Illegally Yours |+18|

11. You need me to let you go.

Aaron.

I can't continue with this.

I can't continue taking advantage of Bess like this.

Every time she looks at me with her big brown eyes, all I see there is purity. And I'm not going to take advantage of it, much less I'm going to corrupt it. Regardless of how Bess is feeling about me, I can't continue to live with her under the same roof. I don't have that much willpower. Not when she seems to need me the way she needs me, both emotionally and physically. And the physical part of her I can't stand. I don't have that self-control to keep my hands to myself.

Ever since I was little, whenever I've wanted something, I've gotten it. And I know that all I have to do is tell Bess what I want and she'll give it to me. But I can't, although sometimes I hate it, I have principles and those principles don't allow me to have her the way I really want.

I already accepted the part where I admit that I want her. Of course I do. But that desire must remain in feeling, without crossing the limits of reality.

I brace my clenched fist against my bedroom door, controlling myself from going back to her and burying my face where I really wanted to.

The hardest thing is that Bess likes it too, I know she would have let me do what I wanted with her. But I also know that she would have left me simply because this is all new to her and like any teenager, experiencing new things becomes an attraction that is hard to resist.

So the healthiest thing for Bess is to live with my grandmother.

She can give her the right protection, because I'm sure that unlike me, my grandmother is not going to want to get inside her panties all the time.

Besides, the least a seventeen-year-old girl needs is to live with a man she wants, too.

Bess needs stability, a stability that I don't know if I can provide her. Because I know I want her, but beyond that I'm not sure what I feel. Than I can allow myself to feel. Maybe if I give free rein to our desire, then things will get awkward because I'm not ready for a relationship. And I refuse to make Bess a one-night stand. I would never allow it.

So the best thing is to put space between us and maybe time where she can really understand how she really feels about me. And while it bothers me that her fascination with me is fading, I must let her go so she can experience for herself everything she hasn't experienced.

Ever since I met her I wanted to be the one by her side when she discovered all the things that are unknown to her. But now, when I really see reality and everything that stands between us, I know I can't do it.

Her age, her innocence and her inexperience, as well as that promise that I one day made, open a huge gap between us and I don't see how to get all of it out of the way.

I make the call to my grandmother and breathe a sigh of relief when, after answering many questions, she accepts Bess.

I repeatedly run my hands up and down my thighs as I consider what my next move should be. My grandmother will be here in a little over an hour, and it's best to let Bess know.

I take the small box that I had kept for days and then I walk in the direction of my pretty's room, feeling a slight lump in my throat.

I knock on her door gently and in less than two seconds, she opens it for me. Her eyes light up like they always do when she sees me and that smile makes an appearance, reminding me how happy she always seems to be to see me.

And I understand. Although it has been only a few days since I met her, I easily got used to her. I got used to the feeling of being needed, the feeling of being wanted in the pure way that she wants me and I got used to seeing her live life in the unique and innocent way that she does.

"You are not angry with me anymore?" She asks. "And what do you have there?" She looks curiously at the small box in my hands.

“I wasn't mad, Bess.” I push my way past her and sit on her bed, motioning to the spot next to me for her to come with me. "Come".

She complies and sits a little shyly next to me, looking at me with confusion.

"Is everything okay, Aaron?"

“I bought you a cell phone” I finally reveal what is in the box and I omit her question because I don't know what the answer is.

I had kept her phone for days and I didn't dare to give it to her for fear that she wouldn't accept it. Also, since she was always hanging around me, I didn't see the need for her to have one. But now things will be different.

"A cell phone?" She twists her lips. "Why?"

"Because you need it".

“Not really, I've never needed it,” she shrugs. “I have never had anyone to call, or anyone who wants to call me.”

"Now you have it" I remind her maybe too loudly. "Look".

I turn on the device and she watches with close attention at all times, watching every movement of my fingers against the touch screen.

“I like the colors on the screen,” Bess mutters more to herself when a colorful wallpaper appears on the main menu.

"Look" I go to the contacts that I myself had taken care of saving for her and I show her. “You have Christina, Carmen, Evan and me. You see it?"

She nods and takes the phone herself, dragging her finger across the screen as I have.

"Are you going to want to call me?"

"Of course, pretty" I smile at her when she looks at me with joy in her eyes. “Look, you can also chat. Will you let me teach you?"

"Yes".

