I Can't Be Mated to Him

The Haze Descends

Blanca*

It’s been five days since the incident in the dungeon, which was followed by the incident with Nessa–and then the incident with my brother.

I’ve hardly left my room since then.

I have chores I must do every day, like muck the royal stables and scrub the toilets in my parents’ bathrooms. I’ve done those things and then swung by the kitchen to take a little food. The chef there is nice to me. She never scolds me for plucking an apple or even a turkey leg.

That’s it, though. The rest of the time I’ve spent sitting on the edge of my thin mattress staring out the window at the disappearing landscape. The misty fog has continued to roll in, its thick fingers moving mysteriously to intertwine around every building, every tree, every creature that dares to step out into it.

It’s not a normal fog. The first time I went out to make my way to the barns and encountered it, I could feel it wrapping around me, the energy inside of it pulsating, moving. Breathing. I had to close my eyes for a moment to get my bearings. Not only could I see nothing through its milky whiteness, I lost my ability to think clearly.

It seeps into a person and changes who they are on the inside.

And it only has one purpose, one intention.

To find a mate.

Why the Moon Goddess saw fit to create such a wild, feral phenomenon to match people up, I can’t say, but now, as a sliver of silver begins to appear in the sky, I know that the full moon is out there. I just can’t see it through the misty magical mayhem that is the Haze. Once the moon hits her apex, chaos will ensue.

I close my eyes for a moment and draw my knees to my chest. In my mind’s eye, I picture my wolf, black and sleek, gliding through the fog, guided by the same all-encompassing sensation I’d felt every time I’d walked through the Haze. Paired with the full moon, that feeling will be even more intense until I’m not even able to register a clear thought of my own. I will cut through the rolling dense barrier until I find him.

I have no idea who my mate may be, but in my mind, he is a large silver wolf with blue eyes. It’s not a stretch to think he would be. Most of the people in my kingdom have blue eyes–like my family. Most of the wolves are white, gray, or silver. Though only those with great strength are the latter.

Like my father.

Like my brother.

I physically shake my head. No. I can’t think about Kieran. He’ll be out there, but he’ll be paired off with his own mate, likely a beautiful white wolf with crystalline eyes.

Back to my mystery mate. I picture the two of us finding a tent on the outskirts of the forest. We go inside, shift, and fall into one another’s arms. I’m not exactly sure what happens during a mating ceremony since my mother would rather lick the underside of a livery worker’s boot than speak to me about anything important, but I know that it’s magical.

It’s wonderful.

And it will get me out of here.

Once I’ve found my mate, and he’s marked me, that’s it. I’ll belong to him. Not as his property, but as his family. Nothing can undo that. We will be bound together. There’s no rejection or divorce in our world. We simply trust that the Moon Goddess knows what She’s doing.

And there’s no magic strong enough to mess that up either. Sure, there are people who have some sort of magical powers. I think about Mr. Blake and his birds, and what I somehow did with the animals myself, but no one is stronger than the Moon Goddess. What She says goes.

So… I will be free of this place in a matter of hours, and the thought has a genuine smile grazing my face for the first time.

I’ll know it’s time to go when the longing inside of me begins to burn. I’ll try to get outside before my wolf bursts free, but I can’t promise anything. I haven’t had much of an opportunity to shift since I found my wolf at eighteen, a few weeks before my brother found his, which is odd, but I know how to do it. I can’t wait to run free and feel the wind whipping through my fur again.

I take a deep breath and try to remain calm. It’s hard to believe it’ll all be over soon, and the man who can save me will hold me in his arms.

As the hours go by, and the moon continues to climb, I feel that fire inside of me igniting, and I know it’s almost time. The night sky fills with howls, some echoing out in the distance, others much closer to the castle. The urge to answer in kind bubbles up inside of me. I need to shift into my wolf. I need to feel the warmth of the silver light of the moon wash over my fur. I need to tear through the night and search for my mate.

And I need to do it now.

Even though I’ve yet to step foot into the Haze tonight, I can feel the carnal urges within me beginning to take over, clouding my mental acuity. I’m operating completely on instinct.

In a flurry, I rush to the door and yank on the handle, intending to fling it open, already planning to head out into the hallway to the closest exit to the castle.

But when I grip the doorknob and pull, nothing happens. I check to see if it’s locked from the inside, but it’s not. Confused, I pull it again. It doesn’t budge. “Is it locked?” I don’t know who I’m asking, and it doesn’t matter because it’s clear, even to my discombobulated mind, that the door is locked.

I’m trapped.

“No!” Inside me, that burning itch to escape grows stronger. I want to scratch my chest and stomach, as if I could somehow claw that uncomfortable feeling out of my body. I can’t stop pulling on the unyielding door, though. With my other hand, I slap the wood. “Hey! Is anyone out there? Anyone?”

There’s no answer.

Frustrated, I spin around and rush to the window. I’m on the fourth floor of the castle, and there are no roofs beneath me. Even if I shift, I won’t be able to safely leap down to the ground below me. I have to get out through the door.

For a moment, I think I should use the mind-link to contact my parents and let them know I’m locked in my room. This has to be some sort of a mistake, after all. Everyone knows I’m twenty-one. I belong out there in the Haze with the others.

Where my mate is.

But the mind-link has never worked for me. I’ve never been able to get it to work to even contact my twin, and I’ve never heard another voice in my head. I have no idea why that is the case, but it sucks, because now would be the perfect time for me to be able to get someone on the other side of this door to let me out.

Not that they’d probably come to help me anyway.

Desperate to get out into the Haze, I return to the door and bang on it with my fists. “Hey! Is anyone out there? The door won’t open! I need out!”

I’m met with only silence.

Actually, that’s not true.

Leaning against the door, I can hear my heart thundering, my breath coming in loud, shallow bursts.

But that’s not the only thing I hear. I also hear a sharp squeaking sound. Confused, I look around and see that my distress seems to have alerted a few of the mice that inhabit my room. They’re sort of like pets to me. We all live here together, and I share my food with them. I’ve even given them names.

“Sorry, Harry. I didn’t mean to alarm you,” I tell the one looking at me with wide eyes from the corner. Behind him, Zelda peeps out of the hole in the wall, and I can see the shadow of Ralph behind her. “I can’t get out.”

The three of them come closer, their faces somehow seeming concerned–if mice are even capable of expressions.

I slide down the door in defeat, fighting tears. “I’ve got to get out of here, and the door is locked.”

The trio scurry over to me. I lay my palm on the floor and they climb up so I can pet them with my other hand. “I wish that you could help me.”

Before I even get the full sentence out, all three of them scamper out of my hand and disappear under the door. Confused, I lie down on the floor and peer under it. I see them running up the wall next to the door where they disappear from my sight. A second later, I hear a jingling sound, and then my mice friends reappear–carrying something.

They slide back under the door carrying that metal object.

My mouth drops open as I see what they’ve managed to retrieve from the hook in the hallway.

It’s a key.