The Cam Shot

Shawn slammed his back on the swivel chair as he sat on it. He rested his head on top of the headrest of the soft and comfortable chair as he lifted his face and gently closed his eyes. He massaged his temple using his right hand, hoping that it would soothe away the stress slowly eating him. When he felt a bit more relaxed, he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Taking a deep breath, Shawn faced the piles of papers on his table. It was an exhausting week for him, trying to get his ass off into workloads to finish before the deadline. Ever since he decided to go on with his life after his painful heartbreak, his eight years of coping up weren't so easy for him. He started his life only to revolve around studying and never had much time for leisure activities. He had a rough time moving on with the past. Blaming his past would've been easier for his lack of sympathy for his peers. It was a long time ago that he had fun, taking a break from all the stress in his real world. Neil's decision was the hardest to accept. He was the only one he loved and cared more than his life. Yet, he ended up with a fatal fact that he didn't choose him, after all that he and Neil went through. Thanks to his friend, Russel, whom he never thought would be the one to keep Neil away from him, for good. Honestly, he partly blamed Russel for stepping into Neil's life. Russel knew how much he loved him from the very beginning since there's no reason for Shawn to be in denial of his feelings toward Neil. He was even proud to tell his friends that Neil caught and stole his heart on the first day he saw him during the College Freshmen Orientation in their school. But, on some second thoughts, Neil's decision was still the final curtain fall for his chance. He would deny that. It was best that they parted ways. It was the best decision Neil could ever have made for his good and well-being. Sticking around him will not help Neil at all. Both of them were vulnerable to each other, and it will not help Neil's condition. He will only worsen Neil's episodes. After Shawn graduated and eventually passed the licensure examination and became an engineer, he started to work under one of his family's companies. After some time, he finally decided to and made his own company. It has been half a decade since he finally owned and managed a construction firm, which made him well-known in the industry. This is not the only reason why he has a lot of work to do. In fact, in weeks, he will take over his dad's position as the Chief Executive Officer of Jimenez Group of Companies, which explains the piles of papers on his table. Shawn opened one of the drawers on the right side of his table. He took a picture frame from there. And he couldn't help himself but stare at the picture securely placed inside the frame. A half-smile formed on his lips as he turned around the swivel chair to the glass wall of his spacious office. It was the first photo of him and Neil. The stolen shot that he took when Neil was still asleep beside him on his bed. Sighing, Shawn smirked bitterly. After all the years that had passed, he still hadn't moved on. He kept on remembering the days when he thought he was just one step away from owning Neil's heart. A lot of things already happened. Yet, he's still stuck in his love for him. Shawn rubbed his right thumb right on the part of Neil's cheek on the picture. He, then, dreamily looked at the peaceful night sky above the city lights. If only Shawn was still with Neil and has a family with him, his life won't be this empty, just revolving around work and business. And most importantly, he would not be a single old man in his late twenties. Shawn was drowning in his imagination when his phone suddenly rang. It pulled him back to his senses. But his eyes went back to the photo on his hand. He heaved a sigh. The loneliness took over him again. The phone was still ringing. Shawn finally grabbed it after some moments. The phone was lying on top of his table. Then, he checked first the caller ID before he stood up, pressing the phone over his left ear. On his right hand, he was still holding the frame. "Hello, Dan! What's up?" Shawn answered with his monotonous voice, an indication that he is tired. "Hey, Shawn, are you busy?" Dan excitedly asked. Shawn crooked his brows. It was quite a while that his friend called him. Whenever he's calling up, Shawn always answers his calls. Just basing the sound of Dan's voice, he knew that his friend is up to something. Shawn grimaced as he exhaled heavily before he answered. But before he could even utter a word, Dan spoke again, cutting him in his chance to respond. "That was deep, Shawn," Dan jokingly commented at his sighing. He chuckled, and after a while, his voice calmed down. "Are you okay, bro?" If only Dan could see how he would roll his eyes, he would've done it right now. But that