Swan Song

LILIBETH I remember, around the age of five, my father sent me away to live with my uncle and his family. It's not that he didn't want me, or love me, none of that. My mother passed away during childbirth and I was at an age where my dad had to go back to work. My dad never really talked about what actually happened to my mother or why and I wasn't old enough at the time to question him… As I got older, I just accepted the fact that some women can die during childbirth and never really brought it up. He was a single parent and wanted someone he completely trusted to look after me, so entrusted me to my mother's brother. I understood why he sent me to live with Uncle Dain, Auntie Emily and their daughter Ryliee. I knew he wanted to surround me with a loving family atmosphere and since he never remarried, nor wanted to for that matter, he did what he thought would be the best thing for me. I still remember the day he drove me from our home in New Orleans to my uncle’s in Baton Rouge. My father gave me a locket that once belonged to my mother, and he made me promise at five years old never to take it off. I have kept that promise my whole life so far. Even though Uncle Dain and his family took charge in raising me, dad remained a constant figure in my life, he called me daily to say goodnight and would drive up to visit on weekends and for any school events lessening the feelings of abandonment and self-doubt. He had registered me at the same private school my cousin Ryliee went to, Victory Christian Academy, so I would at least have someone to watch out for me there as Ryliee was a year older than I was. The day we graduated high school was the night I met the love of my life. His name is Kendryck Gage and we met at a graduation party that was being held at one of Ryliee’s friend's houses. I ended up graduating a year earlier than expected. I've always been told I am really smart, and advanced quickly through school, I'm what they call gifted. Kendryck was three years older than I was. When we met, I was 17 years old, he had just turned 21. Embarrassingly, I had an instant infatuation with him. We spent the night talking, and by the end of the party he had asked me to be his girlfriend. I ended up getting accepted to Louisiana State University for Media Studies and then in my third year of school when I was 20 years old, I moved out of my aunt and uncle's house and into Kendryck's apartment. He had attended Louisiana State but had graduated with honors from the three-year business program the summer after we met. Ryliee and I remained close, and even though we didn't see each other every day we talked all the time. Eventually, we became like The Three Musketeers, doing everything together, whether it was going to the movies, dinner, going to clubs or even just hanging out at home playing board games. I was thrilled to have these two beside me as I figured out how to navigate this next part of my life. The summer just after my 25th birthday, Kendryck did something I had never in my wildest dreams pictured him actually doing. On that particular day we decided to go for a long walk through the local park. Unbeknownst to me, Kendryck had set up a surprise just for me. Laid out on the grass right beside a babbling brook was a picnic blanket, a basket containing some of my favorite food, and a bottle of sparkling pink wine. At the end of the meal, Kendryck got up on one knee. Reaching into the bottom of the picnic basket, he pulled out a beautiful velvety little black box. You know, the one that every little girl dreams about seeing when they meet the love of their life. Inside was a small yet stunningly beautiful solitaire pear cut diamond engagement ring. He didn't get a chance to finish asking me before I started crying. I jumped into his arms repeating the word yes over and over between sobs. I wanted to tell Ryliee right away, I wanted to call her as soon as the ring was on my finger. Kendryck on the other hand asked me to keep it to myself, at least for now. I hated keeping secrets, I was not very good at it, but apparently, he still had some people to talk to. I thought maybe he meant his family as I suspected he would have at least talked to my father. My father was very old school, he believed in chivalry and respect which is something I knew my father believed was earned and not given. Weeks passed and eventually I couldn’t keep this secret to myself anymore. I didn’t understand why we were hiding it anyways. This was supposed to be one of the happiest times of our lives. I broke down, and one afternoon when Kendryck was out with his friends, I called and told Ryliee everything. I hated keeping things from her, especially something this big. She was my confidante, her opinion mattered the most to me, next to my father’s that is. When we were on the phone, I asked her to be my Maid of Honor and was left extremely confused when she didn't immediately agree to do it. She didn’t sound happy at all by the news and that hurt me deeply. I always wanted