Painful Pleasures

Friendly encounters

“I can’t believe this, this is what you do when left alone? Flirt with boys?” my dad grumbled as he sat in the passenger seat. I rolled my eyes and tried to block him out, focusing on driving. “One job, Aida. How hard was it to stay in one spot? Was he that captivating? Got you levitating to different areas? Who was that?”

“I don’t know.” I finally said. “I dropped my phone and he helped me find it.” my dad laughed. 

“Did he really? Bet you helped him find something in return, huh? That tends to be all you females are good for.” I let out a little laugh.

“Explains why you're never home with mom.” I say. I don’t need to look to know he’s glaring at me, sucking his teeth angrily. 

“You're lucky you're driving, little girl. You're real tough now, but you’re not this tough when we're at home.” I scoffed. Just like he’s not that tough when talking to another man. But instead of saying that, I stay quiet until I dropped him off at home. I don’t help him carry his bags into the house, instead I drive off and head to work. I see him in my rearview angrily yelling. I smiled to myself. It’ll be an earful later, but for now, it’s fun to watch him throw a fit. 

I arrived at work almost three hours later than I had told my boss. He wasn’t happy, but after explaining my situation, he let me off with a warning, informing me to simply call off next time. I stayed later than usual to help clean and when I got home, I heard my parents arguing, as per usual. Something about my dad’s excessive spending on his trips. I try my best to not draw attention to myself, but they looked over at me anyway. Just my luck.

“Where have you been?” my mother asked. “You got off at 6, it’s 10.”

“I can tell time.” I grumble. 

“Well, can you read? Because I texted you to get some spaghetti and ground beef on your way home, yet you’re empty handed.” I took a look at my phone which had died from being on it while waiting for my dad’s plane. I’d planned on charging it at work, but forgot. 

“I forgot to charge my phone.” I say. Her face went livid. 

“You forgot? Really? It’s like I’m raising children again. Why are you so irresponsible? You’re 22, Aida, act like it!”

“It’s your fault,” my dad started. “I’ve told you time and time again, to stop being so soft. You let these kids get away with anything, like you’re trying to be their f*****g friend. You need to start being a parent.”

“Excuse me, Mr. Bigballer, when was the last time you did some f*****g parenting?” she argued. “I’m with these kids every f*****g day, trying my best. All the while, you’re sitting pretty, scratching your balls and catching whatever flight takes you the furthest. Spending the money I put in the bank, just like a fuckin deadbeat!” my heart started pounding as I saw my dad step up to my mom.  

“I then told you about raising your voice,” he snarled. “I can be a deadbeat if that’s really what you want.” Despite my father being a foot taller and 50 pounds heavier, my mother didn’t falter. She stared him down. 

“Well what’s stopping you, hun?” While they were distracted, I tried to rush past them, not wanting to witness any more of their bickering. However, my dad grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

“f**k are you going? Don’t think I forgot about the s**t you said in the car.” he towered over me and as much as I hated to admit it, I was feeling slightly intimidated. My heart was racing. “Yeah, not so tough now, are you?” I sucked in a breath as I began to speak, not caring if whatever came out earned me a smack to the face, but before I could, Elijah was there, cutting between me and dad.

“Come on guys, let’s not do this anymore.” He said, faking a yawn. “You guys are so loud from the attic, I just know the neighbors can hear you.” 

“This doesn’t have anything to do with you, Eli,” my mother said. “You go back upstairs and get some rest.” 

“There you go with that enabling s**t again.” my dad said. “Shouldn’t both of them be looking for a place of their own?”

“Don’t you worry about Eli, my boy’s going to Harvold this fall.” my mother said proudly. “I want him right here with mama for as long I can.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek. My dad rolled his eyes. Eli threw a hand over my dad's shoulder. He tried to shrug him away.

“Don’t be like that Dad, we’ve all missed you,” he said. “Shouldn’t we all be celebrating your return rather than arguing? You’ll miss this when we’re all gone and busy with our own lives.”

