Falling for Danger

Beneath the Surface

Tori

“Mandy Lee,” I murmured as I checked my schedule. I was a bit surprised, since Mandy was part of the social group and someone, I had met a few times. I had seen her as light-hearted, funny, and someone who had a sweet, kind smile. I hadn't been expecting to see her. However, I quickly pushed aside the personal aspect and slipped into my professional mindset. My job was to be here for her and to give her a safe space to express herself, regardless of our connection outside of this room. I scanned over her file as I reminded myself that therapy could reveal different layers of a person. When Mandy did enter my office, her face was tense, and her movements were stiff. She looked comfortable in a warm, oversized sweater, but her posture was closed off. She looked as if she was protecting herself and that wasn’t a good sign. Her usual easy smile was absent and there was quite a bit of unease in her eyes.

“Hey,” she whispered as she took a seat.

“Hello, Mandy,” I said as I went over to the armchair and sat down. “How are you?” I asked gently. Mandy nodded, and I could tell that the small smile was forced.

“I’m fine,” she said, and I waited. I wanted her to feel at ease and comfortable. Mandy took a deep breath, and she finally looked over at me and made eye contact.

“Naomi…she told me she came to see you and…she suggested that I do the same…she thought it might help,” Mandy explained, and I nodded.

“I am here to listen…whenever you are ready,” I reassured her softly. The last thing I wanted was for her to feel any type of pressure. Mandy did seem to relax slightly, but she averted her gaze.

“I don’t even…I have no idea where to start…I just…I feel lost,” she said, and I continued to wait. However, when she remained silent, I knew I had to push her a little bit.

“Lost in what way?” I asked as I hoped to guide her into opening up a bit more.

“In…in…in my…marriage,” she finally revealed, and I kept my surprise to myself. “Mark…things are different, and I don’t know if it’s him or me…I just feel like I am going through the motions,” her voice wavered, and she bit her lip. It was almost as if she was stopping herself. Afraid to say too much. I could sense her discomfort, and I leaned forward.

“That must be very difficult,” I said slowly. “Sometimes it is common to feel unsure or disconnected, but it is ok to explore those feelings. Even if they are uncomfortable,” Mandy’s shoulders dropped, and she glanced over at me.

“But what if it isn’t him? What it’s me? What if this is my own problem?” she questioned, and I offered her a reassuring smile.

“Well, the fact that you are here, willing to talk about it, shows a lot of courage and self-awareness. Sometimes we all feel restless or question who we are or where we are. But that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you. Or that you are a problem. It just means that there is something within you that requires your attention,” Mandy stared at me as she took in my words. Her expression remained troubled, and it dawned on me that she was holding herself back. There was a lot more to say, but she was hiding. “Mandy…everything we talk about here is confidential. This is a safe space for whatever you want or need to say or share,”

“Right…no, I know, it’s just…I love Mark. I do. But we have been together for so long that I feel like…like I have lost myself along the way,”

“It is natural to feel like parts of you have shifted or faded over time. Especially because we are continuously growing as people,”

“Yes, but are we growing together or apart?” Mandy questioned, and I knew she wanted me to answer that for her. And I couldn’t.

“Finding yourself doesn’t mean you have to lose someone in the process,” I replied softly. “It is possible to grow and rediscover yourself within a relationship. Sometimes, when we reconnect with our own identities, it can actually strengthen the relationship,” she smiled softly and there was a glimmer of hope in her eyes. However, it didn’t last as it faded.

“It is hard to talk about this,” she admitted, and I nodded. “I mean, it feels as if I am betraying him by even being here…saying these things aloud,”

“You are not betraying him, Mandy,” I reassured her. “Again, coming here and trying to understand what is happening, it is an act of courage,”

“Ok,” she said with a nod. Mandy didn’t offer any new insight into her situation, and I spent the rest of our time together, reassuring her that she was doing the right thing. By the time she left, it took me a moment to gather my thoughts. Two members of the social group had come to see me, and I was surprised that neither of them needed any help. Beneath the surface of shared laughs and happy gatherings, there were layers of doubt. Fear and insecurity. These weren’t just clients with issues; they were friends, people I saw regularly. And yet, in different ways, we were all hiding something. I sighed as I closed my book and sat back. I felt a strange mix of empathy and sadness. We were all navigating challenges and pretending like we had it together. I wondered if any of us ever really did.

“I guess we are all hiding just beneath the surface,” I murmured to myself as I got up and went back over to my next. I had one more appointment for the day and I couldn’t wait to get home so that I could relax. Wasn’t that what we all wanted? To simply relax?