THE DARKER SHADES OF WHITE (BOOK 2)

Chapter 5-The Conditions

My senses kicked in when I heard the nearest Masjid announce the time for prayer. I groaned and got up. Rubbing my face, I stood on my feet and staggered towards the bathroom on the cold floor. I realized that I was in my parents' room. I quickly went back to fix the bed and then made my way to my room. Thankfully, he wasn't there. I changed into a velvet kameez with black denims and tied my hair in a pony tail. I took a net wrap. Thankfully due to the chicken still being digested, I wasn't feeling hungry because there wasn't anything in the house to eat. I took a stroll in the garden when Shumaila came to see me. she engulfed me in a hug and congratulated me.

"My dad told me that the auction was a success." She commented. I lowered my head and focused on the grass. "Yeah," I exclaimed halfheartedly.

"What's wrong? Shouldn't you be thrilled about this?" she asked. My head hung even further. "It appears that I won't be selling my house after all," I stated.

"What do you mean?" she enquired, putting her hand on my shoulder. I sighed. "It appears that the anonymous bidder was my arrogant soon-to-be-divorced husband." I remarked sarcastically.

"Oh . . . really? Wow . . . ," she stated. I looked at her with dismay. "What do you mean by wow?" I hissed.

"That means that he's here to take you back, isn't he?" she squealed in excitement. I felt disgusted at her behavior.

"Yes you're right that he came here to get me back but I'm not going back with him." I avowed bravely.

"Now Khadijah, if he's here to take you back than that means that he feels guilty about what he did to you." She reasoned. I frowned and scrunched my nose. "I know him well enough to tell whether he feels guilty or not and knowing him . . . the word guilty doesn't exist in his vocabulary or the feeling in his heart. He weighs things and emotions on the count of their measure . . . what he doesn't see is the intention behind the action which he weighs so heartlessly. I know only Allah knows the true intentions of a human being . . . but after what he put me through, I don't think I can ever find it in my heart to forgive me." I stated.

"Khadijah . . . please try to understand your situation . . . you aren't only an orphan but also a girl who is too caught up in debt and troubles . . .i think that this is a sign that you should go back . . . at least you will have someone to depend upon. Admit it, you also need him Khadijah. So please . . . drop the cold act and just go with him." she said. I narrowed my eye at her."Why o you say that?"

She smiled wholeheartedly and her eyes gleamed with a strange look. "Dearie . . . do you think that you can actually fool me? I know you. When you came back, you looked so lonely and empty and now that he's back, I see a glint in your eyes and the swollen lips and the pouty eyes say clearly that you are glad that he came back. And from the way you look right now; so healthy and lively, I know that you are happy because you still love him." she asserted. I sighed and touched her hand on my shoulder.

"You're right. I think that I'm still in love with him. It was so hard being without him. I would be lying if I said that I didn't miss him or I wasn't happy when I saw him. But the truth is, he has just taken me for granted. If he says that he needs me, then maybe I might reconsider but not until he admits that . . . I will not go with him." I imparted.

"But still, the way I see it, you should go back with him even if he doesn't say that." She said quite hastily.

"What's wrong with you Shumaila . . . didn't I just say that I want a divorce from him and nothing else."

"What then? What will you do after he does what you are requesting? Don't you know what the society does to a divorced woman? It prosecutes her without reason." She stated.

"That only happens with non-virgin women."

"So you think by staying a virgin, you have higher chances of getting married later on?"

"I don't care about that . . . but yes I do think that."

"You're forgetting that there are hundreds of girls out there who are virgins and unmarried . . . our society find the least bit of anomaly in a girl and it just blames everything on the woman no matter how innocent she is." She affirmed. I frowned.

"What's wrong with you? You're acting strange." I said. She looked rather perplexed but in her eyes I saw the contradiction. Her mother came right on cue.

"Asalam Alaikum auntie," I greeted with my eyes still on Shumaila. She was avoiding looking me in the eyes. "So I heard about the auction . . . my many congratulations." She said and I detected a hint of hardness to it.

"Thank you auntie,"

She gave me a small smile and a passive stare. She placed her arm on my shoulders and gestured for me to walk with her. "Listen Khadijah, I know that it is very hard for you and we are trying our very best to help you in any way that we can . . . however," she started rather sternly which made my head spin with confusion—first Shumaila and now her mother; what is their point? "There's a limit to which we can offer you our help. Please understand that we cannot do anything beyond that limit." She stated firmly.

