The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Chapter 17 - Autumn

Theo kissed me. We had been so close, and our eyes met. The way you read about, or see in movies, and it feels like time stood still for a moment… my head felt like it was spinning, knowing it was wrong allowing myself to get close to him. He did not need the complication of me being within his life, and most definitely not my family! But then he brought his lips to mine, and I panicked.

I don’t even know what happened, I think I was so used to shoving Max away when he tried it on with me, that I acted instinctively, and rammed my hand hard into his chest. Only I shoved harder than I realized, and he went tumbling from the bed onto the floor with such a thud, leaving me a trembling mess, feeling incredibly guilty… as well as regretting my decision.

And, now Theo was avoiding my gaze, laughing awkwardly, trying to dismiss my concerns, and taking all the blame. I mean, yes, he did initiate the kiss, if you can even call it a proper kiss, his lips had barely stroked over mine before I sent him flying off the bed. He had moved away from me and was on his phone. His eyes no longer willingly met mine. I think things were likely ruined now, and I didn’t know how to repair the mess that was between us.

I felt a heaviness weighing upon me as I realized I also didn’t know how I would manage the rest of the holiday celebrations without spending time with Theo. We had only been chatting a few hours since meeting again, but already I could see he was going to be my savior this holidays. And now, I feared that was lost. I was back to having to actually spend tie with my family. Or, head home.

“My Mum is asking where I am. Apparently, there are people she wants me to see, and as much as I hate that idea, that is what I have come for, I guess. I promised I would be the son they need me to be for the holiday, so I should head back down.” Theo said, the warmth in his voice replaced with awkwardness; and it didn't feel good at all.

“Theo, wait…” I tried, hoping he might be willing to try to talk things through. I wanted him to see he had done nothing wrong. We were both a little carried away in the moment. I mean, that can happen, right? And, it wasn't like I was holding it against him, he needed to see that, then he might feel differently.

“Autumn, it is fine.” He smiled, though his gaze was aimed somewhere above me, determined not to look at me, as he moved toward the door. He planned on going back and joining everyone else. Leaving things like this.

No. No, it wasn't fine. I wanted him to know he had not messed up, and that he had nothing to feel guilty about. He must have wanted to kiss me, right? Or else he wouldn’t have done it, right? I was grasping desperately for answers, wondering… trying to give myself a reason for what I was debating about doing.

I moved after him, my heart racing in my chest. I had wanted him to kiss me, I think. Well, I guess I am about to find out…

I reached for his arm, as he walked ahead of me, seemingly determined to get out of the room, and get away from me. “Please?” I asked, suddenly aware of the nerves within my voice. My body was beginning to tremble. My nervousness was building.

Theo turned to look at me. “Autumn, let’s just leave it, yeah? I made a d**k of myself. I even fell off the bed, can’t say I imagined that happening…” he rolled his eyes as if in disgust. My guesses had been right, he was embarrassed. I hated the fact I had caused him to fall from the bed now. It had been sheer accident, and I had not meant to push him that hard. It had been so long since I had been close to someone, and other than that, the only other contact I had was fighting off my own husband...

“You didn’t make a d**k of yourself.” I attempted to reassure him, but he unexpectedly gave me a cold and almost dirty stare, which made me edge away a little. He looked quite intimidating when he looked like that. I didn't like that it was me he was looking at in that way.

“No? Well, can’t say I feel at my best right now. So, let’s not make it worse, just because you feel bad, yeah?” his voice was icy, only adding to my nerves as he moved away again, reaching for the doorknob.

He thought I was doing this because I felt bad? No, I was doing this because I wanted to. Not to mention because I didn’t want him feeling bad. And, because I was a little curious…

He had the doorknob in his hand, ready to open the door, I knew I needed to act now... So, I quickly shoved Theo again, this time with a little less force, but took him with enough surprise that he moved to where I wanted, so he was against the door, my hands either side of him. His eyes looking at me in shock, my heart felt like it was about to beat right out of my chest, and I began to panic, so I knew I needed to go through with this before I backed out.

My eyes upon Theo's, whose gaze had not left mine, I stood on my tiptoes, bringing my lips briefly to meet Theo’s, taking his breath away as I did, before stepping away with a slight smile upon my face. “Just so you know, you did nothing wrong, and that you weren’t the only one wanting it…” I whispered, not quite believing I had just done that.

This was so not like me. What was this man doing to me?!