Our dark place

Chapter 9: Busted

Chapter 9

Odette

Ever since Tabitha caught me cutting she has been keeping a close eye on me in school and inspects my wrists every morning to see if there are any new cuts.

She told me that she used to cut once then she hit the wrong vein and she lost control completely, she told me that Fisher found her unconscious on the bathroom floor. She said that no one should feel the pain Fisher told her he did when he found her almost dead. That's why she's so scared for me, for what I might accidentally do to myself.

I understand her I do. But I have to cut, otherwise, I'm too overwhelmed by all of my feelings. All of my feelings are way harder to handle than the pain I feel from cutting.

I think this is a little weird. I don't usually something about him that both interest me and makes me want to kill him.

I'm on my way to school and all I feel is anxiety. I bring up my calming powder from my pocket. I open the small box and put some of the magic powder on the back of my hand. I bring my nose down and snort it up, first in one of the nostrils and then in the other.

"Odette?!"

I look up to see that I'm actually outside of school without even realizing it. Tabitha and Fisher are running up to me, Fisher smashes my hand and my crack spreads out in the windy air before the box hits the ground.

"What the hell?" I shout and push him. “Why did You do that?”

"Are you stupid? Don't you know how dangerous that s**t is?" He almost yells.

"Oh like you've never taken it", I say. I dare him to lie to me right now, but I’ve got a feeling he won’t.

"That's not the point, the point is it's dangerous and I know it", he says and looks me in my eyes. "You've already taken it, haven't you?" I don't answer him. "Haven't you?!"

Before I can answer I hear a voice I do not want to hear.

"Ms. Collins, Mr. Martin, and Ms. Rivera," the voice says. "My office. Now."

He starts walking. Fisher gives me the evil eye while we follow the principle into school. We walk behind him, and his steps seem to be unusually heavy this morning. Not good. Not a good sign, but at all. He will expel me now for sure. I blame Fisher and Tabitha, no one told them to interfere. But I blame myself as well. I should've watched out better since I knew I was almost at school.

Principal Davis walks through the school and directly towards his office. He marsh inside and the door closes on Fisher’s nose as he's about to follow through the door.

I want to laugh but I don't. That would be stupid in my position right now, so I don't do that, instead, I keep my lips in the straight tight line.

Tabitha opens the door and Fisher walks in with a swollen nose, I walk in last after Tabitha. The principal is sitting behind his desk already, waiting for us.

We step closer.

"Principal D, I can explain, I..."

"I am not interested in an explanation, Ms. Collins", principal Davis says. "I thought you were making a progress, I was wrong", he turns his attention to Fisher and Tabitha. "And the two, of you I am highly disappointed, I actually thought that you'd started to bounce back from past mistakes, and clearly I was wrong".

Tabitha and Fisher just look down at their feet. Past mistakes. They didn't though, they didn’t do anything wrong at all. I was the one who did wrong.

"No, principal D it was all me, they just started to yell at me for what I was doing", I say. "They had nothing to do with it, they're innocent, they're just being good friends to a hopeless human being like myself".

Tabitha and Fisher look at me with frowns on their forehead. Worry in their eyes. Principal Davis looks at us and sighs.

"In that case, Mr. Martin and Ms. Rivera, you may leave us", he says.

They nod and leave the room. Principal D looks at me.

"I don't know what to say Ms. Collins", he says.

"Just expel me already", I say.

"I could do that", he says. "Or I could call your parents".

I start to panic. He can't call my parents. I don't care so much about my mom but I could never live with myself if I made my father disappointed in me.

"Please don't do that", I say sitting down in one of the chairs.

"Why not? You're obviously not okay, and your parents could help you, and maybe help me understand how to help you", principal D says.

"But you are helping, I'm at every single one of the therapy classes, and they are helping", I say. "Maybe you can't see that right now but I can feel it, deep in my heart I can feel myself slowly getting better, calling my parents wouldn't make anything better, but these classes are".

I look up at principal D and I can see him studying my face looking for a lie. My guess is that in not his first trouble student, and not Jesse either. He's been doing this for a while and he knows what he's doing and how to handle students like us. I maybe even like him it.

"I promise I won't take this stuff again, just please don't call my parents", I say.

Two long minutes pass before principal D speaks.

"Fine, but know this, I'm going to keep my eyes on you, one wrong move and I'll expel you before you even have time to blink", he says. "And you can kiss your future goodbye".

I sigh in relief. Thank goodness. I mean am yeah, I'm still not off the hook, but at least for now, I'm safe. Kinda safe anyway. With principal D. With Fisher and Fisher, I'm not safe yet, I bet they're waiting outside so they can kill me with their bare hands for almost getting them I'm trouble. And I don't think they would be wrong to do that, to be honest, I don't know how to be a good friend, I don't gave the social skills to be a good friend.

I feel really bad, I know I have to apologize to them, but I'm not good with apologies, I'm not good at getting them or giving them.

"Thank you", I say, looking down in my lap. I'm not going to be able to breathe without principal D's eyes in my neck.

I don't even know how I get myself into these situations. Trouble seems to follow me, and have been since Cassie was murdered. She would most certainly kill me if she was alive to see me like this. She would be so disappointed and angry.

I don't know what to do or say anymore so I just stand up, and start walking towards the door.

"Oh and Ms. Collins, I will be attending every single one of the therapy classes you say ate helping so much", principal D says.

"Why’s that?" I ask and turn around to look at my tough principal.

"To understand you better".

This is frustrating. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why can’t I just keep it together and be who I was before? I’m not who I was before, maybe that’s why, but I could at least keep myself together and not disappoint everyone.