"Auntie, believe me I truly appreciate all that you and your family has done for me; but I don't get what you are trying to say." I exclaimed with a frown. She sighed.

"I know that Ahmad must have said a few . . .  off things to you and . . . ,"

"Oh," I cut her short. Now I understand. "Don't worry auntie. I don't have any plans regarding that matter so you can be rest assured." I responded in a harsh tone; feeling offended. I didn't know that she would think like that about me; after all the time she has known me, at the end she inferred that I was a bad girl. She nodded with a sigh of relief and then beamed at me. I wasn't feeling glad anymore. They tried to make small talk in order to distract me but because I had given them my answer, I didn't feel any obligation to talk to them for the rest of the day.

I can't believe how two-faced people can be. I hugged my chest and tried to hold back my overwhelmed feelings; there truly isn't anyone in this world as your own than the people who share the same DNA with you (Only parents and siblings) and Allah—He has always watched over me and I'm sure that if I remained patient, I can easily overcome any obstacle in my way.

I was water my plants when I saw Ahmad Bhai approach me from the gate. He removed his shades and stood a little distant from me. "Khadijah,"

I put on a stern expression and continued to water my plants. "I heard what my mother said to you. Khadijah I'm . . . ,"

"It's okay Bhai. She was right." I said dryly.

"Please Khadijah. Don't say that. Believe me I didn't know that my mother would react like that. I thought that she would be thrilled but I didn't expect her to  . . . ,"

"It's okay, it's not your fault. I don't blame your mother for what she thought of me."

"Khadijah, don't worry, I will make my parents understand."

"Please Bhai, I don't want that. Please just leave me alone." I snapped and began to pace for the door but he caught my arm and yanked me back—God, he was so strong and it almost hurt where he was gripping me. I have to give the Army some credit for the hard work they made him go through.

"Khadijah, trust me on this." He softly mumbled to me. I yanked my arm away and put some distance between us.

"Why is everyone after me? What did I possibly do wrong that people think that I am the one who's at fault? Your mother thought that I was getting a divorce and because it didn't work out, she thought that I would be so desperate as to trap you or have you marry me." I began to choke on my tears. I felt his hand on my head. I wiped my tears with my sleeve. "I don't want to live a life where everyone thinks that I am wrong and low. Sure I made the mistake of defiance and degraded myself when I started that useless affair with my neighbor's kid but that doesn't mean that I can't change." I sniffled. He rubbed my back to calm me down and I was working.

"I'm sorry," he murmured softly. "I didn't realize that. I was going to fast. But believe me Khadijah, I wanted nothing but the best for you. I have good intentions behind my proposal and I didn't care whether you were divorced or not. But believe me, I feel this huge responsibility to take care of you." He declared. I looked at him with welled up eyes.

"I don't want responsibility. My husband also felt responsibility to take care of an unwanted burden when he married me. What I want in a marriage is trust and love." I said in a sorrowful tone. He looked genuinely concerned. he patted my shoulder but it was immediately lifted up.

"Excuse me," the voice said and cleared his throat. I jumped when I saw Shehzad holding up Ahmad Bhai's arm and throwing it away—his eyes shooting daggers at him and his expression as hard and cold as a statue.

"What are you doing?" Ahmad Bhai demanded, exasperated. Shehzad glared at him through narrowed eyes and held me tight by the shoulders; crushing me on his chest.

"I would appreciate if you kept your hands to yourself. This is my wife that you were touching." He snapped through gritted teeth. I gasped; my heart began to beat uncontrollably as the events of last night came to mind. I fought the urge to blush and failed miserably.

Ahmad hai looked perplexed but he quickly composed himself. "I see. I have no ill intentions," he stated, his voice dripping with innocence and truth. "I am Captain Ahmad bin Shahzil." He introduced himself formally and stretched his hand. Shehzad only glared at him, his light eyes going dark. Ahmad Bhai felt the weight of the atmosphere around us so he respectfully left after saying goodbye to me. I could tell that he felt angry yet powerless at the same time—that's what I like about him so much, he knows what people need and he cares and respects their decisions and their values—that's why he joined the Army. And that's why I appreciate and respect him so much.

But the matter at present was what mattered. I pinched Shehzad's hand on my shoulders. He didn't react but let me go anyway.

"What the hell were you doing?" he hisses at me. my blood began to boil at his arrogance.

