Call Him Daddy

Chapter 1 (Part 1)

Soleil

Two Years Later

If I scream and no one hears me, do I even have a voice?

This is one of the many questions I ask myself. The feeling of helplessness engulfs me. Suffocating in self-guilt and pity, wondering why on earth I’m still here. That question never gets answered. None of them ever do.

Punching the boxing bag until my arms and lungs gave out. As much as I wanted to scream out the tension forcing against my heart, I know it wouldn’t do me any good. I’ll simply be wasting energy I didn’t have to only cause myself more stress.

One would have thought that a situation that happened two years ago would be a distant memory. Not some excruciating, second-guessing, front, and center memory that refuses to leave your mind. Especially when you have been through worse. I guess the problem with that statement is none of them inflicted pain upon the heart as that one.

I shouldn’t even be feeling the way I do but like most things in life, it can’t be controlled. So, I silently endure the pain of loving someone I shouldn’t; hiding when in reality all I want to do is be near him. It’s pathetic, this I know. It’s why I keep it all to myself and punch a bag daily, why I want to scream my lungs out till I pass out.

The ringer went off on my phone breaking me away from my pathetic state. That was short-lived once I saw the picture on the screen. With the nickname Angel, Gunnar Hawthorne, my stepfather, and the source of my internal misery was calling.

My mind went blank looking at our picture on the screen. His deadly blue eyes cast on me while I’m in his arms looking at the camera laughing. It’s not the first time I’ve looked at this picture, I can remember the day it was taken like it was yesterday. However, the rare times it pops up on my screen due to him calling always sends me in a blank state.

The ringer stopped and the picture was gone only to pop up again. Taking a deep calculated breath, I picked up the call. That deep husky voice had me melting like chocolate on a hot stove. I can imagine him sitting at his desk with his eyes closed, licking his lips with a smirk while talking as I’ve seen multiple times before. Pushing the image to the farthest side of my mind, I tried focusing on the conversation.

“Hey Doll, when are you coming home?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

“You haven’t been back for two years now.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy.”

“Hmm. Well, you only have a week or so before you’re done. I’ll be expecting you home this summer.”

“Not sure that’s possible, I have a job offer.”

There was a pause on the line. I hope he can’t sense my lie and just drop the topic. I’d prefer if he dropped the call more than anything else.

“If that’s the case, I hope it works out and hopefully, I’ll see you soon.”

I got my wish, he hung up soon after. I should be happy, but I wasn’t. His easy dismissal caused a painful stir within my heart and unease within my mind. I should be used to it; it’s been like this for the past two years. We barely talk and when we do, I come up with an excuse as to why I can’t come home or why I can’t stay on the phone for long until the phone calls eventually shorten to nonexistence. yet not once does he push or show any care.

It's stupid of me to think that the one and only Gunnar Hawthorne would come chasing after me, after what happened two years ago. It was a mistake on my part, I should have kept my feelings and body to myself. If I didn’t then I should have at least finished what I started, even if I knew it would have never worked out.

I needed to get myself together. This is my stepfather I’m talking about. What the hell is wrong with me? So, what if his reddish blonde hair makes my fingers itch to play and pull on it, his 6’2 muscular frame calls my body to latch on to his, those deadly deep blue eyes have my soul ready to pour out to him, and that just his voice has me melting in puddles.

Why should I care that his embrace gives me comfort in a way that nothing or no one else ever did? That his smile and laughter was a contagious high you never want to get off of, or his presence alone sent shivers in places that’ll even have the gods blushing.

He was my stepfather for goodness’ sake. The man married my mother and raised me for six years until I completely took off two years ago. I need to let go of these ungodly feelings and emotions. I need to keep my distance and forget about everything.

Honestly, I’m stuck in limbo. I have no idea how to move on and let it all go. I don’t know if we can ever go back to how we were. In all honesty, I’m not sure I want to but it’s better than where we are now. It’s all my fault. Out of all the men in the world, I just had to fall in love with the most unavailable and forbidden man in history.

Looking at the clock, I contemplated of skipping class and staying in today. Who was I kidding? Staying in and wallowing wasn’t my thing. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have survived this long. It’s either I had off myself or tuck my tail between my legs and crawled back home, back to him.

Shaking off the thought, I got up from the mat and headed out of the gym. I had other things I needed to focus on, things that I can actually control. Instead of my usual jog, I settled on walking to clear my head. My mind was consumed by that man, and I needed to rid myself of all thoughts of him. Finals were around the corner; I needed to find a job and figure out what to do with my life after graduation.

*****



“Sol, are you finally going home this summer?” Dannie asked.

“I’m not sure yet. If I don’t get a reply from any of those jobs applied for then I’ll think about it.”

“Girl, you haven’t gone home for two years now. I know that fine specimen daddy of yours misses you.”

“Danielle please stop.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Don’t say no more. I already know where you’re going with this, and I am not interested in hearing it.”

