Behind the Scenes

S: Breaking Point

Sara Winters

I never thought my life would turn out like this. For one, I never thought I would find people who loved me for me. My father was never around considering he had two families. He supported us but I never saw him often, maybe twice a year. Next my mother was a drinker.

She drank morning, noon, and night. She also smoked, sometimes even a pack a day.

She tried as best as she could but she just couldn't support me the way I wanted to be supported. Growing up rich wasn't as simple as people want it to be. Others expected you to be a certain way, or they would treat you based on wealth. I only had friend who wanted something from me, never ones who truly liked me.

After years of conditioning from high school, I went on to UCLA. My walls and attitude were firmly built and fortified. Everyone was beneath me for all I cared. They were preppy and fake, only trying to get what they could.

That was until I met Lizzy. I fell in love with her the minute she told me to go f**k myself. We got stuck together on a project for accounting. No one wanted to work with me, and she was the only one who didn't care who I was. We had a disagreement, and despite the fact that my father donated the business department's library, she told me to f**k off.

I was known around the campus as a psychopath. To be honest, I had thought about ending my life. My personal life was toxic and the world around me was suffocating. Even worse, my roommate had to call the emergency line one time because I took too many sleeping pills. My mom's passing took a toll on me and I couldn't sleep that night.

Everything was looking down but Lizzy brought me back to life. At first it was awkward for me to be in a friendship that wasn't entirely one sided. She waved to me when we passed in the halls; she sat beside me in classes. They were small things but they meant a lot to me. She even remembered my birthday and bought me my first gift.

I did attach myself to her, which caused her relationship to suffer. I blamed myself every day for Liam's cheating ass. She was hurt and it pained me to watch as she went through that.

So I placed my life on hold until she was settled. Even when I met Jason she still hadn't found someone until Jake. Jason hinted towards marriage and a family the first few months but I turned it down because I didn't want Lizzy to feel alone like I had been. So I waited. And waited. And now I was the one without any promises.

Jason begged to start a family years ago, but I wanted to wait. When Elizabeth got pregnant and engaged at the same time, I felt as if I could finally move forward with my life. I felt as if she had gain everything I took away from her and now it was my time to enjoy life.

But when they got hitched, Jason took on more work at the firm; he placed our relationship on hold and focussed on his career. It wasn't like I could blame him for moving forward with his life, but now I was ready for everything he's been asking for and he wasn't.

I sat around the dinning room table waiting for Jason to walk through the doors. We moved in a few months ago after the alarming break up we had. I had suspected that he was cheating with his new secretary but he swore he hasn't. We decided that moving in was the next big step after getting back together, even though a ring might have been better.

I spent the entire day with Elizabeth and Zackary, who was now five, and I was about ready to get pregnant myself. Jason and I have been together for almost seven years now, so when was I supposed to expect a ring? Was I supposed to wait until my fertile days were over?

He arrived close to midnight, exhausted and frustrated. He slammed the door and entered into the bedroom without a word, undressing and then jumping into the showers.

I moved to the bedroom, putting away his briefcase and his clothing. I was so tired of cleaning up after him that I was sick of it. Every night was the same thing.

I waited on the bed under the sheets as I stared into the blank walls. When he finally finished, he pulled on a t-shirt and underpants, crawling in beside me.

"How was work?" I began the same way I always did.

"Long," was always his reply "We gained a few new clients and we're still expanding." he yawned as he rested his head on the pillow, closing his eyes.

Will I have to live like this forever, without as much as a conversation anymore?

"Do you think you can ask for me reasonable work hours?" I pushed.

"You know Jake has a family to look after now so everything is turned over to me." he rehearsed.

"I just feel like I have no purpose here. Like you could come home to no one and you would be just fine."

He sighed heavily into the pillow before popping up on his elbow to look at me. "Please, not tonight."

And there it was. It was like I was nagging him constantly and I hated the feeling. I didn't want to be nagging all the time, as if I was bugging him. I scooted off the bed, going to the closet.

"What are you doing?" he asked in annoyance.

"I'm leaving for a couple of days." I needed a vacation away from this.

He left before I woke up every morning and came in tired every night for the past few months. I never have time alone with him and every time I talked about it, I was 'nagging'. So why don't I just leave and give us both some space?

"Where are you going?" he got off the bed, came up behind me and pulled me into his body.

"I don't know. My condo, maybe even Elizabeth's." I grumbled. They had a huge house and I knew I could easily stay in the guesthouse. I spent most of my days over there anyways why not stay there?

"Don't go." he whispered in my ear, taking my clothes from my hands, dropping them on the couch.

"We can't live like this." I rasped as tears threatened to fall. He turned me in his arms and rubbed my cheek soothingly.

"It won't be long before things change," he promised, placing his lips to mine.

"I can't wait forever, Jace." I mumbled as between his kisses.

"I know." He acknowledged.

He pulled me back to bed, pulling the sheet over our bodies.

And I knew the cycle was going to start again in a few hours.