The Single Teacher Mommy (Railen Jazz & Kiara Celestine)

Chapter 28

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jazz asked as he made a turn one block away from the store he usually drop me.

I shied away and turned to face the window at the passenger seat. "Looking at you like what?" pagmaang-maangan ko.

This morning was a whirlwind for me. Simula nang maamin ko sa sarili kong mahal ko pa si Jazz ay nahihiya na ako. Parang naging awkward na ang lahat sa akin pagdating sa kanya. Naghalo-halo na kasi ang mga bagay bagay sa aking isip. Dati kaya ko pa siyang titigan sa mga mata, ngayon parang hindi na.

"Smells good in here, Hun. What's cooking?" tanong ni Jazz nang makapasok siya sa kusina. Gising na pala 'to at saktong-sakto naman na puwede ko na siyang handaan ng kape.

"Garlic longanisa and scramble egg." I said while running the coffee maker.

He came to my side to give me a kiss on my head before he claimed a seat at the counter just behind the cooking area.

"Did you slept in my room last night Hun?" He asked.

"Di ko namalayang nakatulog ako. Lumipat lang ako nang marinig ko ang iyak ni Sophie." Sagot ko sa tanong niya. Balak ko lang naman kasi ay lilipat din ako 'pag mahimbing na ang tulog niya pero di ko rin namalayan nakisabay na pala ako sa kanya.

I went to serve him his coffee. "Drink your coffee, the rice is almost done."

He was quietly watching me move around, while his eyes filled with something I dare not to give meaning to.

"It's okay, Hun. Hindi naman ako nag-aagahan. Coffee and bread will suffice." Sambit niya nang mailapag ko ang kape sa harapan niya.

"Baka gusto ni Sophie kasabay kang mag-breakfast." I said, activating the Sophie card to make him eat breakfast. He appeared to be thinking what I said. "Bakit ba kasi ayaw mong kumain ng agahan? You do not know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? As the name suggests, breakfast breaks the overnight fasting period. It replenishes your supply of glucose to boost your energy levels and alertness, while also providing other essential nutrients required for good health. Nurse ka Mr. Balbastre you should know that."

Natawa siya sa pang-lelecture ko. "Hindi naman kasi sa ayaw ko. Hindi lang talaga ako sanay, Hun. Eversince."

"Well, you'll get used to it now. Sophie and I are always eating breakfast. And you have to put a good example to her, because if she see that you're not eating break---" I stopped what I was saying. Sumobra ba ako? Nag-aasume ba ako ng pang-matagalan na kaming magsasamang tatlo sa iisang babay?

Napansin niya siguro ang takot sa mga mata ko, "Hey, it's okay, Hun. Kakain na ako ng agahan." But he was wrong from thinking the reason why I stopped from talking.

"Paki-gising si Sophie. Baka ma-late na siya sa school." Pakiusap ko dahil gusto kong mapag-isa muna para makapag-isip.

Gusto ko na talagang sabihin sa kanya ang totoo sa likod ng pagkatao ni Sophie para matapos na rin ang inaalala ko at makapag-simula kami ulit na malinis ang konsensiya ko. Iyong wala akong dinadalang lihim sa pag-uumpisa namin.

Pero paano?

At paano siya mag-rereact? Ano ang magiging reaksyon niya?

Aayawan niya ba si Sophie?

Will he hate her knowing that she isn't mine? If ever that happen how will I protect my daughter?

She had fallen in love with Jazz as am I for the longest time. I can't imagine the heartbreak she will go through once Jazz would retract. Mas masakit para sa akin 'yon.

I am willing to gamble and try again with him. I knew myself that my love for him could go against time and distance. There's nothing to be afraid of. I managed to stay in love with him for years that we were apart and with no communication at all. I didn't have to try at all. Because I'am confident that my heart will never go stray. And even if it does, I know for sure that it will always come back to him. He was eversince, since the very beginning.

Napatigil ako sa paghahain nang mapagtanto ko ang katotohanang mahal ko pa rin talaga si Jazz.

Saka ako napalingon ng marinig ko ang tili ni Sophie at ang tawa ni Jazz habang naglalakad papunta sa kusina.

"s**t. I really need to tell him the truth." I uttered to myself.

I've been stuck thinking how can I tell him about my true feelings... about Sophie's identity. 'Yon ang mga tumatakbo sa isip ko simula nang daluhan nila ako kanina sa kusina, naihatid na namin si Sophie, at ngayon heto, ihahatid niya ako.