I do. I teach her step by step how to use her new phone and she really learns quickly. When she is downloading an app that makes her screen light up like a multi-colored flashlight, I take the opportunity to look at her.

"You taught me that life is more than money" I say without stopping to think about it. “You taught me that the smallest and simplest things can bring you more happiness than a fancy car or expensive watch can.” When her eyes meet mine, I'm stuck there. "You taught me to see life in a better way, Bess, and I will always be grateful to you."

"Sounds like goodbye," she whispers.

And I let out the words.

“You are going to live with my grandmother.”

Immediately, her expression changes and one of deep pain settles on her face.

"What?"

"It's better this way, Bess."

"No!" She puts the cell phone aside, stands up abruptly and faces me, looking down at me from her height due to my sitting position on the bed. "It is not the best! The best thing for me is you, Aaron!”

"No, Bess. I'm not” I run my hand over my face and try to find the right words to say to her. “I thought I could do this. That I would always keep you safe, but I don't know if I can. Not when we're feeling what we're feeling."

“Is this about what happened today?” Understanding fills her eyes. "Is it because we touched?"

I don't think she knows that if anyone hears those words, they're going to misunderstand them in the worst way.

"Bess, it's not okay, I told you."

"Then I won't touch you anymore," she says quickly. "I'll always stay five steps away from you, I'll make sure we never even touch, I'll do whatever you want, but don't take me away from you."

"Bess..." I gulp when I see her eyes are on the verge of tears, but I can't find any other way to make things right, right for her. "Don't cry, dammit, don't cry."

“Then don't do this.” She takes a step closer to me, but she quickly takes three more steps away from me. “I will start doing it from now on. I'm not going to get any closer to you, nor will I touch you."

Fuck!

I reach over and pull her hand closer to me and pull her up onto my lap. And I know it's distance I have to put between us, but times like these it's so damn hard.

"Bess, pretty." I hold her face to look at me and curse when I see a tear roll down her cheek. "I don't want this either."

"Then don't." She bites her trembling lip for a second. “If I don't want something, I don't do it. Why can't you do the same?"

"Because beyond my wishes, your well-being is my priority and you need to get away from me."

"No, Aaron, no." She pushes my chest a little, but I keep a tight grip on her hips, keeping her close to me. "I don't want to leave and you don't want me to either, so I don't understand why you're doing this."

“The decision is already made, Bess Lee. My grandmother arrives in a short time and you will go with her”.

Bess looks at me with such pain that I want to take my words back instantly, but there is no going back now.

Now that my grandmother knows, she will take Bess no matter what.

"You saw the bad in me," she says in a broken sound.

I don't understand what she means, but before I can ask, I hear the doorbell.

"No, no, no." Bess clings to my back tightly, her face buried in my neck as she says, "Please, Aaron, don't do this."

I squeeze my eyes shut tight and fist my hand in her hair, holding on tightly to her.

"You'll be fine," I whisper softly against her neck. "You'll be fine" I repeat again and again as she sobs against my skin.

A lump forms in my throat at the thought of her giving someone else what she gives me. An enormous fear seeps through my bones at the idea that her looks, her smiles and her transparency, she gives it to someone else.

Today, as I watched her smile with Thiago, a need to claim her as mine was present. And that need was what made me understand that I was not going to be able to control me. That, if I saw someone else next to her, my jealousy would show and I would take what is mine without stopping to think about the consequences.

But also, taking her away from me gives her the freedom to meet someone else.

And I know it would be a mess inside me if I saw her with someone else.

I've always been possessive, but with Bess that feeling overwhelms the limits.

The insistent sound of the door reminds me of what I am about to do.

"Come on, Bess," I whisper softly. “Pack what you need for two days. Tomorrow I'll take the rest of your things to my grandmother's house”.

“All my life I have lived with nothing. I don't need anything material. I don't want it, Aaron."

“Bess, don't make things harder for me than they already are.” I pull her away from me a bit and I put a cold mask on my face. "Pack your things for you to leave."

“Aaron...”

"I'm going to open it for my grandmother."

I push her away from me and walk quickly towards the door. I don't allow myself to look back to see if she has obeyed me, that would only show weakness and right now I need to be firm for her to leave.

I take three deep breaths before opening for my grandmother.

“Your sister and I knew something was up with you” is the first thing she tells me as soon as she sees me.

"No lectures, please." I open the door wide for her to follow. "Come in, Grandma."

