Favored by Indivia

08

Chapter Eight

In which she sees his determination.

-

[Ross Pagette Monstine.]

“That seems like a good shot.”

Slowly checking all the photos that I had gathered, I wondered if this was enough for reference. Everything was easy to sketch, with some basic locations and situations that could help Matthias into forming his proportions right. At least, that is what I was taught. I remember my instructors gave me the same thing when I was still studying.

Maybe it’ll help Matthias.

“Are you even sure about this?” I heard Vivian’s voice ringing in my ear, as she was prompt to a call from me. She is the only person who is even aware of what is really happening—simply because I know she’ll know about this in the future. There was no need to hide it from someone as observant as her. “Because I think this will bite you in the ass.”

I nodded my head, eyes still focused on the pictures. “Oh, I know. However, I saw myself in him when I was young. I don’t know the determination for him to start all of this—but I couldn’t say that I do not understand.”

“It would be good if that’s the only reason.”

My hands paused by the words, understanding her statement well. The very thought of why I am doing this feels like a soft prickle in my head. While I give a thousand reasons why I wanted to—I could not lie to myself. Everything that I am doing is simply an excuse that I have to justify what I am doing. I often found myself in this position—where I hardly cared what the end game was to everybody else.

As long as I have solidified mine.

“He wanted to learn, and I could teach him.” I said, still continue spilling lies as if it was a normal thing to do so. This had been happening for a while—where I continued giving explanations that had loopholes. “That is simply what I am doing.”

“If you want to try lying, do not start with someone who knows you enough,” Vivian’s soft voice felt like a huge weight. Following her soft sigh, I know she was massaging the side of her head in order to appease her headaches. “What if this became harder to fix than what you initially thought it would?”

“What do you mean?”

Another sigh. “Matthias has always been your type, Ross.”

I paused at the words. It did take a while for me to remember, but I did have a phase when I liked seeing him. He’s with a number of people who usually capture everyone’s attention. Of course, that ended the second that I hardly tried to see him. The man had always been gorgeous, and his kind heart is enough to catch everyone’s heart. Mine, included.

But that was the past.

“Not anymore,” I mentioned, eyes following the view to find another reference. “He’s my sister’s boyfriend—”

“Exactly,” she agreed, a sigh to her lips. “What if you fell for him again? I know there has always been a feud between you and Ryli. However, this is some dangerous territory. If this ends up in a situation that I am thinking about, you’ll be hurting three people.”

“That won’t happen.”

I tasted the same doubt that Vivian was feeling. The emotion that would linger from me is hardly even what I cared about. As much as I doubt myself, I know that I will always put a line to things that would be between me and Ryli. Involving Matthias is nothing but a difficult task in terms of holding my paintbrush already.

The last thing I wanted him to get inserted on—is my supposed affection.

“How sure are you that it wouldn’t?”

“100%”

I already fear that he would have some misunderstanding with Ryli if she figured out that he’s my model. As much as I hate my sister, I do not have the strength to use Matthias in order to get above her. Ryli had always played fair and never used others to get what she wanted.

It would be nothing but a low blow if I played dangerously.

“Just be careful.” Vivian whispered, her usually strong and composed voice sounded so off in the earphones. “I know this might come off as an offense to you, but I do not want you in a situation where everything will be much worse than it is right now. We all care deeply about you, Ross. I hope you know that.”

“I do.”

They were angels, so I could hardly resent their words. Vivian had seen me in phases that I do not often remember. She had seen me cry, bleed and worked hard to get what I have. She had seen what I have gone through, so she’s often the one who wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t come back to that darkness.

“I’ll be careful, Viv. You don’t have to worry. Nothing like that will happen,” the words felt confident now, enough that even if I can’t see her, I could feel the relief from the sigh that escaped her lips. “Even I draw a line sometimes.”

“Just be careful.”

“I know. I’ll call you later.”

“Hmm.”

At the end of the call, I focused mainly on taking photographs. I wanted to make sure that I have enough for him to practice. And for some selfish reason, I am looking for a good background for my own art. I noticed that incorporating Matthias in a familiar view helps me in my perspective.

