, not your servant, or your mistress, I demand the respect that I deserve. The respect that I thought you had for me, that you were the first to show me, something I never got from that bastard I was married to before." Caroline wasn't sure when it happened, but she had gotten off the bed and was now standing, her voice getting increasingly louder. A clap of thunder caused her to flinch, but she managed to keep her eyes trained on him, and she could see the tension in his features, like he was trying to keep an uneasy control. "Why can you not just trust me!"

Nik snapped and was in front of her faster than she could blink, crushing his lips to hers, "I love you! Why can that not just be enough?" He whispered before pulling back and looking in her eyes, sighing at the fear and confusion he saw there.

"How did…..how did you….you move so fast?" She managed to say, trying to process everything that was happening.

Nik paused and stepped away from her, afraid he would hurt her more than he already had, he turned away as he said, "You do not want to know the answer love."

Caroline took a deep breath to calm herself but another burst of thunder made her jump, her nerves were on edge. "I do want to know."

"This is what I am sweetheart." He said and turned around slowly, allowing his vampire face to surface and watched her eyes widen in shock, but was impressed that she did not scream, "I will not bother you again." He said and sped out the door, stopping just at the other side, he leaned against the hardwood with a sigh.

He heard her whisper, "I wish you would just trust me, I still love you, no matter what you are."

Caroline heard the tiny creak of the balcony door, and gave a small smile to herself, I knew he would not be able to stay away, she thought. She remained perfectly still, watching the rain fall and lightening flash over the lavish grounds.

He sat down next to her slowly, probably trying not to frighten her. She waited until he stilled and closed the small distance between their bodies by leaning her head against his shoulder. He changed their positions by wrapping his arm around her waist causing her head to fall to his chest.

"Why did you not tell me sooner? Have I not proven my loyalty to you? My love?" She said suddenly, her voice full of confusion and hurt, but there was a hidden conviction lacing her words. She did not fear him, even now, after seeing his true face.

"I was afraid." He answered his voice rough, and laced with emotion, "I was afraid that you would leave me when you found out what I was. I am not a good man Caroline. I do not deserve you or your love."

"Both of those things are something I have the right to decide for myself. You cannot dictate what things I do and do not get to know about you. If you truly love me, like you claim to do, then there should be no secrets between us." She said and pulled away from him, turning her body so she was facing him, though she could not see his face in the darkness.

"You are right. I should not have treated you as I did. Please believe me when I say it was not because I do not trust you, or do not love you. It had everything to do with my own insecurities….things have happened to me in the past that…..have affected my ability to…." He said to her, and she wished she could see his face.

"Let someone in completely?" She suggested, trying to finish his sentence, thinking back on all of the things she had heard him say.

"Yes." He said firmly, and she could tell he was trying to turn off his emotions, trying to be strong and distant.

"Do not do that Nikolas!" She yelled at him, grabbing his hand, and forcing him to notice her, "You are not allowed to shut off your emotions around me. Do not think you are the only one who has even been hurt by someone that is supposed to love them, do you forget where and in what situation you found me?"

"I could never forget." He whispered, "And I have another lie to confess to."

"You have not lied to me." She said forcefully, "I understand why you did not tell right away that you are….are a…" She stumbled over the word, for she did not know what to call him.

"The word you are looking for is vampire." He provided, "And yes, I have lied to you. But I will confess everything to you now, and I am sure it will change your mind about everything you think of me."

"I doubt there is anything you could have done to change my feelings." She muttered, but stayed silent as he started to talk.

"The first night I saw you was not at the ball, it was less than a week earlier, outside of your house. I was walking through the neighborhood, on my way to a pub in the lower town. I heard your argument and hid across the street, I found something about your attitude toward your husband and father…intriguing. I devised the ball as a reason to see you again and truthfully, I had no intention of being a gentleman, I was somewhat hoping that you would be…."

"A floosy like all the other ladies in this town?" She huffed, not being able to help herself.

"Yes." He answered honestly, "I was pleasantly surprised to see that you were friends with Rebekah, she has never had a friend before. It intrigued me even further, and after our little dance, I realized that I wanted more from you than a single night of pleasure. I also did not want to ruin my sister's only chance of happiness."

"This lie is not something that should cause me to think less of you." Caroline said, confused at his logic, "This is sweet."

