Sweet Southern Haven

Mistakes

{Noelle’s POV}

It’s been a couple of days since the security system had been put in. I picked out a password for it, and if anything happens it send a distress signal to everyone at the ranch next door, the police, and Agent Nickles. I had been actively avoiding Silas, every time I saw him, I just remembered how angry he looked when he thought I was telling his daughter about my burn scars. It makes me angry, but also it leaves me feeling weak, disgusting, and pitiful. I know that what happened to me isn’t my fault, I never did anything to deserve it, but it took me a long time to come to terms with it. Some of the things that I developed along the way are still with me, like my willingness to just cave into anything to avoid a fight. I lost my backbone.. but that’s okay, I’d grow another one, I had to.

I’d been learning how to take care of the ranch from Emmaline, and Daphne. They’ve been helping me feed all of my animals, collect the eggs from the chickens, and even showing me where to let the animals roam. It felt like a lot to learn, but I feel like I’ve gotten the hang of it pretty quickly.

Emmaline had been telling me all about her dogs, and her horses, and how much she loves them. Meanwhile Daphne has been overwhelming me with questions about my past. I’ve been trying to tell her as much as I could, without delving into my trauma. Luckily, she mostly seems to want to know about what city life is like, and what I used to do for a living. I was an elementary school teacher, but after I lost the baby, I couldn’t bring myself to go back. I told her about my past teaching experience, but I’m not quite ready to talk about the loss of my son. It was, and still is quite a traumatic event for me. She told me that Silas was refusing to send Emmaline to school, that he was too afraid to. I didn’t ask, as it really isn’t any of my business. Though, I was curious to know why he was being so stubborn about something as important as school.

I finished all the chores on my ranch this morning, and decided to go for a stroll. I found myself walking up the hill to the Moore ranch. I took my time, carrying my basket of eggs from my farm up with me. I was wearing a pair of worn out jeans, with a t-shirt, my sleeve tattoos were on full display. I had a full sleeve of vines, and sunflowers, while the other was clockwork, and steampunk themed. As I made my way up the hill, I could see Emmaline standing up partially on the fence, looking at the horses. She began leaning over, stroking one, and that’s when I heard him. Silas’ deep voice boomed as he shouted at her. “Emmaline! How many times do I have to tell you? Stay away from the horses if I’m not here! You know Smokey doesn’t take too kindly to anyone besides me or Owen!” He walked over, grabbing her off the railing and turned her around. He just so happened to spin them at the perfect time to turn towards me.

“Noelle!” Emmaline squealed as Silas released her from his grip. She barreled into me, burying her face in my stomach and giggling as she turned her face up to look at me. “Did you come to visit me?”

I smiled down at her, crouching to be at her level. “I did, and I wanted to show you my first haul that I got all on my own!”

I pulled the basket full of eggs in front of me and she grinned from ear to ear. “You got so many! Good job!” She cheered.

I couldn’t help the giggle that erupted from me. “Well thank you Emmaline!” I stood up, and she grabbed my wrist pulling my arm towards her.

“WOW! Your arm drawings are pretty! Daddy said that I’m not allowed to draw on myself!” She pouted, crossing her arms.

I smiled down at her. “Your daddy is right, these arm drawings are special, they won’t ever go away, but it hurts when they draw them on. Only adults are allowed to have these!”

She nodded. “Oooh! That makes sense!” She cheered. “It’s like the juice in the fridge that only adults are allowed to have!”

“Yes, some things are only for grown ups!” I laughed.

She spun around in a circle and took off towards Adeline’s house, I began to walk after her but Silas cleared his throat behind me. I turned to face him, placing one of my hands on my hips. “I’ve been meaning to come talk to you..” he started.

“That’s funny, because I’ve been actively avoiding you, which as you know hasn’t been that hard!” I shot back at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t really feel like we have anything to discuss. The fact that you actually thought that I would talk about something so traumatic with a child is beyond fu**** up!”

He nodded. “I know, and I shouldn’t have thought that.. I should’ve talked to you about what I saw, and actually had a mature conversation about it.”

“I don’t want to have any conversations about it. I wish that you didn’t see them.. then none of this would have ever happened, but it’s too late for that now.” I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly. “Coming up here was a mistake.” I said softly, before turning and quickly making my way back down the hill to my ranch. Once inside I closed and locked the doors, turning on the alarm system, and placing my eggs on the counter. I don’t know how to face them.. I’m sure that he’s told the others about my scars.. now it feels like I’m just going to be pitied, which is the last thing I want. I sighed, walking through the house, and deciding to take a soothing, hot bath.