When she does, I close the door. Looking at her, I meet her serious gaze.

"Is this girl important?"

"I don't want to talk about this, Grandma."

"Aaron, I'm not going to deny that I'm worried."

"I don't understand why you would be."

"She is a minor, we can get into a big problem for helping this girl."

I immediately get pissed off at her words.

"If you're thinking of Bess as a problem, then I think I made the wrong decision calling you."

"Aaron" she looks at me surprised. "I'm just being honest."

"Are you going to help me with this or not?"

"Of course I'll help you," she says quickly. "Where is she?"

"Here" Bess appears with a small backpack on her shoulders.

As if my grandmother had added two plus two just by looking at her, she says: "You are very beautiful" she looks at me with narrowed eyes. "Now I understand it all".

I bite my lip to keep from cursing.

Bess is more than just a pretty face. Whatever they say, I know I didn't help her because of her attractiveness and I'm sure Bess knows it too.

"It's strange that now everyone tells me how beautiful I am." Bess smiles just a little. "Because really, when I was dirty and in beggar clothes, the only one who noticed me was Aaron."

I expel a sharp breath at her words, moved by what she has said.

I can feel my grandmother's eyes on me at all times, but I don't allow myself to look back at her for fear that she might see something more in my eyes than I am willing to accept.

"Do you want to go now?" My grandmother asks Bess, but she doesn't answer, she just stares at me pleadingly.

"Yes, she wants to leave now" I decide to be the one who gives the answer.

“Come on, darling,” the loving Clarisse Johnson makes an appearance and walks over to take Bess's hand gently. Bess doesn't even flinch or look at her. At all times her eyes remain fixed on me. "You'll be fine with me, I promise."

Bess still doesn't answer him.

“She hasn't eaten dinner” I tell my grandmother. “Make sure Bess eats something. Also, at night she likes to drink a glass of milk, even better if it is skimmed, so I would appreciate it if you always have her in the fridge”.

“Okay” my grandmother nods. "And I can make pasta for her when we get home."

“Bess loves pasta,” I say, trying to cheer her up, but for the first time, her eyes don't sparkle or smile at the mention of food.

I swallow hard and stare at the floor when this becomes too much. I'm feeling like crap, but I can't turn back anymore.

"Let's go" my grandmother says, interrupting the deep silence that had settled.

I walk over to my grandmother and give her a quick kiss on the forehead.

“I'm going to take care of her” she whispers to me before I walk away.

I nod in silence.

When I walk up to Bess, she has her eyes downcast, her eyes fixed on her shoes like they're a great thing to see.

"Bess" I call her. "Bess" I try again when she doesn't respond. “Pretty, please...”

I stagger back as she throws herself into my arms.

"Don't let me go," she sobbed against my chest.

I rest my jaw on her head and close my eyes, needing to take a deep breath.

"It's for the best," I whisper softly. "You need me to let you go."

But when her sobs get louder against my chest, I wrap my arms around her small waist tightly and feel like I can't let her go.

It is only when my grandmother calls my name that I understand that we have been clinging to each other for a long time.

I slowly pull away from her and try to smile at her, but it comes out more like a scowl.

“Aaron...

"You'll be fine" I bring my face closer to hers and gently play with her nose and mine. "You'll be fine, Bess."

I turn my back on her when my grandmother takes her by the hand and only when I hear the door close, do I turn to see the empty space where she was.

Bess is gone.

The silence is felt in the place and more than the emptiness in the apartment, a huge emptiness is felt in my chest.

Bess is gone, I have to get on with my life.

Just like was when I didn't know her.

I walk into the kitchen and make myself a simple sandwich and have a beer. I put on some action movie and when my mind keeps going to Bess, I decide to start reading some new client briefings for the company.

I take refuge in work and manage to forget a little what is happening. Only the sound of my cell phone is what makes me look away from the documents.

"Evan?" I ask.

"That's me," he says. “Your grandmother asked me to call you. She told me that maybe you needed to talk to someone.”

"Bess went with her."

“With your grandmother?!” He yells in surprise. "Seriously?!"

"Seriously".

"And why? I thought you didn't want Bess to live with her."

"Not quite. What I didn't want was to have her away from me, but things were getting complicated, Evan.

"Did they f**k?"

"No, asshole" I muttered under my breath.

"Then?"

“Maybe...” I curse and finally blurt it out: “If she had stayed longer, I probably would have ended up in my bed and not in a temporary way, but in a permanent way”.

