Hammer

16 - Fuc.k what anyone thinks!

Hammer

I’ve been here for hours. Hours while the whole club tries to sort through this mess. But there’s something more going on. Shepard is fuming, but he won't tell us why. He’s yelled a lot, banged his damn fist a lot. Something’s really gotten to him.

I noticed Ghost was missing as soon as I walked in. It’s not like him. He hasn’t missed Church since the day he joined up.

“Where’s Ghost?”

“None of your damned business, Hammer.” Prez is really pissed at me. He knows. I don’t know how, but he knows that I’ve claimed Willow without his permission. Great. I bet Nova told him because I know she told Lynette.

How else would she have known?

Well, Lynette could have told Shepard. But whatever, it is what it is. I can’t and wouldn’t change it for anything.

“I’ve given y’all orders. Make sure you’re where you’re supposed to be. If any one of you fuck.s up in any way, then believe me, I’ll fuckin’ end you. I don’t give a damn who you are!”

Oh, yeah, he’s pissed, all right.

Everyone in the room looks at the person next to him. Not one of us knows what the hell is wrong, what Shepard is keeping from us. It’s more than just me and Willow – if he even knows about us – this is something serious. Something that he can’t sort out by himself. He needs us.

So, why the fuc.k isn’t he confiding in us?

Knowing Shepard, he’s trying to help some punk kid out of a bad situation. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s done it; I know it won’t be the last. He’s a good guy at heart, tough as shi.t, and twice as crazy. But he’s always there if you need him.

I needed Shepard a lot when I was a kid. I was twenty when my parents were killed. It destroyed me in the worst way. I couldn’t even be there for my brother because I was too lost in grief. It was Shepard who pulled me out of it. He made me see that Haiden – Tank – needed me. I couldn’t drown in despair when Tank was just fifteen years old. I made sure my brother knew that I wouldn’t rest until our parents’ killers were put down like the dogs they were. And put them down, I did.

Shepard kept his promise to help me end those motherfucker.s. The whole club helped bring them down. We ended the entire damn club. We didn’t leave one cunt, Old Lady, or even club whor.e alive. I know we said we didn’t kill women. We don’t, as a rule, but Apollo wanted them all gone, so not one fuc.k associated with the place could come after us looking for revenge. Strangely, none of them had small kids. It was only strange because most people have children. However, a couple of them had grown children. We could have taken them out, too, but they had nothing to do with the club. They lived with their mothers and didn’t deserve to die because their deadbeat fathers were assholes.

But we swept through that fuckin’ clubhouse like a hurricane. We broke bones, ribs, and heads just because we could.

Who gives a fuc.k if we toyed with our prey before we killed them?

I found the cunts who bragged how they offed my parents. I made them pay in ways you couldn’t imagine. Fuc.k, it doesn’t bear thinking about. I’d never before or since that day cut a man to literal shreds before. But I fuckin’ did that day. I tore the face off one of them.

That day, the Snakes doused the place in gasoline, and Shepard handed me a box of matches. He told me to torch the place. That he was giving me the honor of fully avenging my parents. He also told me a man never torches a place with his lighter; you could drop it, and that’s how a man gets caught.

I struck a match, lit the place up, and then stood back and watched it burn for a few seconds. Only a few seconds because Apollo had given us all the orders beforehand not to hang around, ride away from there, and back to the safe house.

It seems the women of this MC spend half their fuckin’ lives in that damn house.

“Get to your posts. Report to me as soon as you see anythin’ you shouldn’t be seein’. These cocksuckers are just the kind of cunts to start something out of nowhere. Just remember to stay in pairs. There’s always strength in numbers. Hammer. I want you to stay behind for a minute.”

I nod as the others leave the room with curious looks on their faces.

“Everythin’ alright, Prez?”

His eyes are cold-steal boring into me. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

I fuckin’ knew it.

Christ!

“You think you can do anything in this town without me finding out within seconds of it happening?!”

“I know you’re pissed...”

“You ain’t seen pissed yet, boy!”

I’m taller than Shepard. Hell, I’m taller than most men in this club and town. I’m well over 6-5, built like a bear, and twice as grizzly. I think that’s why he’s standing almost in front of my seat, arms folded over his chest, staring down at me. Even seated, I’m not much shorter than him.

“You take my little girl. My fragile little girl, claim her, brand her, and you didn’t think to come to me about it first? After everythin’ she’s been through, what you’ve both been through... She ain’t a replacement for Cindy!”

Fuckin’ bastard!

“I won’t let you use my daughter, Hammer. I know Willow was close to Cindy, but this is fuckin’ sick!”

I’m done.

Oh, trust me, I am not the kind of man you fuckin’ yell in the face of. I don’t give two fuckin' shits who you are, I will kill you!

I’m on my feet in front of him. I owe this man a hell of a lot. I have as much respect for Shepard as I had for my father. But I won’t let him stand here and tell me that I’m with Willow only because I wish to be close to Cindy somehow. If that’s all I wanted, I would have claimed her long ago!

“Don’t you dare stand there and tell me what I feel for Willow is nothing more than wantin’ Cindy back somehow! Do you have any fuckin’ idea how long I’ve tortured myself over this? Over what I feel for Willow?

“I’ve spent months telling myself that I’m no good for her, that she’s better off without someone like me. You have no fuckin’ idea what it did to me watching that bastard cut her throat. Holding on, trying with all my fuckin’ might to keep her alive!”

“So, you’re with Willow because you think it’s your duty to do so? This isn’t a game, Hammer!”

“No! No, it isn’t a game. This is my life, Willow’s life. I love her, Prez.”

He huffs.

He can fuckin’ dance the jig of fuckin’ death for all I care. It won’t change the fact Willow is mine, nor will it change the fact I love her.

“I’m not givin’ her up. You can order me to and tell me I’ll lose my club, the only fuckin’ family I have ever known. But I will not walk away from Willow. I almost lost her, Prez. It wasn’t until that moment I knew what I’d been feeling for her was love. It fuckin’ terrified me. I stayed away from her because I thought it would be for the best. It would keep Willow safe if she was nowhere near me. But I can’t anymore. I just can’t. She’s everything to me.”

“That’s all well and good, Hammer, but what happens in a month’s time, a year, when you realize you’ve made a mistake? Where the hell will that leave my little girl then?”

He’s really pissed about this. This can go one of two ways. Either he supports this, or he tells me to unclaim Willow. If he does that, I don’t know what I’ll do. This club is all I know. But I can’t be without Willow now. I haven’t felt this alive in years. No matter what Shepard says, I won’t leave the woman I love.

“It won't happen, Prez. I don’t know what I have to do to prove it to you but tell me, and I’ll do it. Because I love her. I really do. Willow has brought me back to life, Prez. All she has to do is smile at me, and I feel happier than I have in a very long time.

“This isn’t about Cindy. Yes, we both lost her, and it destroyed us both in ways most won’t and can’t understand. But losing Cindy brought us together, Prez. If I have to beg you not to make me choose between this club and the woman I love, I’ll do it.”

He says nothing for long moments. I’m not sure if he’s actually thinking about it or something else. But he’s looking me dead in the eye, fire burning in his.

Does Shepard honestly believe I only want Willow because Cindy is no longer here?

Fuc.k, that isn’t the case!

“Get to your post, Hammer. We don’t have time for this right now.”

“Once I’m done for the night, I’m going back to the house. Back to Willow. And I will continue to be with her until you tell me otherwise.”

“Just go, Hammer.”

I’ll go alright. I’ll do my job and then go home to the woman I love. Fuc.k what this man thinks.

Fuc.k what anyone thinks!