EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 12| Light Therapy

“How about another shot?” Michael announced pouring our shot glasses with vodka. I took a shot and he cheered like a father trying to make his kid eat veggies and he made her eat it after many attempts. Ashton was also here in Calum’s apartment drinking by surprise too seemingly motivated to get drunk for an unknown reason. He was the paternal figure type to not get himself drunk only to take care of us when he gets shitfaced, but now he’s taking every shot that our ludicrous bartender gives him and that ludicrous bartender is Michael. I honestly couldn’t remember how we ended up drinking, but it makes me feel less s**t though. The four of us were all on Calum’s carpet which is so better than his leather couch that kept on making noises that sounded like fart. “Okay, stupid. Stop now, this would be the last.” I said taking the shot and sucked a lime after. My face wrinkled at the taste. “That’s right, my bitch.” Michael slurred.

“f**k you, Calum.” I randomly told Calum as I placed my head on his lap and started to squish his cheeks. He scrunched up his nose, “f**k you too, Stacy.” I laughed. It felt like I was in a slow carousel spin already. I think I’m laughing too much.

“Is that what you do? f**k each other?” Ashton chuckled who was now lying down on the carpet with two of his hands raised nonsensically. I could sense his subtle drunkenness by the way how the words rolled on his tongue, soft as if they were chocolate melting on his tongue. “No!” I protested like a little child. “We are best friends,”

“Best friends can f**k each other.” Michael rolled his eyes. “Okay, to clear things out. We’re just this close, okay but we don’t f**k each other.” Calum lied in defence as I held back in laughter, pinching his face harder. “It’s tea time!” Michael hollered. “So what’s brewing in the teapot for today Mr. Irwin?” Ashton laughed really hard he had to clutch his stomach. “It’s who f****d inside my bedroom tea leaves.” Calum and I were both blushing, I don’t know whether in embarrassment or some feeling that can’t be named.

“You think we didn’t notice, everyone did except for Luke, I think.”

“It’s none of your business, hello. And that ends there period. Okay, it’s not an issue on us,” I rolled my eyes throwing a cushion at Michael. “Fine, whatever funny business you guys are in. Calum showbiz is too boring.”

“Seriously, things were just all over the place that time okay, f**k off.” Calum chuckled. Saved by God’s grace Dua Lipa’s One Kiss played through the speakers and nobody is knowledgeable how it happened. “Oh God, have you seen that video of her dancing? That weird side hip trust?” I think we all did because we’re dying in laughter and it made me feel like melting. I took another shot until I realized that Michael, Ashton and I were dancing awkwardly, jumping around like idiots.

We were bad dancers for sure but as far as I know that it's alright as long as we had fun. I was unaware of the time and what else happened. The four of us after some time, learned to calm down. I really have no idea anymore how but I was proud that we did. My head was spinning fast enough to make me puke and so I did and rinsed my mouth after. I never liked the idea of being drunk because it f*****g makes me feel nauseated and I hate that. However, Calum and Michael appeared as though they were having a deep talk; Michael was crying with that i decided to leave them for a bit. He has issues and of course everyone does have their own demons and fears to face and the image of vulnerability isn't something for any person to be ashamed of. I let them be. Where the hell is Ashton anyway? I looked around and saw him sitting on a plastic chair at the small veranda. He was gazing at the city lights seemingly in deep thought with his fingertips softly tapping his knee. I took a seat beside him— the breeze vehemently blew my hair.

"Have you... Ever heard about light therapy? “The silence vanished upon the presence of my voice. It's too quiet here it almost felt like a sin to speak. "No," Ashton shook his head. I took a moment to notice his eyes where discomposure was evident. It nearly revealed the death of emotions or the profuse existence of having too much.

"Never had a proper professional help, but when I used to self harm I looked it up… there’s this thing called light therapy."

"It creates a psychological effect as hope amidst the darkness, like how we always perceive light. You know, warm, fuzzy, and consoling" I said. He expelled a deep breath eyes still locked on the horizon and the buildings. "Yeah, you're right."

"It makes us see things, doesn’t it? " He smiled softly. "In both ways," I replied.

"In both ways.” He nodded. "Did Luke ever tell you how he met Christen?"

"Yeah,"

"Met her first before he did." I didn't know what to say so I waited for him to continue. "Luke's a better fisherman than me you know," He chuckled at his own term but the tone of his voice sounded so glum, he must've faked it.

"I like her, hell I think I love her but I really don't know the definition of love. " his words made me swallowed hard. I think he wasn't intending to speak these-it was like i am invading a personal space. "We were friends first, we talked a lot even with Kassidy, her friend till I get to invite her on our show then Luke found her and talked to her until she completely forgot about me,"

"I really hope you don't think you're betrayed, but none of us knew that Luke was already flirting with her. Michael had heaps of designs to do during those months and me, I tried not to care as much as possible. Bone, our temporary bassist that time didn't care at all about our lives." He explained.

I sighed in hopes to remember this in full detail tomorrow, "I know you guys won't betray me. It's okay, "

"I know you feel me Stace, every time you see them it probably hurts like hell."

"Remember, Paige in high school? The girl I dated for like seven months." He asked.

"Yeah,"

"Loved her so bad till she found out that I have plans to move out... She left because ldr's don't work for her." He rubbed his face in frustration.

"It traumatized me because I loved her so much but she slipped away. Now here I am, new life I moved on from the only girl i ever loved i met Christen and it f*****g sucks that I have to undergo the same goddamn things again. f*****g let go." He rambled. I lost my words, after quite some time of silence, his tears fell and so did mine.

My phone suddenly vibrated on my pocket and to my surprise it was Luke. Ashton saw the screen flashing his name so he politely nodded and left me on the Veranda. Should I answer?

"Stacy, where are you?" his voice was came out soft and breathy. I didn't speak. "The boys told me they're not with you," Well played, I smirked to myself.

"You shouldn't care," I nonchalantly told him.

"Aren't you coming home," His voice sounded so defeated, it felt new to some extent. "I was hoping I could talk to you," I dropped the call. I'm afraid I'll be saying things again and spiral out of control. I shouldn't fall for this but deep down I am falling and I know I'll fall over and over again.