The Single Teacher Mommy (Railen Jazz & Kiara Celestine)

Chapter 32

After Kuya Kenn, Shania and Sophie left, I tried to called Jazz, but to my dismay, it keeps on ringing but he's not answering his phone.

Doon pa lang ay kinabahan na ako at nagsimulang maiyak. How many times I reminded myself that maybe he was just busy to other stuffs or he needs to finish some work in their office after his school inspection. Kahit na anong puwede kong isipin para lang pakalmahin ang sarili ko.

Nagluto ako ng hapunan, tinolang manok, gumawa pa ako ng paborito niyang shanghai, nagbabakasakaling uuwi na siya para sabayan akong kumain. Tinext ko na rin siya na hiniram nila Shania si Sophie ngayong gabi upang makapag-bonding silang mag-ninang kasama si Kuya at para may oras din kaming makapag-usap na kaming dalawa.

Pero wala akong natanggap na sagot.

Iniyakan ko na nga ang karne ng manok pati shanghai at mga maduduming plato pero ni animo ni Jazz wala akong nakita.

Minadali ko pati pag-shower ko dahil baka bigla siyang dumating, pero natapos na lahat ng Kapamilya teleserye programs ay wala pa rin siya.

Nakaramdam na lang ako ng malamig na pumatak sa pisngi ko mula sa mata ko, hindi ko napansing umiiyak na pala ako. Pinunasan ko 'yon at sinubukang pigilan. Hindi ako puwedeng datnan ni Jazz na ganito akong umiiyak, kailangan naming mag-usap.

Hindi ko napansin nakatulog na pala ako sa sofa sa kakahintay sa kanya. Nagising na lang ako dahil sa ingay ng ginawa sa pagbukas ng pinto. The time on the wall clock displayed 2:57 am.

I looked at Jazz who just entered the house. Napatayo ako para salubungin siya. Kinuha ko ang medical bag niya at ang laboratory coat niya na nakasampay sa braso niya.

"K-kumain ka na ba? May tinolang manok sa ref. May shanghai din akong ginawa nasa microwave." bati ko sa kanya pero tango lang ang nakuha kong sagot. Nangangamoy alak siya pero hindi ko pinansin.

'Yong titig niya ang lamig, 'yong tingin niya parang tumatagos sa akin. The warmth in his eyes were gone, the smile I love so much isn't there and it took everything I have not to cry infront of him.

"A-ah ganoon ba? Si Sophie nga pala na kay Shania. Doon daw muna siya pa--"

"I know, You texted me. I read, you don't need to repeat it." He said cutting me short.

I gulped, I was trembling, but I tried so hard not to let him notice it. I am not used to him treating me like this.

"Ay, oo nga. Umm... okay lang ba na mag-usap na tayo?" sabi ko, almost closing my eyes when those words fled out of my mouth.

He stared at me for a while before he looked away. "I'm tired. I need to rest, I'm going to sleep." Saka siya naglakad papasok sa kuwarto niya.

I chased him with my stare all the while biting my lips so I can keep my tears at bay. He doesn't want to talk about it, about my baby girl. Ibig bang sabihin noon hindi niya tanggap?

Should I just leave without proper goodbye?

I stood there motionless with my heart breaking slowly. It felt so painful that the numbness is radiating to my fingertips.

He doesn't care anymore.

Gusto ko na lang umalis, gusto ko na lang maglaho sa buhay niya pero naisip ko ang anak ko. Naisip ko kung anong magiging reaksyon niya kapag nalaman niya ang tungkol dito. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko ipapaliwanag sa kanya at wala akong ibang masisisi kundi ang sarili ko.

Inilapag ko ang mga gamit niya sa sofa saka ko siya sinundan sa kuwarto niya. Tumayo ako ng matagal sa harap ng pinto niya, iniisip kong ano bang dapat kong gawin, o ano ang una kong sasabihin. Gulong-gulo ang isipan ko, naiiyak ako, namamanhid ako sa sakit.

Saka ko naalala ang sinabi ni Kuya, na minsan hindi ko kailangang planuhinang lahat.

So, I took a deep breath, knocked on his door many times then I slowly encroach the door to go in.

He was sitting at the edge of his bed, staring blanky on the wall. He still has that solid expression on his face even when he turned to faced me.

"I told you I'm tired." He said trying to push me away.

But I stood my ground. "No, we need to talk, please."

