Love Doesn't Exist

life sucks, but today is worse

hi I'm Claire May Smith and I'm sitting in a meeting listening to some guy tell me that my parents died. great f*****g great. what the actual f**k. "now we don't want you to panic because the plane crash was publisied so much a very wealthy couple over in California, America saw it on the news. they're willing to take you in considering all the family we've contacted have not answered or if they have they said they didnt know about you or who you even are" of course, as if my family would care about me, I try not to scoff infront of this police officer. he's just doing his job. I know I should be crying but I couldn't give a f**k. my parents were both abusive addicts my father drugs and mother alcohol. neither had a problem with hurting me and letting me know what a inconvenience I was. they often left me at home when they went out and that was the same with this. they somehow scraped up enough money to fly over to some stupid place for fun and then got blown up in a terrorist attack. and now some rich stupid couple want to do good in the world by looking after me. well clap clap for them. in case you can't tell I'm being sarcastic "what do you think" dam I'd zoned out on what they were saying so I just nodded my head and smiled. "okay well we'll have someone take you over to your house to pick up whatever you need and then we'll take you to the airport

as I sit in the back of the police car I make myself invisible as I listen to the two men in their thirties talk filth about some girls they met last week blah fucken blah I don't really care. I watch all the houses we pass until we reach the houses with over grown front yards, stolen cars and peeling paint. we stop infront of the most familiar one to me which has blue weatherboards. "here we are, you ya need some help?" I know they don't really want to help and I don't need help anyway. "no thanks" I get out of the car and walk up to the back door, no point in using my key because the door was never locked.

I walk down the hallway that I've known as far back as I can remember and turn right to my room. I pick up my school bag and duffel and stuff all my clothes into them then pick up Chris. Chris is my only teddy that had survived my childhood, he was given to me when I was born. he may have a band aid stuck on one ear and gum stuck to his fluffy foot but he's the only sentimental thing I've got. so I sit him in my bag along with a few other necessities. but before I leave I go into my parents room. it's all packed up just how they left it. I walk over to mums bedside table to see a photo of baby me. what happened to that happy little baby? I miss that person, I want to be that kid again. not caring, not sad or hurt. just happy. well as if, life only gets harder kids, don't listen to all that bullshit about how it apparently gets better, cause it dosent. you only get better at dealing with the pain. I'm nearly 16 and since I've already had a s**t start I'm getting pretty good at dealing with it. next to my picture is a jewellery box. mum liked gold jewellery but I only like the look of silver or white gold. I open the box to find most of her trinkets in there. I pick out her eternity ring that she never wore, it had three fat emeralds on it and was actually rose gold. slipping it onto my finger I stroll out of the dump I've called home for 15 and a bit years and start a new path, heading for California.

I walk out the run down shitty house and hop into the police car with my two bags. and hear the surprise in the officers voice when he asks "is that all?" I nod trying not to make eye contact and he pulls out of the drive way to take me to the airport I'm assuming. all the way there I hum the song of a game called dumb ways to die. I hear it in my head

dumb ways to die

so many dumb ways to die

set fire to your hair

poke a stick at a grizzly bear

Eat medicine that's out of date

Use your private parts as Piranha bait

Dumb ways to die

So many dumb ways to die

Dumb ways to die-ie-ie

So many dumb ways to die

Get your toast out with a fork

Do your own electrical work

Teach your self how to fly

Eat a two-week-old unrefrigerated pie

Dumb ways to die

So many dumb ways to die

Dumb ways to die-ie-ie

So many dumb ways to die

Invite a psycho killer inside

Scratch a drug dealer's brand-new ride

Take your helmet off in outer space

Use a clothes dryer as a hiding place

Dumb ways to die

So many dumb ways to die

Dumb ways to die-ie-ie

So many dumb ways to die

Keep a rattle snake as a pet

Sell both your kidneys on the internet

Eat a tube of superglue

I wonder, what's this red button do?

Dumb ways to die

So many dumb ways to die

Dumb ways to die-ie-ie

So many dumb ways to die

Dress up like a moose during hunting season

Disturb a nest of wasps for no good reason

Stand on the edge of a train station platform

Drive around the boom gates at a level crossing

Run across the tracks between the platforms

They may not rhyme, but they're quite possibly

The dumbest ways to die

The dumbest ways to die

Dumbest ways to die-ie-ie

So many dumb

So many dumb ways to die

yeah I know I have some sort of sick sense of humor. but my parents were shitty people and the world won't miss them. the only thing I'm slightly upset about is the fact that I never had the love I wanted from them and never will. my parents were shitty people, the kinda people who committed murder and got away with it. they honestly had this coming for a long time. I don't wanna sound mean but they deserved what they got. "here we are" the car has stopped and I look up to notice we're in fact at the airport. "here's your ticket" he passes me the piece of paper "you will have your own escourt when you check in and they will help you with anything you need, you'll be in first class thanks to your new parents" he explains. "thanks " I try to smile at him and then hop out of the car.