Alinman sa dalawa ang gusto kong aminin sa kanya ay mas pinangungunahan ako ng takot at kaba. Hindi ko rin alam kong paano ko aamin at paano ko gagawin. Should I just blurt it out? Prepare a romantic candle dinner? Or should I wait for the perfect timing?

"Hun, you gotta let me in your head. The expression on your face changes quite rapidly."

Napatitig ako sa repleksyon ko sa bintana at nakita kong nakakunot ang noo ko at nakasamingot na ako.

My goodness, I didn't know I look this way when I'm overthinking.

"KC... is everything okay? I mean, b-between us? Did I go overboard last night?" he stuttering making me look at him.

I shook my head. "No, work stuff. So many deadlines that are need to meet on time. I was dissecting the days on my head how will I manage to finish everything."

Tumango siya pero mukhang hindi siya kumbinsido. We sat silence for a while. I was so lost in my thoughts trying to determine when it is the right time to tell him when he broke the silence.

"Hun, sampung minuto na simula nang makarating tayo at hindi ka pa bumababa. Sigurado ka bang okay ka lang? May sakit ka ba?"

Aabutin pa lang sana niya ang noo ko para salatin pero agad na akong umiwas. Hindi ko kayang may skin-to-skin contact kami.

"I-I'm okay. Umm... I better get going."

I hurriedly exited from his car. Normally, he would tease me until I give in for a kiss. But now he just let me to left him.

Bumagal ang umaga dahil punong-puno ang isip ko. Tipong pakiramdaman ko nga ay magkaka-migraine ako na wala sa oras sa kakaisip. Kagandahan lang kahit papano'y nakapagpokus pa rin ako sa pagtuturo ko.

Galit ba 'yon sa akin?

Ayaw ba niya ang ginawa ko kanina?

Tatawagan ko ba siya? O kaya ay i-text ko?

Sa ganoong paraan ba ang pinakamaganda para masabi ko sa kanya?

Napahilot na lang ako sa sentido ko. Hindi ako makapag-isip ng maayos at nauubos ang enerhiya ko sa kakaisip. Halos iuntog ko na ang ulo ko sa sarili kong mesa bago ako nagpakawala ng buntong-hininga.

Gaano ba kahirap magsabi ng totoo patungkol sa isang bagay?

Parang 'di naman ako ganito kung iba ang usapan. Ang tapang kong tao pero bakit pagdating sa pag-amin ko kay Jazz ng katotohanan ay naduduwag ako?

I was running of ideas on how to confess things on the right time when I suddenly thought of Shania. And Arvin. And Ma'am Dhea.

Ayon!

Sino ba ang takbuhan ko sa mga ganitong bagay na makakatulong sa akin para maliwanagan ako kung 'di sila. Kami kami lang naman na magkakaibigan ang nagiging sandalan ng bawat-isa.

I fished my phone out and noticed two text messages from Jazz. One from when he dropped me off and then the other one about three hours later.

Jazz: I just want you to know that you can tell me anything. Like what I've always told you, I'm your friend and confidant, too.

Jazz: Mika messaged me. She asked if she can have your number, I replied her I still have to ask you though. She flooded me about an overdue 'girl's only' lunch date. On your approval, Ma'am Commander. (winking)

I looked at his word and felt all mushy form the inside. He's got this effect on me even I can't explain.

Me: Yes, I know. This is really all about work, Jazz. I'm sorry if I worry you.

Okay, please give Mika my number though I'm not really sure If I'd be comfortable having lunch with them.

Nakatanggap ako agad ng reply niya. Ayoko kong maging assumera, pero pakiramdam ko inaabangan niya ang mga texts ko.

Jazz: Akala ko ba Hun, nagkaintindihan na tayo pagdating sa bagay na to? Tapos nagtataka ka kung saan namana ni Sophie natin ang tigas ng ulo niya minsan.

Me: I don't know. Parang feeling ko ayaw kong sumama sa kanila, ayaw kong madagdagan na naman ng chismis dito sa school.

Jazz: I thought the gossip weren't bothering you? Is that the reason why you're spacing out this morning? Sobra sobra na ba ang mga pinag-uusapan nila tungkol sa'yo na wala namang katotohanan? Kailangan ko na bang i-report ang mga 'yan sa nakakataas due to disparaging?

Napakagat ako sa labi ko. Ang katotohanan niyan simula naman nang una apektado na ako sa usapan ng ibang co-teachers ko na chismis rito sa school nang makuha ko ang promotion. I just choose to ignore it because I know the truth. Crab mentality it's finest. Tsaka bakit ko sila pag-aaksayahan ng oras ko na patulan sila kung masyadong akong busy sa kinaiinggitan nila. Pero minsan, masakit talaga 'yong mga salitang naririnig ko.

