Three
995 Words
I used to write about you.
I hide everything behind words.
Just like what they say, love an artist because you will never die...and I precisely agree. Because every piece we made for someone special will never wither or die. They will forever ponder through the work of arts we have made.
But sometimes I wonder. How can I lock this heart so I won't get hurt?
Have you ever tried sitting on bench just observing folks around you? I've been a keen observer of people for years. I just love perceiving different behavior from different people and I believe that is one of my talents. I even take pictures of random people I see.
Then there's this guy who captured my eyes. He was wearing a plain white shirt, a black jeans and a pair of white shoes. He's tall, white and handsome. It was kinda cute seeing him with an sun glasses, everything was in slow motion as he was approaching my direction.
I'd never thought destiny would make a way to help us get closer to each other. I was indeed very happy to see him smile in a close up shot. I thought I wouldn't reach him from a far. Fortunately, destiny has been so nice to me.
It was one of the most flabbergasting moments I will never forget. How we started our conversation, how we first hung out, how we enjoyed each other's company. Those were the moments I treasured. Those were the moments that made me feel special. Those were the moments that made me shudder in delight.
I was happy. We were happy together. Until I started to wonder...
What's the real score between us? He never even dared to ask me about it. He never even dared to bring up that topic. I was also afraid to ask him first, because I still have pride in me. That's what made me feel so confused.
I didn't want to attach myself to him without any assurance. I didn't want to expect much. But I just did...every time I see him, every time we hang out, everything about him made me fall for him even more.
I wonder if he felt that way too... or if it was just another one-sided feeling?
And now what? He left me. After all those happy moments together, he now has the guts to say... He's busy with his life?
Okay I understood.
But I was still there patiently waiting for him until he cut our communications.
But...no. He just... doesn't feel like being in a relationship. He just...doesn't feel like being committed. He...just doesn't like labels.
You were never mine and I was never yours. Everything about us...just vanished into thin air.
I keep telling myself that I should just push every thought of you away and try to ignore them all. I tell myself to not check your profile every time I do it because I know you’re not thinking of me. You’ve moved on and you’re fine. But I’m not. And I want to be.
God, I want to be fine so bad. I want to think of you as just someone I used to know. Someone who was in my life for a while but now is gone.
I don’t want to miss you anymore. I just want to see you in my past and not in my present. But I can’t. So I’m going to try something new. Instead of pushing all my thoughts about you down, I’m going to start letting them in. I’m going to start feeling every single gut wrenching one. I’m going to let myself feel the heartbreak and the pain.
Because there can only be so much pain over a person I haven’t talked to in months, right? Because there can only be so much heartbreak over a person I haven’t really been close to in months, right?
At least that’s what I’m hoping for. That I will allow myself to feel all of this until there’s nothing left. Nothing left of you in my heart. Until there’s nothing left of us other than the memories I’ll sometimes go back to and visit to be thankful for but to also be glad I’m not there anymore. I’m holding on to that day when thinking of you doesn’t crush my heart anymore. This is my plan to get over you.
She suddenly remembered what her friend Jadah told her.
'Everyone praised you for you are perfect in their eyes. You have a wonderful voice, you have beauty and brains, you have the height and strength for any sports assigned. They have adored you for what you do and a single move, they are all against you. Dear, it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your fault if their desire became despise. It wasn’t your fault if the spotlight doesn’t focus on you anymore. It wasn’t your fault if they are dishing about you. It was theirs. They were not able to see your flaws. Your flaws that makes you special. They concentrated on the things that makes you imperfect — your smile, your tallent, your intelligence, everything that they see makes you imperfect. Because it’s your flabby belly, your skin asthma hidden by the sleeves of the clothes your wearing, your artworks like Picasso’s masterpiece, your corny jokes, your sharp tongue (which cursed almost everyone). It’s simply the real you. It’s your flaws that makes you perfect.
Show them what they lost, not by breaking them but by showing them how great you are.'
Star just smiled when she remembered Jadah, her long lost friend.
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
