EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 13| For the last Time

I must've been sleeping for like an hour or two. I didn't even know how I got here on Calum's bed but I was all alone. It was darker at this time and my head felt as though bricks were being thrown on it but I was feeling better nonetheless compared to my situation earlier whereas I can still put up a decent conversation but I could feel my head spin. I stood up absorbing my light-headedness dipping off the bed to take a cold shower to furthermore sober up. I clearly have no idea if this is the right thing to do. As soon as I finished, I yanked on some unsullied wool sweater, some jeans, and my sneakers. I passed by Calum who was asleep at the moment on the couch with a thick comforter wrapped around his body. My God, I can’t even remember how we bid Ashton and Michael goodbyes for a side-splitting night. I thought of waking him up, but I decided not to so I just left the building which was in full tranquillity at this ungodly hour. What time is it again? I took a cab to our apartment, a Christopher Cross song was subtly playing on the speakers. The drive roughly felt as if it was eternal and I was glad it was over as soon as it pulled over at the apartment building.

I came home to our unit with the silence welcoming me. He wasn’t here. Oh, silly me. Why did I even rush here anyway? I just shrugged it off but my heart sank a little. I gently placed my backpack on the couch as I made my way to the kitchen and made myself some coffee before sitting on the couch. I lifted my legs and let it rest on the couch as I placed my chin on top of my knee. The steam of the coffee floated in the air, there for a second then gone again- I wish I didn’t leave Calum’s place. It didn’t feel as empty as here. The door suddenly clicked making my head turn at an instant. My heart pounded vehemently. There he was, barely making his way inside. The only lights were on was from the kitchen, I wasn’t seeing much. “Luke?” I called out. He groaned as I rose and walked towards him and turned the lights on. He slung an arm on my shoulder for support, his weight depending on mine. It was hard to keep steady; his tall frame was towering over me. “Oh, god what happened?” I interrogated as I helped him to the couch.

“Chrissy’s brother started attacking me like f*****g crazy,” There was a cut under his eye, blood trickled down his face, his nose and lip were bleeding as well which made me rush to the bathroom to get our first aid kit. I came back to him who was now laying flat on the couch, his feet slightly going over to the armrest due to his height. “God, it’s still bleeding isn’t it, “He said referring to his nose. It was getting untidy already. “Stacy, your sweater. Sorry for staining it,” I frowned subtly in confusion and took a look on my shirt where a spot of blood stained a small portion. “I know it’s your favorite,” Even at his state right now he managed to pull off a smile and I goddamn swear my heart was getting all over the place. “Luke, it’s okay. Hold on, I’ll get a basin.” I felt his hand touch my arm, stopping me but my world stopped too. “Please, just… don’t. Okay, let me do this on my own.” I took a moment to look at him in hopes that my eyes weren’t speaking that much. “You can barely get up,”

“So do you, I know you’re drunk Stacy.” He said, I got up and took a small basin from the kitchen and filled it up with water. “I’m not drunk, silly,” I said quite louder so he could hear what I said. I lifted the basin and brought it back to him with a hand towel. I sat on the floor as he turned to his side so he could get a better view. Well those little f***s,” His soft laugh almost sounded like a heavy breath. “Thinks that I didn’t see their i********: stories dancing to One Kiss,” I rolled my eyes at him and dipped the towel on the warm water.

“Washed it off don’t worry,” I reassured but my eyes felt like dropping. Before I touched his face with a damp towel, I took a sip of my coffee, preventing me to doze off. I didn't put any sugar on it and that is fine by me.

I carefully dabbed the towel on his bloodstained face- the material absorbing it swiftly. "How are you feeling?" I asked him.

"My body really hurts," He said. "Hold on, I'll get you some glass of water."

"Stacy, you really don't have to do this." He protested but this time he didn't grab my hand. Before I got him a glass of water, I got some fresh shirt from his drawer, the blood stains were all over his shirt. He took an aspirin from the kit and took large gulps. "You better change your shirt, is your arm okay?"

"Not really, I got thrown off the ground,"

"You didn't fight back?" I asked, pausing from what I was doing. His eyes looked so weary, so emotionless. "It's her brother, besides I deserved it." He let out a deep breath. With full caution, he lifted his body from lying on the couch. He tried to unbutton his shirt, but he whimpered in pain. "Luke, I hope you don't mind," I said and sat beside him. He nodded as I unbuttoned his shirt, his eyes were locked on mine the whole time in sympathy. I lifted an arm and slipped the sleeve off and then another. "Stacy, why are you doing this?"

"I just...care about you, I guess," I replied as I assisted him once again, yanking a shirt on. He removed his gaze on me and then let out another deep breath. I leaned closer and dabbed the towel on his cheek- moving to the skin under his nose as I held the nape of his neck to keep his face steady.

The feeling. The urge. It can't be.

I softly cleaned out the blood on his jawline and on his lips trying my hardest not to trace those fine lines with my thumb. My chest heaved fervently until I decided to let out this heavy breath but little didn't I know, I set my tears free too.

"What's the matter?" He cautiously moved even when he struggled a little and now he was facing me. The damp towel was now on my thigh, my eyes locked on my lap as the tears cascaded down my face carelessly. I hate this. So much. "Why are you crying?" I shook my head dismissively.

"Stacy, if it's... about what I told you this morning, I'm really sorry."

"It's not that, Luke." I sobbed this isn't going anywhere. I'm already crying hard. "Stacy,"

"Stacy," He repeated my name once again sterner than a while ago. "Please, look at me." and so I did.

"I'm so sorry,"

"It's okay," I wiped my tears and went back to cleaning his cuts on his face. He was controlling his whimpers as the cotton made contact on the wounds. Silence sat between us until I got done but my chest kept on capsizing over and over again every time I would catch him look at me. How long will it really take for a person to have too much to get exhausted? I feel like I could spend another eternity and choose him over and over again. Are five years really that long and tiring? I gulped my cold coffee, closed the kit and returned them back to where they belong. I made my way to the bedroom and I was glad he managed his way to lie down and so I sat on my side. My eyes were getting more tired at this hour.

"I'm sorry," He apologized once again sounding more real than how he said it a while ago. "Luke?" My voice trembled as I closed my eyes and allowed it to roll off my tongue. "I love you," For the last time, I told him that. I was crying all over again because it's killing me this much- it killed me, even more, to remember how Christen referred to him as her man, in as much it always felt like Luke will always be my man, the way my fingertips ran on his face, the way I helped him dress up without any obscene thoughts, the way I looked at him, the way he never leave my thoughts, it felt a lot like home. I don’t care if Christen called me a hoe who itches, I know myself. I know that I will love him more than the way she will.

“Please don’t hurt her anymore, Go get her. “ I forcefully closed my eyes and sucked in a deep breath. This was never what I want. But he’s happier with her.