"That is not what will make you hate me. What I tell you next will." He paused, and took a deep breath, "I could not stand the thought of having another man touch you, especially one that I could see you were so unhappy with. One of the side effects of what I am means that I can control the actions of others. I compelled Andrew to never touch you again." He could tell she was going to interrupt, "Let me finish. That was not enough though, I wanted you, and that want was rapidly becoming a need. So, I did what I do best, I found a way to get what I wanted. You."

Caroline pulled back and looked at him, she was not lying when she said she was no i***t, her voice was harsh, and accusing, "Did you kill Andrew? Did you kill my husband so I would be free to be yours?"

"Yes." He answered simply, his voice without regret, for he did not feel any, "I told you, I take what I want, and I wanted you."

Caroline felt her heart and mind racing with conflicting feelings, "Am I just some prize to you? Something you no longer want now that you have me? Are you going to…compel me to forget this entire conversation?"

"No!" He yelled, "No to all your questions. I love you! And I have done everything to protect you since you became mine. I have made it impossible for you to be compelled."

"What! How could you do that?" Her confusion only increasing the longer this conversation went on.

"There is a special herb that prevents compulsion and also makes your blood poisonous to us. I have been slipping it into your afternoon tea to make sure it never leaves your system. It has been to protect you, from other vampires, but mostly from myself." Nik told her, "I know this is a lot for you to handle right now. If you like, we can continue this conversation later."

"No, not later, but I would like to continue this inside." She said, and stomped off into the room. She could feel him following her slowly, "Tell me what it means to be a vampire, because you are saying a lot of things that are making no sense to me." She sat in the chair in front of her fireplace, pleased with the warmth it provided.

He gracefully sat in the opposite chair, "My family and I are the first vampires, our parents turned us protect us from death. We are immortal, and almost impossible to kill. We survive by drinking the blood of people, in the beginning we could not control it, I have killed a lot of people Caroline. Some of them on accident, many more of them on purpose. The herb I have given you prevents our mind control, and is poisonous to us, it burns intensely if we touch it directly. Sunlight is also deadly, we cannot go out in it without catching on fire, except for special rings my mother created for us, protecting us from the sun. Also, we cannot enter a house without being invited by a member of the household." He stopped, watching as her face showed so many different emotions as she tried to take in everything he was saying.

Caroline was silent for a long time, her mind racing in circles around each bit of information. First, she was married to a vampire. Second, his entire family was vampires. Third, vampires were creatures that lived by consuming the blood of non-vampires. Fourth, Nik had done everything he could to make sure she was protected, not only from him, but from his family as well. Fifth, he confessed to the murder of Andrew, and a countless number of other people. "How old are you then really?" Was for some reason the first thing to pop out of her mouth.

"I will forever be 24, but I was born over two hundred years ago." He answered, watching her face intensely.

"How many times have you been married then?" She asked next, not really wanting to know the answer.

Nik knelled in front of her, taking her hands in his, and looked up at her face, "I have only ever been married to you. In my entire existence I have only loved two women, and I realize now that what I felt before was not love, not when it is compared to what I feel for you." He confessed to her, trying to get her to look at him, but her eyes refused to meet his, "I love you Caroline and I will do anything you ask of me. If you want me to leave and never talk to you again, I will understand. Just tell me what to do."

She finally looked into his eyes, blue meeting blue, and she could see the love shining there, but also the rejection, he had already decided what she was going to do before she had spoken a word. Caroline slowly reached up a hand and ran a finger over his lips, those lips that kissed her senseless only that morning, that had spoken the beautiful words that made her fall in love with him. And she still loved him, despite his secrets, and despite what he was. "I love you Nikolas, what I feel for you…..I have never felt before. So, right now, what I want, is for you to take me to bed. Make love to me, prove to me that you truly love me. And, tomorrow, I will need you to explain this all to me again."

Nik looked at her in complete shock, she wasn't running away, she did not even seem to be afraid of him. She wanted to still be intimate with him, still wanted to spend her life with him, "Are you sure?"

Caroline slid off of the chair, and moved so she was straddling his hips, she cupped his face with her hands, "I have never been more sure." She answered, and closed the distance with her lips, knowing that tomorrow, in the daylight, her mind would be running wild, but, now, in this moment, all she wanted was to feel him around her.