"Like you would care," I hissed back. He looked even more aggravated. "How dare you cry in front of another man?" he asked through clenched teeth, his eyes gleaming with jealousy. I smirked slyly.

"Why do you care? Who I cry in front of is my business so stop butting in." I exclaimed in English and began to walk away but he took my arms tightly and made me stare into his eys which were filled with covetousness and possessiveness to the core. It made me feel all hot and sort of superior but it was fleeting and I overcame it immediately.

"You cannot cry in front of any other man that me. Only I can see that crying face of yours." he stipulated angrily, possessiveness domineering his features, his jaw clenched and his eyes officious. I blinked a few times at his tenacity and wit. He still dared to act like that after all that happened between us and I have to admit that I liked seeing him all overbearing and intrusive over me but I needed to stay strong and show him that he couldn't take me for granted.

"Let go of me Shehzad." I said calmy this time because I knew that seeing me indifferent only caused him to explode further. "You're hurting me." I cried and tried to free myself but he had total control over my body.

"I don't ever want you see that man again." He warned through gritted teeth. I frowned and fought him to let me go when he did, I stumbled on the grass but caught my balance and adjusted my wrap around my shoulders.

"I will meet whoever I wish to meet. You can't do anything about it so please just stop interfering in my affairs." I warned. If looks could kill I would be dead in a matter of nanoseconds from the way he was glaring at me with deathly eyes.

"You need to stop acting like the all possessive and jealous husband because it holds no meaning to me . . . and as long as meeting Ahmad is concerned, than I will meet him as many times as I want. I would rather meet him and stay with him that to even consider staying one second in your company. He is a hundred times better that you and unlike you, he knows how to take care of others." I declared confidently. I think that I really nailed it because he seemed to soften up and he looked somewhat hurt but whatever right? . . .  payback's a b***h anyway. It was my turn to make him know worth and to put him in his rightful place.

Although my heart was screaming inside and cursing me because my love for him wasn't tolerating all the venomous words that left my tongue but I didn't care—I needed to find my love for him again because I think that what I felt for him was just s****l attraction.

No it is love. 

A voice at the back of my head whispered. I dismissed it and stared him directly in the eye.

"Khadijah, please come back with me to New York. You don't deserve what you are getting here?" he said in a gentle tone.

"Are you pitying me or sympathizing with me?" I asked in an offended tone—if there was anything that I loathed than it was having earned others pity. "I have already told you my decision. I will not come with you." I said decisively. He stared at me and a moment of silence rose between us. He dipped his hands in his pant pockets and came walking to me—he looked determined and desperate. I was almost expecting him to beg me; well, if he did that, then maybe I would reconsider.

"Just take your money and get out of my life!" I almost shouted irately but managed to contain myself. He stared at me thoughtfully for a few seconds, his head c****d to a side. His hair flowed gently with the fresh sea breezes.

"Then at least think about the Chairman," he started. I was taken aback. What does the Chairman have to do with this?

"Think about all that he has done for you. If you don't come back with me than you will break his poor old heart; I don't think that he would be able to bear that decision of yours especially when he so lovingly married you off to me by himself. I don't think that you would be that ungrateful as to do something like that." He stated rather smugly.

That scum . . . how dare he try to emotionally blackmail me?

"You beast!" I hissed with disbelief. I just cannot believe how much he would fall from my level of good graces. "How dare you use the Chairman as an excuse to get me back?" I enquired; fuming. He smirked and caught my chin between his thumb and finger.

"Whatever it takes babe," he stated in English. I bite his thumb hardly and ran to my room. I cannot believe that he thought by blackmailing me like that, I might think things through. He's still the same rotten scheming bastard that he has always been and here I was thinking that he might have changed.

I fell on my bed and buried my face in my arms. I don't know why but I felt like disappointed and hurt—I was actually expecting him to use a good tactic other than blackmail and threatening but I was wrong. Maybe if he had just said that he needed me, than the weak part of me would have let go of everything and I would have jumped in his arms.

I stayed in bed until I felt somewhat hungry. I didn't want to go outside because of that beast so I decided to watch TV as a distraction to curb my appetite.

A random show was on. "And we are back with our transmission. We were discussing Forensics application for the grave. Please doctor share your views." The host gestured. They showed an elderly man continue.

