The Legend of Azhakkstadd

CHAPTER XLVIII : AS THE CHIEFTAIN

-Nazif-

            After the chieftain told me everything about it, I kept thinking if I am right to be our chieftain. Gosh, I wanted this for a long time yet I didn’t expect that I’ll be the one chosen… I can’t process it yet. Why is that? Is it really me? Or I just don’t believe in myself that I can also be a great leader…. Haysss

            It's not that I don't want it or something... in fact, I also dreamed of becoming one... I trained hard to have the chance to be one. But now, hearing those words right from our current chieftain, I suddenly felt nervous and afraid. I don't know.

            The moment I heard those things, it seems like I don't want to believe any of those. The more I grow, the more I understand how difficult being a chieftain is. The more I realize how hard it is to be one... the responsibilities, the sacrifices, the challenges, and many more.

            I don't think I can't do it. But there's a part in me that I wanted to do it.... I don't know, I'm just getting confused... am I just afraid? or what?

            “You’re thinking about it again and again…” Aisha tagged me getting my attention. We were both walking towards the office of the chieftain. Since the talk yesterday, I kept on thinking about that being a chieftain thing.

            “Yea… it still bothers me” I answered her “I don’t think I can do it” I continued

            “Look” she said as she grabbed my wrist that made us both stop. She pulled me towards a bench nearby and sat down “Do you think this happens because Kuzma isn’t present?” she asked

            “I don’t know… but there must be a mistake” I answered her as I looked at here intently with confusion and sadness are visible on my face

            “Then why isn’t it Ashtan? Why you?” she asked again as she also locked her eyes right through mine

            “I don’t even understand” I answered shaking my head slowly

            “Yes, no one understands why. No one knows why things happen like this. Only the Gods know why, only them knows the reason why we are put in this situation” she answered me and explained

            “I also don’t know why… but do you know the only thing we’re certain? Is that it happens because there is a good reason behind it.” She continued

            “Yea I know that… maybe the reason behind this is that, they had no choice but me…” I negated her speaking slowly as I looked down and sighed

            “My point is…” she cupped my face with her hand and raised it to face her “Remember when Kurezma first got her powers, and our chieftain told her that she will have to do something? Did she react the way you did?” she asked me

            “Her responsibility isn’t just for us, Truenos, but for the whole Azhakkstadd yet she willingly accepted it and look at her now, she trained herself, mastered her powers, and probably she’s out there still doing her best not to fail anyone” she added. She has a point… I didn’t hear Kurezma complained, not even once. Instead she embraced it and used her to improve herself.

            “When Kuzma knew that he has to be sent to the Fairy Land to train and leave his life here, did he hesitate? Or did he even question our chieftain as to why those things has to happen? No, he had his choice right away, that is to go and do the things which he has to do. Take note, he was told the day before he leaves. He’s even excited for it”  

            Aisha smiled at me after saying those words. She’s still not removing her hand from my face. I smiled back at her and placed my hand on hers.

            “Our chieftain never said that you’d be leading this tribe right away… he even said that he’d prepare you right? All you have to do is to be courageous to deal with it” she added without removing the smile that she’s been carrying since a while ago

            “Thanks for telling me this” I thanked her and took her hand towards my lips and kissed it lightly

            “You’re always welcome” she responded and held my hand lightly “Sometimes, when things came into our lives whether that be a blessing or a trial, we always get blinded by our thoughts and mindset that ‘we cannot do it’, ‘we are not ready for it’, ‘it is not for us’, or just by simply thinking that ‘why do we even have to do that?’. We always tend to think that these things that happens to us are a curse” she stated as she looked from a far not facing me yet her hand still held my hand giving me warmth and clarity

            “But in fact, that’s where we see out true and full self. It doesn’t just come out of nowhere, or as a result of an unexpected happenings, but it really happens as it is planned. Whether we like it or not, whether it is a blessing or a trial, we needed it to help ourselves learn and improve more” she continued when she turned to me giving me her serious expression implying that she has something to say and I have to listen carefully

            “Sometime we fail, but it doesn’t mean that we suck at those things, or we really aren’t fit for those. The truth is, it’s normal, we really need to face failure so that we can recognize success. In your case, you really are meant to be our chieftain” she kept a strong gaze to me adding too much emphasis with what her saying

            Her words seemed so sharp that they kept hitting my right through my heart. She kept on hitting me with her words slamming me that I should believe her because what she’s saying is true and helpful for me. She continued speaking giving me advices and reminders that kept on hitting me deep inside.