when I get inside I line up at the check in line and finally after forever I get checked in. "ohh you're claire!" the lady says excitedly with a smile that looks like her face might start to crack. "yes" I answer not sure why she's so happy to see me. "this lady over here will attend to you and both your bags are small enough to be taken onto the aircraft with you" she says still smiling. jesus I don't know how these people can smile all day, it must hurt their faces. "thank you" I feel like my vocabulary has shortend in the last few days. not that I really have much else to say. "hi, I'm Linda and I'll be escorting you today" I once again zone out and follow the blonde lady's lead. not really listening but watching enough to know what I need to do. eventually I end up in my seat. my very spacious seat. I've flown before but not in first class. I can lay my seat back into a bed , there's no babies crying and there's a bar and food. I grab some salted cashews and sit down. after a bad take off and three hours of watching clouds I fall asleep. "miss? miss?!" I wake up to a almost squeaky voice and a hand tapping my shoulder. I open my eyes to see a very concerned hostess, the airplane is completely empty. "we landed twenty minutes ago miss, you wouldn't wake up" the young lady looks down the isle "come on quickly, I'm going to be in trouble if I don't have you out soon, there's someone waiting to pick you up" she whispers handing me my bags. I walk down the plane and out onto the stairs. looking around I see someone with a sighn that has my name on it. it's a old lady with grey thinning hair wearing a floral dress. she looks like a granma. "hi I'm Claire" I say walking up to her. "so you are child, I was shown a photo of you before I got here and I know why now too, you have no idea how many other girls came and claimed to be you" she chuckled shaking her head. "follow me dear" she waddles off to the side towards a black SUV with tinted windows. I go to follow her but as I do someone grabs my bags. "Hey what the hell!" I turn around to see a tall buff man wearing a suit and a ear piece "miss I was trying to take your bags to put them in the car for you" he explains, seemingly shocked that I would not know that there would basically be a butler waiting for me here. "umm sorry, I can just do it myself" I say holding my head up even though this man is very intimidating. "miss I must insi-" I inturpt him "please just call me Claire, miss makes me sound like some prissy little girl" I huff and speed walk to catch up to the old lady. "dear, I forgot to tell you my name is Valery but you can just call me Val" she glares back at me and the man chasing behind me trying to grab my bags "child just let the man help you, he is being paid to do it" I sigh and drop my bags on the ground while I'm walking, just because I feel like being a b***h. when we get to the car I hop in the front seat and get a death stare from the driver "what?" he let's out a slow breath "I usually have security in the front seat with me" are the people that I'm going to really that famous. "well buddy, it looks like he's riding with Val in the back today" I reply and he gruffly mumbles something under his breathe then starts up the car.

we go out the airport and through what must be the main city. buildings as high as I can see and plam trees everywhere. we drive for maybe an hour and a bit until we get to a more suburban area with massive houses. then we go even further untill we are driving pass mansions that seem as big as palaces. we turn off down a drive way to one of them. it's ridiculously big with heaps of floor to ceiling windows. it's all white exept for the roof which as roof tiles. there's a massive pool in the backyard along with a massive waterfall. "holy s**t" the guy next to me smiles "yep that's what I think eveytime I see it too" dam. we stop at a gate where the driver presses a button and talks to another security guy. the gate automatically opens and we drive on through to a turning circle infront of the house. the car stops and I can't help it, I just sit there and stare. on the front steps standing there waiting is Angus and Tricia Halifax. the most famous couple in the world, probably. they are well known actors who started at young ages and are known all over the world for the movies that they've starred in. a few years ago they got married after Angus got a divorce from his ex wife what's her name, I can't remember. what the f**k I can't believe I'm going to be adopted by Angus and Tricia and the first time I'm meeting them I'm wearing leggings and a hoodie and I havent had a shower in two days. I really don't want to meet them like this. the car door opens after a while "come on Missy your bags have been taken inside its time for you to meet them." s**t s**t s**t. I slowly jump out of the car and walk with Val up the stars. to my surprise Tricia smiles and starts to get excited while her husband actually looks quite happy too. I was worried they'd be disappointed with how I looked but it seemed quite the opposite. "Hello darling Claire we are so happy to have you join our family" I gulp their accents are so perfect my voice is going to stick out like a sore thumb. "er umm hi" when Tricia hears me speak she almost squeals "oh you have such a cute accent, dosent she honey" she looks up to her husband and he nods. I'm pretty sure he does it just to make her happy, he dosent really seem to really care "well you can call him Gus and you can call me Te if you want that's what our family and close friends call us by" she goes on. "oh I know you're probably grieving and not in the mood but I was hoping at some point we could go shopping before school starts next week" s**t, school, I didn't even realise they had a break this time of the year. "um yeah sure, we can go when ever, I don't mind" I say smiling at her. "great what about tomorrow?" I nod and she claps her hands "perfect how about a tour of the house?" she grabs my hand and I flinch away. her face drops and she looks upset. "honey don't you like being touched" i look away from her face "umm no not really" her and Angus glace at each other "we knew you'd come from a rough background but we didn't realise it was this bad" she said then to my relief someone's phone rings, Angus answers his phone "hello?...yes....huh...well you can tell jim-" he starts to walk down the steps to one of the five cars parked out the front. "how about just I show you around then?" she says. and I follow her through the door into a big open room. "it's probably going to be mostly you and me quite often as Angus has gotten into more than acting over the last few months and spends alot of time in meetings or on business trips.

