Babydoll

Chapter Five- Fractured Glass House

“I’m sure I’m the last person you want to see.” Jared spoke as he emerged behind Cartier, bringing her focus away from the emergency room doors and to his uneasy expression. With tears in her eyes, she turned away from him, acting as a young child who was recently placed in time out by trying to ignore him. “I heard about her and wanted to support you…” He explained as he now moved to where she could face him, kneeling in front of her. “I don’t know where things are with us exactly...but I want to be here for you…” As he spoke these words, Jared brought his hand to hers, attempting to offer her the emotional aid he spoke of previously. As much as she wished to pull away from him, she craved compassion and in this moment would accept that from even the devil.

“This doesn’t mean we’re back together if I let you sit…” She spoke through her pout as he smiled, nodding, and taking the seat beside her. Removing his phone from his back pocket, he set it upon the arm of the chair before bringing his focus to her. 

“What happened this time?” Jared questioned as she wiped the final tear from her cheek before answering him. 

“I came home after the party and found my dad passed out from drinking…” Jared’s eyes grew wide. “I know...my dad hasn’t touched a bottle for nearly a decade and now...because of this…” She tightened her eyes for a moment to repress further tears before speaking again. “I went up to my room and saw this message I missed from him and he told me she was in the hospital again and that it was bad…” Cartier hid her face within her hands, allowing her fingers to run through her hair as Jared took his hand to her back, attempting to console her. 

“Was it Codeine again?” He questioned as Cartier shrugged. 

“I came here after the message and they won’t tell me anything other than the fact she is being watched...I don’t even know if she is on this side of the hospital…” She was taken into Jared’s arms, a place she had forgotten felt so comforting. But as she allowed this, she suddenly found guilt to form throughout her entire soul as she wished it had been Dominick in his place. Feeling a sickness caused by this desire, she forced herself away from his arms and back into the chair, leading him to the understanding that they were not in that point of their pending relationship. 

“I’m going to get you some coffee-” Before she could oppose this as she detested the taste of coffee and preferred herbal tea instead, she was forced to think of Dominick yet again from this comparison. But the moment Jared had pulled himself up from the chairs, his phone screen lit up with a familiar name and number. 

“R U on UR way back yet, I miss U..” Written by Sarah Ryland, a name that used to belong to that of her kindergarten best friend and now belonged to a backstabber of a girl. The thought forced her into immediate anger as she lifted herself from the waiting room and towards the outside of the hospital before Jared could return to her. She could imagine how he would feel upon his return, finding an empty seat where she once sat, and coming upon his phone to learn her reason for leaving. A portion of her heart found consolation in this thought as she wished for him to know the feeling of abandonment that he seemed to constantly place upon her. 

Returning to her home, Cartier made her way stealthily into her residence before finding her father having now moved from the living room. The bottles he consumed the night before had remained in place, but his drunken body no longer resided upon the couch beside them. Instead, he was nowhere in sight, allowing her the chance to try and comprehend the details of the last day. But as she attempted to hide away in her bedroom, her eyes came to her mother’s room, a perfectly styled space that remained strong with her mother’s perfume of lavender and champagne. 

Taking a place nearby the bed, Cartier tried to understand why her mother felt the need to drown out her loneliness with an entire bottle of pills. But as the tears formed in her eyes once more while the thought of her mother lay in a hospital bed fighting for her life, Cartier found little comfort in the surroundings her mother owned. The sight of paintings she once made by hand as a child graced her mother’s walls while jewelry her mother had been gifted adorned the dresser beside the bed. Taking herself up from her reclining position, she traced her fingers over the thousands of dollars she had before her, wishing she could exchange the gems for her mother’s health as she would do so without a second thought. 

Tears fell down her cheeks as she thought of her mother’s final moments before taking the dangerous amount of pills she had, the bottle even remaining upon the bedside table. But as her eyes fell to the sight, she came to spot a note written for any who would come across it. 

“To whom it may concern, I hope whether it is Cartier or Gerald who find this, that they know my actions do not reflect my love for them as that is endless. If I am to slip away in my sleep, know that I did not take these pills as a way to end my life, but to numb myself from the pains I have collected throughout my thirty nine years. If they will be my end, know that I am now at peace and wish to remain that way, both in body and reputation. I pray that my actions have not harmed any of those who love me or whom I love. Instead, I wish for this to be liberating.” Signed Connie.

This entire letter had broken her heart for every word written; but the detail that had been her emotional downfall was the lack of a proper goodbye or an “I Love You” spoken to her as their sole child. 

“Until tonight, I had hid every single letter she had written…” Cartier’s father spoke behind her, making her draw her gaze to him. “I had never wished for you to come upon them…”

“She wrote these before?”

He nodded, taking a drink of a beer within his hands before stumbling into the room, still affected by the mass amount of alcohol he had consumed in the last twenty four hours. 

“ The first one was when we lost a baby….there was a baby before you...we lost him...four months old…” Her father sniffled before then bringing the now empty bottle to his lips, growing angry at the fact it was gone. Suddenly, he used every ounce of his strength to smash the bottle towards the vanity mirror in his wife’s room, shards having struck Cartier. “I hid them for the last twenty years but there is no reason to protect you anymore...It’s because of you that she did this…”

“Dad-”

“Don’t ‘dad’ me…” He spoke angrily by moving to her, angry tears now burning her eyes. “She spent her entire life trying to be this good mom and...then you had to go break up her perfect life for you by ending this with Jared...that’s all she wanted in life was to make sure you had someone…” he narrowed his eyes to her. “She was called by someone else at the country club and they told her the news...Even if you would have told her yourself...it would have been better-and not only that but you...you just barely got into Yale…” He began to list pointless details, breaking her heart in the process.

“Dad…” The painful words having made her nearly speechless, she could not believe the man standing across from her. “I know you’re hurting-”

“Hurting? I’m not hurting, I feel great...I feel resentful….I feel regret…But I feel almost numb...” Cartier began to sniffle against her emotions. 

“You don’t mean it...You’re just drunk-”

“I’M NOT A DRUNK!” Suddenly he charged at her, making her cower for just a moment before she decided she would no longer be a victim to his anger. Throwing her body over the bed just before he would have captured her, Cartier ran out of the house and into the street, unsure where it was she was heading, but knowing she had to leave. Without anything more than the cellphone in her pocket and tears pouring down her cheeks, Cartier was self-abandoned. 

Kicking the rocks in front of her, she tried to think of what it was she was going to do or where she was going to go. Once possessing a plethora of what she believed to be loyal friends, Cartier understood that she was more of an outcast than that of a leper. She could no longer find comfort in Jared as he had no loyalty in their relationship as he had already moved on less than twenty-four hours after their breakup. She no longer held a best friend as she was the one Jared seemed to have affections for. And she no longer had a safe home life as her father relinquished his sobriety following her mother’s need for pills. Without a haven, Cartier made her way towards the only place she had ever felt as though she belonged, ordering an uber to bring her there. 

When the car came to a stop within the driveway, Cartier slipped from the back of the seat, thanking her driver, before growing nervous as she ventured towards the front door of this house. Although she felt welcome here, she was unsure if the owner of the house felt the same way, but without anywhere else to go, she continued forward until she stood at the entryway. Carrying her hand upwards into a fist, she knocked and was left wondering if he was home before finding the door to come open just before she lost hope. 

“I didn’t know where else that I could go…” She spoke honestly as he smiled widely to her, nodding in acceptance before opening the door further for her. 

“You’re always welcome, babydoll…” Dominick’s pleasantly kind yet mysterious smile welcomed her as he held his hand over the door to keep it open and allow her to pass through beneath him.