I dreamt about Stephen and his strong hands playing guitar and caressing my face. His soulful smile and delicious smell. I jerk in fright when I see a tall figure sitting on my desk chair. His hair is floppy on his forehead. Stephen. His eyes are closed and his face gently rests in the palm of his hand.
“What’re you doing.” I ask, remembering rushing away from him and my face turns red. He opens his eyes and lifts his shoulders. “How did you come in?” I change my question.
“Well there’s a key under the doormat.” he says with an obvious tone and I remember my dad’s agreement on where to put a key, if someone isn’t home.
“Oh.” I say and rub the sleep from my eyes. I stretch my arms high in the air and climb out of my bed.
“I brought you food.” he says and takes a burger king paper bag from my desk and holds it out for me. I can’t help but grin and graciously take it from him.
“Wow,” I look inside to see two wrapped burgers and french fries. I lick my lips feeling hunger in my stomach, “You didn’t have to.”
He shrugs and I walk out of the room,”Well you going to join me?” he follows me downstairs. I get plates from the kitchen and place them on the table. I put a burger and chips on each plate and gestures for Stephen to sit behind his plate.
“No I already ate, that’s for you.” he says uneasy and I can see him feeling bad. I purse my lips and sit on my chair.
“Well thanks.” I mutter. He nods and I open my burger. I take a big bite out of it not worrying of Stephen’s stare.
“This is so good.” I say my mouth full and I smile at Stephen’s satisfied look. I satisfy my hungry stomach with both burgers and fries.
“Wow you sure are hungry.” he says, folding his arms over his chest. I nod enthusiastically,
Both our eyes widen when we hear the front door creep open. It’s dad. My hopes falter when I see Lisa.
“Wow, you look really happy to see me.” she says sarcastically. She frowns seeing Stephen and he scratches his neck uncomfortable.
“No, I thought you were my dad.”
She gasps, “He’s still not home?”
I shake my lips and stand to give her a hug. She looks me up and down.
“I was wondering.” I raise my eyebrows, waiting for her to continue, “What happened to you amnesia.” I gulp. s**t. My eyes drift to Stephen knowing that he probably knows that I lied.
“I don’t know,” I try to say casually, “Went away I guess.”
She purse lips suspiciously but leaves it at that.
“What time is it?” I ask, still feeling tired.
“Just like, past four.” she says and I realize that I have slept for a long time. “How does your wrist feel.” she emphasises the ‘wrist’ in her sentence.
“Fine.” I say, which is the truth. I haven’t actually felt any pain since I fractured it.
“That’s good.” she says and slumbs down on the chair next to me. We both look at Stephen and I can feel the uncomfortable vibe.
I stand up, “Well what did I miss at school?”
“Well, nothing much. I only wrote history today. I know tomorrow is a biology test.”
“Damn it.” I say, knowing I can’t miss the test, now that I’m not playing hockey anymore. I don’t get good grades, but I’ve never tried hard, putting my effort in hockey. I look at my cast feeling sad. It feels as if my future is thrown in a dustbin.
I sigh, “Well, I better get studying.”
Lisa looks at me with sympathy and I give her a forced smile.
“I will help you.” Stephen says with enthusiasm and me and Lisa turn to him with wide eyes.
“Help me?” I ask.
He nods and lifts his shoulders to indicate that it will be nothing. I give him an impressed smile.
“How can you help her?” Lisa asks with a smirk and I can see jealousy in her eyes.
“I had biology in school and I was a top student.” he confronts Lisa and without wasting another minute I grab his hand and drag him towards my room.
“You really were?” I ask, closing the door behind us.
He nods, “Yes.”
I swallow, hoping that he will remember things. I take out my books out of my Nike bag, thankful that I didn’t leave it in my locker.
“Okay so I’m pretty dumb.” I hand him my book and he shakes his head with a perfect smile.
“You’re not dumb.”
“Well I tend to forget a lot,” I say and he clenches his teeth as if he’s thinking of something that is bothering him, “I’m a very forgetful person.” It almost seems as if he wants to cry. I pucker my lips at him and the emotions in his face quickly changes.
“Same.” he mutters and he starts to turn pages in my book. I nervously go sit on my bed, knowing that I’m going to do bad and embarrass myself. I hold my thumbs tightly in my hands, trying to concentrate when he starts to speak.
“Okay let’s start with the vagina.” I laugh uncomfortably but listen intently as he speaks.
---
He kisses me with force after about three hours of studying. I kiss him back, letting his tongue take dominance. My body burns and I lay back for him to come on top of me. I breathe hard, almost feeling flames controlling every fibre in my body. I dig my nails in his back and he breathes in my neck making goosebumps erupt everywhere and a small moan escapes my mouth. “Oh Stephen.” I say breathily, not being able to keep it in. I want so much more than what we are doing right now so I turn us so I’m on top of him. He pushes his groin in my open legs, satisfying my needy urge in my lady parts. I look up, stretching my neck and I gasp in pleasure.