after what felt like forever I'd seen the bar, the lounge room, the game room, the second lounge room, the inhome movie theatre, the kitchen, the different guest rooms, the gym, the library, the planetarium, the indoor pool, and then to my bedroom. my bedroom has a big double king size bed that's four poster with white drapes. there's a couch and a TV as well. Te also shows me my walk in wardrobe that is bare because we need to go shopping "I didn't know what sort of things you like" she said. so most of my room doesn't have any decor in it and whatever is in it is white or black. "That way what ever colour scheme you want will match" she says happily. I also have my own bathroom with a spa bath and step in shower. "I don't know if you want or not but when we go shopping we can also get you make up and all those other things too, whatever you want to decorate yourself or your room" she says looking around the room and then to me. "wow thank you" I say "now I have a phone for you, I decided to get that for you now because I wouldn't want you to get lost in the house, there's already mine and Gus's numbers in there." she hands me the newest iPhone and my eyes nearly fall out of my head. "so what do you want for dinner? Gus won't be home until late" I honestly don't know what to say, what if she's vegetarian or vegan or peskaterian. "don't think about it too much honey, just tell me what you feel like eating" I've never been able to just get what I want like this before. "um sushi?" I ask "oh my God yess I love sushi this is going to be fun, what types do you like?" well I just really like anything seafood. "err anything with seafood like crab, salmon or prawn" she looks at me and giggles "prawn?" I rub my hands nervously "yeah you know prawns" she looks confused for a second "wait do you mean shrimp?" I nod "ohhh of course we always thought you guys say stuff like 'cooking shrimp on the barbie" she says "well we do cook them on the barbecue sometimes but we call them prawns" I explain. "do you want to come down to the lounge room with me to wait for the food, I'll just order it now" she gets out her phone "hi Jin....yes...can I please have the seafood feast....okay...wasabi...do you like the sauce?" she looks over to me "yep" she goes back to the phone "yes and the sauce...okay... ba-bye now" she hangs up "awesome. do you wanna throw on some pjs and then meet me in the lounge to chill out?" again I nod and she leaves me alone to get changed. I pull out my singlet tank top and bed shorts with little clouds on them. then I walk down through the maze of a house to find the food already here. Te is sitting cross legged on the floor with the a massive wooden tray loaded with with so much sushi and sashimi. "how did it get here this fast?" I look up from the food to see her in a green silk nightdress with her red hair tied up into a messy bun, her brown eyes twinkling. "we have a in home sushi chef, one of the best" she says "come and sit, let's talk while we eat" i sit down on the other side of the tray and listen to her " so I hope you don't mind but we have enrolled you at the public school nearby called Amador Valley high, you won't have to wear a uniform like you used to at your old school and it will be a bit different but you'll get used to it." she reads my face "do you have any questions?" " umm no, not really" she nods as she eats. "if you ever need help with any school related things we can always get you a Tudor, do you know which choice subjects you'd like to pick?" she asks "I love art, how many different art subjects to school here have?" her face beams "oh an artist how lovely, we can turn the room next to your bedroom into an art studio if you'd like" wow "really, that would be great" she giggles "oh this is going to be so much fun"

for the rest of the night we talk. I find out that she dosent want to have her own baby because of medical issues and her busy lifestyle that would make having a toddler or baby hard. she's been quite lonely these days with Gus gone all the time and it was actually his idea to adopt me so that Te can have a daughter and someone to have fun with.