Behind the Scenes

K: Commitment

Kimberly Carter

I directed him into my side of town quietly. I wasn't use to anyone correcting me for my behaviours and bad habits. They started in University and they have been with me till now. Jake would say a few things here and there and so would my parents. But it wasn't something they every got mad at me for, only disappointment and a shake of the head.

There was a faint tart smell in the car as we drove and I felt even more embarrassed. I rolled the window down to let in the air.

When he pulled up at my apartment, I began to search for me keys.

"I have to go," he muttered impatiently.

They weren't here. God dammit. I must have dropped them in his bedroom and didn't see them. I contemplated asking him to drop me at Jake's but he seemed in a hurry. I searched for my wallet and came up empty. My heart accelerated as I felt like I lost my life.

My phone wasn't in here either; I must have left it on his night table. Then what the hell did I have? I pulled out my lip-gloss and sighed in irritation. I couldn't tell him this he'd done enough. My hangover was clearly still going strong.

I hopped out of his car with no way of getting in my house, no money for a cab, or a cellphone to make a call. I stood on the curb and slowly walked to the entrance, waiting from him to drive off.

"Are you going in?" he asked from inside the car after watching me stand by the locked entrance door for a few minutes.

"Are you going to leave?" I muttered with my hand on my hips.

"What's wrong?" he sighed.

I held my head down. "I don't have my keys, wallet, or phone."

"That's convenient. Come on, get in."

I hurried back into the car; happy and surprised he wasn't upset. "I almost expected you to leave me here." I joked feeling an odd sense of security.

He glanced over at me from the side of his eye, no hint of a smile.

"God, you could at least pretend to like me." I turned to look out the window. It seemed I was only capable of liking guys who were incapable of liking me back. "This isn't the way to your house."

"I have to stop by the hospital," he muttered. I didn't say anything after that.

I followed him inside the building and zipped up his sweater. He greeted everyone as we passed by, making it obvious that he came by regularly, but for what?

He greeted a nurse with a tight long hug and I grew jealous. He was all smiles talking to her as I watched from the other side of the room. She held his arm and didn't seem to let go for the duration of their conversation.

She was big breasted, large hips, and short curly hair. She was sexy. And flirtatious. And to think I thought I was ahead of the competition. I waited for them to finish their conversation before she smiled at me and walked away.

He continued to walk down the hallway as I ran to catch up. "So..."

"So what?" he muttered.

"She's pretty." I stated.

"Yes." He agreed, stopping outside a door. "You can wait here."

I sat down on the chair outside the room as I fiddled with my thumb. After a long ten minutes, a nurse walked by with a tray and handed it to me.

"Do you mind taking this in?" she asked as she grabbed her pager. She didn't wait for my answer, just hurried down the hall. I stood up and opened the door with the tray in my hand.

I gasped in slight surprise. It was an older looking woman of about seventy years old. There were tubes sticking out from every direction. She was sitting up in the bed with Alex at her side. Their eyes turned to meet me.

"What are you doing?" Alex asked.

"Bringing in this tray." I muttered, walking towards them and placing the tray down.

"Are you new? I haven't seen you before." his mother smiled weakly.

"She's not a nurse." Alex informed her.

"I'm..." I stammered.

"This is Kimberly. This is my mom." he turned to me.

"Oh, she's your friend." his mother winked. Alex sighed and rolled his eyes in exhaustion. "Nice to meet you Kimberly." she shook my hand before pulling me into a hug.

"You too..." I smiled at her.

"Call me mom," she instructed.

"Mom." Alex grumbled.

The nurse from earlier knocked on the door and asked for Alex. He warned his mom before leaving the room.

"So, what are your plans with my son?" she patted the bed beside her and I joined her out of respect.

"Um... well..." I stammered.

"What about grandkids?" she muttered. Now I understood why he told her to behave herself.

"We aren't dating." I muttered.

"And why not?"

I thought that through. "I think he's dating that nurse." He didn't say it but it could be true.

"That's nonsense. She has always liked him but I don't think he likes her." She informed me.

"I know the feeling." I muttered under my breath.

He entered into the room and kissed his mom's forehead. "We have to go."

"All right, nice meeting you dear." she smiled at me.

"You too... mom." I winked at her.

She started to laugh and Alex shot me a look. I hurried out of the room with a smile on my face.

He came out moments later without a word and made his way to the parking lot.

"I like your mother." I muttered.

"She likes you too." he smiled at me for the first time today. We got into the car and drove back to his apartment in silence.

"What happened to her?" I asked as we finally made it to his door.

"Heart surgery." He opened his door and threw his keys on the counter.

I entered into his room and gathering my missing, scattered things and placed them in my bag securely. I got undressed, stripping out of the sweater and my dress. I passed him in the hallway without even a blink of the eye and entered the washroom.

There was attraction there but only from me.

I took a long hot shower and used his toothbrush. I got back to the room with only a towel. Laid out across his bed was a pair of undies and a green t-shirt. I got dressed, smelling his scent on the clothing.

