Murder Has Consequences

4. A Long Ride

A Long Ride

It didn’t take long for Frankie’s mind to start drifting, Donna’s words playing over and over in his head like an old 45 record stuck in a groove.

It’s Dad, Frankie. He’s dead.

Frankie hit the steering wheel with the palm of his hand. “Goddamn.” He stepped on the gas at the same time, kicking the speedometer up a notch to eighty-five. Donna sounded bad, and he knew his mom would be a basket case. His other sisters, too.

A nagging, dull pain simmered in his gut. He didn’t know if his body wanted to throw up or…he just didn’t know. As his mind drifted, he wondered if this was how Nicky felt when his pops died. Frankie remembered that funeral as if it were yesterday. Now that he knew what it felt like to lose a father, Frankie wished he’d done more to console Nicky. Come to think of it there were a lot of things Frankie wished. Like that he’d called his father more often. He couldn’t remember the last time he called his father just to talk. Frankie searched his memory, but kept coming up blank.

Was it Dad’s birthday? Did I even call him on his birthday? No, I didn’t. It was Christmas. What a fuckin’ loser I am.

He wiped a tear from his eye, took out a smoke and lit it, sucking hard. Had he argued with his dad the last time they talked? He usually did. When was the last time he told his dad he loved him? He flicked the cigarette out the window, getting no comfort from smoking it. “You’re a piece of s**t, Bugs Donovan. A goddamn rotten piece of shit.”

He tried getting his mind off that line of thinking, searching for anything that would take him away from thoughts of funerals and death. From the corner of his eye he saw the sign for New Brunswick, bringing back a memory of a girl he dated, although not for long. She didn’t like Brooklyn, and Frankie wasn’t about to leave it. Even that thought brought bad memories, and thoughts of the girl made him think of his mother.

Marriage is forever, she always said, and she lived her life that way, at least on the surface.

Frankie grew up thinking his dad was an ass, always keeping tabs on his mother, never letting her out on her own, demanding to know where she was going or where she’d been. Frankie wondered how, and why, his mother put up with it, and he ended up hating his father for the way he treated her. It wasn’t until years later that Frankie found out his mother had trouble keeping to one man. He refused to believe the rumors for years. By the time he knew the truth, his relationship with his father was gone.

The idea of marriage made Frankie think of his own twisted life. He’d been through more relationships than he cared to admit, and most of the break-ups were his fault. In fact, he seemed to avoid any relationship that held promise for marriage, sticking to married women, or ones otherwise involved. Shawna popped into his head, and he made a mental note to tell her what was going on with his father.

He liked thinking about the good old days of his childhood, but he was wise enough now to realize they never were that good. Maybe it’s time to start a new life.

Frankie wished he could go way back. Back to when things were simple, when he and his friends ruled the streets. As he thought about how much he missed those days, he wondered where Paulie was, and how Nicky was doing. He hadn’t talked to Nicky since the incident in Brooklyn six months ago, but Nicky had sent a letter. He’d found Angela and they got married. If Frankie remembered right, they lived on Beech Street, not far from where they all grew up.

Then Frankie thought about Bobby, Donna’s husband, which brought back memories of the old days, specifically of the gang fight that sent Nicky away, the one where Nicky killed Bobby’s brother. Both of them being at his father’s wake wouldn’t be good, but Frankie didn’t know what to do about it. Bobby had to be there, and Nicky would show up out of respect. It’s the way he was. As he worried about what might happen, he pushed the thoughts aside.

Guess I’ll find out soon enough.