The Destroyed Luna

Chapter 3: Milly

***CONTENT WARNING!!!*** THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER DEPICTS STRONG EMOTIONS AND DISCUSSION OF SUICIDE! THIS WILL BE UPSETTING FOR SOME READERS! READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!

Why? Why would he do this to me? Why would he tear my beating heart from my chest like that and then crush it before everyones’ eyes? What did I do to deserve this? He lied to me. He promised I would be his chosen mate and he lied to me. What did I do wrong? Was it when he tried to break things off with me?

Milly, I think I found my mate.

No… No, you didn’t! I am your mate!

What are you saying?

I am saying what had to be said! You are cruel to think that was acceptable! You should have known how much I loved you! How much I trusted you! You were my first in everything! Did that not matter to you? Was I truly just some stupid toy for you to play with until you found your so-called mate?

Milly… I understand that you are hurt and mad. Why are you being so cruel to me though?

You are the one who started it! I was nothing but kind and loving to you up until that moment… You made me into this monster of hate and rage! Because of you, I have been awful towards my siblings and even more so towards my niece and nephew! I love all of them, and they didn’t deserve the anger and rage you forced me to have!

Maybe I should just let Star run our life for the rest of it? I could just curl up and die right now and nothing else would really matter. No one wants me around anyway. I am not as pretty as Mia. I am not as smart as her either. I’m not as strong as Max or as kind. I have nothing to offer anybody. Hell, I can’t even offer my mate the privilege of being my first anymore. I broke that sacred bond with him forever and nothing is going to be able to repair it. Why should I subject my fated mate to me anyway? I am nothing in this whole world. I am the second daughter of a convicted criminal alpha. I have no life, no worth, and nothing to give. Death is probably the best option. That is what I will do. I will just curl up and die.

You can’t die, Milly. I have so many plans for you. Just wait and trust me.

Who said that? It couldn’t have been Star. No, that wasn’t Star’s voice. So who was that? Who is inside my mind with me? Who are you? What do you want?

I think it is your turn to visit me, Milly.

I feel myself being pulled out of my dark hole that I have sunk into. My head is pulled out of the water by a woman who looks like the moon.

“Who are you? Where am I? What do you want?”

The woman gives me a soft expression with sad mournful eyes. “I am the creator of all of my children. I am the Moon Goddess, Selene. You are in my domain. I have brought you here to talk to you.”

I scoff and shake my head. “I don’t want to talk to you. I want to die. I am of no use to anyone in the human world. I have no prospects. I have no life. I can’t find love. I am not smart enough or talented enough. I am not strong enough or kind enough. I am just a waste of space that doesn’t deserve to take up more precious oxygen on this stupid earth.”

I lower my head and look down into the dark water. Selene sighs and lifts my chin to look into her eyes.

“You are not a waste of space. You have a life and a lot of love to give. You just put that love into someone that was never going to be yours.”

“Why? Why did you do it? Why didn’t you fate Liam and me together? Why didn’t you let us love each other like we were supposed to? Why?” I look into her sad eyes and demand my answers.

She sighs and shakes her head. “That is not how this works, Milly. Please, just trust me. You will find the one you are supposed to be with. You will love him and he will love you with all of his heart. Just trust me.”

I stomp my food and push her hand away from me. “No! I won’t trust you ever again! You might be the Moon Goddess, but you have made my life a living hell! When I take back control from Star, I am going to end my life and be done with all of this hopeless bullshit of a fated mate and a love everlasting! I hate you!”

I glare at the goddess before me and all she can do is sigh. I see tears forming at the edges of her eyes. “You say these things now because you are hurt. I will give you more time to mourn your lost life that you had planned. Goodbye, Milly. I will talk to you in a little while.”

“What does that mean?”

She pushes my head back into the water. I tried to fight her at first, but I decided to let it happen.

I slip back into the darkness and curl up into a ball. What does that stupid goddess know anyway? How stupid can she be? I am no use to anyone, not even to her. She doesn’t love me. She doesn’t care about me. I will never find someone who loves me and cares about me. I am just the stupid second daughter of a convicted criminal alpha.

I have no idea how long I have been in this state of mind or being. It could have been a few minutes, a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months. I don’t care. My human body is starving, but my wolf form is what is keeping me alive. I know that when I shift back I won’t be able to shift again until I get my strength back. I don’t care. I just hope I die before someone can force me to live. I could always take my own life. What would be the best way?

I know wolfsbane is a painful death. I could always just take a whole bunch of pills and slip into nothing. Like falling asleep. That would probably be pretty peaceful. Maybe I could cut my wrists. I would have to use a silver knife in order to do it, but that shouldn’t be hard to find. I know every pack has one for their rituals and ceremonies. I could always hang myself, but I’m not sure if my wolf would let me do it. Knowing Star, she is on the same page as Selene.

Why can’t I take my own life? It is my life! Who would I hurt if I died? Nobody, that’s who. No one would care if I never showed back up. No one is going to be looking for me. No one is going to be trying to find me and no one is going to even care to try and find me. I am a useless waste of space. I am nothing.

Please… Be kind to yourself.

Ugh… Not you again. Leave me alone, Selene! I don’t want to live anymore. I have made up my mind!

Please! You are his last chance. You are his only hope to find love.

Who? Who’s last chance? I don’t even know what you are talking about!

Please… Just give it a chance. I promise you that you are more than needed. Please.

Ugh… If I agree to this, will you leave me alone and let me continue to do what I want for a little while longer?

Yes… I will give you one more week after today.

A week? Is that how long I have been doing this?

Yes…

I sigh. I know Star is tired, but I am too. I am not ready to take back control yet. I’m not going to be ready to take back control for a while. I need more time. I need more space.

Milly…? Are you there?

Yes… What is it, Star? I’m not ready to come back yet.

Okay… I just wanted to let you know that we are safe. Just keep resting. When you are ready, you can take back control.

Keep resting… I haven’t rested a single bit since this whole thing started… What am I going to do?