“When that happens, I’ll dance with joy.” dad said. Strangely, the atmosphere had calmed and my parents' anger seemed to have simmered, even if only slightly. Of course, they wouldn’t keep the same energy with him. I should have felt relieved, but a part of me was slightly angry, I felt betrayed. Elijah looked back at me and I looked away, taking my things and heading toward my room. The dog was on my bed again, but I was too exhausted to be angry. I placed my phone on its charger as I went to take a shower. When I returned, Eli was there, sitting on my bed petting the dog. 

“Dude, get out, I need to change,” I say.

“I need to talk to you about something,” he says. 

“I’m not in the mood. Go talk to them.” 

“Please, it’s really important-” I flung my arms to my side.

“Of course it’s important. Everything that you say needs to be heard, everything you do needs acknowledgment. You’re so f*****g special. How dare I, a simpleton, ignore the words of a God?” I turned away from him and started taking clothes out of my dresser. 

“I didn’t even mean it like that-”

“Well, you act like that.”

“What’s your f*****g problem?” he asks, rising from the bed. “Just because you got told off by mom and dad does not mean you have to take your anger out on me.”

“Well maybe I just think you should see how it feels for once.” We both stare at each other. “I always get yelled at and it’s really starting to piss me off. She could have easily sent you to the store, yet I’m to blame. And the second dad gets back, he’s grabbing onto me, threatening me, yet when you come around it’s all shits and giggles. And, yeah, it may not be your fault, but I just don’t wanna talk right now, Eli. So just…leave me alone.” my eyes grew blurry as water filled them, but I tried my best to not let any tears fall. Eli stared down at me before sighing. 

“Sorry I bothered you.” he said as he left my room, closing the door behind him. A part of me felt guilty, yet a part of me was annoyed about feeling guilty. It doesn’t matter, I’m way too tired to deal with anyone else’s problems. Once I change into my pajamas, I go to turn on my phone. I was met with several messages from mom as well as several notifications from Phantasm, alerting me that someone had sent me another tip. As I continue scrolling, I see a message from an unknown number. It read: I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. But I figured you wouldn’t want to cause a scene. I’d almost forgotten he had my number. What was his name again? Nathaniel, right. 

I replied back: I admit it was a bit weird, but I didn’t care too much. It’s always fun to watch my dad get knocked down a peg. Thanks. After hitting send, I turned off my phone and placed it on my nightstand, assuming that he likely wouldn’t reply this late. To my surprise, however, he responded. 

Unknown: Is he always that impulsive?

Me: Depends on the day. Doesn’t matter, I don’t see him very often anyway.

Unknown: Ah, he travels a lot. That must be hard on you.

Me: Why is that any of your concern? I’m actually fine with it, it’s not like I need him anymore. I’ll be out of his hair soon enough.

Unknown: Oh? Why is that?”

Me: Moving.

Unknown: Exciting. May I ask where?

Me: Why? So you can stalk me? 

Unknown: Ha! What do you take me for? Do I come off as a predator?

Me: No, but even the devil can have a pretty face. You think serial killers look like murderers?  

Unknown: I assure you, I have no intention of causing you any unwanted harm.  

Me: Really? Then what are your intentions? I highly doubt a nicely dressed, good-looking guy such as yourself was easily captivated by a greasy-faced girl with yesterday’s food stains still stuck on her uniform. 

Unknown: Would you believe me if I said I found you rather charming despite the circumstances? I am not a man who only sees value in brands and materialistic upkeep. I can appreciate the beauty of a raw gem despite the debri and scratches that paint the surface.

Me: Spare me the sugar-coated lies. I’m not so naive to believe you don’t use this line on countless other women. You look like a man with a level head, someone much more put together than I, a man with money. What could I possibly grant you other than a warm body? If you simply wanted to hook up, I’d prefer you’d open with that. However, that window has closed and tonight is not the night to piss me off. Thanks for earlier, but kindly lose my number.