“Ross?” I flinched, looking back to see a familiar face. Matthias is in his sports clothes, probably on a run. Slowly tugging his earphones off, he offered me that same smile that he had always shown me. “It’s good seeing you here. Are you working on a project?”

My eyes moved to my hands, catching the camera that I had been holding for a while now. Slowly lowering my hands, I answered. “No, not really.” He tilted his head, as if waiting for an explanation. I know that I could simply deny anything, but he would know everything the second I hand these pictures anyway. “I am looking for some references.”

It was easy to spot how that touched him.

The exhaustion he felt from running was long gone from his face. “Oh,” he says, blinking away what seemed like confusion. “I didn’t know it would take even your free time. I’m sorry.”

“I just wanted to teach you what I know, that is all.”

His expression is surprisingly easy to read. I did notice that Matthias is quick to be swayed by emotions—but not in the same impulsiveness that I do have. When he was quick to defend my sister, and threatened us not to let it out—the anger in his face was clear and printed from his face. When I agreed to give him lessons, the relief and happiness was there.

Matthias is a loyal person, and that seemed to bother me more than I wanted to.

“In that case, should I accompany you?” He asked.

What?

No.

I would have rejected the idea, as I did not want others to spot us together. The last thing I needed is to have my sister be informed of this. However, I could see how he really wanted to be involved in this. Knowing him, I am sure he would be more troubled knowing that I am spending this beautiful time on a Sunday with the lessons that he’s taking.

“Sure,” I replied, knowing that I have no escape from this. “Is there anything specific that you wanted to paint?”

Matthias took a second to answer that, eyes looking around the area. Since we were in a public park, there could be anything that he could paint. From the gentle water from below, and the birds chirping from the sky. Even the buildings from afar would be good.

“A flower,” he says, squinting his eyes to a collection from a few steps away from us. “Preferably carnations.”

Ryli’s favorite flower.

Of course, that would be one to enter his mind. Paintings are a reflection of our thoughts, and it would be easy to inform my sister how he truly liked her by painting the very thing that she loved most. Not everyone knew how badly she loved the flower, but I would not even be surprised that Matthias knew. After all, he is the boyfriend.

I didn’t even comment on it, but simply followed through with what he wanted to paint. It will be easier for him to improve if he liked what he was painting. Matthias did his own shoots, taking them from his phone. I noticed that there was a lot of detail from what he was taking—but I did not have the heart to stop him.

After all, appreciating all of this would help him.

“What did you first paint when you were learning?” He asked, looking at the flower with keen interest.

The question caught me off guard. I did not know what urged it, maybe his own curiosity. It had been a long time since I started painting, and people often forget what I first started to paint. Slowly looking at anything that could distract me, I answered. “A flower.”

“I see. That is a good place to start. Maybe I should focus on the carnations.” He nodded, now focusing on the flowers before us.

I did not know what it was between us that would often remind me of my childhood. It was not like he is acting childish, but I did forget these moments. Now, I would pressure myself to create paintings that would impress me. I could not even remember when I took the time to appreciate the views that I was creating on a canvas. Spending time with Matthias gave me warmth, as I feel like he gives me back the touch of art that I had forgotten along the way.

“I think this is good.” He says.

I looked at the photos that he took, and all were enough to be roughly sketched. My mind tried to see different lines that could help him, and the second that I could see it getting less complicated, I agreed. “Yeah, it does. We should find more, so you can have references for future lessons.”

Matthias agreed. While I know that I needed to focus on finding more references for the man, I could hardly see any view that would gather my interest. My camera simply rests on my chest, swaying through it every time that I would take a step. It seemed like a gentle reminder that I also needed to contribute to this expedition. However, that task seemed to be harder now.

Of course, it would be hard when I have a full-front view of Matthias.

The man seemed like a view himself. It was not just because he was beautiful. The expression that he would have every passing second seemed like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I did not want to miss it. He looked positively excited, a smile pulled on his face. Everything that would capture his eyes, he was quick to snap a picture.

For once, I think Matthias is much more beautiful than the view offered to me.

I really want to paint him.