wouldn't be a good plan. Besides, Dan would notice even the slightest bit of details. He never changed. "Yeah, I'm okay. I'm just a bit burnt out from work," Shawn replied. He clipped the photo frame under his arm. Then, using his free hand, he massaged his forehead again. He walked closer to the glass wall. He stood right in front of it. From there, he closely watched the moving red, yellow and white city lights below. He used to watch this view ever since he started to burn himself to working overtime in his own company. For some reason, the quietness of his office at this hour of the day and the peacefulness of the view made him relaxed. It's as if he found tranquility beyond just by feeling the silence. Yet, it's not the only thing that is lingering in him. There's also loneliness knocking his senses, which always reminds him about his unrequited love for someone like Neil. His office was big enough for him. Inside it, there's a set of couches and a coffee table, a bookshelf that was full of construction and business books, and a private restroom. He also had a secret room behind the bookshelf where he spends his night if he worked overtime and doesn't want to go home late at night. He personally designed his office for his comfort. Shawn heard Dan talking to someone from the other side of the line. He couldn't vividly determine what Dan was talking about, but he was sure he mentioned his name. "Nice. Then, it's perfect timing for us to enjoy the night, Shawn. I won't accept a no since it's Friday night. Let's have some fun like we usually do before. Same place, same time. We will wait for you, Shawn. See you in a few!" Dan spontaneously reminded him. It was followed by a beeping sound. Dan dropped the call without even giving Shawn the chance to answer. Shaking his head, Shawn scratched the back of his neck. Dan still hasn't changed a bit. **** Although Shawn doesn't want to be there, the sound of the people partying made him excited. Colorful and moving lights came into his sight, showing up right in front of his eyes which seemed like he was dreaming. Several whistles and claps echoed inside the enclosed place after a band performing on the stage finished playing one of the popular and hit songs in the charts. Memories came rushing to Shawn as he entered the main room. It was such a nostalgic feeling for him that it made him smile. Even if it has been such a long time already since the last time he was here, the place still gave him the same vibe from before as he remembers his younger days in the said place. The interior of the place might have changed, but the ambiance it's spreading were still the same. All the seats at the counter were occupied by the time his eyes spotted the counter. The bartender was busy attending to every person at the counter; taking the orders, mixing drinks and having a talk to some of the customers. The place was jam packed with the cool brave kids, who still looked like they were in their teenage years. The place was filled with random people making out at the side, dancing to the beat, and laughing while clinking their glasses as they shared stories on their tables, celebrating. What caught his eyes the most was the unchanging light blue color of the walls. It was still the same shade of color, yet it looked like the walls were freshly painted as he could still smell the thinner and solvent along with the smell of liquor lurking around the place. The female lead vocalist stopped singing. She called everyone's attention as she spoke on the microphone. She has her hair colored in pink. She stood up and walked to the center most part of the front side of the stage. Her sexy fitted dark blouse, micro-denim shorts, the net pantyhose covering her legs and the eight-inch heels were screaming an awkwardly old fashion sense. Yet, it's not what caught Shawn's attention. It was the vocalist's voice that was worth listening to even though she was using her speaking voice. The drum set on the stage made Shawn reminisce as soon as he spotted it. Coming here made him remember and miss the old him; his old drummer self. He missed the days when holding drumsticks and hitting it on the set of drums was one of the best parts of his younger self. He missed how he became the fiery-hearted drummer of their band. He missed the beats and the jive. Who would've thought he'll be forgetting this side of his comfort zone a long time ago? As he recalled his young drummer self, the image of Neil flashed in his mind. He shook his head. Stop it, Shawn. It's been a long time already and you should have moved on and move forward with your life, he reminded himself. But who was he deceiving? He was still holding on to his love for Neil. For the past eight years, even once for a minute, he never forgot about it. Shawn thought he’ll never be that same guy he used to be not until Neil shows up to him again. A voice called his