to find my true love, Ryliee knew that, and I believed Kendryck was that for me. We were happy, it was the next logical step in our relationship. Ryliee did, however, volunteer to come try on wedding dresses with me. So, I chalked it up to having just taken her by surprise with my news. After all, it was really big news and an even bigger step for me. One that I wanted nothing more than to share with her. We have always shared everything, why should this have been any different. "What do you think of this dress, Ryls?" I asked my cousin. "You look beautiful in that dress Lili," Ryliee replied, only looking up from her phone briefly. Lili was my nickname that Ryliee had given me as a child as she had problems pronouncing my actual name. My full name is Lilibeth, but it was rare for anyone besides my father to call me that anymore. I had spun around in front of the mirror wearing the 6th dress the attendant had brought over for me to try. By this point all the dresses were starting to blend into each other. Nothing had stood out to me; I was getting frustrated and Ryliee seemed more interested in her phone than helping. I went to change out of this simple A-line silk gown. "How are you girls getting along?" The attendant at the dress boutique asked as she walked over to us. I walked out of my dressing room again wearing a different dress and stood in front of the tri-fold full-length mirror. The cream-colored ball gown style wedding dress was beautiful. The bust of the dress was a corset and the skirt seemed to be made of lace and tulle. This was probably the most elegant garment I had ever seen in my life. It made me look like a fairy princess, and that's exactly how I wanted to feel in my wedding dress. However, I was frustrated, something inside was preventing me from pulling the trigger and buying this perfect dress. It was like my heart and brain were not in agreement, like one knew something the other didn't. "That dress really does look stunning on you Lili." Ryliee said again. She walked out of the dressing room she had been using wearing a red satin floor length A-line dress that had a slit running from the hem almost all the way to her thigh. It was classy yet also sexy, which didn't surprise me. I knew she would wear a dress like that out on the town, so when she asked the clerk to wrap it up for her, I wasn't the least bit surprised. Ryliee was stunning in just about anything she wore. She had made a point to always wear what was new and in style every season. Her style was flawless which is why I knew I wanted her help picking out my wedding dress. The dress I would wear to walk down the aisle and marry my best friend. Ryliee had natural sun-kissed bronze skin which she got from her mom, Auntie Emily. She had light brown roots with dyed blonde highlights and frosted blonde tips that hung in loose waves all the way down her back. Her brilliant blue eyes were actually a mixture between gray and blue, and they looked like they could pierce through your soul. Ryliee always wore make-up. Her lips were always covered in a shiny pink coating, and her eyes always dolled up so her blue irises popped. We were both around the same height of 5 foot 6 inches tall, but Ryliee always wore heels making her around 5 foot 8 inches tall. I was always jealous of how beautiful Ryliee is, especially growing up. I always thought I looked plain in comparison to her. I had shoulder-length wavy dark brown hair that had natural darker brown almost black highlights. My eyes were a light shade of green, almost like sage or mint color. I didn't wear a whole lot of make-up, just a little lip gloss, eyeliner, and mascara. My dad always told me I didn't need a lot of makeup, that my inner beauty was enough. This is why I always wondered why Ryliee dolled herself up so much all the time. I thought she was beautiful just the way she was, but she never listened to me. It had been a month since I agreed to marry the love of my life, and for the whole month, I have wanted to feel like I was on cloud nine; something was preventing it though, something inside of me wasn’t agreeing to be happy. It was like my brain wanted what my heart rejected, and I couldn't figure out why. I knew I loved Kendryck. It was the hardest thing to explain because I couldn’t understand it myself. The fear of the unknown frightened me ever since I was a child. It was like someone was hiding in the darkest most corners of my mind and would try to escape at the first chance they were given. Ever since my birthday I had been doubting a lot of things. I began second guessing my judgment and relying on Kendryck to make a lot of decisions I was usually completely capable of making myself. It was like I couldn't live my own life without someone directing me and I hated it. I had graduated top of my class, a year earlier than expected, and with the highest of honors. I was the valedictorian, I was well rounded, so why couldn't I make these simple choices for myself? Why did I have to rely on my fiancé to tell me