            “Maybe Kuzma really has to go there to give you the chance, maybe Ashtan has something to do with his life that makes him unable to be one. Just because there are people better than you, doesn’t mean you aren’t fit for something big. Everyone are always part of something, we just don’t realize it immediately right from the start” she said as she looked away again yet she didn’t stop talking. Her words are so powerful and uplifting… I need to hear this from her.

            “As a person, you always have to believe in yourself. You have to know your self-worth so that you’ll understand what you are capable of. You have to have your self-respect in order to gain confidence and bravery to do such things which you think you can’t do” she stated still looking from a far. This hit me hard, I know I trust myself and I love my self, but is it enough? Or am I really? She really spoke truth haysss

            “As a chieftain, you don’t have to be the perfect leader for everyone. You just have to be a good one. A wise one, and an empathic one. When you become a chieftain, you don’t have to be perfect, you don’t have to be the smartest or the strongest, you just have to be understanding” she added and know she turned to me as she grabbed my other hand with hers and held them both lightly. Why do her words this time hit so different?

            “And it doesn’t always go as fast as you think it is. It doesn’t always go the way you planned it to be. It doesn’t always go easy as you wanted it to be. That’s the reason why I’m here, why our chieftain is there, and why your family and friends are there, even the people around you… to help you, no matter what”

            “There are always that challenge, the hardships, and the sorrow that will surely make you feel down, make you feel weak and worthless but… they are always there, you just have to recognize them and overcome them in order for you to grow as a person you wanted to be” she said as she kept on looking away from me not maintaining the eye contact

            “If you’re going to ask me why do these things have to exist, it just makes life harder. Then that’s it, they are there to make life harder, they are there to make you know what it feels like to be defeated in order for you to urge for success. That’s how you learn to fight and to rise above them. That’s how you experience pain, remove the pain, and make pain your motivation to win”

            “In times like this when you feel unwell, or you think that things aren’t right, or you mind tells you that you can’t do it, that’s the best time to gather yourself up and do the thing you’ve been always doubting yourself. That’s the time when you prove to yourself that you can do it, and you always will. All you have to do is to believe in yourself”

            “So if you’re going to tell me that you aren’t ready to be the chieftain, that you aren’t fit to be a chieftain. I’m going to tell you that there’s always this process we called preparation” she faced me and smiled as she winked at me “And I’m going to tell you that, you are fitted to become one… in fact a lot of people are fitted to become one, but you are one of the best to made it where you are”

            “Are you still going to argue with me about that thing?” she asked after saying those heartfelt words at me, I am actually in the verge of crying, I just prevented before it came out, plus she pinched my cheek that caused my tears to back out ahahahaha

            “No… thank you for telling me about that… you’re so amazing” I said as I leaned towards her direction, pulled her lightly and kissed her forehead

            “You’re welcome” she responded and gave me a tight warm hug… gosh, I needed this…

            “Anyway… where did all of that come from? Why did you suddenly become an inspirational speaker?” I asked her jokingly and laughed a little bit

            “Fool!” she exclaimed and laughed with me “You said you needed that… I just wanted to help you realize… that’s my role ahahahaha just as I said” she continued as she answered my question

            “I didn’t expect that… we were so serious and positive… I thought all you know is to joke around ahahahaha” I responded and laughed even louder yet not so exaggerated to make myself look like an idiot

            “Gosh… ahahaha of course I know how to be serious sometimes… it’s not like I only joke all the time… I can be serious when it has to be” she said as she put her hand on my hair and messed it up

            “Stop!” I exclaimed and pulled my head away from her… we both just laughed ourselves out