I want to scream his name, as his hands fumble with the back of my bra. He looks at me with big eyes as if he’s asking for permission to take off my shirt. I feel melted and I go down and kiss him some more and go down to his neck. I feel like crying from feeling all the sensations. I come up, and take my shirt and loose bra off for him and his hands slowly start to circle my breast with affection. I open my mouth to say something but only silence comes out. My breath hitches.
“I will follow you with my whole life.” he suddenly says and I frown at him before it turns to a smile, thinking that he’s also probably so deeply caught in the moment. He looks at me, with an icy stare and I climb off of him.
“Wow sorry to interrupt.” I jerk my head towards the door to see Lisa’s shocked expression. I gulp all my gathered spit, feeling irritated towards her. I sigh and sit on the edge of the bed covering my breast. Why does me and Stephen’s moments keep getting interrupted. I gulp again, thinking that last time was because of me and I don’t know why.
“Some privacy please?” I ask when Lisa doesn’t make a move from the door. She opens her mouth, wanting to laugh and I shake my head when she walks away. I push out a grunted sigh and Stephen goes sit at my desk, sighing as well. The whole mood is ruined. I put my bra and shirt back on.
“Well, I’m pretty tired.” I comment, trying to safe the awkward situation.
“Me too.” he says looking at his hands. His strong hands.
“Well you can spend the night here if you want to.” I say and he immediatly takes of his shirt and pants and with just a light blue jockey on he climbs in my bed. I chuckle.
“I’ll be right back.” I quickly escape the room to find Lisa in the spare bedroom.
“Hi.” I say. She looks at me with uncertainty in her eyes and I purse my lips when I ask, “You okay?”
I can see that she forces a smile, “Yeah of course.” it seems as if she wants to break down in tears. I bite back the bad feeling circling in my stomach. Just get it over with. Just get it over with! I take a deep breath, “Did you like Stephen?”
Her eyes get glassy and it feels as if I’m betraying her.
She shakes her head, “No.” she mumbles.
I take a few steps towards her, “You don’t have to lie.”
Her face turns red and tears fall down her cheeks and she wipes it away with the back of her hands, “No I didn’t.” she sounds sincere.
“Did you sleep with him?” I ask thinking of when she was lying in his bed.
She shakes her head and looks down. Why is she crying?
“What’s the matter?” I ask and state in my mind that I will get everything out of her.
“Because he’s rich,” I jerk my head backwards when she talks, “I thought that he could help me.” and that’s when it all makes sense. Lisa is in the need of money and once again I feel like a bad person.
“I was trying to give myself to him.” she swallows and I can see that she regrets everything. My heart plugs and I feel bad and mad at the same time. She was trying to have s*x with him for money.
“But he didn’t want to.” she continues and I feel relieved.
“Lisa.” I say not knowing what else to say.
“I don’t know what’s going on with me.” I can see that her thoughts are spinning and I go sit next to her. I rub her back, only to make her cry more.
“It’s okay.”
“I desperately need a job or something.”
“I will help you. We will figure something out.” I assure her.
She nods and it feels as if she has more to say but she whales in sadness. I frown. This is not like Lisa. She’s usually so strong and independent. I give her a tight hug, thinking that I’m not the only one with problems. I’m not the only one who feels lost. I’m not the only one.
“Get some sleep.” I whisper.
“There’s something else.” she begins again and I look at her with curiosity.
She takes a deep pained breath and stays quiet for a while.
“I’m in love with Trench.” I widen my eyes. She’s in love with Trench.
“You’re in love with Trench?” I ask to make sure.
She nods and I feel cheated on. I’m sure that that’s not entirely what she wanted to say.
“But he’s in love with you.” I comb my hair with my fingers and shake my head.
“No he’s not.”
She purses her lips and I suddenly notice the dark circles under her eyes and her face not covered in make-up.
“Okay, I’m going to sleep.” She cuts me off and climbs under the covers. I sit for a while, stunned before I walk towards my room.
Stephen already lays half asleep, but he mutters a “You okay?”
I say yes but I do not feel okay. What’s wrong with Lisa. I can just feel that there’s something more going on than what she says. And I have to find out. I climb in my bed, and try to relax my frowned face.
“Stephen?” I softly call and he hums in response.
“Do you have secrets?” I ask and he turns. He stays quiet for a while.
“Who doesn’t.” he says and I lick my lips.
I’m not the only one with secrets. I take hold of my phone and earphones, lying on my bedside table and listen to Mumford & Sons October skies.
I’m not the only one.