"Why? I aleady know, Kiara Celestine. Why bother telling me now? Kaya pala wala kang pictures noong buntis ka. Hindi mo pala siya anak."

"Because I want to explain." I replied shortly.

He sneered before looking away. "Explain what? I already got the whole picture. Thanks for the concern anyway, Ma'am." His voice oozing with sarcasm and it did nothing but to hurt me even more, to push the knife deeper in my chest.

"A-re you mad because you know the truth about Sophie? That she wasn't really my daughter?"

He quickly turned his head to look at me. "Ganyan ba kababa ang tingin mo sa akin? You think that f*****g low of me? Na galit ako dahil hindi nanggaling mismo si Sophie sa'yo? f*****g really, Kiara Celestine? Even though all these times all I ever did was to f*****g understand you, f*****g respect your boundaries, played f*****g each and everyday with you leading this f*****g relationship. And this is the f*****g what you'll think of me? Really? I was f*****g mad because Sophie wasn't yours? That I don't want that sweet girl because she didn't f*****g come from you?" He wipe his face using his palms and let out a sarcastic laugh. "God! I must've done a very f*****g poor job on meeting your expectations."

I played with my fingers, pinching my palm every few seconds so I'll concentrated on that pain rather than crying. He was still looking at me, his face contorted into angry frown.

"I'm sorry for not telling you the sooner. I don't know on how will I tell you, I feared also, what might be your reaction If you'll found out the truth."

"That's because you didn't trust me."

"I do."

"Then why you hid it from me?! Given that your family knew about it. Shania knew about it also. Who else? Arvin? Dhea? Ninang Lea? f*****g everyone else except me?" he was trying so hard not to shout at me, that the vein on his neck bulging. His face was red, and his hands were balled into fists.

And that's all it took. I fell on my knees and started sobbing hard in front of him. This is not me. I rarely cry in front of other people. But this argument between us did all the right things to break me. I buried my face in my palms, my sob echoing the silent room. It took me awhile before I calmed myself, I wiped my tears even though they kept streaming down my cheeks.

I stared at him dead in the eye and started my explanation. I don't care now if he listens or not. Hindi ko alam kung maaayos pa ba ito o hindi na. Basta ang akin lang ay malinis ko ang kalat na ginawa ko. I want to come clean about Sophie's past and identity, he will accept it or not.

"You're right. Sophie doesn't come from me. I found her outside the orphanage where I used to visit. Isa din ako na sumama sa pagdala sa kanya sa ospital dahil nang matagpuan ko siya ay duguan pa ang buo niyang katawan, di pa nakahiwalay ang ambilical cord niya at ang hina-hina niya noon. Her attending Pediatrician found out that she had a bronchopulmonary dysplasia. Nagtagal siya ng halos dalawang linggo noon sa NICU, pero wala akong pinaglagpas na araw na di ko siya makita. Kahit pagod ako sa pagtuturo maghapon, dumadaan pa rin ako sa ospital para lang makita siya. As I always watched her though the glass in the nursery where they placed her, I knew by then that someone will take care of her.

And that someone is me. I was unsure on how will I take care of her then, but still, I'm a legal woman who had a huge heart for the baby. So I made a decision to adopt her."

I paused and wiped my tears. I took in some air because I don't want my voice breaking. I want to reminisced the memories how she changed my life drastically.

"Hindi man siya galing mismo sa akin pero anak ko siya, sa isip, sa puso at sa buong pagkatao ko. I am her mother. Nanay niya ako sa kalapik na responsibilidad na nakapaloob sa salitang ina. Taking her and treating her as my own was the best decision I ever made in my whole life.I knew I was riduculous back then, walang kahit anong alam kung paano maging isang ina sa isang sanggol. I was admittedly and unsure of it at first, but when the nurse placed her in my arms, I knew then it was to me she belong. I can't forget how she perfectly fit in between my arms as I coo and sway her to sleep."

"When I told to my parents about my decision in adopting her, they are against at first. Like what the hell? First time na wala akong nakuhang suporta sa mga magulang ko. Dahil hindi sa ayaw nila sa bata kundi dahil ayaw nila kung kanino siya nanggaling. My father made an investigation at nadiskubre ni Papa na ang tunay na ina ni Sophie ay dancer sa isang videoke bar. Pinamigay niya ang bata sa kumadrunang nagpaanak sa kanya na siyang nagdala mismo sa pintuan ng orphanage. Tapos ang lalaking nakabuntis sa nanay niya ay pamilyadong tao na kasapi sa isang grupo na nagbebenta at nag-su-supply ng mga pinagbabawal na gamot sa mga high profile na tao kasama ang mga politician."

