My Italian Heart

Chapter Twenty One

I lay there beside her, desperate to tell her the truth. Except it would be unfair to speak to her about it all while she was so drunk. I had already made my decision. It had been made the second that Adam had called her. It wasn’t a case of not wanting anyone else to have her, but rather me realising that the whole thing had been a mistake.

That night, when she had been laid angelic in my bed, I felt like the biggest sinner in the world. I had been so sure before then that I would never let another man near her delicate, silky flesh. Then, in the aftermath, something changed. I was the one defiling her. The person who had hurt her without realising I was doing it.

It sounded stupid, but I hadn’t realised it. Not really. I had thought she would take it fine. Honestly, I believed that a girl like her couldn’t possibly feel about me the way I felt about her. Except the second her face had turned, I realised how wrong I was. Except it wasn’t that simple. I planned to push through, knowing it was for the best. Well, until that jackass Adam rang her.

The concept of Adam was driving me crazy. Aurora never even left the vineyard. Not to mention that she had met someone else pretty much instantly. From what I heard of their phone call, it sounded like a chance encounter. As though the universe was purposely f*****g with me.

The phone call, or more specifically, the way she had behaved on the phone, was enough for me to reconsider. She had lit up while she talked to Adam, but it didn’t take me long to realise that he wasn’t the cause, I was. She was so busy trying to get a reaction out of me and, to be fair, it worked.

It had worked the day before when she had been arranging a dinner date with Mr Larson. At least, with that one, I knew who he was. I had never met the man, but I had seen his paperwork. He had been a customer of the vineyard a long time, well before Aurora took over. I guessed he had to be at least in his sixties. Instantly meaning the jealousy faded. It was nothing but a business meeting that she wanted me to think was something more.

My reaction to her behaviour meant more than what she did. Her feelings hadn’t been in question since she had thrown her love for me in my face like it was some sort of insult. For her to admit it at that moment, knowing it made her vulnerable and put her in a weaker position, I had no choice but to believe her. If I had believed her before I had uttered those stupid and misguided words, things might have been so different.

Hours ago, as I had been getting wasted in my living room, I knew that I needed to fix it. To make her see that I f****d up.

The decision had been made, and when she rang me, I thought I could finally explain. Except, it didn’t take long for me to realise how far gone she was. It was no time to be discussing our relationship while she was so drunk. Instead, I did the gentlemanly thing, fighting with every urge in my body, and putting her to bed. I had been forced to rush into the bedroom and tidy up because I still hadn’t touched the room since she had walked out of it. The last thing I wanted her to know was that I was avoiding any reminder of her.

I lay beside her for too long. Just wanting to bask in her Auroraness. As she drifted off to sleep, I finally managed to drag myself away from her, although it took every ounce of self control I had. Even as I laid down on the sofa, I was no better off. The whole flat seemed to remind me of her, even after such a short time.

“Hello?” I wasn’t in the mood to be talking to anyone, but knew it must be important for Em to be ringing me in the early hours.

“I’m worried.”

“I need more information than that.”

“Aurora went to dinner with that leech, Larson, and she hasn’t come home.”

“She’s here.” f**k! It was instinct to tell Em that Aurora was safe. The words were out before the implication was in my mind.

“Why would she be there?” I needed to think and take things slowly.

“She rang me about work and I could hear how drunk she was. I told her to come to me because it was closer. I didn’t think Mamma would appreciate her waking the whole house up.”

“Send me your address and I will come and pick her up. It’s past time that I saw where you were staying.”

“I’ve already sacrificed my bed for her, Em. I don’t want to sacrifice my sleep as well. She’s already asleep. I’ll just bring her back in the morning.”

“You really are a diamond, Dad. Going to such lengths for someone you barely know.” It was my turn to be filled with guilt, but it was guilt for Aurora, not Emily. When she had said that Em would never believe my behaviour, she was right. Somehow, I had managed to come across as a selfless guy, a good guy, but I wasn’t. Then, to top it off, Emily was referring to Aurora like she was a stranger to me when she was anything but a stranger.

It was becoming more and more apparent every day that she was everything to me, and yet I let her be thought of as nothing. I wanted to set Emily straight then and there, but I knew Aurora wouldn’t thank me for it.

“It’s nothing. We will probably be late tomorrow. Can you man the phones?”

“Yeah, you are probably right. Aurora will be like a bear with a sore head in the morning.”

“Night, Em.”

“Night, Dad.” I looked at the phone for a little longer than I should have. Wondering if I had made the right decision. Maybe I should have just told Em and gotten it over and done with. The one decision I knew was the right one was talking to Aurora in the morning.

As soon as she was up, I would take the time to tell her everything. To beg forgiveness and pray that we could go back. That we could put my stupidity behind us.

My concerns were still there in my mind, but I couldn’t protect Aurora from something she didn’t want to be protected from. It was for her to decide what she wanted and what she needed. I couldn’t really understand why I had been so stupid in the first place. It wasn’t like me. I was normally much more thoughtful about my decisions.

In the end, the only conclusion I could come to was fear. I was genuinely terrified of continuing my relationship with Aurora. She stirred feelings in me that I had never felt before. She was so important to me; I had seriously considered divorcing Cora. I knew it was the wrong thing to do, but I had desperately wanted to do it despite how wrong it was. Even knowing the pain and anguish it would cause for Cora.

Aurora made me want to put my own happiness first for the first time since before Em was born. The second I had laid eyes on that little bundle of sass and fire that was there in Em, even when she was a newborn, I had been lost to her. My own wants and desires had never been important after that day. All that mattered was what was best for Emily. That was until I met Aurora.

Out of nowhere, that changed on me just as instantly. It was like Aurora had set me free from the suffocating commitments of my life. I loved Em. I loved her more than anything, but she was grown. She didn’t need her dad, not in the way she once did. Meeting Aurora was the first time that my own desires seemed to roar into life and take hold in the front of my mind.

It was just going to take some getting used to. After two decades of putting someone before me, it was terrifying to have to consider myself first. Except I still wasn’t. I was trying to put Aurora first and failing completely.

I tried my best to turn my mind off and instead tried to concentrate on sleeping. My mind stopped screaming at me, but I was sure I could hear Aurora’s heart beating from the other room. It was torture knowing she was so close and I couldn’t have her. Just one more night and hopefully it would all be fixed and I could have her in my arms again.