I didn’t wait for a reply as I quickly blocked the number. A part of me was rather disappointed, but I knew far better than to let myself get roped in with men like him. Men with money can be dangerous, manipulative. I learned that from my father, another asshole blessed with good looks. They tended to believe everyone was at their disposal and I didn’t need another man like that in my life. I have more important things to worry about, bigger dreams to achieve. The shower had woken me up a bit more, so I decided to make use of it and logged onto my computer and started to write. 

Milana sat in the passenger seat as Ronin loaded her bag and some of his things in the back. She found herself feeling slightly nervous despite this not being the first time in his truck. She liked it regardless, it was very spacious, comfortable and clean. It smelled heavily of him. It wasn’t quite overwhelming, but very distinctive. It had gotten dark faster than she’d expected and, for some reason, the night made everything slightly more thrilling. When he was done, he climbed into the driver's seat, rubbing his hands together to fight off the cold. 

“You ready to go?” he asked.

“I'm ready, are you?” Milana asked. 

“Yeah, sorry, had a bunch of stuff to take home. Better I start now before the summer.”

As they drove, Milana found herself fidgeting with her bracelet. She needed some form of a distraction to ward off the urge to glance over at him. Not only was the car infused with his scent, but also something slightly stronger. The sweet smell of a man right after a workout. She had brief fantasies about running her tongue across his  sweaty chest. Was that too much? Would that be weird? Still, just the thought made her body tingle as she pressed her thighs together. 

“Do you play often?” Ronin asked. 

“Excuse me?” 

“Ball, do you play often?” he repeated.

“Oh, um, not much anymore.” Milana explained. “I used to play in high school and college. Not so much anymore.” 

“What? And you didn’t try to go pro?”

“Oh, hell no. Basketball was fun, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do as a career. All the practicing, s**t talking, and attention wasn’t really my thing.”

“You say that, yet all eyes fall on you when you walk through a room.” he glances over at her with a smirk. 

“A tad exaggerated, don’t you think?”

“You should have a bit more confidence,” he says. “Don’t know if you noticed, but I’m finding it hard to keep my eyes on the road. It’s harder trying not to look at you.” Milana blushed and bit her lip, resting her knuckles against her lips to hide a smile. 

Damn Ronin and his relentless flirting. She was trying her best to keep her cool, not trying to let his words affect her too much. Men like him were dangerous. They knew the power they held when talking to a woman. They’d make sure to smell extra intoxicating, speak just low enough to be soothing, and to say everything with a low stare. As tempting as he was, she knew that the best she could do was try not to react or to keep her distance. She’d tried that when he first showed up, ignoring and avoiding him. Yet it always seemed that the fates had other plans because, time after time again, he would show at the most convenient of times. He would help her right when she needed it and, unfortunately, she couldn’t ignore the feelings that were forming, the longing she had for him. Ronin wasn’t a bad person, just a sly fox. As they drove, she found herself constantly staring at him when he wasn’t looking. When they finally made it to her apartment building, they  drove into the car lot. 

The sun had fallen far beyond the horizon by now and the sky was a dark blue. Dim lights shone above them on the ceiling as Milana did a quick mental checklist as she prepared to exit the truck. As she touched the door handle, she felt a hand on hers, gentle caressing. She looked over, Ronin was staring at her, his eyes piercing through her. Her heart was racing and it was starting to feel uncomfortably warm in the car. “What’s wrong?” she finally asked. His head tilts, as if he were studying her. Without warning, he leans in closer to her. She doesn’t pull away, just slowly lowers her eyes as his lips grow closer. He smells amazing up close. She parted her lips, waiting, but the kiss never came. He just hovers close to her, his hand still resting on hers. She heard him let out a sigh. 

