Marks and Scars

Private Person

I woke up alone on the couch. A blue and white checkered quilt fell into my lap when I sat up. 

Bacon.

I sniffed the air a few times and turned quickly to look toward the kitchen. Jeremy’s back was to me. I could hear the familiar sizzle of oil in a pan, and my stomach growled viciously. As though he could hear it, Jeremy turned around and let loose a brilliant smile.

I noted the absolute darkness outside the windows. “What time is it?” I swung my legs into the floor, rubbing sleep out of my eyes.

“10:00 PM.”

“And you’re...making breakfast?”

Jeremy smiled again and looked back to the food. “Yeah, I figured it’s the least I could do since I had to cut our breakfast date short.”

I returned his smile, and hopped up off the couch. “Is there a bathroom in here?”

“Yeah, it’s in the bedroom back there.”

I nodded and walked into the back bedroom of the cabin, easily finding the bathroom. Once I had the bathroom door closed, I turned around, freezing when I caught my reflection. There was still dried blood on my neck, and I scowled at the flashbacks of Jeremy sinking his elongated canines into my skin. I grabbed one of the white washcloths folded neatly on a floating shelf, wet it with warm water, and began scrubbing off the blood. Beneath all the blood, there were no wounds. Only a set of lines, about an inch and a half in length each. They were thin and flat. I would have thought they were scars, but their white color was too bright, almost like a tattoo. Looking at the marks together, they looked like a single, vertical line that had been interrupted. So neat and tidy. Not messy like I’d expected, what with all the blood. 

Still scowling, I threw the rag into the wastebasket and went about my business.

Back in the kitchen, Jeremy had made up two plates of bacon, eggs, and toast. We stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, eating quietly. 

“Can you take me home, when we’re done eating?” I asked Jeremy after I was nearly done.

Jeremy slowed his bites, looking at me from the corner of his eye in surprise. “Home?”

I nodded. “Yeah. I have work in the morning. I have to open.”

Jeremy took a few more bites before responding. “Why don’t you stay here?” 

“Where? Here?”

“The cabin. I was thinking about letting you have it.”

I raised my eyebrows, but he held up his hand, stopping me. 

“I’m not saying move in with me or anything. I just thought you could stay at the cabin if you want. There’s a lot more privacy out here. It’s quiet. I thought you might like it. I’ll go back to my own place. Scout’s honor.. Normal dating relationship and all. And later on, we can move in together. If you want. When you’re ready.”

“We can have a normal relationship while I live in my apartment. This cabin is lovely, but I have roommates, I can’t just ditch them and move into a cabin because my werewolf mate wants me to. That’s not a valid reason to break a lease.”

Jeremy’s face darkened a bit, but he tried to cover it up. My eyes widened as I realized his true motivation

“This is about Dalton, isn’t it?”

Jeremy turned abruptly and began placing the dirty dishes in the sink. “Just take the cabin.”

I frowned lightly. “Just trust me.”

Jeremy’s hands stilled, but he didn’t turn around.

“This is the third day that we’ve known… well, that I’ve known you,” I began, clenching my fists as though it would help me stand my ground. “And all day today, you’ve acted like nothing but a spurned lover. And it’s not okay. You can’t shame me for the relationships that I’ve experienced, or even that I have now. I am human, I am just living my life. I’m not going to reject you just because you’re worried about my roommate’s vagabond brother sleeping on my couch. Dalton has been like a brother to me, but I’ve never been one to bow to pressure from family members.”

Jeremy still didn’t turn around. 

“Unless it’s not just that,” I wondered. “Is it because he’s a wolf? Are you afraid he’ll tell me something you don’t want me to know?” Memories of Dalton’s absolute disgust toward Jeremy flitted through my mind. 

Jeremy turned around slowly, his eyes dark. “There’s nothing to hide, Kara. There’s only a lot for you to learn. I’m not intentionally keeping things from you, but there are things that you haven’t discovered yet.”

“Like what?”

Jeremy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “The main things that mutt will likely impress upon you are that I am a tyrant. That I’m evil. Spawn of the devil. Born of darkness. Something along those lines.”

“Why?”

“We’re enemies,” Jeremy shrugged. “I don’t have a favorable impression of his kind either.”

“What’s so bad about rogues?”

“In our world, rogues are outlaws, felons. They’re too wild to submit to a leader, or they did something so horrible, that they were disowned by their original pack. And once you’re disowned, you can never be a part of any pack again.”

“Was Dalton once a part of your pack?” I asked.

Jeremy let out a single laugh. “No. He wandered down from up north with several other rogues not long ago. They’ve been pushing boundaries and screwing up our borders, so we’ve had a few clashes.”

I was silent for a few moments, long enough that Jeremy looked at me, expectantly. “I’m going back,” I reaffirmed. “You don’t have to drive me if you don’t want to. I can call a ride.”

Stand your ground. 

Jeremy scowled, but didn’t argue anymore. “No, I’ll drive you.”

Although the atmosphere was much calmer than before, I still felt uneasy. I could feel unspoken words lingering between us, but I had no idea what they were. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know. 