"Kahit ganunpaman, pinagpatuloy ko pa rin ang pag-adopt sa kanya. For the first in my life, I kneeled down to my parents to get their approval. Nagmakaawang lubos ako kay Ate Keanna para lang tulungan niya akong maging legal ang pag-adopt ko kay Sophie. Nakarinig ako ng mga hindi magagandang salita sa mga taong nasa paligid ko, dahil alam nila anak ko si Sophie na iniwan ako ng tatay niya. Maraming panghuhusga galing sa mga tao ang naranasan ko, pero balewala sa akin ang lahat ng mga 'yon nang ma-grant ang legal papers for adoption ni Sophie. Imbes na nagpapahinga ako tuwing araw ng Sabado, hindi, dahil may mga home tutors ako na tinuturuan dagdag para sa bawat pangangailangan ni Sophie. Kahit hindi na kinakaya ng katawan at oras ko ang dagdag na trabaho, tinanggap ko ang pamamahala sa coffee shop para sa buwanang bayad sa tinitirhan namin. Di ako nagsasabi ng problema sa mga magulang ko dahil gusto kong patunayan sa kanila na tama ang desisyon ko. Mapapanindigan ko kung ano ang pinasok ko. Lahat ng mga 'yon ginawa ko... kinaya ko at kahit pagdaanan ko pa nang paulit-ulit ang mga 'yon wala akong magiging reklamo, as long as Sophie will legally be mine."

A sob escaped from my mouth. The angry looked on his face was replaced with something else. Awa? Lungkot? Hindi ko mawari. My sight was clouded by the steady stream of my tears.

Saka siya tumayo, lumuhod sa harap ko saka ako hinatak para akapin ako. Hindi ako nagpumiglas dahil ito ang kailangan ko. Kahit sandali lang kung tutuusin ang pag-aaway namin, pakiramdam ko taon na ang huli kong maramdaman ang init ng mga yakap niya.

"I'm s-sorry, I didn't know that it was like that. I didn't know how hard you've been through." I clutched his button down in my palms and just let it all out. "You are so strong. I'm so proud of the choices you made." He whispered, placing a soft kiss on my forehead, his scent and the smell of alcohol mixed turning into an intoxicating Jazz special scent.

I clung to him harder, finally thankful that I'm this close to him. "Shania knew hindi lang dahil sa anak siya ng matalik na kaibigan ni Nanay. Alam niya dahil kung wala ang presensiya ni Kuya Kenn siya ang palaging tagasalo. Both of them helped me through the hard times. Kulang ang pera ni Mymy pambayad sa ospital bills? Papi Cap got me covered. Walang magbabantay kay Sophie sa ospital dahil may periodical exam ang mga estudyante ni Mymy? Papi Cap to the rescue. Walang mag-alaga ng tanghali dahil may klase pa si Mymy nang pang-hapon? Mama Ninang Shania will do everything kahit na hindi siya marunong sa bata. Other than her, Nanay's friends and my family, no one knows about Sophie's secret. I hid it because I don't want her to be judged because of the past she's not responsible to."

"I understand and I'm sorry for blowing a fuse. I was hurt and that controlled my thinking. I thought you didn't trust me enough. I didn't take into consideration your fear, your love for our Sophie and the lengths you'd do just to protect her."

"You don't have to apologize for anything. This is my fault and this is on me." I said gently. I stared at him while rubbing my thumb on his lips. "I'm really sorry for keeping this from you for so long. This is suppose to be the thing that I want to discuss to you when I told you that we need to sit and talk. Naunahan lang ako ng dalawa. Naisip ko nang sabihin sa'yo 'to pero hindi ako makakuha ng tiempo dahil lagi akong napapangunahan ng takot. Alam kong mali ako. Nakalimutan ko na ikaw ito. And you won't turn away from us because of this. That's why from now on, I promise not to hid things from you. I want to start this again with no secrets..."

"KC, please tell me this is what I think it is." he breathlessly said.

I beam at him, my eyes are still misty with my post-crying, nose half-blocked because of my snot but I nodded at him. Because this night is ours.

"I love you. I still really do. I never did stop loving you and I want to love you every single day if you let me."