Jazz: What they are talking about you?

And know that this conversation resurfaced, I don't think Jazz will let me slip to not talk about it. And it seems that he didn't have any plan to change the topic. Hanggat maaari din naman sa akin ayaw ko nang mas lumala pa ang mga bagay-bagay dito sa paaralan. I cannot please everybody. Ganun talaga ang buhay, may mga taong papalakpakan ka sa kabila ng iyong tagumpay, may mga tao ding sisiraan at babatuhin ka ng kung anu-ano sa iyong pag-angat. Kaya hindi umuunlad ang bansa dahil sa klase ng mga taong ganoon. But what I least expected was those kinds of cristicisms and gossipings came from a professionals. Well, I'm aware too, that many are educated but not totally mannered.

Jazz: KIARA CELESTINE REAL... ignoring me won't this convo go away. If you don't reply now, I'm afraid to summon the school division management for this issue to be fixed. Ayaw kong pinagpipiyestahan ka nila sa mga walang kwentang paratang.

Umikot ang mga mata ko. Wala na talagang humpay 'to. May pang-blackmail pa na kasama.

Me: Una, ang kumakalat ay mayroon daw akong bucker at malakas daw ang koneksyon ng pamilya ko. May pull ba. Susunod, dahil paborito daw ako ng Head Teacher, so I got the promotion. Then, ang lalaki ko daw ay pamangkin ng Regional School Director na siyang Tita mo. The last one was the worst though.

Jazz: What is it?

Me: Na baka di daw nagtagal may anak na naman akong bastarda o bastardo. Because I'm whoring myself to the new Division Nurse.

Wala na siyang reply pagkatapos no'n. Matagal akong nakatitig sa screen ng cellphone ko hanggang sa nag-pop ang pangalan niya roon.

Jazz: That was below the belt. Tang*na! Slander. I'm furious. I will sue each and everyone of those filthy mouths!

Me: Jazz, it's okay. Masakit sa una pero masasanay din ako. Pasok sa isang tainga ko, labas sa kabila. At may kasalanan din naman ako kasi hindi naman natin tinatago sa kanila kung anong mayroon tayo.

Jazz: Why do we need to hide? Who they are? They don't have the right because the last I checked, they are also a teachers na pinapasahod ng gobyerno. They don't have the right to dictate what we should and what we shouldn't do. And no one have the right or nobody calls my woman a w***e.

Me: Please, calm down. Let's not make a big issue about all of these, because we know the truth.

Jazz: I can't calm down. Bakit mo tinatago sa akin ang mga ganito? Dapat sa una pa lang sinabi mo na para na-aksyunan na agad. Does Ninang Lea know about this issues?

Hindi ko na siya nireplyan at minabuting tumawag na lang ako sa kanya. Lumabas ako at nagpunta ako sa likod ng classroom ko para tawagan siya. Kahit kailan hindi ko siya nakitang nagalit o kahit nakaringgan na nagsalita ng mga ganito. Leave alone him sending slightly aggressive texts like these.

I only heard one ring before he answered.

"Dydy." I greeted him.

"I'm extremely angry, KC. You have no idea." He immediately informed.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I know. I'm sorry for not telling you all the details."

"Don't you trust me?"

I sighed, wishing I could hug him right now to calm him down. "I do. It didn't crossed my mind and I didn't think that this is important."

"It is. I told you, if it concerns you and our daughter then it's important to me. You know that, right?"

"Yeah.. I'm really sorry."

"It's fine. I understood where are you coming from. How understanding you are in any situation." Then it was his turn to sigh. "I will talk about this to Ninang, for this issue to be fixed." He paused. "Ano pala ang plano mo sa lunchbreak pagkatapos nito?"

"Aayain ko si Ma'am Dhea sana at kikitain namin si Shanai at Arvin. Matagal na rin kaming di nagkakasama na magkakaibigan."

"Oh, sige." saglit siyang napahinto. "And Hun, no more secrets, please?" tunog na parang nagmamakaawa ito.

Napapikit ako, thinking the right words to tell him. "Yes. I promise." Bulong ko.

Kailangan ko talaga ang mga kaibigan ko para matulungan nila ako sa tamang gagawin ko. Kasi natatakot ako na 'pag ako lang, I might screw this up. And I don't want to lose what we have. I don't want to lose Jazz for the second time.