I got to the living room to find him watching tv. I walked over to him, straddling him without hesitation.

"Why aren't you attracted to me?" I asked honestly.

"What?" He looked down at me.

"Is it because I'm white?" I wondered. The whole skin issue wasn't oblivious to me. My brother was married to a black woman and my nephew was black. Colour is never a blind aspect. But it never was a factor. Not everyone was like me though, it mattered to a lot of people and I respected that. But I just wanted to know.

"What?" he continued to stare at me.

"Is that all I'm going to get? 'What?' I can tell you like that nurse. The way you smile at her and the way you look at her. Your mom doesn't think so but I do."

"My mom? You talked to me mom about this?"

"Will you answer me?"

"No. You being white have nothing to do with me not liking you." He muttered. Great, then it had something to with my personality. Not much to argue there.

"So the nurse?" I was curious and noisy.

"Why all these questions? Am I asking you about Shawn?"

"That's over with. He's an asshole. It seems I have a thing for those ones." I muttered, getting off his lap.

"Are you calling me an asshole?" He raised an eyebrow.

I shook my head. "If you were you'd be attracted to me. You're a nice guy. Something I don't get to have." I muttered in realization.

I thought about Shawn and who he was possibly having s*x with right now. I've had multiple one-night stands, not that I didn't enjoy them, but they were all I was good at. I didn't know how to maintain a relationship. Maybe I should just stay with Shawn, he was the only one that could possibly consider staying with me after getting to know me.

I got to the room and got out my phone, dialling Jake's number.

"Kimberly." I could hear the strain in his voice.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He sighed into the phone.

"Where's Beth?"

"In the room." he muttered.

"Is she sleeping?"

"I don't know," he informed me.

"How...?"

"We don't sleep in the same room anymore." he sighed.

"What?"

"Kimmy I'll talk to you later okay?" he muttered into the phone. I heard a faint voice in the background that sounded like Zachary.

He hung up and I stared at the phone in disbelief. How could they be fighting for this long? How bad could it be that he was sleeping in another room?

"Are you okay?" Alex's voice pulled me out of my head.

"I'm fine." I lied. They were my role models. I wasn't fine. I crawled into his bed and buried myself under the sheets.

I felt his body beside mine and I exhaled. It felt too good. "You're not used to my life."

"What?" I asked.

"I have nothing to offer you." He muttered again.

"What are you talking about?" I looked up at him now.

"You're this beautiful and lively person that I have absolutely nothing to offer. I can't give you what you need."

"I don't need much." I promised, not understand where he got his conclusion.

"All you seem to want is sex." He grumbled into the dark room. "And if I give it to you, the mystery is gone."

I do get bored easily, but nothing about him seemed boring. "You make me happy." I announced as I held his hand in mine. I was always happy to see him, regardless of my pervious mood.

"This is not what you want. I'm not the guy for you," he warned.

"You're exactly what I want." I cuddled closer to him; happy he was show affection towards me. Could he possibly tame me, I wondered.

His hand came to my face and I breathed out the held in air. He peered down at me with warm eyes and I felt like a lucky girl.

"I don't have patients or the time to play games. I'm a grown man with grown problems. I'm going to need you to understand that."

I instantly felt like a little girl seeking the love of an older man. He made me want to grow up and be what he required. Shawn will definitely need to be cut off.

I couldn't believe this; I was ready to whole-heartedly commit myself to this man. I was excited.

"Are we exclusive?" I muttered.

"It's the only way I work." He replied, his lips pressed together. I wanted to taste them but I held back. My heart accelerated and grew excited.

"So I'm your girl?" I smiled childishly.

He laughed for the first time and my heart melted. I cuddled closer to him as he accepted me in his arms. I felt at home.

I couldn't remember the last time I was exclusive in a relationship. Maybe middle school?

"Yes, you're my girl." he promised.

I leaned into him as my lips claimed his. They were strong and warm, pulling me in. I pulled the shirt over my head, exposing my naked breasts. They felt amazing against his bare chest. I tried to pull off his sweats but he held my hand.

"What?" I whined, climbing on top of him.

"We aren't in any rush," he informed me. This was all new to me. If it was anyone else, I would be naked right now.

"Foreplay?" I teased, placing my left n****e at the entrance of his mouth. He took it in, caressing it with his lips and tongue. I cried out in pleasure, my mind going wild. I reached for his pants once more only to receive the same reaction.

"No," he kissed my lips, smiling up at me.

He rolled over, depositing me on my side beside him.

"So that's it? You give me a little lick and that's all she wrote?" I was horny and frustrated.

"Are you not satisfied?" he smirked.

"Is that a trick question? Hell no I'm not satisfied." I frowned.

"I'll make it up to you... in due time." His eyes closed and I wanted to scream. How long would I survive this?

I placed my head closer to his and tried to close my eyes for sleep.