True to his word, Jeremy drove me home as soon as the dishes were all spotlessly washed, dried, and put away. He pulled up to the apartment and followed me out of the Jeep, up to the back door. I turned to look at him as I dug out my key.

“I’ll leave you here then,” Jeremy murmured, staring icily at the door behind me as though it had seriously wronged him.

I frowned and caught his gaze. His eyes warmed a few degrees when he turned his attention to me. He placed his palm lightly against my neck, over the two distinct lines on the side of my neck. I frowned, still unhappy with how he’d marked me. 

As though he sensed my thoughts, he let out a sigh and bent down, his lips gently brushing mine. “I’m sorry about earlier,” he whispered, his deep voice a little hoarse. 

I leaned back slightly, so that I could see his eyes. “On a scale of one to terrifying, how normal is that for you?” I asked him, wondering if I should expect the same explosive temper again and again. What worried me...was that it wasn’t a total deal breaker.

Jeremy frowned, his hand moving from my neck to my hair, raking his fingers through the long, mousy locks. “I wasn’t angry at you,” he murmured. “But I am what I am. Tempers run hot for my kind. That wasn’t even as bad as it could have been… I was forcing myself to hold back. I was actually trying not to scare you, believe it or not.”

I couldn’t really prove him wrong. Given that my experience with wolves was pretty much limited to him and Dalton… what he said rang true. Explosive tempers were to be expected. But I couldn’t stop my face from falling even more. Jeremy caught my cheek this time, rubbing the pad of this thumb along my cheekbone.

“I’ll try harder to keep your feelings in mind though,” he promised. “As long as you always remember that I would never intentionally hurt you. 

I reached up and closed my hand around his fingers, tucking our hands beneath my chin, against the mark. He did hurt me though. It may not have been intentional on his part. It may have even been normal for wolves. But it wasn’t so much the fact that he marked me as it was the motivation for the timing of it. He did it because he’d been provoked. 

I was staring at the space behind Jeremy. If he noticed my thoughts, he didn’t give any indication other than pulling me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head lightly. 

“I’ve got to go- I have work in the morning,” I told him as I pulled away. 

He grinned faintly. “All right. I’m going to head back to clean a few things up over on the island. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

I nodded numbly. He bent down, giving me a light kiss on my forehead. I told him good night, and went into the apartment. It was dark. The living room appeared empty, which I was grateful for. I wasn’t ready for the confrontation with Dalton. I went into my bedroom without turning any lights on and immediately began stripping, changing into my pajamas quickly. With an afterthought, I wandered over to the dresser and dug out my medicine, took out the three pills and threw them in my mouth, swallowing with only a little difficulty.

It was then that I noticed that something was off. The stack of boxes near the closet- one was on the ground, open. I walked over cautiously and froze. The boxes had been there for so long - I’d long forgotten what the contents were. But staring into the mess inside, I realized…

I crouched down and started rummaging through the photo albums, yearbooks, journals, and documents. There was an accordion file near the top. It too was open. I thumbed through the paperwork inside before throwing it violently back into the box.

It was where I kept all my important documentation before the move to Savannah, and the one thing missing was my marriage certificate. I picked up a photo album that had been discarded on the floor and flipped through the pages with a sick feeling settling in my stomach. It was the wedding album, but there were a few familiar photos missing. 

Who did this… who took them…

Didn’t he say that rogues had them delivered?

I threw the album back into the box as well, anger swelling up inside me. I had just assumed that the documentation in the envelope was copied. I didn’t realize that someone had broken into my home to steal it. My phone began buzzing on top of the dresser. I picked it up and swallowed down my feelings, quickly answering the call as I exited my room, barging through Cathleen’s closed door.

“Hey,” I said into the phone as I glanced around Cathleen’s empty bedroom. She was out. 

“Hey… everything okay?” Jeremy’s voice came through the phone steadily, an edge of worry in his voice. 

I furrowed my brows for just a second before remembering that he could feel what I could feel. No emotional privacy, whatsoever. And this realization hit me like gas on a fire. The anger flamed into my chest. I felt incredibly exposed. Violated.

“Yes,” I answered him, somehow managing to sound neutral.

There was a brief moment of silence before Jeremy responded. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure. Everything is just fine.” I heard the front door open and close.

“I can turn around if you need me,” Jeremy offered.

“No, it’s fine. Go take care of what you need to do,” I responded tightly. “Thanks for checking up on me. Good night.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond again. I ended the call and turned, marching out of Cathleen’s room, staring into the living room.

All of the lights were still off. Only dim light from the street lamps outside filtered through the blinds in the window. I could barely make out who it was. Dalton was sitting on the couch, staring at the ceiling, his hands clasped behind his head. 

I moved to stand in front of him, and he turned his head to face me. Minutes passed as I stood across the coffee table from where Dalton reclined on the couch, his arms spread out on either side of him, resting on the back of the cushions. His stare didn't let up either. His expression was puzzling but made me feel as though I were staring at a complete stranger.

Finally...

“What’s wrong, Kara?” Dalton asked me lightly.

“Was it you?” I asked him, pointing over his head at my open bedroom door. 