name while he was still in that trance. He turned to his right. There, he saw Dan's bubbly face, holding a glass of drink. His friend was already at the entrance of being tipsy as he was being very active. Dan waved a hand to him, gesturing to him to get closer to him. Shawn smiled, and he shook his head as he approached Dan under the dancing lights of the bar. “You know I'm busy, but I still have time to accept this invitation from you. You be grateful,” he started as soon as he got a good view of Dan’s amused face busily sipping on his mix. “What’s this?” he asked. His brows were slowly connecting. Dan was showing a glossy paper that printed a dark motif of advertisement as he lifted his hand. It says, “VIP Pass for a day.” Shawn furrowed his brows. He looked back at Dan. “You seriously availed this? Seemed like you brought a lot of cash this time,” he commented, laughing. Dan grimaced, and he looked away. “You would not believe it if I say Cathy did it again…” He raised his brows. “Your girlfriend?” “Correction: fiancée.” Dan sighed. “Well, you know, I kind of…tricked her?” Shawn’s mouth dropped open at his friend’s confession. “You got to be kidding me?” Shawn's voice slightly raised by surprise. Dan waved his hand at Shawn’s face and laughed. “Of course, I'm just kidding! I just find it fun to use this little gimmick from the bar. It’s TGIF, bro! What am I going to do with my life without parties and shots?” he proudly said while laughing crisply. He clung his arms over Shawn’s shoulders. Then, he dragged him to the part of the bar where the VIP rooms were located. They walked towards another two-door room. The doors were painted in dark blue and had two circular glass windows in their upright position. The cozy VIP room greeted them after Dan charged and pushed the door using his other hand coolly. Fake marble tiles rolled up the whole room that looked like rectangular-shaped woods. A mini wooden style counter bar was situated at the right side, and a mini stage was leveled up at the other end of the room. Some members of the band were playing jazz on the instruments, but the sound of piano and saxophone dominated as the sounds it created tickled everyone's ears. The hi-hat sound and the rumbling of the sticks on the snare drum appealed to Shawn’s ears. It was the most relaxing sound for him by far since the time he burned himself in work. There were a few people inside the private room. Most of them were men. There were few girls around, but their formalities made Shawn feel relief. There were four guys inside the private room. Three of them were sitting in front of the minibar while chitchatting. The other one is holding a cordless microphone singing with the band on stage. Three girls were there smiling and talking to each other as they sat on the light gray triangular-shaped sofa with a drink in hand. Dan finally caught their attention, and all eyes were glued to them, especially at Shawn. Shawn almost forgot to breathe after he saw the two familiar faces. The persons that made him feel tremendous torment of his insides. The dark brown chinky eyes and heart-shaped face were very familiar to him, which made him tremble as the painful memories slowly got clear again. Neil and Russel were sitting on the round chairs in front of the minibar counter. They turned to see Dan and Shawn. They both smiled happily, especially at the moment they laid their eyes on him. Shawn stared for almost a minute before he finally got back into his senses. The void he suffered from the past eight long years and the stagnant feeling he tried to push away suddenly crept his system. He forced himself to smile as if his lips did not quiver in jealousy when he saw the ring on Neil's finger glistened as the light reflected on it. His lips twitched as his heart felt the pain for a couple of seconds. He looked away. He mustered all his strength and plastered a sweet, indifferent smile at the couple as Dan dragged him again. This time, bringing him closer to the group. “Hey! Finally, the main man is here!” Russel greeted him. “By the way, I wanna congratulate you on your projects this year. You’re all over the news, do you know that?” Shawn smiled at Russel's compliment. “Hey, this night is not about me. Don't talk about me right now,” he dismissed him. Then, he nodded at Neil’s figure. He looked back at Russel and spoke again. “I didn’t know you two will be here," he lied. "I thought you two were busy.” “Well, if it’s all in Dan’s house, why not?” Russel laughed while looking at Dan beside Shawn. Dan threw a teasing look to Russel. “Hey, there’s no fun in wasting my money all the time. Anyways, I was supposed to get Hunter from their pad, but he insisted on coming here with his friends. I don’t really trust his sense of direction. I’ll just leave you all here and I will look for him,” he said and asked to excuse himself for a while. Neil began to