     “You should have a bit more confidence,” he whispered before slowly pulling away. Milana sits there, slightly flushed and confused. Why had he pulled away? Was it her? Ronin chuckled, running his hand across his face. If she didn’t know any better, it’d look like he was blushing. “Sorry, I’m a dick.”  

Milana  was feeling a wave of emotions from disappointment, to frustration, hunger, and a painful tension welding between her legs. This was too far. She hadn’t expected it. However, now that he’d done it, it was unfair for him to stop. His hand left hers and he reached out to open the door. As he did, Milana quickly reached over and shut it back. He glanced over at her, and before he could react, she placed her lips to his. She felt him jump slightly, then relax. Her hand rested against his arm. The other, keeping the door closed. After a few seconds, she felt his hand grasp her waist and he leaned into her, taking control of the kiss. She didn’t mind, it was exciting. Her free hand cupped the back of his neck, keeping him from pulling away. His tongue danced around with hers, making her heart beat loud in her ears. She didn't know how long they were kissing until he pulled away slightly, his breath heavy. 

“Why are you moving like that?” he asked. 

Milana hadn’t noticed, but she had been squirming and rotating her hips against the seat and rubbing her legs together. Ronin’s hand had found its way to her thigh without her realizing it. She instantly started to feel embarrassed, feeling the coolness and stickiness of her panties. “I-I’m sorry.” she stuttered, turning away as she tried to calm her breathing. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“It’s okay.” he whispered, still hovering close to her face. “If I had known you were that much of a good kisser, I would have done that a lot sooner.” Milana giggled, placing a hand on his chest to push him back.  

“I should go. You said you had something to do so I shouldn’t hold you.” Ronin’s eyes dropped, almost like we were disappointed. 

“Yeah, I should go handle that. Need help carrying the bags?” 

“Oh, no, no, I got it.” Milana said as she reached into the back for her little duffel bag. “There’s an elevator. You go on ahead.” she didn’t know if she could be trusted to have him near her apartment. She might try to convince him to stay. Despite what she said, he waited in the car lot until she’d made it safely into the building before driving off. 

My alarm goes off and I close my laptop. I’d been up long enough as it is. Despite how tired I was, I couldn't fall asleep. Writing certain scenes always made me feel giddy and I was eager to get to the more steamy ones. I felt frisky despite how tired I was. It was hard to get comfortable enough to fall asleep. I spent 20 minutes, tossing and turning, my mind wandering every which way. I thought of the next scene I’d write. I thought of all the touching, the tension and lust I’d express. It made me hot and giddy. It’d been a while since I’d gotten laid. Not because I couldn’t, but because a lot of men didn’t appeal to me. No one could excite me or treat me the way I wanted. I wanted someone powerful, with a hunger. I wanted someone eager to please, but a man who made sure to take what he wanted. It’s funny when I think about it. I wanted a man who knew what he was doing, not a boy who finishes within the first 5 minutes. And certainly not an asshole who believes hammering my cervix and hearing me scream meant he was doing a good job. I needed someone strong and secure. I painted a picture of said man, imagined him pinning me to a wall, his hand wrapped around my throat, but I wasn’t afraid. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me too much. He’d add just enough pressure to take my breath away without leaving a mark. He’d look at me in a way that demanded obedience and, for once, I’d probably listen. He’d know just how to tease me, how to make me beg. He’d handle my mind gently, but f**k me roughly, knowing the difference between cries of pain and pleasure. Just the thought had me reaching down into my panties to rub my clit. My other hand glided over my erect n*****s, pinching them as I imagined this man nipping at them. Knowing your worth and loving yourself too much to just let anyone touch you has its rewards, but God, did I miss being touched. I continued playing with myself, reaching low from time to time to dip into the nectar that had leaked out of me. I let out quiet, shallow moans so my family wouldn’t hear. As I reached my climax, I let out a sharp breath and buried my face in my pillow. My body relaxed and a deep calm ran over me. My mind went quiet and before I knew it, I’d fallen asleep.