He said nothing, only stared at me steadily. I took that as a yes. 

“You went through my things. You had no right diving into my past like that,” I began, the volume of my voice rising as I spoke. 

Dalton glanced at me and shrugged. “I was running out of options, and you weren’t listening to my warnings. And everyone knows that  Alphas are notoriously selfish. They don’t like to share.”

"I don't understand what any of this has to do with you- or why you feel the need to get so involved."

He seemed to let out a silent laugh, moving his intense eyes to the side, but only briefly.

"You should say that while standing in front of the mirror," he told me. "You are the outsider. You are the one who has nothing to do with the wolves."

"It isn't like I'm choosing this," I argued, splaying my hands out in front of me.

"You are, buy choosing not to reject him." Dalton's voice was calm and smooth, a stark contrast to how he had sounded that morning. 

Like I even know how to do that. Literally and emotionally. I let out a breath.

"You're not going to do it?" He asked, as though he really didn't sound too sure. I opened my mouth to answer when his eyes narrowed and he shot up to his feet, staring intently at something just below my eyes. 

"He marked you?" 

Oh... I instinctively raised my hand to the nearly invisible mark, which felt incredibly warm to the touch somehow. 

"That settles it then," Dalton decided, bending down to scoop up his coat. He stormed past me to the back door. "I'm moving out. Consider this my notice. Effective immediately."

"Dalton," I called after him, "Don't be ridiculous, where are you going?" Only then did I look around and realize that the suitcase and duffel bag he had been living out of were gone, and none of his belongings were scattered around the living room.

"Dalton," I called out again, following him out the back door. He didn't let up his pace, "Why are you leaving? You don't have to leave, don't go!"

"What, do you want me to stay?" he suddenly shouted, turning around just before he reached his truck. 

I hesitated. “Don’t go like this. I thought we were friends, I thought we got along. Why can't you just be happy for me? You're my best friend's brother, you're basically my brother. Why-"

"Then as your 'brother' you should listen to me when I tell you that Greystone is bad news. If you stay with him, you WILL get hurt. He may not hurt you himself, but that doesn't mean that someone in his precious pack won't, let alone the rival packs- when they hear that his mate is a human. He may not hurt you directly, but he is sealing your fate by choosing to stay with you. And that is shitty if you ask me."

He turned around again, climbed into his truck, and drove away as I struggled to process what he had said. 

Eventually, I turned around and wandered back into the apartment. I shut the door tightly and made my way to my room, pausing briefly to stare at Cathleen’s room before shutting myself inside. I wasn’t sure how to explain Dalton’s leaving to Cathleen. But for the time being, I didn’t want to think about it. When I finally laid down, my phone started buzzing again. I glanced at it, already knowing that it was Jeremy.

“Hello?”

“I’ve gotten things settled here.”

“That was fast.”

“Do you want me to come over tonight? I can be there in no time.” 

I didn’t answer immediately, but stayed quiet for a moment, staring at my ceiling. I did want him to come over. It worried me how much I wanted him to come over. But after Dalton’s performance, I felt like I needed to be alone. 

“I’m really tired, and I have to be up for work by 8. I think I’ll just see you sometime tomorrow if you want.”

This time, Jeremy was quiet for a while. Then finally, “Are you sure?”

I hummed in response, and rolled onto my side. 

After a long silence, Jeremy reluctantly agreed. We said goodbye, and I set my phone on the night table. I pulled my comforter tight across my shoulders and closed my eyes. The last few days had been so… much. I felt so drained. I just wanted a black, dreamless sleep.

Luck had it that my sleep wasn’t so dreamless after all. I found myself back in the living room when I’d had my shouting match with Dalton. Only, in my dreams, I was a spectator. I sat at the pub style table in the breakfast nook off to the right, watching the argument on repeat, thinking of all the things I should have said to diffuse the situation and keep Dalton from storming out. I was only vaguely aware of the fact that I was dreaming. 

“Is this what has you so upset?”

I looked up in surprise. Jeremy was walking in through the kitchen. He stopped, standing next to the chair I was in, staring at the scene unfolding in the living room. Dalton stormed out after a moment, and the dream me followed shortly after, leaving me and Jeremy in the silent living room. I turned to look at him, unsure of why he was even there. 

“You weren’t there,” I murmured absentmindedly. 

“No,” Jeremy agreed. He picked up my hand, and pulled, leading me out of the chair and towards my room. 

“What are you doing?” I asked hesitantly.

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” he asked over his shoulder.

He went up to my bed and pulled back the comforter, gesturing for me to lay down. 

After dazedly staring at him for a moment, I climbed into bed. He tucked me in before sitting down, his hand stroking my hair back. I stared up at him. I was already dreaming, so why was I feeling so sleepy?

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jeremy asked softly.

“You already know how I feel about it,” I replied softly, pulling the comforter against my chest as I stared up at his unusually clear face.

“...does that bother you too?” he asked after a moment.

“I’m a private person.”

“You don’t have to be, not with me.”

I frowned up at him as he looked down at me gently, his expression neutral. 

We sat silently like that for a long while, until my alarm went off and I opened my eyes to the morning.