How many times do I need to hear about this two-year hiatus from home? Give me a break. I'm well aware of how long it has been. I get Dannie's joke and intention but I seriously don't want to hear it right now.

“What did I miss?” Nelson jumped in.

“Nothing much. Just seeing what our girl’s plan is for the summer.” Dannie responded, sending me a wink. A f.cking mess.

“Aren’t you staying with me?” Nelson asked. I like the guy enough but lately, he’s been coming off a little needy. We're not that serious and half of the time I forget that we are supposed to go together.

“Not sure babe.” The truth was I neither wanted to stay nor go for different reasons. However, if I had to choose between going home and dealing with the mess I left behind two years ago or staying and dealing with Nelson's needy a.s, I'd choose the latter. It was the lesser evil. Hopefully, I'll find a job that would save me from both.

“I think she should come home with me.”

That was my queue. Not bothering with either of them, I got up to head to my next class. Their love and hate relationship was cute two years ago, now it’s outright annoying. They’re always going at it, always in a competition. Dannie does it just for kicks and giggles, Nelson on the other hand can’t take a joke and needs to show how Alpha he is. That's one of the things about him that always forces me to compare him to Gunnar.

Hell, everything makes it easy to compare him and every other man to Gunnar. They're not him and that'll always be their problem and mine.

“Babe”

“Sol, wait up.”

I kept on walking. They caught up. I like them individually, together I find myself thinking of murder. Both looping an arm around mine we made our way to the last class we had together for the day. Answering every missed question Dannie didn’t bother solving before we got there. I pray she gets her s**t together, after this week she’s on her own.

Most students groan at pop quizzes. I smile because it means I’ll be too busy with it than getting lost in my thoughts. I was happy that as soon as we walked in Prof. Arnold hit us with a pop quiz. I had too much on my mind and needed an out. This was it for today and after that, all I’ll be doing is studying and taking finals.

An hour later class was over, and I get to go to my dorm room and study. My phone has been vibrating on and off all day and I had no intention of picking it up. If it wasn’t because I need it to listen to music, I would have turned it off already. With finals starting in two days, the last thing I need is to deal with my mother. If I can even call her that. My mind was already in shambles. From my late father to her ex-husband and now her.

Honestly, if she was calling for anything other than what she’s calling for, I might have been inclined to pick up. I haven’t heard from her since the night before she snuck out of the house after robbing her ex-husband Gunnar and leaving me behind. That was seven years ago. Not one phone call, text, or letter.

Now seven years later, three weeks before my birthday and a day after I got a call from my dad’s trustee, she won't stop calling. I made the mistake of picking up the unknown number yesterday thinking it was the trustee calling again, just for this wretched woman to be the one on the other line. It took me years to recover and am still recovering from her verbal and physical assaults.

Once I heard her voice, I had no delusion that she was calling to check on my well ware, and thank heaven she went straight to the point and did not pretend like she used to. I owe that woman nothing, yet she’s calling asking to get paid off the money my father left me. Talking about it’s a small p*****t for having to raise me as if I asked to be born.

The crazy thing is before dad died, he left her over five million just for herself. All of our living expenses from the time he died when I was thirteen were paid off separately by his trustee. My two grand monthly allowance was ceased by her until she ran off a year later. Even then, it wasn’t until after six months of her leaving this that the trustee get notified and canceled her name off anything regarding me.

With everything dad left her, what she took from me and what she stole from her ex-husband, she has been overpaid for anything she thinks she did. The witch was a bad wife and a terrible mother. She’s not getting a dime from me. She’s better off calling her ex-husband. Just the thought made me sick.

Deciding I was done with the whole idea of her, I blocked the number she called from and restricted unknown calls from coming in. If it’s important, they’ll leave a voicemail or send a text. Focusing on my studying, it was past seven by the time I got done. Dannie would be in soon complaining about how starved she’s been as if she hadn’t been snacking all day. I ordered take-out for both of us.

*****

I was close to falling asleep when she walked in looking gloomy. It’s not like her to look down. The girl could get the worse news of her life and she’ll still find a way to smile through it.

“What’s wrong?”

“Promise you won’t hate me?” she said as she was pacing the room. This should be interesting but since who I’m assuming is the delivery guy, I need to get the food first. Looking at her one more time, I got up and left to get to the door. It was both the food and Nelson.

“Whatever she told you, it’s a lie. I promise it’s not what you or her think.”

The delivery guy and I are now looking at each other like this is about to be some dramafied sh.t. Giving the guy a twenty-dollar tip, he thanked me while still blocking the door from Nelson. Catching on to what he was doing, I smiled, thanked him, and mouthed out that he could go. I knew we wouldn’t without informing campus security to be on the lookout.

