Behind the Scenes

E: Fears

Elizabeth Carter

3 Months ago

I stared at the thin green material in my hand and my heart burst. This wasn't mine. But it had to be. There could not be another woman's underwear in my house, in my husband's office, on our couch. It had to me mine. But I couldn't remember the last time I wore anything green or the last time we had s*x on this couch. It happened but I couldn't remember when.

I slipped the underwear and blanket into the bin in my hands and then threw them into the wash, my mind numb. This couldn't be happening to me again. I could be cheated on like this again. It had to be mine.

There was no coming back from this if it was true. I could never find it in my heart to trust another man again. But Jake was it. He was everything I asked for and much more. It had to be mine.

I went on with my day as usual. Kimberly and I hung out after Sara finally headed off home to get ready for work angrily. After dropping Zach at school, we went out to eat.

"What would you do if Shawn cheated on you?" I asked nonchalantly.

"That bastard is always cheating." She rolled her eyes when we paid the bill.

"And you're okay with that?"

"Well, no. But its how we started. We weren't into the whole exclusive scene." We walked out into the air and the afternoon sun.

"But what if it wasn't how you started. What if you were married?" I questioned.

"Marriage?" She giggled and peered at me as if I was crazy. "What's going on Beth?"

"Nothing," I shook my head and smiled. "Just wondering a few things."

She stared at me in wonder before her eyes thankfully caught a sale sign in a store window.

When we finally got back to the house, Jake's car was in the driveway. We met him in the dinning room sorting through papers.

"What are you doing home?" I wondered.

"I forgot a few things." He smiled when he looked up at me and my heart tore. It had to be mine.

"Oh, so do you come home a lot when I'm out?" I asked nonchalantly.

"Sometimes." He thought before folding a few papers and organizing the rest. "I might be a little late tonight." He muttered when he slipped the papers into his pocket.

"Why?" I questioned.

"A few things are taking longer than I thought." He held my head securely before consuming my lips passionately. "I'll text you okay?" He kissed my forehead before I could respond and hurried out the door.

"You have everything." Kimberly admired before she walked over to the fridge as if we didn't just eat.

"Yeah." I agreed before running upstairs to get the laundry. I stared at the green thong again, but it became more unrecognizable. It wasn't mine.

One Months Ago

Everything was quiet. I sat on the bed in the dark, the underwear laid out beside me. I was alone with my thoughts and that was never a good thing. I needed answers because I felt like I was going crazy. I thought going back to work was my only problem but it seemed I was wrong.

I heard the front door open and looked at the time, 9:48 pm. He was finished at 5pm, 6pm at the latest. How could he be doing this to me?

I tried to calm my heartbeat as I heard him come up the stairs. He entered and immediately began to undo his tie.

"Where's Zach?" He wondered when he kissed my forehead and turned on the lights. "He usually greets me."

"Craig's mom asked if he could sleep over." I lied. I was the one to actually ask for the sleepover. I needed Zach out of the house.

He glanced at the underwear and a large smile appeared on his face. "Oh, something special planned for tonight?" He took off his jacket and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

I held up my hand before he could reach me. "We need to talk."

He sighed before removing his pants. "Now?"

"Yes."

"Is this about working again?"

"No."

"Then can't it wait?" He pouted, kissing my lips and overpowering me.

"It's about the underwear."

He smiled again as he picked it up, examining it.

"It's not mine." I muttered. I've been holding this in for two months now. It was time to ask. He's been having his private conversations and coming in late at night and I was the only one suffering in silence. We haven't been on good terms because of this but I was tired of suffering alone.

He looked at me in confusion. "Then..."

"I found it in your office." I muttered as I watched his face.

He dropped the underwear and stood up. He shook his head and walked to the washroom. He shut the door and after a quiet minute he opened it again. "Are you accusing me of cheating?" He asked. I sat quietly on the bed as I watched him.

"I'm just wondering why I found this in the couch in your office."

"How the f**k am I suppose to know?" He slammed the door as he muttered, "fuck."

"Why are you late?" I asked.

"I work Elizabeth." He called.

Tears ran down my eyes at the way he said it. "I would be working too if you didn't force me to stay here while you're out doing God knows what!" I shouted.

"I can't believe this!" I heard him muttered in the washroom.

The room was tense but quiet. He wasn't saying anything else. Was that it? Was this all I was going to get? I had to get out of here.

I messaged Sara and Kimberly about picking them up to go out and quickly got ready.

He opened the washroom door before I left. "Where are you going?" He was still undressed and his hair was frantic.

I quietly continued to search for my jacket to go with my dress.

"Elizabeth. Please." He mumbled and my heart broke.

"Out with the girls."

"Tonight? Right now?"

"Oh, so its okay for you to avoid talking to me by locking yourself in the washroom but I cant go out and get my mind right?" I rambled angrily.

His face turned into the most pain expression I've ever seen. His hand ran through his hair in frustration again. "I know how this looks. But I have no idea what that is doing in my office." he sounded as if he was catching his breath.

I quickly got on my jacket and ran out the room.

"Elizabeth," he called desperately.

"I'll be home later. I'll talk to you then."

At the club, I couldn't focus. Sara was still into her own world and Kimberly was trying to get her life together. Everything felt miserable and annoying. Sara stared at her phone most of the night and Kimmy tried avoiding the bartender.

I just didn't know what else to do. I couldn't go through this again, I wouldn't survive this time. I need space and time to think about all of this.

I ended the night early and dropped Sara off at the condo but I didn't want to go home. The thought of being in the same house as him was not appealing. I couldn't do it, not tonight. I pulled up at a nearby hotel and got a room for the night. Maybe tomorrow I could stomach my reality a little better.