join them as he got near to his husband, Russel, when Dan already left them. The intimate love sparks inside Neil’s eyes envied Shawn. He used to look at him that way. Now, he’s just a part of his past. He could never be that same old Neil who will look at him in the light of love. Well, did he really earn Neil's heart before? Shawn wanted to smack himself. Of course, he never won Neil's heart. It was Russel who captured him from the start. “Hi, Shawn!” Neil greeted him. “How’s work? Busy? We were all waiting for you!” he excitedly said. Shawn smirked at Neil’s remark. He wanted to really think that Neil is waiting for him all alone, but that thought would be so absurd. He should not think of him as a lover, which he never really had been. Their story is now a part of history. He should accept that fact and what's in front of him now is the reality. “Well, the party will not wait for someone like me. Let’s talk about you guys. I haven’t seen you two since…” He trailed off his sentence. His voice faded out as he recalled something on his mind. He forgot that the couple in front of him got married three years ago, and he just looked at them from afar without letting them know that he was there. He doesn’t know what has gotten into him at that time, but jealousy took over his senses, and he was left with no other options for him to choose but to give up. Letting and seeing Neil be truly happy with someone else, which he truly loves, was the hardest decision he made in his life. “Yeah, since graduation,” Neil completed Shawn’s sentence. “I still couldn’t forget how you ditched us on the wedding day!” he grimaced. He glared at Shawn as if he was really mad at him. Shawn bit his lower lip to suppress his laughter. Neil, despite being matured and has changed a lot, the cuteness he possesses when he’s disappointed still remains. “Sorry. I had to work all day. You guys know that there are branches that we need to open and I had to be there. But, I still sent you a gift. You did receive it, right?” Neil heaved a sigh. He then smiled. “Well, you’re forgiven.” He laughed genuinely like Shawn foolishly rode his joke. After a few more minutes and chitchats, the waiters came inside the VIP Room and brought a bucket of beer bottles. Shawn scoffed at the sight, especially the tiny and dancing bubbles climbing towards the opening of the bottle. He sighed. He wanted to punch Dan in the face for bringing him in this situation. Well, Shawn doesn't care anymore. It’s not like he will be partying all night and watch Russel and Neil cuddle at the side of the private room. He spent the night drinking beer. He even lost count on how many bottles he has already emptied. His sight was starting to spin, and he felt light headed. His face was turning red. And he felt numb. He didn’t know what he did next. He just found Neil's face plastering a disappointed look. “I can’t believe you are like this, Shawn. I thought you’re already cool with everything? Why now?” Shawn smirked dizzily. He pointed his right hand at Neil’s broad chest. What a great chance. He was just dreaming about this to happen, but now, it's right before his eyes. “Cool? Who says such lies?” He slapped his own chest many times while looking at his past lover, or his unrequited love to be accurate. “How would I be cool with this fvcking pain, huh?” He sarcastically laughed. Russel tried to calm him down, which he just brushed off his friend’s hands and marched, leaving that place. Great pain struck him for real now, especially that he’s walking out of the scene again. What’s happening to him? Why is he bringing up this foolishness again? He must stop this already. He would not be able to endure the pain, thinking over his loss to Neil once he fell into deep torment in his soul. Under the limelight of the bar and the loud music coming from the band, Shawn tried his best to walk normally under the limelight and the loud music that only added to the dizziness he was holding. His head was spinning endlessly. Everything his eyes saw was spinning. He moaned. He held his head and winced in pain. The mixture of loud band music, the laughters and yelling of the people were slowly drowning in his ears until his body glided down on the floor. Yet, a strong hand caught him in mid-air when his body was about to land on the floor. “Are you alright?” the cool masculine yet a bit thin voice of someone asked near his ear. It somehow sent chills underneath his skin. As Shawn turned his head up to see the face of his savior, the blurry image of a man hovered over his dreamy face. His eyes were just a millimeters apart from closing. He smiled. His eyes were telling him that it was Neil. “I really like to think you’re here to chase after me,” he said. He tried to reach the face of the guy using his right hand, but darkness was beginning to swallow his surroundings. And after just a split of a second, he black out.