EVANESCENCE

CHAPTER 20| A place in my Heart

Breathe deeply Stacy, breathe deeply.

The warm lights touched my skin as I locked my eyes on the people in the theater seated comfortably, in prospect. Don't be nervous. There were so many people more than I expected, pushing me further to the state of nervousness even though I wasn't the center of attraction; perhaps it was due to the fact that I haven't done this for so long. Own the moment. This is my composition, this is my arrangement and this is me with the kids. It felt as though it was divulged straight to my face that at the very least I achieve something with or without Luke in between. I looked at the kids who were glancing at me nervously, I gave them a reassuring smile.

Three

Two

One

Harmony floated in the air as I glided the bow on the strings, my heart overspilled with, joy, love but unfortunately, sadness overspilled as well. Where are they? I started to feel so troubled but they arrived a few minutes after the beginning, squeezing past each other as they try to keep their mouths shut. They were late but it was all right. Calum wore a plain white button-up shirt which was appropriate for the event while Michael and Ashton wore their gig clothes which included skinny jeans, leather jackets, and boots but it was okay they were adorable. They all gestured for a tiny wave which utterly made me smile. Just as what I've expected, Luke wasn't there but it was okay, slightly okay now that things were real to me now.

I finally made up a decision. I'm coming back home although it will be so heavy to intake that I am filing a resignation on my job- this. But I came to realize that I am still young and there's so much to live for than this. Upheavals indeed can be wrenching sometimes... But it's all I need. Apparently, it hurts a lot to leave the place where you once felt happy and fell in love, it wasn't a joke to venture the streets of London with Luke as we felt like we lived a dream. But my life wouldn't drive better If I won't just leave things that add fires on my hell. Perhaps it would talk a little leap of faith.

However, the remaining days left will be for me to pack up, leave work, and say multiple goodbyes to those people who have been a part of my life. If possible, I'll visit some places and meet up with my old sentiments and the things I want to remember. I was so filled with thoughts until the next thing I knew was the pieces that I wrote was over. Everyone clapped, the parents of the kids smiling so hard as it made me feel extremely overwhelmed. As soon as we proceeded to the backstage, the kids hugged me altogether, gushing in relief. I hugged them back trying to memorize each and every priceless face I saw. There was Lochan, Brianna, Kennedy, Janet, Kevin, Marisol, Andrea and a few more faces I would love to remember for the rest of my life. A couple of pictures were taken with me as I received compliments and thank you messages from the parent as it really made my heart flutter thinking of how it made me grow. As soon as the surroundings calmed down a bit, I placed my violin back to its case carefully. A little girl suddenly walked up to me, wearing a long-sleeved blouse with a small gold bow tie, and a skirt that flowed below the knees together with some black knee socks. Her hair was neatly braided as she looked at her mother who gave her a go signal to talk to me.

"Are you really leaving, Miss Anderson?" Her hands were folded, eyes glued on her black shoes as she swayed a little. Oh God, I don't want this kind of scenario to begin with. I crouched down so that my height would meet hers.

"Well, people come and go, sweetheart," I told her, trying to smooth the crease of this night with a smile. "But I'll always keep you in my heart," Tears brimmed my eyes and so did her. She was my favorite student not because of her performance, but she really liked keeping me company, talking to me about things and staying longer just because she liked it there. She wrapped her tiny arms around me with tears streaming on her face as if I was her a part of her family yet to me she was and she'll always be. From the look on her eyes, she couldn't decipher as to why people come and go but soon enough she'll discover it on her own.

"I'll always be proud of you, Andrea." I wiped my tears hoping that my makeup isn't smudged. She unfolded her hand and looked at me with her lovely brown eyes filled with the subtle sadness of a child. "I asked mommy to take me to a jewellery store to get you this," She took the musical note charm bracelet from her hand as she wrapped it on my wrist. She struggled, but she made it. This is too much. I hugged her once again but tightly this time. "I'll see you again, all right?" I stood up with her mother gesturing to approach me.

"She really loves you this much, Miss Anderson,” Her mother spoke as Andrea clung on her mother's hip. "Oh, please Mrs. Moeller, just call me Stacy instead,"

"She's a sweet girl; I think I really need to stay in touch with you. I'd love to see her grow," I said which really touched her mother. "You're such a wonderful person, Miss Anderson...Or Stacy as how you prefer to be addressed. We'd love to have you stay in touch as well, contact me anytime. “She smiled as I thanked her.

The remained of the night was light but I got a little emotional when Mr. Lovellis expressed how proud he is of me. I even received a plaque for being the most passionate employee and a framed certificate of appreciation. It’s way more than what I expected. I got the extra pay, I just had to clear my stuffs and now I’m good to go. The four of us; Calum, Michael, Ashton and I entered the drive in where The Beatles’ come together boomed through the speakers. We squeezed on the booth as Calum once again asked for what we want and we ended getting the same set of food and so it was me with Michael and Ashton again. Ashton was softly bobbing his head up and down upon the amazing song.

“Damn Beatles,”Ashton tapped his fingers on the table in accordance with the beat. “Such a good song,”

“b***h, it’s about bukkake” Michael laughed to himself. “Because porn is all that contains that filthy little mind of yours,” Ashton chuckled. I frowned in confusion. “What the hell is bukkake? It sounds like a Japanese monster, or whatever.”

“It’s uhh, not so pleasant to know, Stacy.” Ashton chuckled, shaking his head. The food arrived in no time, together with Calum who was still dressed up and looking dapper. We gladly cheered for the food and started eating as if it was the first time we had a good meal. Although the night is great, I couldn’t help but sink further into sadness because this surely is the life I’ll miss.

“So, are you aware that I’ll be leaving to California?” I announced trying to sound less sad. “Yep,” The two guys except for Calum nodded but they looked down too. “And we understand, Stacy.”Ashton assured.

“I just, realized that everything is lighter without Luke,” I confessed. “Are you really sure? I mean, we can make things work if he’s the issue here. You can share with one of us,” Michael offered as I sighed.

“I’m afraid, to like… waste my life more I guess, I mean I’m not completely wasting it, I have no idea where I’d be without you guys, but… You see, life is beginning to unfold for you, you’re close to being a legitimate artist and I think there’s more to life for me than being enslaved by your bestfriend.” I bantered. “But I hope you do get my point.” I wonder why Calum is silent, perhaps because he knows about this.

“We’ll surely miss our Stacypoo,” Michael pouted. “You really are worth remembering Stacy,” Tears welled up my eyes for the nth time as I just pulled off a laugh.”I’m not dying okay,” Calum wrapped an arm around me and gently ran his hand on my bare arm.

“We have something for you,” Michael handed me a box that contained a photo album, a shirt he personally designed and a blanket from Ashton. I couldn’t help myself but cry again even if it’s already tiring. “We’ll chat endlessly, we promise you.” Ashton promised as I nodded. The two left their booth to give me a great hug.

“I’ll be with you Stacy,” Calum said which sparked a hope in me. “My sister’s baby is welcoming the world soon,” He smiled.

The boys crafted a night that is worth staying for, but I really have to leave.