what I should do and when? We finished looking at dresses for the day and left the boutique. Ryliee was being strangely quiet like she had been all day so far. "What's wrong Ryls?" I asked her, hoping that it would break the silence. She half-heartedly smiled trying to wipe whatever she was feeling off her face. "It's nothing Lils." We walked silently again through the parking lot. Splitting off into separate directions since we had taken two separate cars to get here. I had borrowed Kendryck's while he was taking mine to get looked at professionally. Something felt wonky with the brakes and I didn't want to take any chances. Ryliee and Kendryck both thought I was crazy, but something told me to do it... a voice in the back of my head warning me to be cautious. It may have been an overreaction, but I didn't want to take those kinds of chances. I was cautious, probably too cautious, but that was just who I had become. Ryliee got into her sleek black Toyota Camry and started the car's engine. She had been acting really strange throughout the day today. She had never been this cold to me before, not before I confided in her that Kendryck had asked me to marry him. Without saying another word to me, she closed her door and drove off. I walked around to the side of Kendryck's green Jeep Wrangler and unlocked the door. Kendryck's apartment was in the downtown core of Baton Rouge, and it didn't take that long to drive there from the strip mall-style boutique we had visited to browse the selection of dresses. I started the engine and started to head back towards Kendryck's place. As I drove down the street, I began letting my mind wander. This underlying issue with Ryliee was weighing on me and I was still trying to figure out what I must have done to upset her to the point she was barely speaking to me. I needed to talk to Kendryck about it, about how weird Ryliee had been acting and see if he could find out why she seemed so upset with me. Ryliee had been confiding in Kendryck a lot more than me recently and it hurt because we used to tell each other everything when we were little. I was happy to see my car parked in the parking lot. Kendryck must have gone to get the brakes checked for me while I was out. I parked the jeep beside my Mazda and quickly made my way inside the apartment building. Kendryck and I lived on the second floor. I quickly climbed the stairs, lost in my own thoughts. I walked down the hall until I got to the front door. Fumbling with the keys I finally got the door unlocked and let myself in. Kendryck was on the phone when I arrived home. I could hear him saying something but couldn't quite make out who he was talking to or what he was saying as he was in our room behind a closed door. I figured it must have been for work, Kendryck was a business manager and since he was always on the phone with one client or another, I didn't think much of it, nor did I want to bug him. His job meant everything to him, and he got irritated when I interrupted one of his calls claiming it was unprofessional. When Kendryck finally came out of the bedroom half an hour later, he made his way to the living room where I was sitting. "Have fun with Ryliee?" He asked nonchalantly. I looked up from the book I was currently reading and smiled half-heartedly at him, that was a loaded question. I knew Kendryck would think I was overreacting about how Ryliee acted while we were out. Lately he had always been siding with her, even over the littlest of things. Nevertheless, I had to talk to someone about it before I lost my mind trying to piece it together myself. "Oh, um, it was ok." I responded. I put my book down on my lap and made room for Kendryck to sit beside me on the couch. "How is Ryliee?" He asked, smiling a little as he sat down beside me. He put his arm on the back of the couch behind my back and waited for me to answer. I noticed that he seemed really curious about Ryliee today which seemed different, he hasn't been that curious about Ryliee's wellbeing or anything before. I didn't say anything about that though, I didn't want to upset him and cause another fight… not when I had been ignored all day by my cousin. She had definitely seemed more interested in her phone and whoever she was talking to rather than helping me decide on what dress I would wear as I walked down the aisle. I started blurting out exactly how I was feeling, "Ryliee seemed really cold towards me again, she drove off without saying goodbye and she barely talked to me the whole time we were out!" I said expecting some form of sympathy from him. I hoped that he would take my side over hers. Kendrick looked at me like he was about to say something and then stopped. "Ken… this is different. She was acting really strange around me and she has never been that distant before. I don't know why, can...can you talk to her? Please?" I pleaded with him. Kendryck rolled his eyes at me. "You are just working this up in your head Lili. I'm sure you're exaggerating some of this a little bit." Kendrick