Dad knew what he was doing when he chose this school as the one I needed to work my tail off to get into and Gunnar made sure I did. Stanford doesn’t play. Even if they were lenient, I still would have been good. I’m smart and the boot camp trainings with Gunnar and my chosen uncles had me doing after mama left made me strong as hell. I didn’t like fighting but if I had to, I feel bad for the i***t who started it. So, no, I wasn’t worried about Nelson attacking me or Dannie after whatever they say what they needed.

I nodded at the delivery guy one more time and he moved out of the way for Nelson to enter. I noticed how he locked the door behind him, but I pretended not to. Putting the food on the coffee table, I called for Dannie to come out. The hatred in her eyes told me that this was deeper than their usual quarrel. They both were fuming and pacing.

Knowing this was going to be a long night, I went to wash my hands and get my spare bottle of whiskey. The whole time I’m studying them. Nelson made a few attempts to go to her, but she would flinch and step back. He was mouthing something to her, but she refused to meet his gaze. Guess I won’t be drinking alone tonight.

I sat down and patted the spot next to mine for her to sit. Placing her food, drink, and an empty cup in front of her. I poured us both a drink waiting for someone to start speaking. After finishing my cup and not a single word was uttered, I was starting to get annoyed. I need to be in bed soon, I’ve barely been sleeping and when I’m finally exhausted, they bring this s**t.

“Someone needs to speak. I don’t have all night.”

“Babe, believe me. I didn’t do it and I wasn’t trying to hurt her or you.” I don’t think he realized that I have no idea what the hell he’s talking about. However, what did he do to her?

“Dannie, what is he talking about?” I asked, finally looking up at my friend.

“I’ll tell you, just promise you won’t hate me.” This s**t again.

“I promise. The only way I’d hate you is if you f**k my husband, and he gave me an STD because of you or if you hurt my dog or kid. I have neither of those yet.”

“Babe, are you serious right now?”

I get called many nicknames and pet names and by far Babe is the one I hate the most.

“Nelson, please let her speak.”

“I went to the library and found him hunching Pricilla in the back of a bookcase. I wouldn’t even have known they were there if she wasn’t exaggerating her moans and calling out his name. I forgot I had turned my volume on my phone, so when I took a picture to send to you, they heard it. I ran and he caught up with me. He tried to take my phone, but I wouldn’t give it to him. Then all I know; he is on top of me kissing my neck and trying to pull up my skirt.”

I didn’t need to hear more to understand. Over the four years, I’ve been here and met her, Dannie is anything but a liar. The girl is too blunt and can barely hold a secret. Even if I didn’t know her, the fact that Nelson keeps trying to interrupt her and defend himself makes me know she’s telling the truth. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her.

“Babe please listen, Pricilla and I were just talking. Once she heard someone come into the library, she started making a show, we weren’t doing anything. I don’t know why she did that but when she saw Dannielle, she pushed herself on me. I only ran after Dannie to talk to her, yes, I wanted her to erase whatever pictures she took but it wasn’t one of f.cking anyone. I just wanted to tell you the truth myself. I’ve never cheated on you and never will. Trying to get the phone, we slipped, that’s it. I wasn’t trying to f.ck your friend either.”

I have had my fair share of encountering liars over my twenty years, by far he is the worst. How little does this boy think of me? To believe a lie like that would make me the dumbest broad alive. Does he not know who raised me? I could feel Dannie shaking in my arms. For four years we’ve been through a lot together, yet I’ve never seen her like this before. This is beyond f.cked up.

“Nelson, I need you to leave.”

“No, we need to talk.”

“We’ve already talked. You told me what you needed to and now I’m asking you to leave.”

“I can’t leave things like this. I didn’t do anything. We need to clear the air and get everything straightened out.” His yelling was only going to get the attention of the security outside. Nelson wasn’t my main focus, never been. Right now, I’m worried about the one shaking and flinching every time he speaks and moves.

“Look, we can figure this out tomorrow or never. Now I need you to get the f.ck out.”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you choosing her over me? You always side with her, are you two f.cking or something? Is that why she stays up your a.s?”

Releasing Dannie, I took a chug from the bottle and stood up. I’ve had enough of this alpha douche bag. What Dannie decides to do with what happened tonight is her decision. But for right now, if this scumbag says another word, I’m laying him out. I'm tired and stressed the f.ck out. My plate is overflowing with problems and now he's adding more.

Keeping the bottle in hand, I walked towards the door. To think he had enough balls to try to stop me. On instinct, my hand holding the bottle swung and connect center stage. All he had to do was leave, now he has a gash that’ll leave one hell of a scar on the center of his forehead, and being picked up by security.

The thought of sleeping early turned into an ungranted wish. The two-room dorm apartment just turned into a crime scene. Security is running in and out, I don’t know how many times or how many people need to hear the same story. It never changed but I know that there’s no way in hell either of us will be staying here once this week is over. Hopefully, I'm not led back home, back to him. That thought alone makes me want to kick Nelson in the throat and chop off his balls.