Nik watched her sleep with eyes that showed his every emotion. He was worried that when she woke she would change her mind, and all her previous words of love and assurance would disappear. He wouldn't blame her either, she was married to a monster.

She shifted her shoulders, causing the blanket to fall from her shoulders. It gave him a full view of her bare back with her blonde hair cascading down it gently. She truly was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, and not just in her appearance but in her heart. He was sure there was not another woman in the world that would have stayed with him after he shared that he was a vampire and had murdered her husband.

The woman lying in his bed made him feel so many emotions that before he had met her he was sure were things he was incapable of experiencing. He loved her, completely. He would do anything to protect her, not only from others but from himself. It was why he was ready to let her be if she asked him to, whether it was for a day or for the rest of her life. He was sure that if she asked for the latter though, it would destroy him and send him into a spiral worse than what he felt when the hunters curse had plagued him for all those decades.

Nik was quiet as he pulled the blanket back up to cover her up again, not wishing for her to get cold. The amount he cared was truly surprising. He had never spent the entire night with a woman before his wedding night, but he had spent every night with her since then and the thought of spending even one away from her caused him to think dangerous things.

The fragile human woman had buried herself in his soul, he closed his eyes and whispered into the darkness, "I love you Caroline."

He still remembered the first time he had uttered the words to her. It had a been a night about two weeks after their wedding:

She had surprised him in his studio, a place he rarely allowed another soul except when they insisted. Raymondhad been banned on the threat of a dagger to the heart if he ever stepped foot in the room again after he made fun of the art work Nik was doing for whole 'Sun and Moon Curse' charade.

She had smiled sweetly at him, her hair was damp causing him to ask, "Did you get caught out in the storm love?"

"Yes, I was helping Edward with his roses when the rain hit." Caroline answered as she moved closer to him and the roaring fire he was sitting in front of. But she didn't take the other chair, instead she bent over and took his sketch pad out of his hands and placed it on the nearby table. She then put herself in his lap, straddling him before leaning down to place a long, lingering kiss on his lips.

Nik groaned when she pulled away from him, "Hmmmm, should we get rid of those wet clothes? I would hate for you to catch a cold."

"That is exactly why I came to you." She teased before leaning in to extract another kiss from him.

Nik moved his hands to start undoing the strings on the back of her dress, but was forced to stop once they were fully loosened as she stood up from his lap. He looked at her confused and asked, "Where are you going?"

Caroline didn't respond, instead she just smirked at him and slowly peeled the dress of her body. Leaving her standing in front of him, perfectly framed by the light of the fireplace in only her corset and the rest of her undergarments. Caroline smiled at him and gave a slow turn, "Do you like what you see my lord?"

Nik nodded and moved to grab for her, intent on showing her just how much he enjoyed the view, but she side stepped him, "Now, did I give you permission to touch?"

Nik gave her a wide-eyed look, "Are you teasing me love?"

"I would never do such a devious thing." She replied, but still refused to move any closer to him. Instead she reached behind her and pulled on the strings of her corset, deftly untying the piece of clothing. When she had finished with laces, she carefully dropped the corset to join her dress, "I am simply getting out of my wet clothes."

Nik hungrily watched as his wife slowly finished getting rid of her clothes, until she was standing completely naked in front of him. He got up and approached her slowly, and started to circle her, like a predator does it's prey, "And now that you are out of your clothes, what is your plan?"

Caroline smiled at him and walked over to the second chair and picked up his sketch book, "Maybe I will try my hand at drawing. Care to be my subject?"

Nik couldn't help up at laugh at how sweet she looked sitting in the chair with his sketch book in hand, and her body on full display. The words that came out of his mouth next were completely on reflex, and not of conscious thought, "I love you."

Caroline felt her teasing smile fall from the shock before a new a smile graced her lips, "What did you just say?"

He took a step back, surprised at the words that had just left his lips. He found though, he didn't regret saying them. Nik knelled down in front of the chair that held the woman who held his heart and repeated his previous statement, "I love you Caroline, with all of my heart."

Her smile got larger before she threw the book in her hands aside and leaned forward, "I love you too Nikolas."

Nik released a breath he had known he was holding and reached up so he could kiss and her that time, she let him.

Caroline turned over in her sleep and her arm brushed his side, waking him from his memory. He looked down at the woman, and hoped with all his being that in the light of day, she still did not see him like a monster and only as her loving husband, because that is all he wanted to be.