replied to me condescendingly. I looked up at him, with the biggest doe eyes I could muster hoping that it would work. Sighing, he begrudgingly agreed to see what was wrong with Ryliee for me as long as I let the topic go. So, for now I agreed. I swallowed the feelings that were bubbling up inside of me. This was probably for the best anyways. "Okay, thank you," I replied as Kendryck kissed the top of my forehead lightly before he went back to the bedroom and got ready to go out. I wondered where he was going. But apparently, he had a dinner meeting with a client tonight he forgot to tell me about. So, like always, I would be all on my own until he eventually got home. I could hear him opening and closing different drawers and cupboards in the bedroom before he emerged dressed exactly like I expected. He was wearing a black dress shirt, black suit jacket and a pair of fancy dark wash jeans. He had his aviator sunglasses on and was ready to paint the town red so to speak. He didn’t come to give me a kiss goodbye, he instantly went to the front door ready to leave. "Don't wait up!" Kendryck yelled as the door shut behind him. This had been happening more frequently lately so I was getting used to this, Kendryck's job kept him very busy and would sometimes pull him away at all hours of the night. Whatever his clients or his boss needed, Kendryck was always there to deliver. I decided I would just take a nice hot bath, try to relax, and hopefully forget my worries regarding Ryliee's strange behavior lately. I got up from the couch leaving the book I was reading there and made my way to the bathroom. It was a standard apartment-sized bathroom, the tub was built into the wall. I started the water, making sure it was going to be the proper temperature before I filled the rest of the tub up. Adding my oils and some bubble bath, I stripped my clothes off, letting them fall to a heap on the floor before I stepped into the tub. Letting the hot water lap at my skin and release some of the tension that was building. As I sank further into the warm bubbly water, I hoped Kendryck would figure out what was wrong with Ryliee. I hated this feeling going on between us, and unfortunately since I didn't know what was wrong, I didn't know how to fix it. I tried my best to let the hot water relax me, but my mind was going a mile a minute. I needed to call Ryliee, we were family after all! I needed to ask her myself what I did to make her act so cold towards me. Maybe she really didn't like Kendryck, but that didn't make sense either, not with how close they had gotten, especially over the last year. No, it must be something I have done, but I just can't fathom what it was. The longer I thought about it the more my head started to hurt. So, I quickly got out of the tub, unrelaxed and more confused than ever. As I dried off with a towel that had been left in the bathroom from earlier in the day. I thought about the predicament I was in, I could always call Uncle Dain, maybe he would know. My uncle and I were very close, he was like a second father to me. He was my mom's brother and did everything he could to make sure I was taken care of. I wrapped the towel around me so I could go to the bedroom and get into my pajamas. Once I was dressed, I picked up my cell phone and scrolled through my contacts until I found Ryliee's number. I hit send and held the phone up to my ear. The receiver rang and rang and finally it went to Ryliee's voicemail. Her voice mail was simple and when I heard the beep, I began to record my message. "Ryls, it's Lils, please call me back. I really need to talk to you" I said and hung up the phone. I didn't feel right leaving this kind of message on her voicemail, it had to be handled personally. I was left alone again with the thoughts in my head, so I decided I would get lost in my latest novel that I had started reading. It was the only distraction I had from my current problems at the moment. Kendryck was gone till who knows when and Ryliee wasn't answering her phone when I called. This had been a weekly thing, Kendryck leaving for dinner and me spending time by myself. Sighing loudly I sunk into the couch in the living room, opened the book my father had given me for my 25th birthday to the page I bookmarked and let myself get taken away in the story. I was reading about an angel who fell in love with a fae. It was a gripping tale of love and heartbreak. Something about this book spoke to me, it was like the story was written especially for me to read. I flipped to the next page and absentmindedly played with the locket that had hung around my neck for as long as I could remember. I opened it once, it had a picture of my mother and father in it, from their wedding day. It was my most cherished possession, the last thing I had of my mother. The more I read, the more invested in the characters I became. “How cool would it be to be immortal, to have a destiny like that “I said to myself. I knew this was exactly what I needed to distract myself, it was perfect!