"I have come across many aspects in my life as a Forensics specialist. But I suppose that the grave has always intrigued me, Alhamdulillah. I once countered a case in which we found a drunken man in a catatonic state. When I interviewed him, he told me the most interesting tale. He related that he was a guard at a graveyard. He saw that I body was being buried and the body bore a heavy gold ring that was unable to be removed from the body. The man thought that at night, he could dig up the grave and take the ring for himself, and when he did, he was shocked to see that it wasn't a grave that he had stepped into but rather a beautiful cool room. He saw that the body of a lady lay on a beautiful bed and it was surrounded by velvet curtains but the thing that scared him most was the fact that the corpse was happily smiling. He panicked and began to dig back the grave and when he was done he ran away as fats he could until the mental department caught him. I had the case investigated and I decided to meet the husband of that lady. When I met him, I could easily tell that he was a rough man and he must have caused a lot of hardships on his wife. When I asked him about his wife, he told me that he didn't know much about her except that for all the thirty seven years that she was married to him, she never once disobeyed him and was patient and tolerant,"

"So this fact of reality actually dictates that whatever you face in life, Allah is always watching and He will give you your full share of justice whether in this life or the next."

They began to talk about other cases but the one about the lady was the most interesting one which left me musing on it for I don't know how long. So there are actually women like that in the world and whatever had happened with me, it makes that look so insignificant now.

What should I do? Should I just give in to my stubbornness and just live according to the way and path that I have chosen for myself or should I just be patient and bear with whatever Allah had planned for me?

Oh God, please help me for You know best.

                                                                                    **********

I took a few breathes before knocking on the door.

"Come in," came the candid reply. I headed inside only to find him shirtless.

"Aren't you cold?" I enquired randomly. He tossed his burnt cigarette in the trashbin and sat on the bed. Judging from the look of the open laptop on the bed and many papers laid on the sheets, he must be busy with his work; of course, he himself said that his work was the most important—I almost scoffed but controlled myself.

"Like what you see. At least it' s much better that your Bhai's," he stipulated sarcastically. I realized that I was directly staring at his perfectly muscular and strong masculine chest. He really worked out in my absence—that would also explain why he's thin as well.

I quickly stripped my eyes off of and fought the stupid embarrassment blush that was slowly creeping on my cheeks.

"I came to talk," I stated.

"Alright but before you say anything, I want you to know one thing; once I leave tomorrow, I will not come again and I will actually send the divorce papers. So whatever you have to say, I suggest that you be wise about it." He stated firmly. I don't blame him; after all, I said so many things that damaged his pride. Thank God I came here with a firm resolve.

"Don't worry, I have some good news on your part," I started and stood in front of him. he looked relieved and relaxed himself as his abs lowered and his stiff back loosened but I wasn't about to let him have it easy.

"I was decided that I will come with you," I said. "However, I have some conditions that you must abide by," I specified. he looked at me thoroughly but nodded nonetheless.

"First off, I will come with you but on the count that I live separately from you until the time I am ready to trust you and forgive you." I stated. He listened intently and nodded.

"Secondly; I want you to swear to me that you will never again cheat on me, lie to me or mistreat me or use me for your selfish endeavors. In the event that, that occurs, you will give me the sole right of divorce." I detailed.

"Thirdly; you must make it public that we are married after I graduate. If you don't, then I will end the marriage. Fourthly, you must stop drinking, gambling, fornicating and all other means of Haram acts and start to live your life according to the injunctions of Islam, if I deem it worthy that yu have actually turned in a new leave, than I will accept you to bed me," the last part was a little hard to say but I forced myself to do so anyway.

"And lastly; if it doesn't work out between us and I still do not find it in my heart to forgive you, than we must part our ways discreetly, regardless of the Chairman's or anyone else's feelings." I uttered vigorously.

He stood up and took my shoulders. "It seems that we have a deal, Mrs. Atish." He said, his eyes going mischievous and he quickly caught my lips into a forceful kiss.

It was the same as he kissed me when we first met yet this time, it was more passionate and more sweet and gentle than forceful or cogent or compelling.

My fingers tangled themselves in his thick locks and I got on my tip toes to match his height. He caught me and hugged me tightly, crushing me against his broad chest.

When his lips got off mine, I smiled against his lips and with my eyes closed, I said. "The kiss seals the deal . . . hubby." I murmured and initiated the kiss again.

But inside, I was still in conflict. I just hope that I have made the right choice.

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THERE YOU HAVE IT.

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