Entangled Heart: A Rival's Redemption

Chapter 6: Rising Shadows.

--------------------Based on Emma?

Over and again, I had spent the weekend revisiting my chat with Liam. Every remark, every glance, every touch of his palm on mine felt like an endlessly running loop in my thoughts. I could not concentrate on anything even as I sat at my kitchen table Sunday night staring at my laptop. Work and personal life were all jumbled together, and he was totally responsible. He had remarked he would not give up on us. Those words stuck in my chest like a thorn, a little, stinging pain that would not allow me breathe naturally. I wasn sure whether I was ready for what "us" suggested. Surely we could have that once more. Could what had been broken be put back together? I groaned, closed my laptop, and massaged my eyes. From my apartment window, the skyline sparkled in gentle, amber haze from the city lights. While I sat here stuck between past hurts and uncertain futures, the world outside was still moving along. I despised it. The amount of mental space Liam was consuming disgusted me. Startled by a gentle rap on the door I wasn't expecting anyone. My heart thung in my chest, a pulse of anxiousness causing my palms to sweat. Neither Liam nor could it be. He would not simply show up here without notice. When I saw Jenna standing there, clutching two big paper bags that smelled strongly of takeout, I sighed with relief and crossed the room opening the door. Walking in without waiting for an invitation, she stated, "I come bearing comfort food and zero judgment." Grateful for her presence, I closed the door behind her and trailed her to the kitchen. Jenna seemed to know just when I most needed her. She laid the bags on the counter and began to sift Thai food packets. "Spill it," she murmured, eyebrows lifted as she looked at me. "All weekend you have been in your brain. I am clear-cut. I sighed and slanted against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. "It's Liam.." She gave me a look that spoke clearly and kept dissecting the meal. "I have no idea what to do," I said. "He is seeking atonement." He said he wanted to make things right between us, and he apologized. He keeps saying. Jenna stopped midway through unloading and stared at me, wrinkled brow. And how do you find that? That's the thing, I muttered, frustratedly running a hand through my hair. "I not know. Basically, part of me wants to trust him. To hope for new things this time. But the logical side of me—that which screams that I cannot trust him—is calling. Not in line with what transpired. Jenna leaned across from me against the counter, her face thoughtful. Emma, you have traveled a lot with Liam. Nobody would hold you responsible for being wary. People do, meanwhile, change at the same time. And it sounds as though he wants to demonstrate to you his altered nature. "I know," I responded, sounding subdued. But what should he have not done? If I let him reenter my life and he crushes my heart once more, what then? With sympathetic eyes, Jenna stretched out and squeezed my hand. Em, you are not sure for sure. But you should consider what would be worse—risking injury by chance or not taking a chance and constantly wondering what might have been. Her comments struck me like a punch to the belly, and I had to turn away, blinking back the unexpected stinging of tears. Though Jenna was right, I didn't want to own it. Though the idea of losing Liam for good scared me even more, the idea of allowing him back into my life horrified me. I said, "I hate that you're right." Jenna grinned and handed me chopsticks and a nood container. " Usually am. ---------------------wise Monday arrived faster than I would have preferred, and with it the reality of running across Liam once more. I knew nothing about what I should say to him or how I should handle the unavoidable discussion on what had happened between us. I realized, though, that I couldn't keep dodging him indefinitely. The old knot in my chest, a continual reminder of the unresolved emotions whirling between us, settled in when I entered the workplace that morning. Carrying my laptop like a lifeline, I headed toward the meeting room. Though I knew it would come, I wasn't ready for another heated discussion. Also earlier than I had anticipated. When I got there, Liam was already seated at the large glass table staring at the laptop in front of him. His eyes raised to mine as soon as I entered, and for a single second the world appeared to stop. He stood closing his laptop as he moved around the table toward me. My heart thumping in my chest, he stopped just a few steps away, dark and austere. "Emma," he whispered gently, his voice low enough only I could hear. "Can we have a conversation?" I stopped momentarily, my head whirling. Though I had been considering this—about him—all weekend—now that I was standing in front of him, I knew nothing to say. "Okay," I murmured, my voice calm despite the thrums of anxiety coursed through my body. He pointed toward a corner of the room, away from the others, where we might have some quiet. My heart pounding in my chest, I trailed him afraid of what was about to happen. Liam turned to face me, his face blank, once we were by ourselves. "I meant I would give you time; I know I said that. But I have to know our current position. His words, loaded with unspoken feelings, hovered between us. I turned aside, chewing my lip while I searched for the proper words. Actually, I was not sure where we stood. How to negotiate the disaster we had produced was unknown. I said, my voice almost above a whisper, "I'm not sure." "I'm back saying all the right things, but...I'm not sure if I can trust that. I spent years trying to move on from what happened between us." Liam's jaw locked and I could see the agony flash over his eyes. I get it. I understand not yet I do not merit your faith. To get it back, though, I am ready to do whatever it takes. I choked hard, my heart hurting at the authenticity in his voice. Part of me wanted to believe him, wanted to allow myself hope that perhaps things might be different this time. Still too terrified to make that jump, though, was the other side of me—that which had suffered before. "I'm not sure whether I'm ready for that," I responded quietly. "I'm not sure if I'm ready to let you back in." Liam moved in front of me, his gaze darting about. "Emma, I'm not right now demanding everything. I simply ask for an opportunity. An opportunity to show that I have evolved. That we might make this work. My breath seized in my throat as his words sank down on me. I could do this. Knowing the risk involved, could I honestly offer him still another chance? Knowing he could once more cause my heart to hurt? I stared down, doubt and anxiety whirling through my head. But then I thought back to Jenna's words: what would be worse—always wondering what may have been or accepting the risk? And in that instant I understood that the fear of injury was far less terrible than never knowing. Rising my head, I looked at Liam. "Okay," I responded, my voice steady. We will go one step at a time. I am not, however, pledging anything. Liam's gaze softened as a tiny smile started to pull at his lips. "That's all I'm looking for." I nodded, with an unusual mix of relief and anxiety in my chest. This would not be simple—trust never was. But I sensed, for the first time in a long time, perhaps, just maybe, we had a shot. ---------------------- The next two weeks were an unusual juggling between job and personal feelings. During the day, Liam and I maintained professionalism; yet, suddenly there was an unsaid awareness between us, a thin thread linking us in a manner not seen before. Though it was precarious, it was there. Sometimes I noticed myself observing him—how he managed the project, how he spoke to colleagues and clients using that natural charm he always possessed. And as I detested to say it, I started to respect him. Though all that had occurred between us, I couldn't ignore that he was still the same intelligent, driven man I had previously fallen for—good at what he did. But these days I was different. stronger. wiser. And this time I was not going to let myself fall so readily. After a really demanding day at the job, Liam asked me one evening whether I wanted to have dinner. Though formally not a date, there was a conflict between us that suggested something more. Something quiet. Ultimately, we arrived at a small, quiet restaurant on the outskirts of the city—the kind of venue we utilized when we were...us. My chest hurt from the familiarity of it, but I forced the sensation down and concentrated on the present. We discussed work, life, everything and nothing at once over supper. It was simple; over dinner, Liam and I discussed all—work, life, and memories buried yet now felt closer than ever. Though with an edge of uncertainty, the environment was pleasant, much like old times. He watched me and I could see he was looking for any indication I was letting my guard down. Something delicate but real moved between us while we ate a peaceful dinner. And for the first time I started to think whether perhaps, just maybe, this would work.