My Italian Heart

Chapter Twenty

I sat there in the taxi and looked up at the building that was dark, cold, and uninviting. As anticipated, Mr Larson had plied me with drinks throughout the meal. When my third white wine spritzer had arrived, he had rudely taken a sip from my glass and tore into the poor waitress. I tried to tell him it was how I had ordered it, but he wouldn’t listen.

I felt awful for the poor girl, but Larson had, from that point on, ordered my drinks for me. Mainly hard liquor. Thinking about it, I was now considering him sexist and controlling. After Larson thought I had left, I slipped back and spoke to the waitress. Telling her that we were opening up tourist accommodation, and that she was welcome to come and speak to me immediately about a job.

I had no idea what I would do with her in the short term, but I would find something for the poor girl to do instead of leaving her to be eaten alive by Larson. I tried to bring my mind back to the moment and grabbed my phone. It rang way too many times, and I was certain it would go to voicemail.

“Hello?”

“Open… thhheee erm door.”

“Aurora?”

“That’s my… name.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Am snot. You’re drunk. I am an er lady. We don’t erm get drunk.” The hiccups suddenly started, and I was sure I had been doing a great job of appearing mature, sensible, and sober up until that point. I watched as the side door opened, and David’s silhouette blocked out the light streaming from behind him. I paid for the taxi and climbed from the back seat. Almost face planting the ground as I did. I only managed to save myself at the last minute.

David stepped further forward as I walked towards him and threw his arm around my waist. Clutching me to him firmly as he seemed to take most of my body weight from the slightest hold on me. “I miss this.” Letting my nose fall onto his upper arm.

“What?”

“The smell… of you.” Shut up. You sound like a moron. Do not do anything embarrassing. You are not that drunk. We still have control of ourselves. That inner voice was begging and pleading, but she was wrong. I had no self-control at all, and I wasn’t convinced it was drinking that caused it.

David dropped me down onto the navy sofa, and I was thoroughly disappointed when I realised he wasn’t sitting on it with me. “David, don’t go.”

“I will only be a second.” He disappeared into the bedroom, and I could hear him messing around with the bedding. That telltale flap as you shake a duvet out. It was then that I realised the blanket beside me on the sofa. It wasn’t a duvet, but more of a thick bedspread. Inspecting it, I could see the mound in it where his legs had been. He had been asleep on the sofa when I called, but I couldn’t understand why. It seemed to make no sense to me.

I heard a bang from the bedroom and would have stood to look around the door if I had been more stable on my feet. “f**k!”

“David?”

“I’m fine.” That was when I spotted the whiskey on the table. There wasn’t more than a splash left in the accompanying glass and the bottle had been drained dry. Given the bumping around and the colorful language, I guessed he wasn’t much more sober than I was, and a smiley chuckle escaped. Hopefully, he wouldn’t remember any of the stupid things that came out of my mouth in the morning, either. I had a habit of losing the ability to use my brain cells when I had been drinking.

As he headed back into the living area, he was moving his shoulder around, as though he had caught it on something. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Now, that’s an invitation I can get on board with.”

“Behave yourself, you are in no fit state for hanky panky.”

“What the hell is hanky panky?” I couldn’t contain the complete giggle fit that ensued and ended up sliding off the sofa. I couldn’t decide whether it was the words themselves or the way his British self said them. Sometimes he came across like he had a stick up his backside, even though I knew he hadn’t. It was just the way his overt politeness seemed to come through.

He slowly linked his hand under my shoulder. “Let’s just concentrate on getting you up.” I was tempted to pull against him and claim the floor as my bed. It might have been a better option than sleeping in his bed alone. I was certain that was his plan for me. Not really knowing what I had expected when I turned up on his doorstep.

I knew the sort of man he was and he wouldn’t even consider taking advantage of me or my feelings for him. If only it was that easy to make him put his morals aside. I had spent my life wanting a decent man, a man like David. It just turned out that a decent man could still bite you in the ass. I was starting to learn that no man was safe, not truly.

I gave in to him, just like I knew I would. Just like I always would. It seemed to be programmed into me. Happily letting him lift me from the floor, although he seemed to find it more difficult than usual. It didn’t take David long to get me to the edge of the bed, but he was off balance enough for me to pull him onto it with me. “Aurora, please.”

“Please?”

“You’re pushing my buttons and we both know it.”

“And?”

“This isn’t easy for me, you know?” I was starting to sober up, but I wasn’t going to let David know that. It almost felt like the alcohol I had consumed had given me a free pass to push my luck.

I leant close to David and dropped my voice to a whisper. “The difficulty should probably be your first clue that you made the wrong decision.” I expected him to argue with me, but he didn’t. He just took a deep breath. The sort needed when you were feeling weak.

That was the other advantage to me being more sober than David knew; he was less careful with his actions and his words. Being drunk might have made me feel safe enough to challenge him, to argue with him even, but it did the same for him. It came from knowing both of us could pretend in the morning that none of it had even happened. If we weren’t happy with the outcome, we would just bury it.

We just laid there side by side on the bed. Neither of us talked or moved a muscle. Just staring up into the stark white painted ceiling. Neither of us had the energy for anything but lying there. It was a relief to have the companionable silence. It might not have been everything I wanted, but it was enough to make me feel like I was feeding my David addiction.

I closed my eyes. My lids were so heavy. I knew my breathing had levelled out, but despite that I was still awake, just. His scent seemed to fill the room. It added a calming element to the room, but I had no idea why. Just him being so close made me feel safe enough to drift off to sleep.

Sleep had not been my friend for what seemed like a lifetime. The nightmares were always similar, but not the same. One of my loved ones would be harmed by Amelia. I would see the whole thing, but no matter how desperately I tried to get to them, my legs just wouldn’t move. By the time they start working, it is too late. I end up kneeling by their side, except it is too late. I lift my hands every time and each time they are covered and dripping in blood.

That’s when I wake up struggling for oxygen. They started the night I found Luca bleeding on the floor and hadn’t stopped since. I had developed a fear of sleeping, almost. I only fell asleep when my body was too exhausted to continue holding out. Except when I was beside David, those fears, those nightmares, seemed to fade into the background.

I might not have managed to fall asleep in his arms, but I was certain it was the only place I would sleep peacefully. As I lay there, I was starting to feel hopeful that it would be a night of restful sleep all night long.

Before I had the chance to drift off into slumber, I felt him move beside me. I was tempted to let my eyes snap open, but I resisted. Feeling his lips carefully press against my forehead, and then he was gone. The whole room felt like it was draining of its warmth and oxygen. I opened my eyes, knowing there was no chance I would be drifting off into that peaceful slumber that I had desired. Instead, I would be tortured all night alone, knowing that David was laid asleep just out of reach of me.