I listen as he lets out a sharp gasp of air.

"Well, that's f****d up considering she's underage, innocent and, besides, you have that nonsensical promise you once made." Sometimes I forget how well Evan can understand me. “And sorry if I insist, but Bess may be mistaking gratitude for something else. Don't get me wrong, I care about the girl, but you are my best friend and it is my duty to care. And it is you who worries me the most in this situation.”

"I don't know what Bess is feeling," I admit. "But I had to put a stop to this because, I swear, I almost screwed up everything today."

"What happened?"

“Your prostitute twin passed, that happened. Thiago Pauls showed up and met her. He obviously took an interest in Bess, he even offered her a job as a model, the son of a b***h” I groan when I remember the way he looked at her and how she smiled at him. “And all I wanted to do was take her, tilt her on my desk and…”

"And f**k her like the caveman you are."

"Yes" I run my hand over my face in desperation. "I had to put a stop to all this before things started to go any further, Evan."

"Do you know what you need?" He asks. "f**k, Aaron, you need to fuck."

"Evan, don't start..."

“I'm serious, Aaron. You need to get Bess out of your system and what better way than to get involved with a few women."

"Don't forget Violet, Evan," I remind him. "Don't forget the promise I made."

"Violet is not coming back, understand!" He yells with what sounds like desperation, an almost imperceptible break in his voice. “And, in any case, I am telling you to f**k like a rabbit, without feelings involved, not that you have a sentimental relationship. Look, all you have to do is date a random woman, take all the pressure off yourself with a good dose of s*x, and the next day you're on with your life. Zero strings, zero complications and just ecstasy."

I consider the idea for a split second because I haven't had s*x in a damn long time. However, I'm not usually the kind of person who makes decisions in the heat of the moment, so I decide to think about it later, when Bess's departure is not so recent in my life. And, to be honest, the idea of ​​another woman attracts me as much as putting my hand in hot oil; Nothing, absolutely nothing attracts me to that idea.

“I'll think about it” I tell him.

"Okay, but really think about it."

“Yeah man” I snort. "We'll talk later".

"See you tomorrow".

I hang up the phone, and immediately my mind is filled with Bess again.

I wonder what she must be doing now and consider calling her, but I decide against it because she's most likely already asleep because it's past midnight.

I take a quick shower and get ready for bed. Already inside the sheets, it is impossible not to think about her again and that joy that settles on her face just for having a warm sheet to sleep.

Bess taught me to see things that previously seemed insignificant, as wonderful. She has taught me to see life the way she sees it. So I cling to my sheet and close my eyes to sleep, grateful to have something to keep me warm from the cold.

My last thought before falling asleep is Bess.

[...]

My eyes snap open again as the intercom to the building doorman begins to ring, filling the apartment with its sound.

I check the time on my phone to find that it's two in the morning.

I frown because I don't understand why the doorman is communicating with me at this hour. Also, he has the list of the people he can let in. If Bess, Evan, Christina, or anyone in my family wanted to see me, they would simply enter the building without my permission. They would only be ringing my doorbell and the doorman would not be the one disturbing my sleep at this time of night.

I curse under my breath and stand up to go to the kitchen. I press the button to answer the intercom and immediately, the doorman's voice reaches my ears.

"I'm sorry for the hour, Mr. Cooper, but Miss Bess wants to come up to his apartment."

What?!

"And why didn't you let her in?!"

“I know that she is on the list of people that I can let pass without his authorization, but considering the time and the state she is in, I thought it was best to let his know.”

Condition? What the hell state is he talking about?!

"Let her in!"

I run quickly to the front door and out into the hallway, staring at the elevator, desperate to see her.

What the hell is Bess doing at this hour outside my grandmother's house?

And what the hell state is she in?

When I feel like I'm going to explode with desperation to see her, the elevator finally opens.

A shaky, disheveled, nearly naked Bess makes an appearance.

She walks barefoot and dressed only in her nightgown.

Fucking s**t, what has she done?

As soon as she sees me, her feet quickly run towards me and she jumps, clinging to my body with her arms and legs.

"Bess..." I murmur so stunned and confused. "What did you do, babe?"

“Don't push me away, Aaron, please,” she whispers vehemently against my neck. "If you do, I'll come back to you... I always will."

And I hold on to her, because she really is the only thing I need right now.